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The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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    #422
    Porkpie
    Registered Users Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Porkpie


    So I gave up cold turkey.......


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    #423
    snickerpuss
    Registered Users Posts: 2,055 ✭✭✭snickerpuss


    What's pink and hard?

    Maths Paper Two


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    #424
    Porkpie
    Registered Users Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Porkpie


    A guy sitting in a bar suddenly announces to everyone "all lawyers are assholes", to which another guy sitting at the bar replies

    "hey, I happen to resent that remark!".

    First guy asks "why, are you a lawyer?", other guy replies "no, i'm an asshole".


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    #425
    Dolph Starbeam
    Registered Users Posts: 4,536 ✭✭✭Dolph Starbeam


    Larry Murphy is up in the mountains with a girl, the girl says "it very scary up here at night time isn't it?", Larry replies "i don't know what your scared about i've to walk home on my own".


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    #426
    bodhrandude
    Registered Users Posts: 12,411 ✭✭✭✭bodhrandude


    A Glasgow joke
    How dae ye make a Weegie Bored (Ouija board)?
    Take away his Valium and his playstation.

    If you want to get into it, you got to get out of it. (Hawkwind 1982)



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    #427
    CarrickMcJoe
    Registered Users Posts: 3,379 ✭✭✭CarrickMcJoe


    Why are the palms of a black mans hands and soles of his feet white?
    Because he was stood against the wall when he was been sprayed!


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    #428
    tfitzgerald
    Registered Users Posts: 2,285 ✭✭✭tfitzgerald


    Is there any was of removing these spoilers if you are useing an iphone


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    #429
    Cybertron85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 193 ✭✭Cybertron85


    Why was Smurfette barred from the village?
    She was giving the men blue balls.




    I slipped on the ice during that latest cold spat, when I got up my wallet and phone were gone.
    Turns out it was black ice.


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    #430
    Tayla
    Registered Users Posts: 2,158 ✭✭✭Tayla


    Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.. I think they were Hovis Witnesses


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    #431
    yuloni
    Registered Users Posts: 2,040 ✭✭✭yuloni


    This post has been deleted.


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    #432
    matchthis
    Registered Users Posts: 1,868 ✭✭✭matchthis


    tfitzgerald wrote: »
    Is there any was of removing these spoilers if you are useing an iphone

    Copy the spoiler and paste it in google search bar and it'll show


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    #433
    bodhrandude
    Registered Users Posts: 12,411 ✭✭✭✭bodhrandude


    One appropriate for the Irish situation atm.

    Whats black and knocks at your door?
    The Future
    Har har har har har haaaaaaaargh ghhhhtuuunnnnnnnk!

    If you want to get into it, you got to get out of it. (Hawkwind 1982)



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    #434
    Horse_box
    Registered Users Posts: 357 ✭✭Horse_box


    Did you hear about the guy who couldnt take a glass container of his fathers' ashes into the football ground?

    I mean, it's coming to something, when you can't even take a bottle of pop to the game...


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    #435
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    Drum set falls off a cliff.

    Ba dum, tish


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    #436
    murray sparkle
    Registered Users Posts: 47 ✭murray sparkle


    An 8 year old and a 10 year old decide to get married. She says to himself 'You'd better ask my father'.

    So Johnny goes to Rebecca's father and says " Mr. Murphy, I'm in love with Rebecca and I'd like to marry her".

    Mr. Murphy thinks this is hilarious so he decides to have a bit of fun with Johnny.

    " Now Johnny, my daughter is used to living in the lap of luxury, where would you live when you get married?" he said

    Johnny replied "Well Mr. Murphy, I'm 10 and Rebecca's only 8, we're only small and we wouldn't take up that much room, so we thought that we would live in Rebecca's room".

    Alright then, thought Mr. Murphy. I'll try him with this one.

    "Johnny, where do you plan to get the money to keep my daughter in the style she's accustomed to?

    Johnny replied "Mr. Murphy - I'm 10 and I get a tenner a week pocket money. Rebecca is 8 and she gets eight quid a week. That's 72 euro a month and that's more than enough for the tow of us"

    Mr Murphy was getting flustered at this stage - so he decided to really put Johnny to the test

    "And what about children Johnny, have you thought about that yet?"

    Johnny replied "Well Mr. Murphy I'm 10 and Rebecca's only 8 so I'm just gonna keep on riding her up the a*** for the moment"


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    #437
    McChubbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,080 ✭✭✭McChubbin


    God had just about finished creating the universe but he had two extra items left in his bag of goodies. So he decided to divide them between Adam and Eve.
    "Right" said God "the first thin I have to give is the ability to urinate whilst standing."
    Adam put his hand up straight away. "Oh, please, God! It would make me so happy to pee standing up. I could go anywhere! Life would be so wonderful."
    God said to Eve: "Have you any objections if I grant this ability to Adam?"
    "No" shrugged Eve. "If it makes him happy."
    "Okay, Adam, it's yours." said God.
    Adam was thrilled and danced around excitedly before testing out his new talent behind a tree.
    "Now then.." said God, reaching into his bag of goodies; "What's left here. Ah yes.
    Multiple orgasms
    ".

    What's the best thing about schizophrenia?
    It turns a **** into an orgy.


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    #438
    shrubs
    Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭shrubs


    Why are physicist bad at telling jokes timing.


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    #439
    kingtut
    Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    tfitzgerald wrote: »
    Is there any was of removing these spoilers if you are useing an iphone

    rofl :pac:


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    #440
    Galway K9
    Registered Users Posts: 2,353 ✭✭✭Galway K9


    Why do Psyhciatrists give their patients shock treatment?

    Spolier: To prepare them for the bill!


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    #441
    staker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,677 ✭✭✭staker


    Two lesbians in a bath,one goes "Where's the soap?"
    The other smiles and replies "Does,doesn't it?"


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    #442
    Galway K9
    Registered Users Posts: 2,353 ✭✭✭Galway K9


    staker wrote: »
    Two lesbians in a bath,one goes "Where's the soap?"
    The other smiles and replies "Does,doesn't it?"

    I dont get this..ha


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    #443
    Podge2k7
    Registered Users Posts: 3,963 ✭✭✭Podge2k7


    Roses are Red,
    Violets are Blue,
    I have alzheimers,
    Cheese on toast....


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    #444
    staker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,677 ✭✭✭staker


    Galway K9 wrote: »
    I dont get this..ha

    Read the question out loud and forget about the apostrophe...


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    #445
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    Galway K9 wrote: »
    I dont get this..ha
    think of the old marathon changing to snickers ad


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    #446
    Galway K9
    Registered Users Posts: 2,353 ✭✭✭Galway K9


    staker wrote: »
    Read the question out loud and forget about the apostrophe...


    hahahaha....i still dont get it!!!help!


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    #447
    Standard Toaster
    Registered Users Posts: 10,251 ✭✭✭✭Standard Toaster


    Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer?
    Ja!
    Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!


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    #448
    LionelNashe
    Registered Users Posts: 1,961 ✭✭✭LionelNashe


    staker wrote: »
    Read the question out loud and forget about the apostrophe...

    What? Wears the soap? I still don't get it. Are lesbians known for doing something with soap?


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    #449
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    Galway K9 wrote: »
    hahahaha....i still dont get it!!!help!
    using the soap to masturbate is wearing it down!


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    #450
    Galway K9
    Registered Users Posts: 2,353 ✭✭✭Galway K9


    peatcass wrote: »
    using the soap to masturbate is wearing it down!


    HAHAH burst out in laughter thats brill...my god im slow with jokes...ha!:D


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    #451
    Doublechinlolz
    Registered Users Posts: 2,390 ✭✭✭Doublechinlolz


    peatcass wrote: »
    using the soap to masturbate is wearing it down!

    But why did she say does, doesnt it ? I dont get it either


This discussion has been closed.
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