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Giving up seat for Pregnant women

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    #122
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Yeah_Right wrote: »
    I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
    The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

    I wouldn't take a seat from a man just because I'm female. I'm well able to stand. But I would decline politely, no need for rudeness. I'm surprised you automatically offer seats to women. Keep your seat. You are entitled to it.


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    #123
    Mesrine65
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,969 ✭✭✭Mesrine65


    Riskymove wrote: »
    but a woman shouldn't?
    Did I say that?

    I was speaking about my own moral compass, being a man & all :rolleyes:

    The onus is on the individual as far as I'm concerned.


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    #124
    Eugene Norman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,191 ✭✭✭Eugene Norman


    Whatever about pregnant, age is a minefield unless you are dealing with octogenarians, don't bother. They won't thank you if they are a rough looking 45 year old.


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    #125
    daveyeh
    Registered Users Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    volchitsa wrote: »
    Is this a joke?

    Yes.


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    #126
    volchitsa
    Registered Users Posts: 7,087 ✭✭✭volchitsa


    Yeah_Right wrote: »
    I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
    The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

    Oooh, little bit of furious backpedalling going on now, isn't there?

    Initially it was because she was either "fat or pregnant" - now it's just because you're in the habit of always offering your seat to women!
    So this unfortunate reaction only happens once to you - and yet if you give up your seat every time there's a woman beside you, I'd say that unless you live in Iraq you must end up standing every time you take public transport!

    I think the "feminazi" reference tells us all we need to know about the reliability of this anecdote.

    Still, I'm glad my BS-detector is working so well. :)


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    #127
    Eugene Norman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,191 ✭✭✭Eugene Norman


    Yeah_Right wrote: »
    I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
    The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

    I can see her point to a certain extent, being female is not a disability. They can stand.


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    #128
    volchitsa
    Registered Users Posts: 7,087 ✭✭✭volchitsa


    daveyeh wrote: »
    Yes.

    Oh good. I'm so glad (honest!) :)
    Clearly whatever about my BS-detector, my irony-meter needs recalibrating! o:


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    #129
    Yeah_Right
    Registered Users Posts: 5,972 ✭✭✭Yeah_Right


    volchitsa wrote: »
    Oooh, little bit of furious backpedalling going on now, isn't there?

    Initially it was because she was either "fat or pregnant" - now it's just because you're in the habit of always offering your seat to women!
    So this unfortunate reaction only happens once to you - and yet if you give up your seat every time there's a woman beside you, I'd say that unless you live in Iraq you must end up standing every time you take public transport!

    I think the "feminazi" reference tells us all we need to know about the reliability of this anecdote.

    Still, I'm glad my BS-detector is working so well. :)

    Haha. Re-read it. She was the nearest. No back-peddling, just a bit more detail. Would you like some more? It was at Stephens Green on a weekend afternoon and I was heading to Ranelagh. And yes its the only time I have ever had a nasty re-action from it.
    And yes I would end up standing most of the time on public transport. At a guess, at least 75% of the time.


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    #130
    darkdubh
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,628 ✭✭✭darkdubh


    Arne_Saknussem wrote: »
    With an absolute shot in the dark i'm guessing she's in Dublin.


    Should have posted in the Dublin City forum then.


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    #131
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    I'd offer my seat to anyone that seemed like they were having difficulty standing, be they young, old, male, female, whatever, and have done many times. But no I don't automatically offer my seat to someone pregnant or older or whatever just because they are pregnant or old or whatever.


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    #132
    FunLover18
    Registered Users Posts: 6,793 ✭✭✭FunLover18


    I usually just stand, even if there's loads of seats available, so as to avoid the awkwardness of having to offer my seat. You have a better view when you're standing anyway.


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    #133
    PandaPoo
    Registered Users Posts: 4,977 ✭✭✭PandaPoo


    volchitsa wrote: »
    Oooh, little bit of furious backpedalling going on now, isn't there?

    Initially it was because she was either "fat or pregnant" - now it's just because you're in the habit of always offering your seat to women!
    So this unfortunate reaction only happens once to you - and yet if you give up your seat every time there's a woman beside you, I'd say that unless you live in Iraq you must end up standing every time you take public transport!

    I think the "feminazi" reference tells us all we need to know about the reliability of this anecdote.

    Still, I'm glad my BS-detector is working so well. :)

    Honestly, I'd say you're the only one right now. You've made your point.


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    #134
    PandaPoo
    Registered Users Posts: 4,977 ✭✭✭PandaPoo


    As I said earlier in the thread, Im pregnant and on crutches thanks to a split pelvis. I was standing on the luas for 30 minutes and nobody offered me a seat, I didnt feel entitled to it but I definitely would have appreciated one. It was the closest I have ever come to asking for a seat, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I'd be mortified if they said no! Plus, everyone avoided my gaze the few times I was building up the courage to do it.


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    #135
    keithclancy
    Registered Users Posts: 9,222 ✭✭✭keithclancy


    We were on a bus into town (In NL), there was an old guy on the bus.

    My Wife asked the old guy to sit in her seat, he kept refusing politely.

    Being Irish she wouldn't take no for an answer.

    I think the guy missed his bus stop ......

    The hierarchy of public transportation seating is difficult sometimes.


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    #136
    SurferRosa
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭SurferRosa


    jaymcg91 wrote: »
    No if you're unable to take public transport as is, get a car / a lift. Not my problem at all, sorry.

    It's attitudes like these that make the world that little bit worse to live in. This general lack of concern or compassion for anyone else but yourself.
    Of course it's not your problem, yes the woman chose to reproduce. Not your fault.

    That's NOT the point. The point is that despite the fact none of this is of your personal concern, you could show some compassion and see that the heavily pregnant woman would find it a lot more uncomfortable than you to stand up.
    All this well "Why doesn't she walk/get a taxi" , "Why get knocked up " talk just lacks any feeling towards other humans. The fact is she's on the bus she's huge and likely in a level of discomfort greater than the majority of young non-pregnant people.

    If I give up my seat (which I have done many a time) - it's not based on merit e.g. a person with a disability deserves seat more than pregnant woman who brought it on herself - it's based on the fact that I as a young fit person without hidden underlying conditions will probably find it easier to stand up than the heavily pregnant/ disabled person.
    Anything else is irrelevant in my opinion.


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    #137
    5unflower
    Registered Users Posts: 356 ✭✭5unflower


    I guess with this thread being in AH some snarky comments along the way are to be expected, but it's an interesting read none the less because it confirms my own observations on public transport at the moment - I'm currently 6 months pregnant and in the same situation as the OP with more or less the same experience on rush hour commuter trains in the morning.

    With regard to the argument that some people are not sure if a woman is maybe just fat or indeed pregnant, this is why I got myself a "Baby on Board" badge. They give them out for free to pregnant women on public transport in London, and I think they are great. But surprisingly for the first 6 months of wearing this badge never ever did anyone offer me a seat on my commute, even though I am certain that people did see it.
    Only now that I'm sporting an obvious bump in addition to wearing the badge have I been offered a seat maybe 3-4 times in the last 2 weeks.

    In my opinion this has nothing at all to do with a sense of entitlement, I certainly do not feel I'm entitled to a seat just because i'm pregnant. It is however a matter of simple courtesy and being mindful of what's going on around you. In any situation where there is a large number of people crammed into a small space it would only be natural to me to be alert and aware of what is happening around me and to look out for other people who for whatever reason could do with a seat, or help in any other way instead of burying my head in my book, the newspaper, the smartphone or the make-up bag... . To me this is just human.


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    #138
    TwoShedsJackson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,438 ✭✭✭TwoShedsJackson


    omega man wrote: »
    Indeed. A number of years ago my heavily pregnant wife asked a bus driver if he could stop as she needed to vomit (she had bad morning sickness). He kindly let her off but proceeded to drive off leaving her on the side of a dual carriage way (Bus Eireann bus). Her bag and coat (it was winter) were still onboard. Bus Eireann did sweet fcuk all following our complaint. I never got an opportunity to introduce myself to the driver regretfully.

    Outrageous. You probably did this but I would have kept at them, gone to the papers etc. until I got an apology, at least.


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    #139
    keithclancy
    Registered Users Posts: 9,222 ✭✭✭keithclancy


    I have seen on the ICE from Amsterdam -> Dusseldorf once a pregnant woman asking a man for his seat.

    He said no as he'd paid for a seat reservation (she hadn't) she made a big deal out of it saying he was insensitive and so on.

    IMO in that case he was in the right, she should have paid for a seat reservation if she wanted to be guaranteed a seat.


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    #140
    daveyeh
    Registered Users Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    keithclancy wrote: »
    I have seen on the ICE from Amsterdam -> Dusseldorf once a pregnant woman asking a man for his seat.

    He said no as he'd paid for a seat reservation (she hadn't) she made a big deal out of it saying he was insensitive and so on.

    IMO in that case he was in the right, she should have paid for a seat reservation if she wanted to be guaranteed a seat.

    Hard to argue with this.


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    #141
    SurferRosa
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭SurferRosa


    keithclancy wrote: »
    I have seen on the ICE from Amsterdam -> Dusseldorf once a pregnant woman asking a man for his seat.

    He said no as he'd paid for a seat reservation (she hadn't) she made a big deal out of it saying he was insensitive and so on.

    IMO in that case he was in the right, she should have paid for a seat reservation if she wanted to be guaranteed a seat.
    Yeah, in that case she was rather cheeky I think. At least she could've offered to pay for the seat!


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    #142
    Greenmachine
    Registered Users Posts: 5,063 ✭✭✭Greenmachine


    anncoates wrote: »
    What, in your considered opinion, would be the odds of everybody in the carriage having this hidden disabilities?

    It's sounds like quite a frightening epidemic.


    Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.


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    #143
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Greenmachine wrote: »
    Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

    Unless gender qualifies as a 'hidden disability' , that wasn't what anything to do with what we were discussing. :)

    Agree though courtesy shouldn't be the responsibility of one gender.


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    #144
    keithclancy
    Registered Users Posts: 9,222 ✭✭✭keithclancy


    Greenmachine wrote: »
    Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

    I have .. loads of times.


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    #145
    Lollipops23
    Registered Users Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    It's funny, the worst months for morning sickness/exhaustion are normally in the first few months when you're not "obviously" pregnant. In London they have a "baby on board" badge women can wear to alert people. Not sure how I'd feel about wearing one of those, as I'd probably feel like I was guilt tripping people into giving me their seat, despite not necessarily needing it.

    Ask me again when I'm pregnant and I may not care as much.


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    #146
    Darkglasses
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,526 Mod ✭✭✭✭Darkglasses


    I have no problem giving up a seat for somebody old, pregnant, or just really wanted a seat - I'm well able to stand on my hind legs for any length of an Irish bus or train journey. However, if it's that big a deal to the person, I'd appreciate if they would just ask me. Some people get offended if you offer them with the best of intentions.


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    #147
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users Posts: 23,695 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Lollipops23 wrote: »
    It's funny, the worst months for morning sickness/exhaustion are normally in the first few months when you're not "obviously" pregnant. In London they have a "baby on board" badge women can wear to alert people. Not sure how I'd feel about wearing one of those, as I'd probably feel like I was guilt tripping people into giving me their seat, despite not necessarily needing it.

    Ask me again when I'm pregnant and I may not care as much.


    Yeah another poster mentioned the "baby on board" badges too and tbh while that'd irritate me if I saw a woman wearing one (I'm sure the intention behind them is a noble one, despite being a bit unnecessary IMO), it still wouldn't discourage me from offering her my seat, be a bit petty otherwise. Like in all fairness, so what if that one time you mistake an overweight woman for being pregnant, that's hardly sufficient justification to ignore the hundreds of pregnant women you will meet in your lifetime? :confused:

    Oh, and Greenmachine, while not quite the same scenario, I've had women offer to help me with my grocery shopping and so on when they'd see the crutches. It's unnecessary as I can support myself walking with the trolley, but nice to be asked all the same, courtesy and all that :)


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    #148
    volchitsa
    Registered Users Posts: 7,087 ✭✭✭volchitsa


    Greenmachine wrote: »
    I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

    Seriously? My experience for my three pregnancies was exactly the opposite. It was usually older women (who had presumably been pregnant themselves!) who gave me their place. Next came older men, and almost never younger people of either sex, though very occasionally young women. I don't think a single young man ever actually stood up and gave me his place - the most I ever got was that they stood back and let me go first if they weren't already sitting. Maybe I should be grateful they didn't elbow me out of the way! ;)


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    #149
    jaja321
    Registered Users Posts: 793 ✭✭✭jaja321


    Greenmachine wrote: »
    Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

    Have often done it..for elderly people, pregnant women, parents with children hanging out of them. Its common decency. What the hell is wrong with people that they have to moan about this kind of thing.


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    #150
    dub_skav
    Registered Users Posts: 2,530 ✭✭✭dub_skav


    volchitsa wrote: »
    Seriously? My experience for my three pregnancies was exactly the opposite. It was usually older women (who had presumably been pregnant themselves!) who gave me their place. Next came older men, and almost never younger people of either sex, though very occasionally young women. I don't think a single young man ever actually stood up and gave me his place - the most I ever got was that they stood back and let me go first if they weren't already sitting. Maybe I should be grateful they didn't elbow me out of the way! ;)

    I know I'm getting older, no need to rub it in :D


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    #151
    DellyBelly
    Registered Users Posts: 2,913 ✭✭✭DellyBelly


    My parents have always told me to give up my seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman. I'm 16 now and would do this without thinking. My only stipulation with a n old person would be they would have to be aged 40+ otherwise I think they are ok to stand.


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