The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Jumpy

fenris wrote: »

What's blue and doesn't fit?


A dead epileptic

Yeah, very ****ing funny mate. I suppose you want to tell the one about

"What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Throw your clothes in" eh?

I just about had enough, epilepsy isnt funny. In the least. Normally I dont get offended at jokes that poke fun of disabilities, but THIS IS ENOUGH.

I had a relative that died in the bath while having a fit and these jokes really make me feel the pain all over again. So please stop. Please.




































and if anyone is wondering ... she choked on a sock.

Coriolanus

Jumpy wrote: »

Yeah, very ****ing funny mate. I suppose you want to tell the one about

"What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Throw your clothes in" eh?

I just about had enough, epilepsy isnt funny. In the least. Normally I dont get offended at jokes that poke fun of disabilities, but THIS IS ENOUGH.

I had a relative that died in the bath while having a fit and these jokes really make me feel the pain all over again. So please stop. Please..

You're right. People make jokes about the Holocaust too without realising how many people have been personally hurt by the treatment of the Jews.

Take my grandfather for example. He was treated absolutely horribly by the Nazies at Dachau...






















Passed over for promotion, again and again.

take everything

Sitec wrote: »

Wow. There bad and not even funny.

Jesus wept.

ardinn

JerryHandbag wrote: »

So theres this guy who enters the paralympics, and he's got no legs or arms, in fact he's got no torso either....he's just a head, and he's brilliant at swimming. He's the hot favourite to take the gold medal in the swimming competition and has proved unbeatable thus far in qualifying competitions. The gold medal is a formality for him.

So the big day arrives, the swimming final. He's on the blocks, ready for the biggest day of his life, and ready to jump in the pool and swim to certain victory. The guns goes off, the race begins, the contestants dive into the pool.....only for our hero to sink straight to the bottom of the pool. The race goes on and finishes while he flounders at the starting line.

His trainer rushes to his rescue, fishes him out of the pool and asks "What the hell happened? You've been brilliant in training all along??!!!!"

To which he replied -

"I've spent my whole life learning how to swim with my ears, and then you come along and PUT A ****ING SWIMMING CAP ON MY HEAD!!!"

NO - its

"His trainer rushes to his rescue, fishes him out of the pool and asks "What the hell happened? You've been brilliant in training all along??!!!!"

"I got Cramp"!

bazza1

Duck ready to cross the road. a chicken appears and says " I wouldnt do that if I were you, youll never hear the fcuking end of it! ":D

up them Schteps

Why do women have legs?

Have you ever seen the mess a snail makes

iPlop

Jumpy wrote: »

and if anyone is wondering ... she choked on a sock.

Had to read that twice ,thought it said sommat else:pac:

Mars Bar

A Jehovas Witness called to the house last night. I invited him in, made him a cup of tea and sat him down. I asked him what he wanted to talk about and he replied "**** me I dont know, I never got this far before."

iPlop

A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"


A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, you can get this guy off my butt!"


A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Can I have a bag of helicopter flavor chips?" The barkeep says, "Sorry, we only have plain.":rolleyes:


ughh I can't take any more of these jokes

andrew cross

:eek::eek:i lived in Bradford for awhile, my dog a German Shepard got out but i was not going down the road, shouting hear ****** :rolleyes:

Yo Buddy. You still alive?

My most recent lol one by text....

Paddy goes to America for the first time. Walking up 5th Avenue he sees a building on fire & rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows. He shouts up, "I'm Paddy John Dara O'Neill, an Irish rugby player, jump & I'll catch ya."
A girl jumps out & Paddy catches her. A guy jumps & Paddy gets him too. A black guy jumps & Paddy lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up, "Come on now folks, there's no point throwin' down the burnt ones!"



My oldest favourite...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a sh1t in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Do you have a problem with sh1t sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says no and the bear wiped his ass with him.

Galway K9

Whats Blue, yellow and white and hangs from a tight c/unt?



A lidl bag!

coffeelover

Went down to the local ATM machine this morning, and got a "Sorry, Insufficient Funds" message. I thought to myself 'Is that you or me?' :pac:

Galway K9

coffeelover wrote: »

Went down to the local ATM machine this morning, and got a "Sorry, Insufficient Funds" message. I thought to myself 'Is that you or me?' :pac:

forgot that one classic!

Balfie

How awkward do you reckon Prince Williams stag do is going to be when he realises he is stuffing pictures of his granny into a lap dancers knickers....

h3000

Balfie wrote: »

How awkward do you reckon Prince Williams stag do is going to be when he realises he is stuffing pictures of his granny into a lap dancers knickers....

What's with the huge bold writing

Balfie

h3000 wrote: »

What's with the huge bold writing

I copied from my facebook, and it was tiny, so I tried to make it bigger and thats how it came out..

fixed

Dj Stiggie

What do you call a prostitute with no legs?








Cash and Carry

Jesus Wept

finnezzia wrote: »

Big shout out to Phill Babb on the birth of his son, Donnacha

?

Adyx

The-Rigger wrote: »

?

Doner Kebab

4zn76tysfajdxp

Immediately after having sex with his girlfriend, a man starts to compliment her. "Oh my god, you're so amazing in bed, you always give great blowjobs and you take it up the pooper without question whenever I ask. Only problem is, your tits are so small." She replied with "Daddy, that's because I'm only six years old."

NSFW.

spoonface

Why don't Iraqi women date American soldiers? Coz they always say they'll pull out but they never do!

Victor_M

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

'Come have a look over here,' says Paddy, 'It's Michael O' Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.'

'That's nothing, 'says Sean, 'here's one named Patrick O' Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died.'

Just then, Seamus yells out, 'Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!'

'What was his name?' asks Paddy.

Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker and exclaims: 'Miles, from Dublin.'

Kold

What's on average 6 inches long and starts with a P?

a sh1t

bonzodog2

This is the one I've been trying to find since my earlier post. Enjoy !







A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fúcking appendix out!"

Susie_Q

A young girl goes up to her mother and says "Mummy Mummy, what's a nymphomaniac?' to which the mother replies "Shut up and help me get Granny off the doorknob".

amacca

sure its been posted already but if not


A dyslexic man walks into a bra

fish fingers

Did you hear about the man with square balls?

He has cubic hair.

What you call two spanish firemen?


Hose a and hose b


What the priest say when he saw his church on fire?

Holy smoke

DeadSkin

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of
the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you
to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If
I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood
sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed
to death."

"Well, then, we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If
I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."

"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white
line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

thebullkf

fook me.. BEST JOKES??????