Giving up seat for Pregnant women

Swan2012

I wanted to see if and how opinions have changed out there on the topic of giving up a seat to a Pregnant woman. I am 6 months pregnant, very obviously so as have no weight anywhere else and my bump is largely protruding! It's my 2nd child and 6 years since last pregnancy. Last time around i only occasionally struggled to get a seat on the train but this time i have only been offered a seat twice, both times by gentlemen over 40, i told both of them how kind they are, mainly so others nearby would hear and maybe share the same type manners in future. Up until a few weeks ago it didnt bother me as much having to stand but now i am getting severe back pain after 10 minutes which then takes several hours to subside. The stop i get on is 25minutes from the city centre and there is only ever standing room so I always go down the aisle for many reasons. These include, i cant be squashed at doors , hope someone will offer a seat and if someone gets off before city centre i might at least get to sit for 5 minutes. However, i have noticed some interesting things, people will see me getting on as i make eye contact while on platform but will pretend to be asleep when i appear beside them and the iphone has emerged so hardly anyone looks up. My colleagues in work ask me each morning how i got on, most are young and cant believe how little i'v been offered a sear. Some have suggested i ask people to get up but i feel its a step too far. My opinion so far is that life has just changed and people dont want to know any more, its becoming a less caring city. However, deep down i hope i'm wrong and its just my bad luck so far. What do people out there think who are commuters?

antodeco

I'd give my seat to a paragraph break first.

darkpagandeath

being pregnant is not a disability, An able bodied person should give the seat to a pregnant woman, a pregnant woman should give the seat to an elderly person.

kneemos

Stop getting pregnant...sorted.

Gran Hermano

Never offer. Unless you can see a sprog crowning the chances are it's a fat lass waiting to pounce on your mistake.

Baby Jane

darkpagandeath wrote: »

being pregnant is not a disability, An able bodied person should give the seat to a pregnant woman, a pregnant woman should give the seat to an elderly person.

Being elderly is not a disability, and so on.

A heavily pregnant woman should get to sit down - it's exhausting at that stage. I am so afraid of the "fat" mix-up though.

Gongoozler

It's not your job or place to 'educate' the masses as to what your version of manners is. If you desperately need a seat, ask for it, otherwise just deal with it. I get a sore back from a number of things, and could really do with a seat sometimes. Should I whinge because nobody offers me their seat?

The world isn't perfect, and not everyone owes you something.

qt3.14

If you need a seat ask. I don't see why people should have to offer. Personally I'll have my head buried in a book so won't even see you.

darkpagandeath

Baby Jane wrote: »

Being elderly is not a disability, and so on.

A heavily pregnant woman should get to sit down - it's exhausting at that stage. I am so afraid of the "fat" mix-up though.

But it can be they could have osteoporosis or any number of conditions due to age.

Sunnyisland

If I see a person any person struggling while standing I would offer my seat.

galljga1

I have given up my seat to both pregnant ladies and elderly persons. 40+ now but I have always done so. On one occasion, I got up and had to walk a bit down a carriage to get the attention of a pregnant lady to offer her my seat. When I turned back, my seat had been taken by a young twat who was not for moving. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear..... he moved.

bb1234567

If I was a heavily pregnant lady I would have no qualms about politely asking a a young able bodied person if they'd be so kind as to give me a lend of their seat due to me having a small human inside me. Nobody is going to say no, so just ask.

Stheno

darkpagandeath wrote: »

being pregnant is not a disability, An able bodied person should give the seat to a pregnant woman, a pregnant woman should give the seat to an elderly person.

I never offer potentially pregnant women a seat as I've done so and it turns out the person was just overweight and outraged

I do remember being on crutches 11 years ago and during rush hour having to stand/balance the entire way on a bus journey as there were no seats available

SO it's nothing new OP

Afroshack

But maybe the people sitting genuinely need to sit down due to something - skipping breakfast / feeling dizzy / feeling tired / aches and pains / hungover / travel sickness / getting a migraine / getting hot flushes / back or joint issue working eight hours on their feet etc. In reality, everyone has some justification for wanting to sit down and rest for 20 minutes before or after work and pregnancy isn't really more or less 'just' than any other reason.

Ave Sodalis

I'd always thought that young people should be fit to stand and let those not fit to stand sit. I never judged them for it but I understood the other person's judgement. However, last year at the age of 19, I was waiting for blood tests to come back for arthritis and it got me thinking about this topic. As a young person, I'd be expected to leave my seat but woud anyone believe me if I said I had arthritis? I would imagine not. So now I don't like anyone giving out about some young one not giving up their seat. Yeah, the chances are they're able bodied but not all of them are.

Baby Jane

I'd view an insistence on not offering someone who would be uncomfortable standing (whether old and frail, with crutches, heavily pregnant, not feeling well) a seat in order to show how the world is tough and all that (seems to be fashionable to lack compassion) to be needlessly petty.

Greenmachine

bb1234567 wrote: »

If I was a heavily pregnant lady I would have no qualms about politely asking a a young able bodied person if they'd be so kind as to give me a lend of their seat due to me having a small human inside me. Nobody is going to say no, so just ask.

Who are you to judge how able bodied someone is. They could have a hidden disability.

darkpagandeath

Baby Jane wrote: »

I'd view an insistence on not offering someone who would be uncomfortable standing (whether old and frail, with crutches, heavily pregnant, not feeling well) a seat in order to show how the world is tough and all that (seems to be fashionable to lack compassion) to be needlessly petty.

No one wants to stand for extended periods of time.

Donkey Oaty

I always give up my seat to the unborn child, for they do not have a seat or a voice.

In fact, I'm so caring and compassionate, I'll force the pregnant women to sit down in that seat whether she likes it or not.

anncoates

Yes, would always offer my seat to anybody that might need it more: pregnant women, elderly, a parent with a young kid in tow, people on crutches etc.

I was raised with manners Goes without saying, really.

Adamantium

Things get easier after the birth OP :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hitc8haEu_g

whatdoicare

I thought there used to be seating with a pregnant woman and elderly person sticker on that says you have to give up the seat if either needs it. Do they not do that anymore?

When I was heavily pregnant an ignorant bint actually pushed me roughly out of the way to get on the bus in front of me, I don't know why as the bus was empty, joke was on her as it wasn't actually the bus but my uncle collecting me on his way to dropping off a bus hed just repaired. He had a good few choice words for her before he told her to get the **** off the bus.

Baby Jane

darkpagandeath wrote: »

No one wants to stand for extended periods of time.

Nobody wants to, but some people have more of a need not to.

Afroshack

Baby Jane wrote: »

Nobody wants to, but some people have more of a need not to.

What's the criteria for need though?

Baby Jane

Afroshack wrote: »

What's the criteria for need though?

I think you know the answers.

A lot of obtoosy-woosiness on this thread!

anncoates

Greenmachine wrote: »

Who are you to judge how able bodied someone is. They could have a hidden disability.

When these threads come up, I always have a secret wager to myself on when somebody will come up with the chestnut that public transport is teeming with thousands of young to middle-aged people with barely perceptible but profound disabilities that require a seat at all times.

Hmmmm you see I have on occasion offered my seat to various people (elderly, on crutches, holding small child etc) Sometimes they accept sometimes not. Offered my seat to a very big pregnant woman couple of weeks ago and she said it was more comfortable standing...so fair enough.

Personally I was pregnant twice and lived abroad both times. In Brussels with my first pregnancy on the tram, you were lucky if people let you in the door never mind offering a seat. But to be honest i never felt 'entitled' to a seat. If I had to be honest I think there is a huge entitlement mentality around having a kid these days. people think it means they should get priority everything.

So i agree with earlier posters. Pregnancy is not a disability. If you are really aggrieved and want a seat, some options:

1. Drive (if possible)
2. Get an earlier train/Dart or whatever . This is exactly what a colleague of mine who is pregnant has started doing
3. If neither an option, ask nicely for a seat.

The Good news? It will be all over in a few months. Then you can offer your seat to every pregnant woman in sight

jaymcg91

No if you're unable to take public transport as is, get a car / a lift. Not my problem at all, sorry.

lollpop

OP, I think you've been unlucky. I don't use public transport much but when I was pregnant last year I was surprised by how nice people were to me one I had an obvious bump. People held doors for me, offered me a seat in busy cafes, asked if I wanted to skip the queue in the supermarket. I didn't expect it but definitely appreciated it.

I would always offer a seat to a pregnant woman, elderly person, person with an injury (e.g. crutches) or anyone else who looks like they need it more than me. I just think it's a fair thing to do. Wouldn't ever ask someone to give up their seat because perhaps they need it for a reason that isn't obvious.

Pregnancy isn't a disability but growing a human in your belly can be exhausting so a seat would always be appreciated!

One eyed Jack

galljga1 wrote: »

I have given up my seat to both pregnant ladies and elderly persons. 40+ now but I have always done so. On one occasion, I got up and had to walk a bit down a carriage to get the attention of a pregnant lady to offer her my seat. When I turned back, my seat had been taken by a young twat who was not for moving. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear..... he moved.

Brilliant!


Yes, of course I offer up my seat when I see another person may need it more than I do. I don't expect other people to give up their seat for me though, so all these people imagining scenarios to justify their not giving up their seat, it'd be easier to admit you just couldn't be arsed than "what if they have this, that and the other".

My body is riddled with arthritis, I'm in constant pain and some days I have to use crutches to get around. I still wouldn't mind giving up a fcuking seat to someone who I feel needs it more than I do. I'm not going to die for not giving up a seat and it's simply a mannerly gesture, something small that doesn't require much effort on my part to make someone else's life that little bit easier.

Afroshack

Baby Jane wrote: »

I think you know the answers.

A lot of obtoosy-woosiness on this thread!

Well no, I don't. How do you evaluate need?

For example, if I donated blood the day before taking the train and was still very slightly woozy, but not enough to faint, does that need exceed yours? Or what if I just had a bad back but wasn't in excruciating pain? Or if someone went out the night before and was feeling sick from hungoveritis?

So what is this criteria for needing a seat?

gormdubhgorm

These days sometimes it is hard to tell whether a woman is pregnant or fat.
Fat people may end up taking advantage of the situation!:D

Lau2976

I don't usually offer up my seat to pregnant women but will for someone in general who looks uncomfortable or in pain.

whatdoicare

Afroshack wrote: »

Well no, I don't. How do you evaluate need?

For example, if I donated blood the day before taking the train and was still very slightly woozy, but not enough to faint, does that need exceed yours? Or what if I just had a bad back but wasn't in excruciating pain? Or if someone went out the night before and was feeling sick from hungoveritis?

So what is this criteria for needing a seat?

Jaysis, if you're still woozy a day after giving blood you seriously need to get checked out! That's not normal!

Gongoozler

Btw I actively watch out for people who might need a seat more than me, and wouldn't think twice about asking them to take it.

The point is nobody should feel entitled to a seat over someone else. It's nice when someone offers you their seat if you need it but there is no obligation to do so. They've paid (presumably), same as you have. The expectation annoys me.

Baby Jane

Afroshack wrote: »

Well no, I don't. How do you evaluate need?

For example, if I donated blood the day before taking the train and was still very slightly woozy, but not enough to faint, does that need exceed yours? Or what if I just had a bad back but wasn't in excruciating pain? Or if someone went out the night before and was feeling sick from hungoveritis?

So what is this criteria for needing a seat?

I don't know which is more petty: the "not giving up a seat as a badge of honour" thing or the arguing for the sake of it (I mean that in general, not just you 'Froshack).
A person with a limp/on crutches, an elderly/frail person, a person who's feeling unwell, a heavily pregnant woman. Yes I know there could be other people who have hidden ailments that could do with sitting down, but people can't be expected to acknowledge what they can't see. If it's visible though, it's just basic consideration and a little bit of empathy - what's become so undesirable about these qualities?
To refuse to offer a seat just because others might have invisible disabilities seems like a cop-out.

Afroshack

whatdoicare wrote: »

Jaysis, if you're still woozy a day after giving blood you seriously need to get checked out! That's not normal!

Haha, no I'm not but its just an example! I mean, at what point does one persons situation override another's? How woozy or faint must I feel to turn down a person who is elderly/ pregnant but in reality is fine standing? Baby Jane said it should be obvious when someone needs to sit- I asked how do you evaluate said need on the scale of needing to sit down?

Lau2976

Baby Jane wrote: »

I don't know which is more petty: the "not giving up a seat as a badge of honour" thing or the arguing for the sake of it.
A person with a limp/on crutches, an elderly/frail person, a person who's feeling unwell, a heavily pregnant woman. Yes I know there could be other people who have hidden ailments that could do with sitting down, but people can't be expected to acknowledge what they can't see. If it's visible though, it's just basic consideration and a little bit of empathy - what's become so undesirable about these qualities?
To refuse to offer a seat just because others might have invisible disabilities seems like a cop-out.

I agreed with you to an extent. I'm not offering my seat to anyone unless they seem like they need it. I was on crutches a few years ago and much preferred to
stand on the bus leaning against the wall. It was a lot more comfortable.

I don't think anyone should be obligated to offer a seat. If they do great. If they don't and you need one ask.

One eyed Jack

Afroshack wrote: »

Haha, no I'm not but its just an example! I mean, at what point does one persons situation override another's? How woozy or faint must I feel to turn down a person who is elderly/ pregnant but in reality is fine standing? Baby Jane said it should be obvious when someone needs to sit- I asked how do you evaluate said need on the scale of needing to sit down?

Common sense, I would have thought. If you can come up with all manner of justifications not to offer someone your seat, then you'd surely have the common sense to judge when someone else might need a seat more than you do.

Afroshack

Baby Jane wrote: »

I don't know which is more petty: the "not giving up a seat as a badge of honour" thing or the arguing for the sake of it (I mean that in general, not just you 'Froshack).
A person with a limp/on crutches, an elderly/frail person, a person who's feeling unwell, a heavily pregnant woman. Yes I know there could be other people who have hidden ailments that could do with sitting down, but people can't be expected to acknowledge what they can't see. If it's visible though, it's just basic consideration and a little bit of empathy - what's become so undesirable about these qualities?
To refuse to offer a seat just because others might have invisible disabilities seems like a cop-out.

But that's exactly my point. You said you shouldn't be expected to acknowledge what you can't see. Instead, you think they are lazy, considerate or lacking empathy, rather than just genuinely feeling a bit crap or exhausted. You are doing just that - making assumptions on what you can't see.

galljga1

Afroshack wrote: »

Haha, no I'm not but its just an example! I mean, at what point does one persons situation override another's? How woozy or faint must I feel to turn down a person who is elderly/ pregnant but in reality is fine standing? Baby Jane said it should be obvious when someone needs to sit- I asked how do you evaluate said need on the scale of needing to sit down?

Its not like you are seated in a bus packed with standing pregnant women, elderly persons, persons with crutches etc while you may have a disability hidden or otherwise and have to make a decision as to who deserves the seat most after of course questioning all other seemingly able bodied persons on the bus to ascertain whether they have a hidden disability. Its simply courteous to offer a seat to someone who you think may need it more than you.

Baby Jane

Baby Jane wrote: »

I don't know which is more petty: the "not giving up a seat as a badge of honour" thing or the arguing for the sake of it (I mean that in general, not just you 'Froshack).
A person with a limp/on crutches, an elderly/frail person, a person who's feeling unwell, a heavily pregnant woman. Yes I know there could be other people who have hidden ailments that could do with sitting down, but people can't be expected to acknowledge what they can't see. If it's visible though, it's just basic consideration and a little bit of empathy - what's become so undesirable about these qualities?
To refuse to offer a seat just because others might have invisible disabilities seems like a cop-out.

I dont think its so much 'refuse to offer a seat' as frankly a lot of people not even noticing if someone needs one.
Case in point. My Dart bound for city centre in the morning. Usually packed. If you get a seat you sit down and usually start to read a book/kindle or scrutinise phone or tablet. You dont tend to look up at every stop and scan who is getting on (unless you think you have over shot your stop)
So really, whereas pregnant women might like to think that everyone notices them, and is just too rude to give a seat, the reality is probably nobody even spots you. Honestly if someone hopped on my dart dressed in PJs I dont think I would see them until I stood up to get off at my stop.

Afroshack

BTW, have no issue with offering others my own seat if I'm fine to stand - I just take issue with the sense of entitlement that others are 'owed' a seat because of pregnancy or whatever reason or they should automatically be entitled above others without considering that others may have a hidden need themselves.

MRnotlob606

Great wall of Text.

Stheno

whatdoicare wrote: »

I thought there used to be seating with a pregnant woman and elderly person sticker on that says you have to give up the seat if either needs it. Do they not do that anymore?

.

No it says give up the seat to elderly/disabled people, has done for the twenty odd years I've been on public transport.

Kevin McCloud

Only one seat on a tractor.

Ave Sodalis

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Brilliant!


Yes, of course I offer up my seat when I see another person may need it more than I do. I don't expect other people to give up their seat for me though, so all these people imagining scenarios to justify their not giving up their seat, it'd be easier to admit you just couldn't be arsed than "what if they have this, that and the other".

My body is riddled with arthritis, I'm in constant pain and some days I have to use crutches to get around. I still wouldn't mind giving up a fcuking seat to someone who I feel needs it more than I do. I'm not going to die for not giving up a seat and it's simply a mannerly gesture, something small that doesn't require much effort on my part to make someone else's life that little bit easier.

I'm all for giving up my seat. Most of the time I just stand anyway, even if there is seats. My point was that I don't think it's for other people to judge if someone else doesn't automatically get up.

whatdoicare

Afroshack wrote: »

Haha, no I'm not but its just an example! I mean, at what point does one persons situation override another's? How woozy or faint must I feel to turn down a person who is elderly/ pregnant but in reality is fine standing? Baby Jane said it should be obvious when someone needs to sit- I asked how do you evaluate said need on the scale of needing to sit down?

Well, think about it, if youre a young person and you fall over from being hungover/sick/giving blood chances are you'll be grand and get back up again feeling a bit foolish. Your chances of falling are pretty slim anyway.
If an elderly person falls over theyll probably injure themselves quite badly. Their balance wont be the greatest, lets face it.
A pregnant woman in the last few months will have problems with balance as the hormone relaxin starts messing with her pelvis, her chances of falling over are greatly increased, if she falls she could potentially hurt her baby or create an emergency situation where she goes into early labour. There are serious consequences for a heavily pregnant woman falling.
When I was pregnant, stairs and getting in and out of the bath for a shower terrified me as my balance went completely out the window and I also couldn't see my feet and its not like being fat where you can pull in your belly. I fell once and it was absolutely terrifying! Luckily I was fine but I had to spend the evening in the maternity scared out of my mind first.

These would probably be good reasons to let an elderly or pregnant woman have a seat.

seventeen sheep

I was almost always offered a seat when I was pregnant. I'd usually accept it too, even if I wasn't feeling uncomfortable, because there were times I politely declined but regretted it by the time I reached the end of my commute!

If I wasn't feeling well and needed a seat (whether pregnant or not), I'd just ask. I would tend to ask a table of four people, as chances are not all four of them will have hidden disabilities, so you're not putting just one person on the spot.

I hate when you see people sitting in the "disability" seats who bury themselves in their phone or book or whatever, and don't even look out for someone who might be in need of the seat. It's fine to switch off when you're in another seat (although I'd still hope most people would have some awareness of what's going on around them, and would offer their seat to someone more in need) - but if you're an able-bodied person choosing to sit in one of those seats, I think you have a responsibility to actively look out for someone who might be in need of it. Rather than making them come ask for it. I would actually be less likely to approach someone in those seats if I were pregnant/unwell/disabled/whatever, as I'd be conscious that they might have a less obvious disability themselves. But I've a feeling that's often not the case - people just don't give a crap.

Pregnancy isn't a disability, but even apart from the horrible side-effects that it often entails, it physically changes your centre of gravity very rapidly and makes it a lot harder to maintain your balance on public transport. I wouldn't necessarily expect people to give up their seats, but it's just the decent considerate thing to do. It's not an automatic entitlement, though.

somesoldiers

My wife has been in and out of Holles St recently, the expectant fathers that go along for every appointment haven't the brains to get up and let a pregnant woman sit down in a maternity ward, apparently one of the mid wives lets a roar at any that are taking up a chair when a womans is standing

People are asses, many wont even move their bags off an empty seat to let someone sit down. Stick you belly out as far as you can and shame someone into moving

PandaPoo

I'm only 3 months pregnant but have a very bad pelvis problem, I have to use crutches and wear a brace...still nobody offers me a seat. I walk at a snails pace too so its not like I'm buzzing around the place. Really struggled standing on the luas today.