Giving up seat for Pregnant women

The_Captain

volchitsa wrote: »

Seriously? My experience for my three pregnancies was exactly the opposite. It was usually older women (who had presumably been pregnant themselves!) who gave me their place. Next came older men, and almost never younger people of either sex, though very occasionally young women. I don't think a single young man ever actually stood up and gave me his place - the most I ever got was that they stood back and let me go first if they weren't already sitting. Maybe I should be grateful they didn't elbow me out of the way!

When my wife was pregnant it was about 90% men who would offer seats, usually 30+.
There was one odd incident where a middle aged woman started loudly commenting that none of the strong young men would offer my wife a seat, while the woman was quite happily entrenched in her own seat!

DellyBelly

DellyBelly wrote: »

My parents have always told me to give up my seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman. I'm 16 now and would do this without thinking. My only stipulation with a n old person would be they would have to be aged 40+ otherwise I think they are ok to stand.

I sometimes find it kinda funny when people forget that all of their posts are searchable

jimgoose

DellyBelly wrote: »

My parents have always told me to give up my seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman. I'm 16 now and would do this without thinking. My only stipulation with a n old person would be they would have to be aged 40+ otherwise I think they are ok to stand.

I always said you were a nice lad. <CREAK> :pac:

JuliusCaesar

I generally offer my seat to anyone who seems in need of it. But I have a spinal condition (invisible) which sometimes plays up and makes it really painful to stand for any length of time. So if that's acting up, I don't.

So not all able-bodied-looking people are actually that, there are a lot of people with hidden/invisible disabilities.





LOL at 40+ being old age! Shame they keep us working!

somesoldiers

crap, I'll be old later this year....yikes

SurferRosa

jimgoose wrote: »

I always said you were a nice lad. <CREAK> :pac:

Sometimes I think younger people just say that 40+ is older to get some kind of a reaction or something.
I'm not near 40, but over 16, I never remember thinking 40 is old. I think it's pretty sad that teenagers would to be honest

Demonique

whatdoicare wrote: »

I thought there used to be seating with a pregnant woman and elderly person sticker on that says you have to give up the seat if either needs it. Do they not do that anymore?

It's for elderly and disabled people, pregnancy isn't included.


And OP, most people are not going to notice you on public transport, they will be either looking at their phones, reading or spacing out due to not having anything else to do, people don't tend to pay attention to other people on public transport

Paramite Pie

I think you should just ask someone... but yeah there is a downside to the constant individualism these days, some people even think they have a right to both seats on the bus!!

I can just imagine some youngster making a video blog about the oppression they had to endure when giving up their seat for someone else.:pac:

I'm sure at least one of the women on the train might have experienced pregnancy before and be more understanding of the back pain. You might feel more comfortable asking another woman. But I really don't think many people would say no.

ElleEm

anncoates wrote: »

When these threads come up, I always have a secret wager to myself on when somebody will come up with the chestnut that public transport is teeming with thousands of young to middle-aged people with barely perceptible but profound disabilities that require a seat at all times.

I am one of those people- so I am very glad that some people may have empathy for me without knowing my daily struggles.

eviltwin

ElleEm wrote: »

I am one of those people- so I am very glad that some people may have empathy for me without knowing my daily struggles.

With all due respect, if people look well how can anyone possibly know they are not?

Baby Jane

eviltwin wrote: »

With all due respect, if people look well how can anyone possibly know they are not?

What some people are saying is that you can't know what hidden disabilities some people have, therefore, in the interests of being fair, don't offer your seat for anyone. It's a hell of a logic! :pac:

Tarzana2

anncoates wrote: »

When these threads come up, I always have a secret wager to myself on when somebody will come up with the chestnut that public transport is teeming with thousands of young to middle-aged people with barely perceptible but profound disabilities that require a seat at all times.

Well, no bus will be teeming with these people, but lots of illnesses (not just disabilities) won't be outwardly obvious, I don't see why you would be doubting that.

ElleEm

ElleEm wrote: »

I am one of those people- so I am very glad that some people may have empathy for me without knowing my daily struggles.

anncoates was in no way saying he doesn't have empathy for people with "hidden" disabilities.

He's saying, that on a packed bus, the chances of everyone having these hidden disabilities are at zero and there is absolutely more people than not capable of standing to offer their seat for someone in need.

Tarzana2

Baby Jane wrote: »

What some people are saying is that you can't know what hidden disabilities some people have, therefore, in the interests of being fair, don't offer your seat for anyone. It's a hell of a logic! :pac:

Isn't more than people might be wondering why an outwardly able-bodied person might not give up their seat when there might be a very valid reason for it eg if an frail, elderly person is standing right beside them and it seems like they should get up.

volchitsa

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Isn't more than people might be wondering why an outwardly able-bodied person might not give up their seat when there might be a very valid reason for it eg if an frail, elderly person is standing right beside them and it seems like they should get up.

But the OP wasn't complaining that one particular healthy-looking person wouldn't get up, she was saying that nobody at all stood up. And that this was usual.

That's not the same thing as your point - because in a crowded bus or train, they can't all have invisible disabilities, so you'd expect that somebody could have got up!

rubadub

I would offer a seat to a pregnant woman too, if it was obvious to me she was well pregnant and seemingly at any risk. Maybe maternity clothes have gotten more discrete? maybe some are wearing clothes with designs more intended for overweight women.

If I saw a man/woman getting on a luas holding a baby or one in those yokes you strap on I would similarly offer my seat.

If either of my parents were on a luas/train/bus I would like to hear they got a seat offered to them, just like I do to older people who look like they could do with it. I would usually get up out of my seat and only then ask if they want it, so they are more likely to accept and not think I was hoping they would say "no thanks" thinking I was just being polite and half hoping they would not accept.

Baby Jane

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Isn't more than people might be wondering why an outwardly able-bodied person might not give up their seat when there might be a very valid reason for it eg if an frail, elderly person is standing right beside them and it seems like they should get up.

Maybe people are saying that too. I haven't seen this thread since last night, but people were actually saying what you quoted by me. Plus stuff like "Life is tough, get used to it", "If you don't like public transport, drive" - all this badge of honour "tough" stuff which is in fashion.
It's not that people have to get up for those who could do with a seat, or that people always realise someone is in need of a seat, or that people should feel entitled to someone getting up just because they're old, pregnant, on crutches, etc, it's just a question of "Why wouldn't a person do so?" when someone looks really really uncomfortable standing (which of course includes people who aren't any of the above) and there's no reason not to give them a bit of a helping hand.

Actually I see the thread properly now - yikes, gender shouldn't come into it at all in my opinion; I'm a woman and will stand for anyone who looks like they could do with a seat. Being pregnant isn't a disability but being heavily pregnant, a seat can be needed.

seventeen sheep

Baby Jane wrote: »

Being pregnant isn't a disability but being heavily pregnant, a seat can be needed.

Funnily enough, as someone who suffered badly from morning sickness the first six months of my pregnancy, the early months were when I would have most appreciated a seat.

I'd have been perfectly happy and comfortable to stand on a bus/train at nine months pregnant (and I was still using public transport regularly up until then) ... but at say five months pregnant, while I had a bump, I didn't look uncomfortably large or "heavily" pregnant, but I would have been fighting nausea for the entire journey. It really helped to sit down and lean forward and close my eyes. I'd still end up getting sick anyways, but it made the difference between getting sick at the end of the journey but getting to work on time, other than having to get off at some random train station or bus stop along the way to get sick, and ending up very late for work. (It's no fun puking in train toilets - I did it countless times, but the sight of them just made me puke even more! Easier just to get off the train and use one of the plastic bags that I had to carry at all times.)

By the way, while my nausea was worse than most and lasted longer than it does for most, it was still well within what's considered normal in pregnancy.

So don't hesitate to offer a seat to someone because they only look a little bit pregnant rather than heavily pregnant. You just don't know what side-effects they're having, and a lot of the side-effects are worst in the early months.

diomed

galljga1 wrote: »

elderly persons. 40+.

That cheered me up. I'm 64. :mad:

anncoates

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Well, no bus will be teeming with these people, but lots of illnesses (not just disabilities) won't be outwardly obvious, I don't see why you would be doubting that.

I'm not in any way denigrating people that have hidden disabilities, or that feel ill or run down on a given day. They're the kind of people i'd instantly give my seat to, if they asked or it was apparent in some way.

I'm doubting the tactical deployment of such 'hidden disabilities' (and more to the point, the exaggeration of how prevalent they are on a given bus or train) as an excuse for pregnant women, elderly people, people on crutches, people with a very small kid in tow, etc, being left standing on crowded public transport.

In general, i'm pretty flabbergasted at the extent to which people will engage in mental gymnastics just to circumvent the simple act of offering their seat to a person that needs it more.

Katgurl

Omg imagine getting a seat offered to you at 40. Talk about a bad start to the day !

I'm glad I read this thread because have realised that while I would always intend to offer my seat to a pregnant lady I don't think I ever have. I definitely have to elderly, people with their infant in tow or crutches people and it's unlikely there has never been a pregnant lady hovering so I have obviously not noticed. I am probably too buried in my phone or book so will definitely pay more attention now.

I really can't believe some of the responses; gender war or 'pregnancy isn't a disability' or that suggestion that everybody on every bus was struggling with a hidden disability. If you're able to stand easily and someone may not be then offer up your seat. It's not exactly a hardship.

I will say though that I think a pregnant woman should have no qualms about saying "could somebody please let me sit down, I'm not feeling well", it's really appalling that somebody should have to get off at train stations to throw up. I used to ask people to get out of the disabled seats when I was on crutches and travelling into work in the morning on the dart.

lawred2

Swan2012 wrote: »

I wanted to see if and how opinions have changed out there on the topic of giving up a seat to a Pregnant woman. I am 6 months pregnant, very obviously so as have no weight anywhere else and my bump is largely protruding! It's my 2nd child and 6 years since last pregnancy. Last time around i only occasionally struggled to get a seat on the train but this time i have only been offered a seat twice, both times by gentlemen over 40, i told both of them how kind they are, mainly so others nearby would hear and maybe share the same type manners in future. Up until a few weeks ago it didnt bother me as much having to stand but now i am getting severe back pain after 10 minutes which then takes several hours to subside. The stop i get on is 25minutes from the city centre and there is only ever standing room so I always go down the aisle for many reasons. These include, i cant be squashed at doors , hope someone will offer a seat and if someone gets off before city centre i might at least get to sit for 5 minutes. However, i have noticed some interesting things, people will see me getting on as i make eye contact while on platform but will pretend to be asleep when i appear beside them and the iphone has emerged so hardly anyone looks up. My colleagues in work ask me each morning how i got on, most are young and cant believe how little i'v been offered a sear. Some have suggested i ask people to get up but i feel its a step too far. My opinion so far is that life has just changed and people dont want to know any more, its becoming a less caring city. However, deep down i hope i'm wrong and its just my bad luck so far. What do people out there think who are commuters?

Of course I'd give up my seat...

rainbow kirby

I'll give up a seat on the tube to someone who has one of the "Baby on Board" badges on, looks pension-aged or looks like they are struggling due to injury/disability/illness. Otherwise - possession is 9/10 of the law and a seat on the Northern line in the morning is close to the definition of a miracle anyway!

thickhead

Swan2012 wrote:

I wanted to see if and how opinions have changed out there on the topic of giving up a seat to a Pregnant woman. I am 6 months pregnant, very obviously so as have no weight anywhere else and my bump is largely protruding! It's my 2nd child and 6 years since last pregnancy. Last time around i only occasionally struggled to get a seat on the train but this time i have only been offered a seat twice, both times by gentlemen over 40, i told both of them how kind they are, mainly so others nearby would hear and maybe share the same type manners in future. Up until a few weeks ago it didnt bother me as much having to stand but now i am getting severe back pain after 10 minutes which then takes several hours to subside. The stop i get on is 25minutes from the city centre and there is only ever standing room so I always go down the aisle for many reasons. These include, i cant be squashed at doors , hope someone will offer a seat and if someone gets off before city centre i might at least get to sit for 5 minutes. However, i have noticed some interesting things, people will see me getting on as i make eye contact while on platform but will pretend to be asleep when i appear beside them and the iphone has emerged so hardly anyone looks up. My colleagues in work ask me each morning how i got on, most are young and cant believe how little i'v been offered a sear. Some have suggested i ask people to get up but i feel its a step too far. My opinion so far is that life has just changed and people dont want to know any more, its becoming a less caring city. However, deep down i hope i'm wrong and its just my bad luck so far. What do people out there think who are commuters?

You chose to get pregnant so why should other people be made feel bad that you have to stand ?.

thickhead

bb1234567 wrote:

If I was a heavily pregnant lady I would have no qualms about politely asking a a young able bodied person if they'd be so kind as to give me a lend of their seat due to me having a small human inside me. Nobody is going to say no, so just ask.

I would say no. I have on more than one occasion.

lawred2

thickhead wrote: »

You chose to get pregnant so why should other people be made feel bad that you have to stand ?.

good grief

lawred2

anncoates wrote: »

I'm not in any way denigrating people that have hidden disabilities, or that feel ill or run down on a given day. They're the kind of people i'd instantly give my seat to, if they asked or it was apparent in some way.

I'm doubting the tactical deployment of such 'hidden disabilities' (and more to the point, the exaggeration of how prevalent they are on a given bus or train) as an excuse for pregnant women, elderly people, people on crutches, people with a very small kid in tow, etc, being left standing on crowded public transport.

In general, i'm pretty flabbergasted at the extent to which people will engage in mental gymnastics just to circumvent the simple act of offering their seat to a person that needs it more.

we live in a selfish world full of selfish inconsiderate people

thickhead

lawred2 wrote:

we live in a selfish world full of selfish inconsiderate people

lawred2 wrote:

we live in a selfish world full of selfish inconsiderate people

Yeah like people who moan online that people don't let them sit down. Everyone paid for the bus everyone should get a seat.

PandaPoo

thickhead wrote: »

Yeah like people who moan online that people don't let them sit down. Everyone paid for the bus everyone should get a seat.

So if you noticed me on the bus, with a baby bump and crutches, you wouldn't offer me your seat?

lawred2

thickhead wrote: »

Yeah like people who moan online that people don't let them sit down. Everyone paid for the bus everyone should get a seat.

Don't know what world you live in; but at commuting times as many people get seats as don't get seats.

Bus fare is not an entitlement to a seat. However; see it that way if you will. Nobody is automatically entitled to a seat; that includes pregnant ladies, the elderly or whomever.. Doesn't preclude anyone from showing even the slightest bit of consideration for other people. You know; your time will come around. No one can stop the passage of time.

Your anti social attitude is in the majority of public transport users sadly.