Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

Yarray

Still sober (since 30th December) ... But it was very tough last Saturday - rugby matches... All the mates went to the pub to watch it... And I just knew the minute I went inside the door I'd fall... Sat at home and watched it (and felt very sorry for myself to be honest) ... Working for the Wales match so I hope to be kept busy ..... Haven't gone to any AA meetings yet - has anyone done the "I'm an alcoholic" speech to family or friends yet .... Or can I just work away through this on my own ?? Thoughts please

Amazingfun

Hey Yarray, good on the 30 days.

I of course recommend trying a meeting out just so you can see what it's like. I've known people who were sober on their own for years who only then came to AA and wished they'd come sooner just for the fellowship aspect. Being an ex-drinker in Ireland, or anywhere for that matter, can be fairly isolating. It's not like we're just regular non-drinkers either, many of us have heavy-drinking histories and sometimes it's just reassuring to meet others "in the same boat", sometimes they're the only people you can laugh about those days with.

But of course not everyone likes or needs AA, but it's a great, free resource that shouldn't be overlooked without giving it a try.


My 2cents

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

I just went to mainly BB and steps meetings . That where the progress is made IMO. Opening meetings can lack direction sometimes. I guess sharing is the first thing and articulating during your share that you aim to do steps and people will start to help or chat to you. I think its important to get someone you get along with. When I had doubt's I waited for next person to express interest.

I'm kinda up to this point now so will let you know further in due course. Actually the BB meeting has a chapter on helping and by listening how the sponsors go about it.

Hopefully that helps a bit!

Hi,
I have gone to all sorts of meetings and never once has anyone approached me in terms of offering help or offering their number. To be fair I've only recently started to share plus people have always wished me well. I did meet a member yesterday who did talk to me for c. 30 mins in town about my slip at the weekend which was helpful. I went to a meeting this evening which was a Living Sober meeting. However for some reason tonight I am feeling very strong resentments against family etc. They know what I am trying to do but never once have a got a text on a Sat night asking what I am up to or if I'm alright. My mother goes to bingo every Sat night and never once has she missed it or suggest I come up for a chat or cup of tea on a Sat. I have gotten pretty close to my Mam over the last few months and would call up a few nights to keep her company for a while and chat. While she is always glad to see me the contact is always driven by me - I have never got a random text or call from her. I am glad that she has her own life and I don't want to be a burden on anyone but the odd acknowledgement of what I am trying to do and some even implicit encouragement or suggestion that I am not doing it on my own would be appreciated. I put a lot of time into our relationship over last months including bringing her out for coffee on Saturdays etc again all at my suggestion. Similarly my sister I am very close with and her kids. She too is very good to me in many ways. But sometimes I wonder have they ever wondered how I am getting on sat nights etc. I regularly babysit for her on Saturdays. Some Sat eves I would say to her that I would call up for a chat & she might respond with "will you babysit ?" and I am thinking to myself I fancied some adult company for an hour or two tonight not babysitting. I might say I can't babysit but then don't feel I can then call up for that chat so spend Sat night on my own. Don't get me wrong we get on well and I have great times with her and her family at dinners etc that she does but sometimes I just wonder. I have missed meetings recently so I could help/or do something for my family. I think I now need to prioritise meetings. A lot of this is down to me I suppose as I have always been very independent and seen as the strong one who can handle anything and there to provide advice and help - to a degree this is actually the case. I'm also feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment about trying balance a busy and demanding job Monday - Friday (40 - 45 Hours a week), get meetings in, get to the gym & keep fit 4- 5 days a week, maintain a decent diet, run my home, do some meditation etc and try to have some relaxation time - I always seem to be on the go.
I really think however that nearly all of the above is driven by my sheer disappointment with myself for my 24 hour binge at the weekend. It just demonstrates how drinking can seep in and infect my thinking and my outlook. This time last week while all of the above were issues, I could deal with them, I had piece of mind and I could look people in the eye. Today they seem like massive issues.
Despite the rant I do have awful lot to be grateful for such as my home, family, good job, ability to look after myself, general well-being and health, some really good friends, AA meetings and the support here on this forum.
I am just concerned that I might not get this whole sobriety thing.

Amazingfun

**pm sent.

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
I have gone to all sorts of meetings and never once has anyone approached me in terms of offering help or offering their number. To be fair I've only recently started to share plus people have always wished me well. I did meet a member yesterday who did talk to me for c. 30 mins in town about my slip at the weekend which was helpful. I went to a meeting this evening which was a Living Sober meeting. However for some reason tonight I am feeling very strong resentments against family etc. They know what I am trying to do but never once have a got a text on a Sat night asking what I am up to or if I'm alright. My mother goes to bingo every Sat night and never once has she missed it or suggest I come up for a chat or cup of tea on a Sat. I have gotten pretty close to my Mam over the last few months and would call up a few nights to keep her company for a while and chat. While she is always glad to see me the contact is always driven by me - I have never got a random text or call from her. I am glad that she has her own life and I don't want to be a burden on anyone but the odd acknowledgement of what I am trying to do and some even implicit encouragement or suggestion that I am not doing it on my own would be appreciated. I put a lot of time into our relationship over last months including bringing her out for coffee on Saturdays etc again all at my suggestion. Similarly my sister I am very close with and her kids. She too is very good to me in many ways. But sometimes I wonder have they ever wondered how I am getting on sat nights etc. I regularly babysit for her on Saturdays. Some Sat eves I would say to her that I would call up for a chat & she might respond with "will you babysit ?" and I am thinking to myself I fancied some adult company for an hour or two tonight not babysitting. I might say I can't babysit but then don't feel I can then call up for that chat so spend Sat night on my own. Don't get me wrong we get on well and I have great times with her and her family at dinners etc that she does but sometimes I just wonder. I have missed meetings recently so I could help/or do something for my family. I think I now need to prioritise meetings. A lot of this is down to me I suppose as I have always been very independent and seen as the strong one who can handle anything and there to provide advice and help - to a degree this is actually the case. I'm also feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment about trying balance a busy and demanding job Monday - Friday (40 - 45 Hours a week), get meetings in, get to the gym & keep fit 4- 5 days a week, maintain a decent diet, run my home, do some meditation etc and try to have some relaxation time - I always seem to be on the go.
I really think however that nearly all of the above is driven by my sheer disappointment with myself for my 24 hour binge at the weekend. It just demonstrates how drinking can seep in and infect my thinking and my outlook. This time last week while all of the above were issues, I could deal with them, I had piece of mind and I could look people in the eye. Today they seem like massive issues.
Despite the rant I do have awful lot to be grateful for such as my home, family, good job, ability to look after myself, general well-being and health, some really good friends, AA meetings and the support here on this forum.
I am just concerned that I might not get this whole sobriety thing.

I think you answered your own question re the help from others. See someone will not come up and ask will they be your sponsor as it might seem to pushy but rather general words of encouragement is what is thought in one of the last steps.

I have that issue with my family at moment too. I have lot of anger built up re a text message last week saying to ring . I'm gonna just park it and deal with in due course through the steps. But I know I'm doing the blame game and looking for easy way out. I thought about it yesterday and wondered what I would say if my mother rang me at 10.30pm on a Saturday night for last 10 years. I would be pi"ssed off. Now I'm mad she is not ringing me now that I am not drinking!

I used to be the mediator and go to person in my family until before Xmas. I wanted control. I try accept things as they are now and not get involved. Things will sort themselves out is the way I see it now. I need to look after myself - my sobriety. As for baby sitting my nieces and nephew. I wouldn't do it myself as not enough experience and I have enough on my plate. Also deep down I hate to see young kids without their mother to tend to them or it to become a habit.

Re work life balance it is very tough. I don't know how I did it when I slept all day sat and sun and partied all night. I guess I just didn't or half arsed did it.


Just my 2p worth KeefF - hope some of it is of use and it helps me too because its exactly how I felt 5 weeks ago and it brings me down to earth on what I need to do to recover.

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

I think you answered your own question re the help from others. See someone will not come up and ask will they be your sponsor as it might seem to pushy but rather general words of encouragement is what is thought in one of the last steps.

I have that issue with my family at moment too. I have lot of anger built up re a text message last week saying to ring . I'm gonna just park it and deal with in due course through the steps. But I know I'm doing the blame game and looking for easy way out. I thought about it yesterday and wondered what I would say if my mother rang me at 10.30pm on a Saturday night for last 10 years. I would be pi"ssed off. Now I'm mad she is not ringing me now that I am not drinking!

I used to be the mediator and go to person in my family until before Xmas. I wanted control. I try accept things as they are now and not get involved. Things will sort themselves out is the way I see it now. I need to look after myself - my sobriety. As for baby sitting my nieces and nephew. I wouldn't do it myself as not enough experience and I have enough on my plate. Also deep down I hate to see young kids without their mother to tend to them or it to become a habit.

Re work life balance it is very tough. I don't know how I did it when I slept all day sat and sun and partied all night. I guess I just didn't or half arsed did it.


Just my 2p worth KeefF - hope some of it is of use and it helps me too because its exactly how I felt 5 weeks ago and it brings me down to earth on what I need to do to recover.

Thanks - just a very bad dose of self-pity which is not like me at all - particualry the last few months.

KeefF

KeefF wrote: »

Thanks - just a very bad dose of self-pity which is not like me at all - particualry the last few months.

Feeling bit more positive today.
Decent day's work, got to the gym and managed some relaxing meditation.
No meeting today but will get at least one each day Fri - Sunday.
I can manage to balance work/gym/meetings etc if i approach logically - plenty of meetings at all hours in City Centre for during the week with more local ones at the weekend.
Thanks for the support.
I almost got 4 months and felt the immense benefits of it throughout all aspects of my life. I won't let 24 hours of madness me stop me. However i do need to learn from it as opposed to hiding from it and count it as a blessing. I need to ensure I am being vigilant and doing the right things as I can't do it by myself and without the structure of a programme. I need to be honest with myself at all times.
Thanks again to all.

Thanks again.

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

Feeling bit more positive today.
Decent day's work, got to the gym and managed some relaxing meditation.
No meeting today but will get at least one each day Fri - Sunday.
I can manage to balance work/gym/meetings etc if i approach logically - plenty of meetings at all hours in City Centre for during the week with more local ones at the weekend.
Thanks for the support.
I almost got 4 months and felt the immense benefits of it throughout all aspects of my life. I won't let 24 hours of madness me stop me. However i do need to learn from it as opposed to hiding from it and count it as a blessing. I need to ensure I am being vigilant and doing the right things as I can't do it by myself and without the structure of a programme. I need to be honest with myself at all times.
Thanks again to all.

Thanks again.

Well done buddy - deffo 4 months is brilliant. It's not easy really.

I'm not going the best myself today. I was coming home in the train this evening and felt such a large hole within me. I thought some aspects of my work would improve but not so but also getting train home I felt like I'm carrying such a lonely journey alone.

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

Well done buddy - deffo 4 months is brilliant. It's not easy really.

I'm not going the best myself today. I was coming home in the train this evening and felt such a large hole within me. I thought some aspects of my work would improve but not so but also getting train home I felt like I'm carrying such a lonely journey alone.

One of the things I have learned is that such feelings are temporary and will pass if you hand them over to whatever your higher power maybe.
the fact that you're writing it down is a way of addressing it and putting the feelings in their place.
In terms of your work, you might just be having "normal" feelings of doubt that everybody has at some stage - alcoholic or not - being a human.
I hope it passes for you.

All I can say to you both lads is it gets a lot easier. I've often said there is no amount of money I'd take to go through the first 6 months again. You're both doing really well and figuring out stuff which normally takes a lot longer. When you realise drinking was the tip of the ice berg things slowly start to improve as you start realizing why we drank to excess. The main advice I can give you is to keep an open mind.

truedoom

Man up and stop.

That's all there is to it.

lufties

truedoom wrote: »

Man up and stop.

That's all there is to it.

What a stupid thick ignorant comment to make

Dave!

truedoom banned

Happy Friday!

Carpet diem

truedoom wrote: »

Man up and stop.

That's all there is to it.

Inspirational.

jinkybhoy

truedoom wrote: »

Man up and stop.

That's all there is to it.

I think i'll get a poster with that on it and hang it by my desk.

Dave!

Poster's banned, ignore the post now please

marienbad

truedoom wrote: »

Man up and stop.

That's all there is to it.

If only.....

Carpet diem

Feeling bloody terrible today. I really don't know what it is. I hope I'm a bit better tomorrow. Just a feeling of being fed up and not sure what and somewhat emotional.

Hopefully good sleep and will pass.

KeefF

Deleted User wrote: »

All I can say to you both lads is it gets a lot easier. I've often said there is no amount of money I'd take to go through the first 6 months again. You're both doing really well and figuring out stuff which normally takes a lot longer. When you realise drinking was the tip of the ice berg things slowly start to improve as you start realizing why we drank to excess. The main advice I can give you is to keep an open mind.

Thanks
Got to another meeting this evening. The fact that I really need to put more work in and really commit is becoming clearer to me.
After spending the first month working on reducing bodyfat %% I have pigged out completely this week. Have gotten to the gym twice so far but easily consumed 5,000 calories today rounded off with Mickey Ds. Just shows the knock on impact booze can have on mindset for days afterwards.

Yarray

Another rugby match today - mates are out in town and I'm in bed, afraid of my sh"te to meet them in case I haven't got the will power to stay sober or the temperament to be the pin ball machine for the night.

I am just waiting on a issue to surface and become more explicit - I know it's there cause there is a burning need that my psyche wants to self destruct itself with nicotine and alcohol !! Lol .... It craves these drugs to avoid and anaestisise itself from dealing with something.... Have an idea what it is...... Roll on tomorrow ....

Beir bua is beannacht!!

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

Feeling bloody terrible today. I really don't know what it is. I hope I'm a bit better tomorrow. Just a feeling of being fed up and not sure what and somewhat emotional.

Hopefully good sleep and will pass.

How are you today?
Hope those terrible feelings passed without any negative impact on you
You are doing really well and have been a great help to me this week.
Keep doing the right things one day at a time, take it easy and keep it simple.

KeefF

Yarray wrote: »

Another rugby match today - mates are out in town and I'm in bed, afraid of my sh"te to meet them in case I haven't got the will power to stay sober or the temperament to be the pin ball machine for the night.

I am just waiting on a issue to surface and become more explicit - I know it's there cause there is a burning need that my psyche wants to self destruct itself with nicotine and alcohol !! Lol .... It craves these drugs to avoid and anaestisise itself from dealing with something.... Have an idea what it is...... Roll on tomorrow ....

Beir bua is beannacht!!

Yep,roll on tomorrow.Then just another 24 hours to get through. Rinse & Repeat, Rinse & Repeat ......
Best of luck!!!
By the way savage performance in the Rugby - really showed the power of being a "team" 1 through to 23.

Yarray

KeefF wrote: »

Yep,roll on tomorrow.Then just another 24 hours to get through. Rinse & Repeat, Rinse & Repeat ......
Best of luck!!!
By the way savage performance in the Rugby - really showed the power of being a "team" 1 through to 23.

U betcha - what a performance ....

Rinse & Repeat is right - seriously thinking of a meeting today

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

How are you today?
Hope those terrible feelings passed without any negative impact on you
You are doing really well and have been a great help to me this week.
Keep doing the right things one day at a time, take it easy and keep it simple.

Friday and Saturday was terrible but it passed OK. I think it didn't help gf wasn't around as I kind of felt isolated and no one to chat to and hang out with so really showed me how important she is.

I got a meeting today and shared but I just am not able to communicate what I want and forget a lot of stuff. Suppose I'm trying. Few things I was thinking of today really struck me - just my obsession with doin well in work. I'm gonna pull back on that and give myself a break and live life and sober.

I also started weights in the gym again after a break of few years and god I love doin it. Amazing these passions you have done go away.

How's things with you KeefF? Did you have a good weekend?

Dave!

@Carpet diem, it might be a good idea to keep a diary, if you don't already. Would help you to express some of the thoughts you have, and it would also help with the problem of forgetting things—you can refer back to the diary before a meeting and write a few bullet-points about what you want to share with the group.

Just a suggestion!

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

Friday and Saturday was terrible but it passed OK. I think it didn't help gf wasn't around as I kind of felt isolated and no one to chat to and hang out with so really showed me how important she is.

I got a meeting today and shared but I just am not able to communicate what I want and forget a lot of stuff. Suppose I'm trying. Few things I was thinking of today really struck me - just my obsession with doin well in work. I'm gonna pull back on that and give myself a break and live life and sober.

I also started weights in the gym again after a break of few years and god I love doin it. Amazing these passions you have done go away.

How's things with you KeefF? Did you have a good weekend?

Great that you got through it. Just shows you the strength you have inside yourself. I love the weights myself - they never let you hide etc.
had strange weekend. went to a meeting this evening. Called into my ma's house after. All the things i referred to earlier in the week came out. There were tears etc and as I suspected they keep their distance a little because I have always been distant/independent/contrary etc etc etc. I hope I wasn't being selfish by saying those things as she has a lot of **** from her past to deal with. She mentioned this and I have suggested to her writing it down and letting go of it etc. I really hope I have been of help - she said she would do what I suggested. I pray that it was the right thing to do.

KeefF

KeefF wrote: »

Great that you got through it. Just shows you the strength you have inside yourself. I love the weights myself - they never let you hide etc.
had strange weekend. went to a meeting this evening. Called into my ma's house after. All the things i referred to earlier in the week came out. There were tears etc and as I suspected they keep their distance a little because I have always been distant/independent/contrary etc etc etc. I hope I wasn't being selfish by saying those things as she has a lot of **** from her past to deal with. She mentioned this and I have suggested to her writing it down and letting go of it etc. I really hope I have been of help - she said she would do what I suggested. I pray that it was the right thing to do.

Just got a text from ny Ma saying she did what I suggested. I hope it helps her.

Carpet diem

6 weeks sober today!

marienbad

Carpet diem wrote: »

6 weeks sober today!

Outstanding ! How it mounts up a day at a time.

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

6 weeks sober today!

Deadly!! Well Done!!!!