Sh*te your co-workers say

Not so civil servant

How many here are trapped in an office every day with colleagues that drain the life out of you? How do you deal with it?

Not allowed headphones so have to listen to painful conversations about the same topics over and over.

Yes ok I know you have been to Australia, you have only mentioned it 3 times a day for the past year and a half.

No I really don't care about your neighbour's sewage system that you have felt the need to tell me about every day this week on tea break.

Referring to Ed Sheeran as Ted Sheeran wasn't funny the first time you said it.

But hey....only 30 more years until retirement....

B_ecke_r

there's always one who knows it all about Brexit

TheValeyard

B*tches about the economy, government, state of the country......does not vote.

DEFTLEFTHAND

If you ever embarrass me in front of a client like that again I'll put your head through the wall.

Not so civil servant

Have one dinosaur that makes constant inappropriate comments.

Told his manager that she was built for comfort not for speed.

GG66

Talks about people in soap operas like it's real life

amcalester

There's 1 idiot in my office, stupid voice, stupid accent always talking ****e but I can't get away from him.

I've tried closing the door but as I work alone it doesn't work.

Steve F

Where do I start?

Feisar

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

If you ever embarrass me in front of a client like that again I'll put your head through the wall.

I've met one or two lads like that in my time. Some eye contact and "I don't fancy your chances however if you want to give it a go..." Has settled it.

One lad threatened to put me out the window, it was in a stacked porta cabin on a building site temp office. I locked the door and said, window's the only option now. Soon softened his attitude.

Mr. Incognito

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

fryup

does anyone have the workplace bragger/know it all??

eg.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z8pgV74_Hw

Potential-Monke

'Stop hitting me'

devlinio

My ex-boss used to say an office is better than remote working. (Yea, that's great when you live 30 minutes away, and everyone else lives 1 hours or more away.

He also used to say that a small company is better than a big company as you get to do more work (Yea, I'm sure earning more in a bigger company for doing less is a lot worse).

Plopsu

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Now all I can think about is Eulogy by Tool

Feisar

devlinio wrote: »

My ex-boss used to say an office is better than remote working. (Yea, that's great when you live 30 minutes away, and everyone else lives 1 hours or more away.

He also used to say that a small company is better than a big company as you get to do more work (Yea, I'm sure earning more in a bigger company for doing less is a lot worse).

In bigger companies one can get pigeon holed though.

Canyon86

Co-workers making personal phonecalls within earshot of everybody else is a pet hate of mine,

i.e ringing up about an ESB Bill, or ringing spouse

NSAman

Is there anything about your family life I DO NOT know?

Steve F

fryup wrote: »

does anyone have the workplace bragger/know it all??

eg.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z8pgV74_Hw

How did they keep straight faces during this?

NabyLadistheman

'You know that kind of way'

Mickeroo

Not so civil servant wrote: »

Have one dinosaur that makes constant inappropriate comments.

Told his manager that she was built for comfort not for speed.

I'm torn in that that is clearly an awful, inappropriate thing to say to someone but I can't help admire how few ****s are given by the guy.

Gremlinertia

One lad who tells long winded stories about the day's happenings as if they directly affect him, then closes the conversation with "ah but sure you know yourself, not my circus, not my monkeys" Every. Single. Time.

devlinio

Also OP, no earphones during the workday? I couldn't get through a full workday without Spotify, podcasts or the Radio. I wouldn't work for a company that banned earphone. (Although I do work in Software, I could also use them when I worked in construction).

Tacklebox

The new age spiritualist, sunshine lollipops and rainbows.... nobody's allowed to mention anything that might effect the positive flow of the universe....

mayo londoner

It's more the phrases that people use in work such as 'touch base'. The one that really bugs the **** outta me is referring to the company as 'we' every time, it's your boss/director that's getting the profits you idiot, not you.

binana

So much diet talk! "Being good", slimming world, how many "sins" or calories are in what, comments on healthfulness of each others' lunches. I suffer on and off from disordered eating and I find it all really triggering. I try to avoid the conversations and don't respond to comments about what I'm eating but just hope I don't seem stuck up or whatever.

OneArt

Not so civil servant wrote: »

How many here are trapped in an office every day with colleagues that drain the life out of you? How do you deal with it - I go on a lot of smoke breaks now just to get away for a few mins.

Not allowed headphones so have to listen to painful conversations about the same topics over and over.

Yes ok I know you have been to Australia, you have only mentioned it 3 times a day for the past year and a half.

No I really don't care about your neighbour's sewage system that you have felt the need to tell me about every day this week on tea break.

Referring to Ed Sheeran as Ted Sheeran wasn't funny the first time you said it.

But hey....only 30 more years until retirement....

Not allowed headphones but it's perfectly okay for your colleagues to engage in inane chatter and distract each other from work? FFS.



Used to work in a small company. Our PR person was in the same room and would constantly talk about ****e. We were thankfully allowed headphones so most of us wore them most of them time.


Then she'd complain that we were being "antisocial"... Ehh, I come to the office to work and get paid. Not to be social all the time (that's why you have friends outside work...). The same person would also constantly answer private phone calls and talk really loudly... Then, one day she asked the boss for her own room because we were too noisy. What?


I work remotely now (again, thank Christ) and honestly apart from salary it's the one thing I WON'T compromise on with any employer. I'll visit the office one or two days a week, but f*ck sitting in the same room Monday to Friday with the same people. There's no real need for it in my industry, anyway and it's just too distracting.

Not so civil servant

The old guy also sings the same 1st line of a song constantly. He has never made it to the 2nd line.

Has a stack of diaries going back at least 20 years. Will flick through them and tell you the exact day he mowed the lawn 10 years ago.

Ends every phone call with "G'luck G'luck G'luck"

Every woman in every pic of the local paper each week is an ex girlfriend of his.

devlinio

OneArt wrote: »

Not allowed headphones but it's perfectly okay for your colleagues to engage in inane chatter and distract each other from work? FFS.



Used to work in a small company. Our PR person was in the same room and would <b>constantly talk about ****e</b>. We were thankfully allowed headphones so most of us wore them most of them time.


Then she'd complain that we were being "antisocial"... Ehh, I come to the office to work and get paid. Not to be social all the time (that's why you have friends outside work...). The same person would also constantly answer private phone calls and talk really loudly... Then, one day she asked the boss for her own room because we were too noisy. What?


I work remotely now (again, thank Christ) and honestly apart from salary it's the one thing I WON'T compromise on with any employer. I'll visit the office one or two days a week, but f*ck sitting in the same room Monday to Friday with the same people. There's no real need for it in my industry, anyway and it's just too distracting.

I presume you're in software?

I am to. In my previous company, my bosses dad was the "sales guy". Everyelse were developers & designers. He used to always complain that we were anti social because we were wearing earphone.

Now that I think of it, a colleague of mine was given a warning for not correcting an SSL certificate. He's a designer and didn't know how. He asked for help and was told to figure it out. There was a **** up on installation.

He was brought into a meeting and given a warning. In the meeting, he was told that they see him as a senior developer, and they expect better than this. The chap has 2 years experience and was on 24K a year. They also said he's not getting paid overtime anymore. So if projects take longer than expected, you have to stay behind for no more pay. He hasn't worked a second of overtime since, even if projects need to be finished.

Salvation Tambourine

Gremlinertia wrote: »

One lad who tells long winded stories about the day's happenings as if they directly affect him, then closes the conversation with "ah but sure you know yourself, not my circus, not my monkeys" Every. Single. Time.

That is hilarious.

Schwiiing

'Go distract the foreman 'cuz I've seen a load of offcuts of copper cable and lead left around the site'.

somesoldiers

Next door to me "what date is it today?", "have the times changed in the US?", constant stream of inane questions, this guy sits at a pc all day
Either that or its looking at co-workers calendars talking about where they are travelling to, where he is travelling to, where his ffin wife is travelling too....i don't give a crap

Thankfully I am allowed earphones and work from home 2 days a week, other than that I'd go crazy

red petal

Minute by minute updates on their child's day. Especially when it's repeated in the child's voice "..... go pee pee". Seriously!

"I'll revert to you."

Lackey

mayo londoner wrote: »

It's more the phrases that people use in work such as 'touch base'. The one that really bugs the **** outta me is referring to the company as 'we' every time, it's your boss/director that's getting the profits you idiot, not you.

‘Let’s run this up the flagpole and see if it flies’

Eh you are moving stock around to try get it to sell...let’s call it what it is.

‘I’m eating aldesco’

Just fu£k off especially the ‘our profits are up/down’ they aren’t ‘ours’ love.

Knex*

Deleted User wrote: »

"I'll revert to you."

I ****ing hate that one with a passion.

"We must bottom that one out" is another one that grates.

Hotblack Desiato

Canyon86 wrote: »

Co-workers making personal phonecalls within earshot of everybody else is a pet hate of mine,

i.e ringing up about an ESB Bill, or ringing spouse

Sooner or later though you'll get their credit card number, expiry date and security code

Your Face

I see you're on a healthy eating kick, everyone has, you've told us all.
Now how about some exercise, you triple necked land ship.

Giveaway

"TIME for tea" every 15 mins and "we did a great days work today". Both in the same job in uk. Same job in ireland would do 3 times the work with half the staff, but a much nicer work environment in Ireland

the_pen_turner

It's the women talking about their kids, pets and clothes, and men about gaa and football or the I was so pissed at the weekend stories

Hotblack Desiato

binana wrote: »

So much diet talk! "Being good", slimming world, how many "sins" or calories are in what, comments on healthfulness of each others' lunches.

Then two weeks later they're bringing in cake and insisting everyone has some. I hate cake so just look like an ungrateful bastard.

canonball5

I worked with a bell end that had to give up his business because he was "too good" at what he did and was "too busy" to keep up with the amount of work he had to do!!! What a knob!

mayo londoner

Have another severe pain in the hole who CC's directors into pointless emails at 6.30 in the morning just to let them know that she's in early. She's in at that time every morning of the week (she doesn't be long telling you), doesn't get time in lieu, bonus or any perks for that matter and yet still does it, the mind boggles.........

Same individual is the loudest and noisiest person I've ever encountered, has the whole floor irritated the whole time, always feels the need to run everywhere around the building for reasons unknown. Her name is Crona and feels the need to sign off every email as 'Regards C' as if she's some ****ing superstar.

LouD2016

"I'll go put the kettle on....but it might not fit''

*eye twitch

KaneToad

Note to colleagues: "Good morning, how are you" is a greeting, not a question. The appropriate response is "Grand, yourself". Nicities over.

frosty123

fryup wrote: »

does anyone have the workplace bragger/know it all??

yep, i worked with a guy a right pain in the arse..one of those cool dudes-thinks he knows everything everyone else is a fool....he had an opinion on everything and i mean everything, everything he said was to be taken as FACT you wouldn't dare question him...i went out of my way to avoid him, really got on my tits *prick

razorblunt

"Half day is it?"


As I leave at 4:30 having been in since 7:15 (my choice).


"Good afternoon"

As I come get to my desk at 9:10 having been in a meeting since 8am on another floor.


He's been put back in his place on that but he just moves on to another person who wouldn't tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

facehugger99

"Leaving early today?"


No, actually I'm leaving on time, I was at my desk at 7.30am not that you would have noticed as you got in around 9.30am.

I'm sure you can leave 30mins later than me and still feel like an office hero through.

Cock!

amcalester

frosty123 wrote: »

yep, i worked with a guy a right pain in the arse..he had an opinion on everything and i mean everything, everything he said was to be taken as FACT you wouldn't dare question him...i went out of my to avoid him, really got on my tits

I work with a guy who is an even bigger pain in the arse.

Ush1

"Cya tomorrow"

"Actually I'm off tomorrow"

"Jaysus isn't it well for some!"

Not really, we both have the same annual leave allocation per year.

sbsquarepants

KaneToad wrote: »

Note to colleagues: "Good morning, how are you" is a greeting, not a question. The appropriate response is "Grand, yourself". Nicities over.

Note to foreign colleagues: English grammar works slightly differently in Ireland. The following phrases just mean hello

How are you?
How are you keeping?
How's tricks?
How are you getting on?

The answer to all these questions is "grand, yourself?" Although phrased as a question, this will not be answered, so don't think it rude when the person just walks on without further interaction.

The exception to this is if you're hot - then you may feel free to answer in as much detail as you see fit and end with "yourself?" which will be treated as an actual question, and answered with a stream of self promotion / mild lechery.

Aglomerado

This time last year ...also in the civil service;
Endless chit chat about cakes, lotto, euromillions, tea breaks, Eastenders.
And they wondered why I blared loud music into my aural canals every day.
And they couldn't hand each other anything in the office, they had to throw it and it would invariably land on my desk scaring the **** out of me.

And when I left at 4: "half day again?" that was funny the first time, not the 75th time.

Nothing like that where I am now. as we have enough work to do. And I'm the boss so I can tell people to shut up