Giving up seat for Pregnant women

darkdubh

Swan2012 wrote: »

I wanted to see if and how opinions have changed out there on the topic of giving up a seat to a Pregnant woman. I am 6 months pregnant, very obviously so as have no weight anywhere else and my bump is largely protruding! It's my 2nd child and 6 years since last pregnancy. Last time around i only occasionally struggled to get a seat on the train but this time i have only been offered a seat twice, both times by gentlemen over 40, i told both of them how kind they are, mainly so others nearby would hear and maybe share the same type manners in future. Up until a few weeks ago it didnt bother me as much having to stand but now i am getting severe back pain after 10 minutes which then takes several hours to subside. The stop i get on is 25minutes from the city centre and there is only ever standing room so I always go down the aisle for many reasons. These include, i cant be squashed at doors , hope someone will offer a seat and if someone gets off before city centre i might at least get to sit for 5 minutes. However, i have noticed some interesting things, people will see me getting on as i make eye contact while on platform but will pretend to be asleep when i appear beside them and the iphone has emerged so hardly anyone looks up. My colleagues in work ask me each morning how i got on, most are young and cant believe how little i'v been offered a sear. Some have suggested i ask people to get up but i feel its a step too far. My opinion so far is that life has just changed and people dont want to know any more, its becoming a less caring city. However, deep down i hope i'm wrong and its just my bad luck so far. What do people out there think who are commuters?

At no point do you tell us in which city this has happened?Beijing,London,Paris?Is it a city in Ireland or abroad?

Arne_Saknussem

darkdubh wrote: »

At no point do you tell us in which city this has happened?Beijing,London,Paris?Is it a city in Ireland or abroad?

With an absolute shot in the dark i'm guessing she's in Dublin.

FTA69

Hilarious the amount of people doing intellectual contortions to justify not giving up a seat for a pregnant woman. The chances of a carriage or bus full of able bodied people all having these concealed ailments that rival that of pregnancy is pretty f*cking slim. I rarely see any sense of "entitlement" in he pregnant women I see left standing on the Tube, rather just someone who could do with a hand being ignored by a shower of mannerless c*nts.

Nobody is asking anyone to make a major sacrifice like, it's simply basic common decency and manners but as usual some people feel the need to revel in individualistic arrogance and argument for the sake of it.

Call me Al

I've got an even better one for you.
When I was 6 months pregnant with my first child and I had to travel from Leixlip to Connolly every weekday morning. The train and platform was always packed.
I fainted on the platform this particular morning just as I came towards the door of the train, couldn't move in a heap on the ground. People just sat on their seats or stood in the carriage and looked at me and finally after about 10 seconds of just lying there in a state, unable to move on the ground, 3 student nurses got off the train to help me.

I will never ever forget that morning as long as I live.

Celticfire

I remember one morning commuting on the train to work when this young one got on with an infant in her arms. The train was jammers and she had to balance herself up against one of the vertical poles and hold on with one arm.

Que moi offering up my seat to make her journey a bit easier. She declined the offer of the seat and said she was fine but me being the courteous chap I am insisted a couple more times that she take my seat until she relented and we swapped places.

So I am now standing and glance down to have a look at this swaddling baby that I gave up my seat for. Lo and behold it's one of those training dolls that are used to show what's it's like to have a real baby.... First time I ever gave up my seat for a toy.

I'd always offer my seat, not because standing while being pregnant causes pain, because that depends on the person, but because on public transport you are more at risk from falling, and particularly so when your centre of gravity is altered. I wouldn't like to a pregnant lady hurt themselves and potentially their baby from falling when they could be sitting in my seat.

AlanG

I always offer my seat but during winter it can be very difficult to tell if someone is actually pregnant. You should ask for a seat or take off your coat so people can be sure. I still see lots of men giving up their seats but women in general seem much slower to give theirs up.

Stheno

I think I'm thinking of the seats towards the back of the bus not the ones for wheelchair users when I'm thinking of the message about elderly/disabled people

somesoldiers

AlanG wrote: »

I always offer my seat but during winter it can be very difficult to tell if someone is actually pregnant. You should ask for a seat or take off your coat so people can be sure. I still see lots of men giving up their seats but women in general seem much slower to give theirs up.

or wave your scan about?

Omackeral

Call me Al wrote: »

I've got an even better one for you.
When I was 6 months pregnant with my first child and I had to travel from Leixlip to Connolly every weekday morning. The train and platform was always packed.
I fainted on the platform this particular morning just as I came towards the door of the train, couldn't move in a heap on the ground. People just sat on their seats or stood in the carriage and looked at me and finally after about 10 seconds of just lying there in a state, unable to move on the ground, 3 student nurses got off the train to help me.

I will never ever forget that morning as long as I live.

If that happened in 2015, many people would have the camera phones out in an instant or their goddamn selfie sticks rather than raise the alarm or attempt to help. Horrendous behaviour

Candy_Girl

I wouldn't think twice about giving up my seat for a pregnant lady, old people or anyone who I think needs it. It's nice to be nice

anncoates

Greenmachine wrote: »

You know for a fact that, that is not what I said. Please stop trying to be difficult.

What, in your considered opinion, would be the odds of everybody in the carriage having this hidden disabilities?

It's sounds like quite a frightening epidemic.

volchitsa

darkpagandeath wrote: »

But it can be they could have osteoporosis or any number of conditions due to age.

There are any number of conditions due to pregnancy too you know. Back pain being one of the very common, almost standard ones.

What a lot of nasty reactions here to women going through the quite unpleasant consequences of pregnancy, especially in a country where even serious illnesses caused by pregnancy are not considered valid reasons for terminations.

To be frank, when I read stuff like this I'm glad I left the place. :mad:

Lollipops23

I'm really saddened by a lot of the responses on this thread.

I'm a young able-bodied person who would always give up a seat for an obviously pregnant lady or an elderly person.

I always remember my poor stepmam who fainted on the dart while 5 months pregnant (it was her second, so very obvious bump). She still didn't get a seat, even after collapsing on the bloody train.




People suck.

Yeah_Right

On the Luas one day, listening to my music, my head down in a book. I noticed a few women standing. I couldn't tell if the nearest was fat or pregnant but I got up and offered her my seat.
She got all fired up at me loudly asking if I thought she was pregnant causing a bit of a scene.
I simply responded that my father had raised me to always hold doors and offer my seat to ladies and if she didn't want it, that was fine. I turned to the next woman and offered her the seat which she accepted.
Chunky spent the rest of the journey shooting me filthies

volchitsa

Yeah_Right wrote: »

On the Luas one day, listening to my music, my head down in a book. I noticed a few women standing. I couldn't tell if the nearest was fat or pregnant but I got up and offered her my seat.
She got all fired up at me loudly asking if I thought she was pregnant causing a bit of a scene.
I simply responded that my father had raised me to always hold doors and offer my seat to ladies and if she didn't want it, that was fine. I turned to the next woman and offered her the seat which she accepted.
Chunky spent the rest of the journey shooting me filthies

I'm calling BS on this. A fat woman who calls attention to the fact that someone accidentally mistook her obesity for pregnancy? I don't believe it. Most women I know, fat or not, would either laugh at it, or (more usually) want the ground to swallow them up. They certainly wouldnt try to attract the attention of everyone around them.

Yeah_Right

volchitsa wrote: »

I'm calling BS on this. A fat woman who calls attention to the fact that someone accidentally mistook her obesity for pregnancy? I don't believe it. Most women I know, fat or not, would either laugh at it, or (more usually) want the ground to swallow them up. They certainly wouldnt try to attract the attention of everyone around them.
.

Call what you want. Happened about 3 years ago on the green line.

Potatoeman

volchitsa wrote: »

I'm calling BS on this. A fat woman who calls attention to the fact that someone accidentally mistook her obesity for pregnancy? I don't believe it. Most women I know, fat or not, would either laugh at it, or (more usually) want the ground to swallow them up. They certainly wouldnt try to attract the attention of everyone around them.

Anothe saddo who wants an excuse for his pathetic lack of manners by making up an anecdote about how nasty women are when you try to be nice to them!

I made the mistake of asking a colleague when she was due and she was pretty icey after and it got back to me from another source. In my defence she had a potbelly which did make her look pregnant.

Ill never offer my seat unless Im asked. The cringe factor is unbeaeable if you are wrong. If you want a seat ask nicley as its not an entitlement.

volchitsa

Potatoeman wrote: »

I made the mistake of asking a colleague when she was due and she was pretty icey after and it got back to me from another source.

Yeah, it really is (happened me once too - and I'm a woman, and have had several babies myself!) but I bet she didn't start screaming at you in public all the same. Which is what I'm saying - I don't believe the other poster's story because even if you were embarrassed, I bet she was a thousand times more so!

Mesrine65

Common courtesy dictates that a man give up his seat for the elderly, infirmed or pregnant.

volchitsa

Potatoeman wrote: »

Ill never offer my seat unless Im asked. The cringe factor is unbeaeable if you are wrong. If you want a seat ask nicley as its not an entitlement.

Just thinking about this - I've had men offer me a seat without me being pregnant, and I either take it or not depending - no-one ever suggested I might be pregnant. It never occurred to me that they even thought I was.

So I'm puzzled about this "cringe factor" - it's one thing to ask someone when they're due (or congratulate them, which is what I did once, when in fact it was the remaining fat from the last baby I was seeing ) but just standing up and leaving your place to someone??? How could that cause offence? If the woman doesn't want to sit down she just says no thanks. Or am I missing something?

dub_skav

Seems to me this whole fear of offending a fat person has been built up to give people an excuse to not have to bother. Similar to the threads where men say they wouldn't help a lost child, for fear of what people might think they were doing. (Edit: By that I mean the building up of an unlikely situation to make it seem commonplace, rather than the situations themselves)

I generally stand unless a bus /LUAS is empty as I mostly travel short distances and would not consider myself in more need of a seat than pretty much anybody. However, if I am sitting and an elderly person, pregnant or infirm person got on I would just stand up and point to my seat, no rigmarole, possibility of awkwardness or being refused - I just vacate my seat and if they don't want it, then somebody else can have it.

Riskymove

Yeah_Right wrote: »

Call what you want. Happened about 3 years ago on the green line.

I have mentioned before about an incident that I had when I offered my seat to a pregnant lady who loudly told me and everyone else that she "was pregnant, not disabled" and "didn't need charity"

It was a very awkward moment!

In general I do offer my seat to people who I felt needed a seat.


Also one point in relation to seats for the disabled. Mostly these seats are now called "Priority seats" and the symbols indicate you should give up the seat for disabled, pregnant women or older people.

Riskymove

Mesrine65 wrote: »

Common courtesy dictates that a man give up his seat for the elderly, infirmed or pregnant.

but a woman shouldn't?

volchitsa

Riskymove wrote: »

I have mentioned before about an incident that I had when I offered my seat to a pregnant lady who loudly told me and everyone else that she "was pregnant, not disabled" and "didn't need charity"

It was a very awkward moment!

In general I do offer my seat to people who I felt needed a seat.


Also one point in relation to seats for the disabled. Mostly these seats are now called "Priority seats" and the symbols indicate you should give up the seat for disabled, pregnant women or older people.

Awkward for whom? Why should you be embarrassed? She was pregnant, wasn't she, not fat as others have said? The pictures on the disabled seats, as you point out, are for pregnant women as well as for the disabled - would you be embarrassed of a disabled person refused your offer?

The more I read these stories the more I am convinced that as the poster above said, it's all an excuse so people can justify to themselves not offering in the first place.

omega man

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I'm really saddened by a lot of the responses on this thread.

I'm a young able-bodied person who would always give up a seat for an obviously pregnant lady or an elderly person.

I always remember my poor stepmam who fainted on the dart while 5 months pregnant (it was her second, so very obvious bump). She still didn't get a seat, even after collapsing on the bloody train.




People suck.

Indeed. A number of years ago my heavily pregnant wife asked a bus driver if he could stop as she needed to vomit (she had bad morning sickness). He kindly let her off but proceeded to drive off leaving her on the side of a dual carriage way (Bus Eireann bus). Her bag and coat (it was winter) were still onboard. Bus Eireann did sweet fcuk all following our complaint. I never got an opportunity to introduce myself to the driver regretfully.

daveyeh

Swan2012 wrote: »

this time i have only been offered a seat twice, both times by gentlemen over 40, i told both of them how kind they are, mainly so others nearby would hear

This passive aggressive behaviour will annoy some people and be counter productive in the long run.

biko

Swan2012 wrote: »

wall of text

Yes, I give up my seat for pregnant women.

Yeah_Right

volchitsa wrote: »

Just thinking about this - I've had men offer me a seat without me being pregnant, and I either take it or not depending - no-one ever suggested I might be pregnant. It never occurred to me that they even thought I was.

So I'm puzzled about this "cringe factor" - it's one thing to ask someone when they're due (or congratulate them, which is what I did once, when in fact it was the remaining fat from the last baby I was seeing ) but just standing up and leaving your place to someone??? How could that cause offence? If the woman doesn't want to sit down she just says no thanks. Or am I missing something?

I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

volchitsa

daveyeh wrote: »

This passive aggressive behaviour will annoy some people and be counter productive in the long run.

Is this a joke? Thanking someone effusively is going to put other people off offering? How does that work? Maybe she shouldn't have accepted at all - wasn't it rather passive-aggressive of her?