Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

When I 1st met you, I thought you were a lovely guy, really funny but I didn't feel much of a spark. Little by little, we would always end up chatting at the end of the night, you would come with me to get my coat and we would walk out together and meet the rest of the group. Then feelings began to develop but I didn't think they were anything major as I didn't think I could be with a guy that I didn't want to "rip his clothes off". How times have changed. You asked for my number the 2nd time we kissed and I heard nothing from you. I kissed you the 3rd time because I thought it didn't bother me how you didn't text me and it just made my feelings grow.

Even thought you don't text me, you treat me so well. Bit of a contradiction. I will always remember the night you waited outside the toilet for me because there was a not so nice crowd around. Or the night you wouldn't let me go down to my car and get you tables because it was 3 am and you didn't want me going out of the hotel on my own. I can't describe it, but I feel so safe in your company. You make me laugh, and I wouldn't mind ripping your clother off either! Our 1st kiss was also a big contradiction because while I got butterflies and felt a major spark it wasn't a very good kiss technically if you get me. They have improved thankfully!

This is going to sound really selfish as well. When you spoke about the tragic death of that girl you lived with for two years and kissed a few times I never felt so many emotions in my life. I felt really sad for you because you were distraught. I felt angry that you were talking about her to me and I felt jealous. Jealous that you were speaking of another girl in such high regard and that you liked her more than me. When you kept dropping into the conversation that you really liked me I wanted to say well if you did why didn't you text but because I knew you were in bits over her death I didn't. I couldn't kiss you two weeeks ago I just couldn't.

I just have major feelings for you, and at the age of 26 I don't think I have ever had this feeling about a guy ever. I have spent the last few weeks actually feeling sick to my stomach that you seemed to be in love with someone else all the times we kissed. I am losing respect for you as a person. You were the one who made the moves all the time. You were the one who made it seem like you liked me. You were the one who asked for my number and never texted or got in contact but yet in some way I think you might have feelings for me. Like I mean, if a guy doesn't like a girl why would he stay kissing a cuddling and laughing for about 4 hours or why would he not let me go to get him tablets for a blinding headache because he doesn't want me to go on my own.

I'm in bits here. I don't know what to think and I don't know how I am going to face you for a long long time. I'm a mess right now.

Dear God/fate/whoever is out there,

I'm going to email her this weekend, to see where I stand. I'm worried about her and me. I don't know how this is going to pan out and I'm really scared. I wish we could talk face-to-face so, so much.

I could do it today but - I guess I need time to mentally prepare.

I just hope that Sunday is a nice day. That she's relatively happy and that I don't get her at the wrong time.

I hope she realises how scared I am of being pushed away again.

I hope she understands how much I care.

I hope she says something.

I hope... because that's all I can do.

I wish I could fix this. There's no going back and no moving forward. There is only you without me. One of us is lost.

You've managed to shatter me again in that nonchalant unknowing way you have....
I was so happy when you got that job, yes it meant you left Ireland
But I knew it was something you could excel in,
Something that would challenge and excite you and I was delighted for that.

You went and we decided to be friends To be grown up....
And then you tell me you miss me, you wait til you know I'm out with someone to tell me that not only do you miss me....But you love me too.
So I park it, I wait 2 months to come to see you when you're home.
So I sort childcare for 2 nights and drive 2hrs to be with you and you leave me feeling like a tool, blowing hot and cold!
You ask me stay for 2 nights cos you miss me, you say we'll get a hotel the 2nd night cos you don't want hanky panky in your folks house....
Fair enough

But then after we have a brilliant day, you pull me to your room at bedtime and as things hot up you decide to wait til we are about to bump uglies to tell me
''Oh I've been on a few dates with another guy but we haven't slept together yet!''
Hun, I know I stopped....
It wasn't out of jealousy(I hope you believe that)
It was because there is a time and a place to say these things!!! And that certainly to feck wasn't either the time or the place!

You are living 1200kms away!
You are a beautiful vibrant and attractive woman, I had no problem with the fact that when we aren't ''together'' that we aren't together....
You need to meet people and expand your social circle and I'm fine with that!
What pisses me off is that you send me mixed signals, say one thing then do another....
And wait until we are in bed together to spring that on me...
It felt like a total lack of respect for me...(Not that you were/are seeing someone, but that you thought then was the time to tell me!)

But now I think about it, I look at it and I'm grateful for everything you've done for me.
You pulled me thru the darkest time in my life, showed me that love can happen again and I love you all the more for it.
But heres the thing, I spent so much time, so much effort making sure you know that you were never ever my 2nd best and ironically after all that I'm left feeling like I'm your fallback!
I'm the guy you know will ride in and bail you out, do his best to mind you and fix any problems

You are back in a few weeks and you seem oblivious to the fact that I'm with someone now.
Someone that I really like and without knowing it is helping me get over you...
I hope we can still be friends after you get here.
But I'm scared that based on your past history of running every time things don't go your way that this is the end of whatever is left of us
I hope I'm wrong....
I hope you know I'll always love you, you put me back together, you showed me that moving on wasn't leaving anything behind, rather starting a new journey!
But now I know that I can move on......I know I can't be your fallback.

Went to mass today for the first time in a year. Anniversary for a loved one. And said a prayer tonight that you will somehow change your ways. Me praying. haha. I'm sure god was raising eyebrows, I've never been particularly religious but in that moment, at this stage. A miracle is what it needs. I really hope it reaches you. I really hope some aspect of what I thought was a wonderful friendship will come back to you and make you realise what a b***h you've been, I miss you a ton despite this. But I guess it'll never be the same. You are a fantastic actress by the way. Your level of devotion and loyalty to this friendship was oscar worthy.

Ive been in denial, the last few months and I tried my best to keep the friendship alive, but the bulls%$t this week and last week particularly has put the final nail in the coffin. Just be honest and dont even attempt those half baked lies, seriously. Im not stupid and it really hurts. Honestly you are a very weak person if you are willing to throw away years of friendship because certain things arent convienient for you. I guess I have to accept these things fade. It doesnt help the fact how lonely I feel right now. You were the one person I could open up to.

Your lies hurt the most and how bad they were, so bad that I didnt know how to respond. I dont know why this has happened. Over that argument perhaps? Well sorry love, you were wrong on that occasion. Your behaviour towards me was despicable. But saying sorry has never been your forte.

I did ask one question at the church today however. Why do people hurt each other so much and I really meant it. Why destroy such a strong friendship for selfish reasons? Good luck to you anyway. You have no idea how awful you have made me feel.

I hate feeling like this crap and just browed off in general with everyone and everything. We started off as friends and get on great, made each other laugh, you more then me and then all of sudden it stops and i don't know why. I made it known i liked you and i regret it and also somewhat becoming friends because i knew id end up feeling this. I thought you where different but guess not. How wrong was i yet again.