Sh*te your co-workers say

Deebles McBeebles

Elmo wrote: »

how did they do?

I love that question and still can't figure out how to answer it

moycullen14

Anyone involved with an American FDI will recognise the type. No more holiday's it'a all PTO, you don't contact someone, you reach out. Send an email? No, connect via email. Any communication mechanism is now a verb: 'I'll slack him'.

There seems to a special class of idiot that thrives in these twilight environments. Generally unsuccessful in life because they have the personality of an amoeba - infinitely squashable. Working for a US company allows them to soar in an environment where their particular brand of unctuous pandering seems to be appreciated.
Of course, our American brothers will ride the poor divil until he collapses. Emails at all hours of the day and night, endless pointless 'projects'. For sure, the world will stop turning when he takes some PTO(qv) so he never does. 'They only have 10 days leave a year in the US and it doesn't do them any harm' (Actually, it does but carry on!)

The problem with working for Americans is not the Americans, it's the Irish who can't get over their inferiority complex.

Boom_Bap

Let's take that offline......just f*cking say you don't know and that you'll find out.

somesoldiers

Feisar wrote: »

A lot of people do that, well when I worked in such and such...

I have a lad like that, my reaponse “If it was so great why didn’t you ffin stay there”

fancy pigeon

There's one loud, insensitive, self loathing, insecure gobby moron that will not shut up throughout the day, talking about generic gossip/bollox/being quite unfunny to say the least. How he any work gets done is beyond me

Now that I've resigned from here I'll never ever have to hear that ape ever again

facehugger99

'I can top that' guy.

Every fcuking conversation and anecdote, he has to chime in with one of his own stories that is apparently even more interesting.

I you went out last night for 3 or 4 pints, you can be sure he went out for 6. If you were once mugged at knife-point, he was robbed at gunpoint and if you're heading to Tenerife on holidays then he's just back from Elevenerife.


Just shut the fcuk up for once - it's not a competition

tcawley29

I have a new favorite thread :pac:

Nigel Fairservice

ThunderCat wrote: »

The people in my place only do a lotto syndicate when the euromillions creeps above 80 million. And then they spend the whole time before the draw saying it's too much money, that they would only want 300k and they wouldn't know what to do with it all.

This is more or less how the lotto works in my office.

After the ticket is bought everyone will remember poor Mary who was off the day when the money was being collected. Talk turns to how sickened Mary will be when when she has to go to work on Monday morning when we are all off in Dublin collecting the winnings.

ellejay

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

The whistler / singer of the first line of a song - every 60 seconds or so. The song more than likely won't change during those 8 hours but by the next day he'll have a brand new one ready to ruin and irritate the absolute s**t out of you so you can never listen to it again. In five years the man has ruined a lot of songs for me.

I nearly had to be institutionalised because of a whistler.

So I kept up a steady stream of inane conversation as much as I could.
Funnily enough he moved desks!!!!

Stone Deaf 4evr

used to work with a lad who had the most disgusting habit of spitting, not big globs of snotty stuff, it was like he was making the phyiscal motion and only expelling the bare minimum, he'd do it everywhere, even sitting at his desk, or up on the dashboard of the van. What an oddball.

mayo londoner

Not so much what a person says but what he does.

Lad in my work (takes everything extremely seriously and is the office arsehole), only a shortarse and thinks he's a lot higher up than he is, shares everything, and I mean everything company related on Linkedin so a director will see that he's licking hole, also makes a point of saying 'Oh I was reading about this over the weekend' numerous times if having a conversation about a project with a director, come to think of it, I can't ever recall him having a conversation that isn't work related, a sad sad individual.

Also the office food critic (normally a vegan), need to be shot with balls of their own ****e!!

amcalester

Colonel Claptrap wrote: »

Anyone else gingerly reading each post - hoping it's not written by your colleague about you?

I'm taking notes and planning on trying these out with some of my more annoying colleagues, fight fire with fire.

yourdeadwright

mayo londoner wrote: »

Not so much what a person says but what he does.

Lad in my work (takes everything extremely seriously and is the office arsehole), only a shortarse and thinks he's a lot higher up than he is, shares everything, and I mean everything company related on Linkedin so a director will see that he's licking hole, also makes a point of saying 'Oh I was reading about this over the weekend' numerous times if having a conversation about a project with a director, come to think of it, I can't ever recall him having a conversation that isn't work related, a sad sad individual.

Also the office food critic (normally a vegan), need to be shot with balls of their own ****e!!

What has him being short got to do with it :pac::pac: , that made me laugh

davidk1394

I started reading this thread this morning and found it funny until about page 4/5 from then on I just got depressed. I’m farming and sometimes I’d say that I’d love a 9-5 job for a while. After reading these comments I think I’ll stay farming for another while.
Just out of interest could ye start a poll and see how many people actually enjoy their job ?

Deebles McBeebles

davidk1394 wrote: »

I started reading this thread this morning and found it funny until about page 4/5 from then on I just got depressed. I’m farming and sometimes I’d say that I’d love a 9-5 job for a while. After reading these comments I think I’ll stay farming for another while.

Cows won't rob your lunch out of the fridge, you're better off!

Sardonicat

corner of hells wrote: »

We've two ,

A vegan , lactose intolerant streak of ****e who's allergic to everything.

And born again Christian who uses biblical quotations in her emails .

Both are so consumed by their inane lives they haven't noticed each other.

Trap em in the lift together.

Sardonicat

corner of hells wrote: »

We've two ,

A vegan , lactose intolerant streak of ****e who's allergic to everything.

And born again Christian who uses biblical quotations in her emails .

Both are so consumed by their inane lives they haven't noticed each other.

Trap em in the lift together.

Boom_Bap

And the cows probably fart less that your coworkers and smell better.

Odelay

facehugger99 wrote: »

'I can top that' guy.

Every fcuking conversation and anecdote, he has to chime in with one of his own stories that is apparently even more interesting.

I you went out last night for 3 or 4 pints, you can be sure he went out for 6. If you were once mugged at knife-point, he was robbed at gunpoint and if you're heading to Tenerife on holidays then he's just back from Elevenerife.


Just shut the fcuk up for once - it's not a competition

That’s not so bad. I’ve to deal with two of those types here:(

davidk1394

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Cows won't rob your lunch out of the fridge, you're better off!

Ooh yeah ??

red petal

I used to work in a call centre and one of the guys on my team used to sit there picking his nose and eating it. He'd try cover it up using the other hand but we could all blatantly see and it was vile. Funny thing was, his sister was the team leader and it baffled us how she never pulled him up on it, if not for us, for him at the very least.

On that same team, there was another woman (married with children) thought nothing of sticking her chewing gum to the underneath of the desk! As it was a call centre, your seating was sometimes rotated and not very pleasant when you got it stuck to your knees! Vile!

facehugger99

I used to work with a well-endowed lady, who would always wear low-cut tops. it felt like she was daring you to stare at her tits so she could label you the office perv to her buddies.

It's extremely difficult not to stare at someones tits if they lean over your desk and plop them right in you eyeline.

I'm convinced that she saw herself as some sort of 'Bridget Jones' type character.

Aglomerado

Sardonicat wrote: »

Trap em in the lift together.

...After the lactose intolerant vegan has been fed a pint of milk.
Hey presto! Gas chamber!

L1011

moycullen14 wrote: »

you don't contact someone, you reach out.

Repeately making Four Tops references about this sometimes stops them doing it.

Seanieke

"Why don't you have a voicemail....."

LollipopJimmy

We have one here who is preaching about the keto diet and telling me I should try it. I'm in fight camp now and the last few weeks it's become really noticeable that I've lost a ****load of weight (13kg since Christmas) yet Nelly the ****ing elephant won't leave me alone.

Sardonicat

Seanieke wrote: »

"Why don't you have a voicemail....."

You're NOT on Facebook! ? Gasp!

Deebles McBeebles

facehugger99 wrote: »

I used to work with a well-endowed lady, who would always wear low-cut tops. it felt like she was daring you to stare at her tits so she could label you the office perv to her buddies.

It's extremely difficult not to stare at someones tits if they lean over your desk and plop them right in you eyeline.

I'm convinced that she saw herself as some sort of 'Bridget Jones' type character.

Pick one of the better pics out of your gallery and give us a look....perv! :cool:

J. Marston

facehugger99 wrote: »

I used to work with a well-endowed lady, who would always wear low-cut tops. it felt like she was daring you to stare at her tits so she could label you the office perv to her buddies.

It's extremely difficult not to stare at someones tits if they lean over your desk and plop them right in you eyeline.

I'm convinced that she saw herself as some sort of 'Bridget Jones' type character.

Two can play at that game...

greenspurs

JustAThought wrote: »

Office octagenarian fumbling towards death,holding down a part tume job he should never have been sympathy given by his CEO friend while decades of unpaid highly qualified 'inrerns' do it and run rings around.him while ge fuddies duddies througu stories of his youth 'in my day...' while showing them how he can send a text or use email on his tablet AND PC while eating their lunches, sending them to the shop for him or making them listen to hour after appalling hour of droning personal stories.Meanwhile the rest of work and carry his load.

Women who whinge endlessly about their diet/fat/bad hair/skin usially while stuffing charity bags of chrisps and bars down their throats.

The ignore the problem brigade who moan vocifirously about anything they can fix and then say its not their job to do/fix/improve it. **** or get off the pot.


PS
People who sneeky vape at their desks. Do.you think Im going to suffocate in silence and not report your poisoning me ? Seriously.

You can type with your nose ?? :rolleyes: