Sh*te your co-workers say

Ken. · 26-06-2019 11:38pm

Mod-Translations will be provided in the post. Not a link to some other site.

JohnnyFlash · 26-06-2019 11:39pm

Dravokivich wrote: »

Tits you did. You made a statement and sent us to a reference document becuase you know most of us wouldn't understand it.

Us members of the lumpenproletariat need to be educated in the ways of the Gael by men such as Fuaranach.

An tUasal C · 26-06-2019 11:45pm

Nosnon wrote: »

Mod-Translations will be provided in the post. Not a link to some other site.

Did you just edit out the 'Irish language proverb' and replace it with the English?

Hardly providing a translation but removing the Irish full stop?

Ken. · 26-06-2019 11:52pm

An tUasal C wrote: »

Did you just edit out the 'Irish language proverb' and replace it with the English?

Hardly providing a translation but removing the Irish full stop?

I did by mistake. Fixed now.

An tUasal C · 26-06-2019 11:53pm

Nosnon wrote: »

I did by mistake. Fixed now.

Thank you.

BillyBird · 27-06-2019 12:04am

The only good thing in the TV version of "What we do in the shadows": Colin Robinson the Energy Vampire

(Can't post a link but the youtube /watch?v=_nyZqO0AclU )

They have a misery vampire as well, she's not as well done.

threetrees · 27-06-2019 12:31am

We have someone who might start an email to a new customer with "nice to e-meet you"

This person "reaches out" to customers, "circles in" others and "pings" emails.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-06-2019 12:36am

Referring to a photo of a car...

Can you Photoshop it another color ?

Me : Yeah sure.

Can you Photoshop a country background?

Me : Yeah sure

Can you put a dog in it?

Me : oookay ....Will i get rid of the reflection of the photographer in the windshield and the bounce card?

Oh I hadn't noticed that.

wally1990 · 27-06-2019 7:31am

threetrees wrote: »

We have someone who might start an email to a new customer with "nice to e-meet you"

This person "reaches out" to customers, "circles in" others and "pings" emails.

Ah nooooo

batman1 · 27-06-2019 8:08am

We have a main office and 2 offices quite spread out around the country.
There is a technician who visits both places frequently and carries spares etc when he travels.

If he's scheduled to travel to both places on the same day, I inevitably get a phone call from head office saying that he might not be there until XXX time because of....'bi-locational issues'.
In other words, he has to go to both sites so might not get to you until after lunch.

I'd love to bi-locate my shoe up their hole

Deebles McBeebles · 27-06-2019 9:24am

Used to do a bit of bi-locating when I was a young lad. Turned out to just be a phase.

Woke Hogan · 27-06-2019 10:05am

Dravokivich wrote: »

Tits you did. You made a statement and sent us to a reference document becuase you know most of us wouldn't understand it.

Nosnon wrote: »

Mod-Translations will be provided in the post. Not a link to some other site.

Excellent work. I am all for language equality but "Gaeilge snobs" really get my goat.

Twenty Grand · 27-06-2019 10:12am

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Excellent work. I am all for language equality but "Gaeilge snobs" really get my goat.

Someone p*ss in your cornflakes this morning? :rolleyes:

Woke Hogan · 27-06-2019 10:41am

Twenty Grand wrote: »

Someone p*ss in your cornflakes this morning? :rolleyes:

I don't eat cereal.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-06-2019 10:45am

Where is the?....everything in the entire office.

An tUasal C · 27-06-2019 10:46am

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I don't eat cereal.

I’m sure you’re all for food equality, but you just despise processed grains. :rolleyes:

SuperGrover · 27-06-2019 11:01am

Just finished a call where the phrase 'reach out' was used instead of 'contact' about a dozen times.

FFS.

Tomw86 · 27-06-2019 2:03pm

SuperGrover wrote: »

Just finished a call where the phrase 'reach out' was used instead of 'contact' about a dozen times.

FFS.

This is very common, but doesn't make it any less annoying.

As well as this there is 'touch base', used to work with someone who used this constantly.

SuperGrover · 27-06-2019 2:14pm

Tomw86 wrote: »

This is very common, but doesn't make it any less annoying.

As well as this there is 'touch base', used to work with someone who used this constantly.

There was a scattering of those too.

Guill · 27-06-2019 2:30pm

I worked with one guy, if you met him on a Monday or Tuesday "Well, did you do anything at the weekend?"
If you met him on a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday "Any plans for the weekend?"

That was it, no conversation, just ask his go to question and move on. Every. Damn. Time.

Boom_Bap · 27-06-2019 2:37pm

evil_seed wrote: »

Bet you can't throw a shoe over a pub!

tickle him, tickle him

Turquoise Hexagon Sun · 27-06-2019 3:08pm

magic_murph wrote: »

People that microwave fish for lunch. Just stop.

rgmmg · 27-06-2019 4:45pm

Had a new one today. New girl in office wanted to say "reach out" and "circle around" but got them mixed up and said "reach around". That's my evening sorted.

27-06-2019 5:34pm

most of these entries sound like such sullen projection its unreal tbh

are ye sitting there stewing all day about people who barely think of ye i wonder

Psychlops · 27-06-2019 9:43pm

A guy that works with me is very sly & 2 faced, thinks he knows it all, his way is better etc was being cosy to me as a manager has the same surname as me so I copped that even though im no relation to the manager but told him I was to drag it out as long as I could.

This guy comes into work 2 hrs before he is rostered & has been coming in fairly regular on his day off, its called a day off for a reason.

If you cant do your job in the time allotted to you then you must be incapable.

0gac3yjefb5sv7 · 27-06-2019 9:50pm

Slightly separate but all the people that make calls at 7/8am on public transport...who the fk are they calling? Is there someone on the other side just in their kitchen taking the call?

the14thwarrior · 27-06-2019 10:11pm

them: good morning, great day. ! It'll be a super one!
me: i wouldn't know it hasn't happened yet.

every day for four weeks.

finally I said there's nothing good about the morning, and the day hasn't happened, can you please stop telling me this every single morning.

she reported me to her supervisor for unteam like behaviour

her complaint was upheld.
this was USA.

i got moved to another desk, and a Jov. witness girl (lovely girl) complained to her supervisor that i was taking the lord's name in vain all the time, and that i was affecting her. (you know.... ah jaysus, jesus christ etc.)
i told the supervisor her religion and my culture might be considered the same thing and my supervisor told me to carry on..........lol

27-06-2019 10:19pm

A strange girl I worked with about nearly a decade back in a supermarket was insistent a colleague was a twin (he wasn't), and wouldn't let up on it, so another colleague got on to him and they created a Facebook page of the "twin", just changed his hair up, put up a few pics and for about a year she believed it was true until another colleague accidently told her it was fake.....

Nigel Fairservice · 27-06-2019 11:36pm

Pheonix10 wrote: »

Slightly separate but all the people that make calls at 7/8am on public transport...who the fk are they calling? Is there someone on the other side just in their kitchen taking the call?

I get the bus to work at 7.15 every morning and there's a guy on it who is always on the phone without fail. His conversations are just shooting the breeze type conversations. He must have some great friends if they're willing to talk crap with him at that hour of the morning.

Wildly Boaring · 28-06-2019 10:41am

I work in construction.

Any of my clients, subbies or suppliers wpuld be open at 8. There are many groundworks companies start at 7 if there's no neighbours.

Can easily get a call off say a delivery driver from 7:30 on.

Often ring a couple mates in the same game from 7 on for a chat.

But very few of these peoples be on a bus/train

28-06-2019 1:13pm

I work in an open plan office - Now I know this is about what folk say but this woman that sits opposed me walks with such a heavy step its unusual. You hear her moving around the office.....

Hotblack Desiato · 28-06-2019 1:14pm

Nigel Fairservice wrote: »

I get the bus to work at 7.15 every morning and there's a guy on it who is always on the phone without fail. His conversations are just shooting the breeze type conversations. He must have some great friends if they're willing to talk crap with him at that hour of the morning.

He's probably talking to himself...

Hadn't seen this before in work, but this morning, not one but two, TWO different people signed off on emails with "Best,..."

aghhhhhhhhhhhh

Just

F**K

OFF

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Hotblack Desiato · 28-06-2019 1:14pm

Guill wrote: »

I worked with one guy, if you met him on a Monday or Tuesday "Well, did you do anything at the weekend?"
If you met him on a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday "Any plans for the weekend?"

I'm a fortysomething married guy with kids.
Next time some moron asks me this, I'll say "Yeah. Getting a big bag of yokes and heading off to a secret location in the midlands tonight for a 48 hour rave, see you Monday." :rolleyes:

somesoldiers · 28-06-2019 2:11pm

Nigel Fairservice wrote: »

I get the bus to work at 7.15 every morning and there's a guy on it who is always on the phone without fail. His conversations are just shooting the breeze type conversations. He must have some great friends if they're willing to talk crap with him at that hour of the morning.

Anyone ever seen "The Dancing Man" on the M3 Parkway-Docklands line? Young lad in his 20's I'd say, gets on the first carriage about 7am weekdays, stands by the door and does The Robot dance moves all the way in to Docklands.
He's quite good actually

Sardonicat · 28-06-2019 2:24pm

batman1 wrote: »

We have a main office and 2 offices quite spread out around the country.
There is a technician who visits both places frequently and carries spares etc when he travels.

If he's scheduled to travel to both places on the same day, I inevitably get a phone call from head office saying that he might not be there until XXX time because of....'bi-locational issues'.
In other words, he has to go to both sites so might not get to you until after lunch.

I'd love to bi-locate my shoe up their hole

Is Padre Pio your technical fella?

jmayo · 28-06-2019 2:47pm

jcorr wrote: »

Not really a story about a co worker saying something but I worked in a place once where there was a woman who vibrated the floor.

Well she loved power walking through the office. I would have my head phones on and still I would feel the vibrations when she was walking through the office.

I don't know why she power walked like that. She had an hour glass figure, I mean one that would absolutely melt bank vaults and most of the guys would turn their head looking at her.

You know what really drove me up the wall, is sometimes I would look at her face and she would look away really quickly. Man, that's harsh darling. Really harsh. Lol.

That story had such a promising opening line, but then quickly went downhill.

Veloce · 28-06-2019 2:54pm

Today - colleague that sits beside me has not stopped talking about the weather. I mean it has been relentless:

9am - OMG it's lovely out
10am - looking like it's gonna be scorchio
11am - Gonna grab a sambo, head to the park and soak up some rays
12pm - must be well into the mid-20s now
2pm - OMG it is actually GORGEOUS outside

Just now: think I'm gonna grab an ice-cream

WILL YOU STFU

Tomw86 · 28-06-2019 3:32pm

Veloce wrote: »

Today - colleague that sits beside me has not stopped talking about the weather. I mean it has been relentless:

9am - OMG it's lovely out
10am - looking like it's gonna be scorchio
11am - Gonna grab a sambo, head to the park and soak up some rays
12pm - must be well into the mid-20s now
2pm - OMG it is actually GORGEOUS outside

Just now: think I'm gonna grab an ice-cream

WILL YOU STFU

Tell her its mid-40s in Paris so its not actually that lovely here. Should shut her up. Actually I'm assuming it's a she, could easily be a he.

Up Donegal · 28-06-2019 3:34pm

Some time ago, a co-worker said that (name) went 'off in a transit' instead of 'off on a tangent'.

lisabiscuit · 28-06-2019 9:51pm

I used to be able to get these yogurts in Tesco. then one day they were gone. Couldn't get them at all. So then I went to Dunnes and I found them there.....riiiiight!?

jcorr · 28-06-2019 10:38pm

6541 wrote: »

I work in an open plan office - Now I know this is about what folk say but this woman that sits opposed me walks with such a heavy step its unusual. You hear her moving around the office.....

You too huh? Does this happen in every office?

Or maybe it's the same office....Le shock!

jcorr · 28-06-2019 10:44pm

jmayo wrote: »

That story had such a promising opening line, but then quickly went downhill.

Not really a story about a co worker saying something but I worked in a place once where there was a woman who vibrated.

Alright there I fixed it

amadangomor · 29-06-2019 7:59am

"Shots fired!!" Lads at work use this phrase endlessly for the last 5/6 years. You'd swear it was the first time anyone has ever used each time it's said!

Couple of lads in particular are excellent at office banter like this! Same stock phrases for years and can natter on for ages without actually saying anything interesting/intelligent.

Usually hang around trying to impress young women in the office even though they are all married middle aged men.

lapua20grain · 29-06-2019 8:49am

Living the dream, 1 bloke I work with that's his tag line

kippy · 29-06-2019 8:57am

Some of the stuff on here is worrying and really backs up some of the stereotyping around IT and/or Office workers.

heldel00 · 29-06-2019 9:11am

Person i work with always has "a friend who ..."
But before they actually start the story, they'll take a drink of tea, a bite of their sandwich and another drink of tea.
We all have to sit like gobshítes waiting on the great story which we've inevitably heard before anyway.

Schwanz · 29-06-2019 9:47am

Supervisor has been "leaving" for 3 years every now and then.

Mad for the attention.

Wildly Boaring · 29-06-2019 9:48am

Used work with an auld boy from up by the border

Anyone he met

Morning. Howaya?

Our hero "Worse"

Very funny twice

29-06-2019 9:48am

heldel00 wrote: »

Person i work with always has "a friend who ..."
But before they actually start the story, they'll take a drink of tea, a bite of their sandwich and another drink of tea.
We all have to sit like gobshs waiting on the great story which we've inevitably heard before anyway.

total power move there

Nikki Sixx · 29-06-2019 10:07am

“6 o’ clock is not early.” This gob****e I work with loves/ used to love throwing that one out, just to highlight how great he is for getting up at that time. He also fell over himself a few times trying to tell the boss what time he arrived at work at (he comes in way earlier than the boss and other coworkers).

Sh*te your co-workers say

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