DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

Muckit

Is it just me, but it seems there's been a lot of road traffic accidents, murders and sad deaths lately. I think because it's after Christmas and family has been at the forefront of our minds, we feel the weight of these more

foxy farmer

Just heard of a local man in hospital since before christmas. Had some sort of mental breakdown out of the blue one evening. Professionals had to be summoned to stop him doing serious harm. I know him well enough. Did work for me in the past. Pressure from banks suspected. Some aspects of modern society can be heartless

visatorro

went to doctor once about three years ago just for a chat. I don't think I even realised why I needed a chat or that I even needed to talk to someone. I wont say I walked out a different person but I could feel myself breathing easier and could sleep at night again. I don't watch news or read papers anymore too much bad news. am afraid to say no-one likes people who moan the whole time. but the power of just sitting and talking to someone (anyone) for half an hour about things that sometimes you just cant say to loved ones is immense. as a phone company in England used to say "its good to talk".

Reggie.

visatorro wrote: »

went to doctor once about three years ago just for a chat. I don't think I even realised why I needed a chat or that I even needed to talk to someone. I wont say I walked out a different person but I could feel myself breathing easier and could sleep at night again. I don't watch news or read papers anymore too much bad news. am afraid to say no-one likes people who moan the whole time. but the power of just sitting and talking to someone (anyone) for half an hour about things that sometimes you just cant say to loved ones is immense. as a phone company in England used to say "its good to talk".

+1

Conmaicne Mara

visatorro wrote: »

went to doctor once about three years ago just for a chat. I don't think I even realised why I needed a chat or that I even needed to talk to someone. I wont say I walked out a different person but I could feel myself breathing easier and could sleep at night again. I don't watch news or read papers anymore too much bad news. am afraid to say no-one likes people who moan the whole time. but the power of just sitting and talking to someone (anyone) for half an hour about things that sometimes you just cant say to loved ones is immense. as a phone company in England used to say "its good to talk".

Bob Hoskins wasn't it.

I stopped listening to news and looking at papers years ago, nothing but bad news, junk and scaremongering in them.

biddy2013

there is a change coming, for years we all bottled up our feelings, eldest lad is in first year, this week was positive mental health week in his school, by having the young people eduacted on mental health- instead of hiding it and brushing it under the carpet- i feel people will not be afraid to go to gp etc and talk openly about their problems.. pity this wasnt done years ago

Conmaicne Mara

Our school fell down on bullying. Herself had to positively redden the principal over the phone yesterday. Nasty stuff written in the back of the young fellas dictionary.

keep going

Different issues for me, I reckon I'm addicted to farming.I found that I was finding it harder to converse with non farmers for a while because and I reckon boards and the internet wasn't helping I was only looking at farm related stuff and not just watching a bit of telly or going out.the fact that we have children also contributed as you are a little tied as my wife works shifts so you are often tied up in the evenings.but like most issues I had to readjust the way I live and now make a point to try and broaden my outlook, hang out with non farmers and get out abit more

biddy2013

Conmaicne Mara wrote: »

Our school fell down on bullying. Herself had to positively redden the principal over the phone yesterday. Nasty stuff written in the back of the young fellas dictionary.

Yup there is a lot to be learnt

knockmulliner

visatorro wrote: »

went to doctor once about three years ago just for a chat. I don't think I even realised why I needed a chat or that I even needed to talk to someone. I wont say I walked out a different person but I could feel myself breathing easier and could sleep at night again. I don't watch news or read papers anymore too much bad news. am afraid to say no-one likes people who moan the whole time. but the power of just sitting and talking to someone (anyone) for half an hour about things that sometimes you just cant say to loved ones is immense. as a phone company in England used to say "its good to talk".[/QUOTE

it's good that you posted it now, we have all been down, and anyone that sshares their story is a great help to those of us who are struggling,

Brown Podzol

I'm farming a long time, I would say longer than most people on here, and the last two years weather wise were the most difficult I have ever had to deal with. I know a lot of farmers farming a long time and they will all say the same. Even the strongest were under preasure. Allied to maybe bank problems or personal problems leads to severe stress. However we are at the start of a new year, spring is only around the corner, the days are getting longer, calves will be born and crops will be planted and with decent weather the last two years will hopefully be just a bad memory.

Rho b

I have been reading this thread and the other related thread in AH for some months now but never had the courage to post.
My Dad died when I was 17 and that to this day, it is the most difficult time that I have gone through so far in my life. I think about him nearly every day.
Once upon a time I thought I was on the pigs back. I had my cattle, horses and an excellent well paid office job. I got married to a very nice person who was a farmer and life was wonderful. We had two healthy children together, a thriving suckler/pedigree herd and bred a few horses.
Unfortunately the dream didn't live for very long and my life shattered before me
The one thing that kept me sane was my inner feeling of responsibility to my children and animals. I know some people would scoff at the idea of been responsible to animals but I had worked hard during my teenage years to build up the herd. I knew the cows and mares inside out and they knew me. With the help of my family and close friends I got through the separation and subsequent divorce. I was a mental wreck during those years and lost a lot of weight, due to lack of sleep and basic anxiety about the marriage breakdown, my financial situation and the future.
My late Uncle gave me a bit of advice during the middle of this personal turmoil, he said, its a big wheel that keeps turning and all you need to do is learn how to control how fast it turns. When he said that to me I realised that I had been in a panic situation for a number of years and what I really needed to do was to step back and look at the situation. Easier said than done. I went for some counselling and it was one of the best things that I have done.
I consider myself lucky now. I have two super sons, a brilliant considerate partner, my own home with a few acres, another few acres that my Mam gave me (her half of her parents farm).
I feel that I am a better person then I was a few years ago as the counselling help me to look at things in a different perspective.
My advise - go talk to someone, be it a family member, a friend or a professional counsellor.

A cow called Daisy

Woke earlier than usual tonight. Normally it from around 3am to
5am. Reassuring to see so many are and perhaps more importantly have been in a similar situation and are now on 'other side ' so to speak. There so much you can put
through your mind at this time of night. The more you think, the less you can
get back to sleep. Vicious circle. Bank, creamery and other suppliers all get thought about. Also do wonder what to do with 'The Place' in will as i live on my own.
Spent last 20 years developing the farm - building sheds and parlour, buying quota etc. But for what? I know you all invested. House now in need of doing up and no money to do so.
Used to let a calf dying annoy me. Now i not mind as i say it one less of the h**rs to feed. Onset of spring only means more work. The snowball just gets bigger and travels faster.

td5man

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

Woke earlier than usual tonight. Normally it from around 3am to
5am. Reassuring to see so many are and perhaps more importantly have been in a similar situation and are now on 'other side ' so to speak. There so much you can put
through your mind at this time of night. The more you think, the less you can sleep.
get back to sleep. Vicious circle. Bank, creamery and other suppliers all get thought about. Also do wonder what to do with 'The Place' in will as i live on my own.
Spent last 20 years developing the farm - building sheds and parlour, buying quota etc. But for what? I know you all invested. House now in need of doing up and no money to do so.
Used to let a calf dying annoy me. Now i not mind as i say it one less of the h**rs to feed. Onset of spring only means more work. The snowball just gets bigger and travels faster.

Having one of those nights myself.

bob charles

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

Woke earlier than usual tonight. Normally it from around 3am to
5am. Reassuring to see so many are and perhaps more importantly have been in a similar situation and are now on 'other side ' so to speak. There so much you can put
through your mind at this time of night. The more you think, the less you can
get back to sleep. Vicious circle. Bank, creamery and other suppliers all get thought about. Also do wonder what to do with 'The Place' in will as i live on my own.
Spent last 20 years developing the farm - building sheds and parlour, buying quota etc. But for what? I know you all invested. House now in need of doing up and no money to do so.
Used to let a calf dying annoy me. Now i not mind as i say it one less of the h**rs to feed. Onset of spring only means more work. The snowball just gets bigger and travels faster.

hi, no matter what hour of the night you drop in here there is usually someone at the table for a chat

how much of a headache are your finances causing you if you dont mind me asking

A cow called Daisy

Do this posting by phone so often make ba**s. of posting and it comes out very disjointed. And can't get to put a previous post in any post i make.
Do have several nights like this. When it time to get up i can usually sleep like fun.

bob charles

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

Do this posting by phone so often make ba**s. of posting and it comes out very disjointed. And can't get to put a previous post in any post i make.
Do have several nights like this. When it time to get up i can usually sleep like fun.

erra, sleep away in the morning if you get a chance. There will be plenty of work left after us to do when we are gone:).

For me fitness and diet are big players in keeping things right. getting a decent sleep is very beneficial (pay heed to that myself).

You mention about having a heavy work load, maybe employing some part time say a couple of days a week will have a two pronged effect of actually getting stuff done and also someone to chat and converse with and even teach a thing or two too. lots of small things can add up to make a big difference.

A cow called Daisy

See what i mean about making a mess of the posting!!!
Borrowing not be classified as big by many, just over 150k, but it making the repayments- 1000 a month- that is the problem. Herd health, mainly fertility, left less milking than normal this last few years. But lack of motivation to do anything about it is biggest problem.

td5man

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

Do have several nights like this. When it time to get up i can usually sleep like fun.

+1

biddy2013

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

See what i mean about making a mess of the posting!!!
Borrowing not be classified as big by many, just over 150k, but it making the repayments- 1000 a month- that is the problem. Herd health, mainly fertility, left less milking than normal this last few years. But lack of motivation to do anything about it is biggest problem.

have been there, lying awake at night with a million thoughts going through my head, thinking out a load of different scenarios, driving myself crazy. Every month i write down what i owe in my diary, i write beside it what i can afford to pay, then put a line through it when paid. Even putting a line through a debt can give a small boost to me. If the bank repayments are tough , tell them, no use lying awake thinking about it. Have had nights where something has broken in the yard and i wonder how will i pay for it or if one of the kids is sick how will i pay for that. It all seems crap at the time and it seems there is no end in sight but baby steps will sort it out. I am not in a position if i am awake at night to go back to bed during the day so i end up worse as i get over tired and short tempered which makes thinks worse and there is no answer in the bottom of a wine bottle either. Make an appointment with the bank to either prolong the loan or make it interest only for a while.

knockmulliner

keep going wrote: »

Different issues for me, I reckon I'm addicted to farming.I found that I was finding it harder to converse with non farmers for a while because and I reckon boards and the internet wasn't helping I was only looking at farm related stuff and not just watching a bit of telly or going out.the fact that we have children also contributed as you are a little tied as my wife works shifts so you are often tied up in the evenings.but like most issues I had to readjust the way I live and now make a point to try and broaden my outlook, hang out with non farmers and get out abit more

Agree with you. I signed up for on this day posts from enclyopedia brittanica and get links to a great deal of interesting things to stimulate the mind with nothing to do with farming

biddy2013

i remember last spring i think the ifa had word out to look out for your neighbour, i remember thinking how the fook am i supposed to look after my neighbour when i cant look after myself

A cow called Daisy

Exactly Biddy, thought same myself last spring. But it not just last spring we should be looking out for each other. My problems started previous year long before the weather broke. If things normal you would take on to look out for half the parish

GrandSoftDay

biddy2013 wrote: »

have been there, lying awake at night with a million thoughts going through my head, thinking out a load of different scenarios, driving myself crazy. Every month i write down what i owe in my diary, i write beside it what i can afford to pay, then put a line through it when paid. Even putting a line through a debt can give a small boost to me. If the bank repayments are tough , tell them, no use lying awake thinking about it. Have had nights where something has broken in the yard and i wonder how will i pay for it or if one of the kids is sick how will i pay for that. It all seems crap at the time and it seems there is no end in sight but baby steps will sort it out. I am not in a position if i am awake at night to go back to bed during the day so i end up worse as i get over tired and short tempered which makes thinks worse and there is no answer in the bottom of a wine bottle either. Make an appointment with the bank to either prolong the loan or make it interest only for a while.

Its amazing the amount of people that have seem to be affected by depression to some degree or another. I could often go a week without a proper nights sleep, avoiding the neighbours (I wouldnt even drive down the road in the daytime incase I'd meet them), Not answering the phone, Not eating properly and just not wanting to do any work. It used to happen me a lot more often but not so much lately.

exercise is the antidote

GrandSoftDay wrote: »

Its amazing the amount of people that have seem to be affected by depression to some degree or another. I could often go a week without a proper nights sleep, avoiding the neighbours (I wouldnt even drive down the road in the daytime incase I'd meet them), Not answering the phone, Not eating properly and just not wanting to do any work. It used to happen me a lot more often but not so much lately.

not so much lately? how did you overcome/learn to cope wth it? so people reading can see what works for you.. it might just work for someone else too..
good luck!! and I hope your days get brighter..

biddy2013

i owed alot of money- still owe a bit- i texted(couldnt face ringing) the people i owed and said i know i owe and it will be paid. There was a stage where i didnt bother opening my post, but that wasnt going to solve anything. I owed 25k to a local feed company. paid bit by bit over the year and rang them before christmas , they knocked over 1k off of interest and i cleared my account before the year end. Was great to get the statement of account for the end of december owing zero.

GrandSoftDay

exercise is the antidote wrote: »

not so much lately? how did you overcome/learn to cope wth it? so people reading can see what works for you.. it might just work for someone else too..
good luck!! and I hope your days get brighter..

I dont really know to be honest, it was family issues that were the cause of the most of it and I suppose a lot of those issues have been dealt with which was a huge help. Money was never part of the problem. Getting involved in more things outside of farming was a big help for me too.

kevthegaff

i started milking 5 years ago with no quota, from feb to march i bought 100 calves to feed the milk to. Alot of them got sick, i was upto my eyeballs in work putting in the machine, trying to pay bills, feeding/fixing calves. Dont know how i got through it but it was a tough time! I always look back at it when things arent going great to cheer me up how far i and the farm have come. I think we all need an activity/interest away from farming. Mine is playing and watching soccer, fantasy footy is a great interest and free. Its a tough life as its not social, i mightnt see anyone for the week if i stay on the farm, so i drop hope to the parents most evenings for an hour, talk to my friends regualrly, go for a pint the odd weekend this time of the year. I think its tough also being single with no one to chat to ye when the day is finished.

6480

kevthegaff wrote: »

i started milking 5 years ago with no quota, from feb to march i bought 100 calves to feed the milk to. Alot of them got sick, i was upto my eyeballs in work putting in the machine, trying to pay bills, feeding/fixing calves. Dont know how i got through it but it was a tough time! I always look back at it when things arent going great to cheer me up how far i and the farm have come. I think we all need an activity/interest away from farming. Mine is playing and watching soccer, fantasy footy is a great interest and free. Its a tough life as its not social, i mightnt see anyone for the week if i stay on the farm, so i drop hope to the parents most evenings for an hour, talk to my friends regualrly, go for a pint the odd weekend this time of the year. I think its tough also being single with no one to chat to ye when the day is finished.

fair play to u ,

knockmulliner

GrandSoftDay wrote: »

I dont really know to be honest, it was family issues that were the cause of the most of it and I suppose a lot of those issues have been dealt with which was a huge help. Money was never part of the problem. Getting involved in more things outside of farming was a big help for me too.

Giving a bit of time to helping organisations outside farming broadens your circle and gives you back a lot more, well worthwhile.