Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 12:19pm

Amazingfun wrote: »

Be careful with the buying the narratives the head can conjure up around drinking.

Truth is many alkies drank for any reason at all--or none at all! Happy/sad/elation/despair....there we were with drink in our hand.
It is very rare I encounter someone who only drank when feeling bad/sad. Circumstances or environment are often revealed as being irrelevant really when we go back through our lives and look at our actual drinking history.

I invariably find there really is one one absolutely honest reason for why alcoholics drank: because we feckin loved the stuff lol.

Cunning baffling and powerful is how the BB describes alcoholism. These slick and varying "narratives" around "why I drank" is in my experience one of the most deadly.

I get Ya , Ya I know I would drink a lot anyways whatever my state of mind but I did use alcohol to overcome my issues that I had that day dealing with people, it was a means for forgetting my worries. I used it temporarily as a cacoon. It made things worse and was like a mud ball effect.

Abcxyz12345 · 26-11-2014 12:23pm

I know it the past I drank because it was there & I could & I loved it but more recently I drank cause I felt I really needed it - and it was definitely during times when I really couldn't handle my feelings & negative thinking.

I've been ok when I was happy about something recently I have celebrated without alcohol - last week something really great happened for me after Id worked long & hard at it... I splashed out €3.95 on a large hot chocolate!

But the upset & anger & anxiety & hopeless feelings are harder to sit with & all the while I think of alcohol. It's very different. This is something I struggle with but I'm interested in this idea of accepting things I can't change.... Usually my thinking & upset is around somethin someone hasn't done for me etc

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 1:17pm

We drank in the past because we liked to drink, we drank to forget stuff, we drank sometimes for no reason at all.

For me drink really took hold of me when things started goin wrong. Missing work, dealing with colleagues, failing exams, breakup of relationships. Behind it all it all came down to one thing drink!

Drinking made a mess of my personal development. I didn't mature, learn how the world works and became self centred, dillusioned and most of angry.

Abcxyz12345 · 26-11-2014 2:25pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

We drank in the past because we liked to drink, we drank to forget stuff, we drank sometimes for no reason at all.

For me drink really took hold of me when things started goin wrong. Missing work, dealing with colleagues, failing exams, breakup of relationships. Behind it all it all came down to one thing drink!

Drinking made a mess of my personal development. I didn't mature, learn how the world works and became self centred, dillusioned and most of angry.

Snap! :-)

Doublin · 26-11-2014 2:26pm

Learned the d hard way but while the drink can numb the pain it makes everything worse eventually.

Re work show them you are better & not a sucker. A bully can always be beaten. Hold no fear about that, stand your ground & believe in your abilities.

Have you ever attended Toastmasters? I attended a few years ago & was an enjoyable experience. Had to stop attending for other reasons, but I am going to start it up again soon. Very nice people, some very funny speech's & like AA you can get involved or just listen, no pressure.

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 3:30pm

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
If I could offer you some advice regarding people insulting you in work? I would suggest having a 1-1 with those people and clearly setting out in a very calm and clear manner that you will not tolerate any public or otherwise demaning comments/actions etc. It is very important that you do this in a very controlled manner to ensure that you don't give away your power to these people - approaching it in this way ensures that you are in control of the situation and are taking proactive constructive action. Remember you are the one in control of how you feel, how you think and your actions. If you need to take steps to address them then please do - life is too short. I have to be honest my life is in no way perfect as I keep slipping but in the last 18 months my relationships with everyone (and myself) have improved immensely by adopting these principles. Give it a try!!

Will you nor run the risk of becoming the office sulk or someone who blabs?

KeefF · 26-11-2014 3:54pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Will you nor run the risk of becoming the office sulk or someone who blabs?

Well if you have a valid reason for taking some aside on a 1-1 basis, I would have admiration for you in that you are standing up for yourself, addressing a problem head on and not going around moaning to everyone else as opposed to doing something about it yourself.
Also - it's your life & you are responsible for making it the best possible so F**k what anyone else thinks if you are doing the right thing for you and not causing anyone else real harm.
As I said it is important to do this in a controlled manner. To do it any other way would be to let others control how you feel and act - you should always try to ensure that you are controlling that as ultimately your life, your actions, your thoughts, your feelings - your responsibility.

Amazingfun · 26-11-2014 3:59pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Will you nor run the risk of becoming the office sulk or someone who blabs?

I think yes you will run this risk. But that's just my opinion.

Carpe....you are in early sobriety. It's VERY common for newly sober folks to be extra sensitive and be easily hurt during this time. As the weeks turn to months and then years we get thicker skin. Much thicker skin.
In fact there is a bit of a joke around AA that I get a kick out of: I know I am recovered when I am the one giving resentments instead of getting them lol

You may see things very differently down the road is all I am saying.

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 4:29pm

Have today off so got a meeting in at lunch. Shared for bit - nothing much but it's a start because I didn't share in a long time.

Got work done in the morning as up in good time and plan to do some now.

I'm really grateful of the help I get here, in meetings and also my OH is great as well. I've begin to realise I have a good family too and that'd what really important.

I can get upset about work and all that and it is important but at the end of the day it's just a job. They are not my friends and when I'm in need they certainly dont give a sh it about me. In fact work can be a place where if you are down or vulnerable people use that against you for their own betterment.Thanks for all the advice above, I'll read some notable BB tonight and hand it over to my higher power on what to do.

Carpet diem · 01-12-2014 6:37am

Travelling with work it and amazes to ses people having a pint or two in airport even guys with suits on them.

Doesnt botter me as just an observation.

Had a decent week of meetings and Will get one while im away hopefully.

Just focussing on today and the rest should take care of itself.

Kunkka · 01-12-2014 10:24am

Carpet diem wrote: »

Travelling with work it and amazes to ses people having a pint or two in airport even guys with suits on them.

Doesnt botter me as just an observation.

Had a decent week of meetings and Will get one while im away hopefully.

Just focussing on today and the rest should take care of itself.

Well done.

Keep with the meetings I can even see the difference in you with your posts.

Carpet diem · 04-12-2014 9:14am

Didn't get meeting in this week due to it being a mad week . Will get some in at the week. Tiredness can be a killer , need to watch out for that anymore .

Hope everyone is getting on well

Kunkka · 04-12-2014 10:36am

Carpet diem wrote: »

Didn't get meeting in this week due to it being a mad week . Will get some in at the week. Tiredness can be a killer , need to watch out for that anymore .

Hope everyone is getting on well

Avoid being H.A.L.T

Hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Makes that one day at a time a little harder!

auldgranny · 04-12-2014 8:09pm

Kunkka wrote: »

Avoid being H.A.L.T

Hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Makes that one day at a time a little harder!

That is really true. Never thought of it before but yes those are weakness points for me.

Abcxyz12345 · 06-12-2014 10:19am

I'm feeling a bit disconnected from it all at the moment. I'm not talking to other alcoholics or in meetings. I have numbers of great people in AA & I've a lady who I've begun doing steps/book with too - but I'm not ringing any of them. And sometimes I want to. I keep saying I'm grand etc. I don't want to drink so that's not a crisis but I feel a bit flat now & I'm worried I'm isolating myself. I know there would be no problem in ringing them and I've been told this - 'why didn't you ring me?' - but I don't know what's stopping me. Any advice on this one?!

Amazingfun · 06-12-2014 10:34am

Abcxyz12345 wrote: »

I'm feeling a bit disconnected from it all at the moment. I'm not talking to other alcoholics or in meetings. I have numbers of great people in AA & I've a lady who I've begun doing steps/book with too - but I'm not ringing any of them. And sometimes I want to. I keep saying I'm grand etc. I don't want to drink so that's not a crisis but I feel a bit flat now & I'm worried I'm isolating myself. I know there would be no problem in ringing them and I've been told this - 'why didn't you ring me?' - but I don't know what's stopping me. Any advice on this one?!

Why do you have to ring anyone? Why not just get to a meeting today? I only rang people once I got to know them a bit really.

Sometimes we just have to get up and start moving....tell your mind you're going shopping or something and then turn suddenly into a meeting haha....I had to do this kind of weird thing a lot in the beginning

Abcxyz12345 · 06-12-2014 11:05am

I don't know. It's like I'm given numbers by nice people & they're saying to me to ring anytime... Sometimes I think that's why I'm not ringing them-because I don't really know them that well & Id feel a bit awkward. I did ring someone before when I had to go to an event with alcohol & I just wanted to sound that out and that was good. I kind of feel there is an expectation to ring others if I'm upset or off. Like when I say it to someone that i felt that way when I see them & they'll say 'why didn't you ring me?'! I dunno. Thanks Amazinfun... Feelin a little muddled the past few days!

Amazingfun wrote: »

Why do you have to ring anyone? Why not just get to a meeting today? I only rang people once I got to know them a bit really.

Sometimes we just have to get up and start moving....tell your mind you're going shopping or something and then turn suddenly into a meeting haha....I had to do this kind of weird thing a lot in the beginning

Amazingfun · 06-12-2014 11:14am

you're doing fine....feelin muddled is part of the territory lol...

Honestly I've never been much of an AA "phone" person although I do have a new sponsee who loves loooooong phone chats haha so I have been of late but I don't think I've ever really called anyone when I felt crap. I prefer to meet for a coffee or whatever -usually before or after a meeting. And sometimes I would even go to a meeting where I didn't know anyone so I didn't have to talk if I didn't feel like it !

There are no phone "requirements" in AA lol...we do what works for us. My suggestion is just to find a meeting you like and start becoming part of the furniture. Go even when you don't feel like it. You'll make friends in time and then it won't feel so weird phoning people. It's early days-no need to put expectations on yourself when really-there are none.

Abcxyz12345 · 06-12-2014 11:49am

Thank you Amazinfun. I'm just beginning to return to meetings that I like now & feel like I've a bit of a routine going for myself - Mondays I go to a certain one & Tuesdays a certain one. So I'm seeing familiar faces and hopefully I'll become one too. I had been thinking there is an expectation to ring others but I'm just not comfortable in doing that just yet. I do know that I can if I need to tho & I have done before so that's reassuring. Thank you!

Amazingfun wrote: »

you're doing fine....feelin muddled is part of the territory lol...

Honestly I've never been much of an AA "phone" person although I do have a new sponsee who loves loooooong phone chats haha so I have been of late but I don't think I've ever really called anyone when I felt crap. I prefer to meet for a coffee or whatever -usually before or after a meeting. And sometimes I would even go to a meeting where I didn't know anyone so I didn't have to talk if I didn't feel like it !

There are no phone "requirements" in AA lol...we do what works for us. My suggestion is just to find a meeting you like and start becoming part of the furniture. Go even when you don't feel like it. You'll make friends in time and then it won't feel so weird phoning people. It's early days-no need to put expectations on yourself when really-there are none.

Amazingfun · 06-12-2014 11:58am

Just to remind you and anyone reading that AA-online can be useful when we just can't make ourselves get out the door somedays.

Back in my early days (pre-internet) I would have died and gone to heaven to have sites like this:

(Bob's just one example....loads more on there if he's not your cup of tea.)

There are actual online meetings as well....bunch of em if you google. When I was ill for a time I used them quite a lot but I much prefer being part of a face to face group.

ANyways: enjoy the weekend

Sunnyisland · 06-12-2014 9:26pm

My major tool in getting alcohol free was an online site, I found it great,having said that I now go to AA/CA meetings here in Portugal in which I find them also great ,just in case I might get a tiny tiny bit complacent .

dynamited · 07-12-2014 8:11pm

I lasted 38 days but cracked last week and got absolutely slaughtered ,I've been regretting it ever since because I have had the fear all week, depressed, agitated , been in a bad mood all round.

I need to stop but I can't find anything to do and I have no life if I don't drink because I work during the week and all my mates drink the weekend and I'm single

dynamited · 07-12-2014 8:11pm

Why

Abcxyz12345 · 07-12-2014 11:44pm

I had a lot of anxiety re being single with all of my friends out drinking at weekends. For me tho, continuing drinking was just not an option anymore - I was broken both mentally & physically & more. I go to AA meetings on Friday, Sat & Sun evenings. Usually at 8.30pm & by the time I get home it's near ten & then it's nearly bedtime. It's very early days for me & I'm trying very hard to keep each day simple. In one way I hope this routine does not last forever but I'm also not beating myself up for doing this at the moment as it's what I need. That's just my experience. Good luck

dynamited wrote: »

I lasted 38 days but cracked last week and got absolutely slaughtered ,I've been regretting it ever since because I have had the fear all week, depressed, agitated , been in a bad mood all round.

I need to stop but I can't find anything to do and I have no life if I don't drink because I work during the week and all my mates drink the weekend and I'm single

Amazingfun · 08-12-2014 12:16am

dynamited wrote: »

I lasted 38 days but cracked last week and got absolutely slaughtered ,I've been regretting it ever since because I have had the fear all week, depressed, agitated , been in a bad mood all round.

I need to stop but I can't find anything to do and I have no life if I don't drink because I work during the week and all my mates drink the weekend and I'm single

Dynamited,

I've been there and so have many others. It's not nice I know but it's all part of the process of coming to see that the party with booze is over for us.
The days of fun and lighthearted drinking are long gone, never to return.

What you descibed there above reminded me of this from The Big Book:

We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view. We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people -

In AA we'd call this "untreated alcoholism"and,yes, it sucks. It's how many of us feel once we put the drink down and is part of coming to understand that alcohol no longer works as a solution.
But there is a way out.

I hope you come along to a meeting and see if AA is for you. For me it has opened to the gates to a new life-one of contented sobriety where I always have "something to do"

There are lots of people just like you who have found a way to live happily sober....but for every one of us we had to hit rock bottom (sometimes many rock bottoms as in my own case) before we really got serious about our drinking.

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

Allister_M · 12-12-2014 12:35am

Amazingfun wrote: »

Dynamited,

I've been there and so have many others. It's not nice I know but it's all part of the process of coming to see that the party with booze is over for us.
The days of fun and lighthearted drinking are long gone, never to return.

What you descibed there above reminded me of this from The Big Book:

In AA we'd call this "untreated alcoholism"and,yes, it sucks. It's how many of us feel once we put the drink down and is part of coming to understand that alcohol no longer works as a solution.
But there is a way out.

I hope you come along to a meeting and see if AA is for you. For me it has opened to the gates to a new life-one of contented sobriety where I always have "something to do" There are lots of people just like you who have found a way to live happily sober....but for every one of us we had to hit rock bottom (sometimes many rock bottoms as in my own case) before we really got serious about our drinking.

So true I used to think when I was drinking I was actually competing with Vinny Jones or Paul Gascoine and that the harder I punished myself the better I was doing for Ireland - like I was actually doing Ireland a service - it's amazing the stupid childish ways we convince ourselves to hurt ourselves is in some way good for other people - it isn't - helping people is the best way to help your country.

But I genuinely have given up now becuase the depression took over and it is a war I am now fighting with depression like a visible feelable war with a living thing - it's not chemicals it's like a paranoia or living "god" spirit I am fighting against - sppoky though it sounds and I came to the conclusion if the problems wasn't internally with me it must be coming from other people and that if that is the case - how do I get these bad vibes/peoples' energies to stop being sent my way??? I figured that each day fear takes me over and I can feel it's energy coming from other people who are praying for sobriety or hurt or suffering loved ones people I have indirectly never known or some i have but are sending bad vibes via prayer and it results in depression for me that i need to stop hurting them. That's in reality who I was hurting in this country through my drinking - people who had loved ones sick from alcoholism whom I didn't know directly but were praying for their sick loved ones - I can feel them driving me through this depression to give up.

I genuinely believe in the twelve steps higher power is people you have come into contact with or just enemies who want you to fail - will be praying against you for being a drinker - and to seek forgiveness not from people I have hurt but from people who have a competition with you or who have suffered from alcoholism are praying to punish you - and I believe it works - not a chemical thing from alcohol being a depressant - a spiritual thing which controls all of us. That's why I'm giving up - because I can't compete with these people any more by being jack the lad whilst these people are getting ahead in their lives and I'm falling further behind in mine. Peace will come through submission or the path the drinker walks is to doom.

lufties · 14-12-2014 9:54am

Allister_M wrote: »

So true I used to think when I was drinking I was actually competing with Vinny Jones or Paul Gascoine and that the harder I punished myself the better I was doing for Ireland - like I was actually doing Ireland a service - it's amazing the stupid childish ways we convince ourselves to hurt ourselves is in some way good for other people - it isn't - helping people is the best way to help your country.

But I genuinely have given up now becuase the depression took over and it is a war I am now fighting with depression like a visible feelable war with a living thing - it's not chemicals it's like a paranoia or living "god" spirit I am fighting against - sppoky though it sounds and I came to the conclusion if the problems wasn't internally with me it must be coming from other people and that if that is the case - how do I get these bad vibes/peoples' energies to stop being sent my way??? I figured that each day fear takes me over and I can feel it's energy coming from other people who are praying for sobriety or hurt or suffering loved ones people I have indirectly never known or some i have but are sending bad vibes via prayer and it results in depression for me that i need to stop hurting them. That's in reality who I was hurting in this country through my drinking - people who had loved ones sick from alcoholism whom I didn't know directly but were praying for their sick loved ones - I can feel them driving me through this depression to give up.

I genuinely believe in the twelve steps higher power is people you have come into contact with or just enemies who want you to fail - will be praying against you for being a drinker - and to seek forgiveness not from people I have hurt but from people who have a competition with you or who have suffered from alcoholism are praying to punish you - and I believe it works - not a chemical thing from alcohol being a depressant - a spiritual thing which controls all of us. That's why I'm giving up - because I can't compete with these people any more by being jack the lad whilst these people are getting ahead in their lives and I'm falling further behind in mine. Peace will come through submission or the path the drinker walks is to doom.

This has struck a chord with me too, I still drink but have cut down a huge amount(3 drinks in a night instead of 8) I think my drinking was at its worst when I lived in ireland. Getting absolutely hammered is like a religion. I felt my peers could do it and not really have any probs, but I always suffered, sometimes spending 2-3 days in bed after a heavy night. I recently cut myself off from a lot of people in my past and its been liberating. Also through therapy I feel like a new person.

Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

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