Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

emmabrighton

enoughalready wrote: »

First weekend successfully completed without alcohol. Had the extended family over for dinner,the wine was flowing but I abstained. Can't remember the last time I did that. They commented on how quiet I was, I just said I was tired from work, sometimes I feel like I have to entertain people and put on a performance, they expect it from me from the nights and dinners where I would be drinking. I found I listened more sober, actually heard what the conversation was and remembered it. Made a chocolate cake with my nephews after dinner and then was asked if I would drive them home as I was the only one not drinking. Felt good being the responsible one for once, and dependable. I'm lying here in bed aware and alert, can't remember the last time I went to bed on a Sunday without some sort of help to sleep, be that alcohol or sleeping tablets or a xanax. I made a promise to myself if I was going to kick out alcohol from my life, the xanax and sleeping tablets would also be getting the boot. I'm instead here with a pint of water and my book to help me doze off and I can't wait for my freshness come 6am in the morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to take on the world (*okay so a bit dramatic there) - ready to take on whatever my working day throws at me. Last Monday started off so differently, that said, that is the old me, I am now choosing a new path, one where alcohol is not a factor. That's my goal. Things I need to focus on if anyone has any direction; exercise and healthy eating - plans or tips are very welcome. A change is a coming....even writing those words are making me smile. Good night guys, thanks for listening. Trigger (",)

So funny, I nearly wrote the same post almost verbatim last week. The only difference was that I hadnt drank in 2 years. But I had started taking sleeping tablets, and xanax for stress. Decided I was no longer stressed - stressful event well and truly over. Looks like once an addict, always an addict.

I had started looking forward to going to bed with that drowsy and dopey feeling. Sleeping with no dreams and waking at 7 am - all groggy and exhausted????

beano345

emmabrighton wrote: »

So funny, I nearly wrote the same post almost verbatim last week. The only difference was that I hadnt drank in 2 years. But I had started taking sleeping tablets, and xanax for stress. Decided I was no longer stressed - stressful event well and truly over. Looks like once an addict, always an addict.

I had started looking forward to going to bed with that drowsy and dopey feeling. Sleeping with no dreams and waking at 7 am - all groggy and exhausted????

I was the same substituting sleeping pills and benzos instead of drink, I know which I'd rather be addicted too, eventually weened my way off them I do think their a help in the Initial stages of giving up drink depending on how heavy your drinking was and the severity of withdrawals

Carpet diem

My thread (log) is in a mess these days. I set it up to share my thoughts and get some feedback so I would like to keep it this way (with the greatest of greatest of respects). I just want to keep some kind of order to it.

Any ways this week is going well - being a better person in general, thinking through things before doing it and getting on well with my gf so I'm happy to see her happy as she has a lot to put up with me. As she said she doesn't care if I don't drink so I was glad to hear that. She prefers when I don't!

Xmas party on Thursday so will call in shortly before the dinner and have a few sneaky NA beers from a different bar and sneak of on good time. No jacket with me - just straight out the gap and worry about myself and myself only. Also learned that for these parties you do need to do and seen to make an effort otherwise you are drawing all the attention on yourself. Just go and leave whenever you want and wake up Friday to a new day with new challenges ahead.

I also have an exam this week so hoping to put in a good shift there and not do myself justice but more prove to the examiner I deserve a pass. Just need to work my socks of during it and think about nothing else. Also making the right decisions on where to go with certain parts of the question is crucial. [enough of that]

beano345

Carpet diem wrote: »

My thread (log) is in a mess these days. I set it up to share my thoughts and get some feedback so I would like to keep it this way (with the greatest of greatest of respects). I just want to keep some kind of order to it.

Any ways this week is going well - being a better person in general, thinking through things before doing it and getting on well with my gf so I'm happy to see her happy as she has a lot to put up with me. As she said she doesn't care if I don't drink so I was glad to hear that. She prefers when I don't!

Xmas party on Thursday so will call in shortly before the dinner and have a few sneaky NA beers from a different bar and sneak of on good time. No jacket with me - just straight out the gap and worry about myself and myself only. Also learned that for these parties you do need to do and seen to make an effort otherwise you are drawing all the attention on yourself. Just go and leave whenever you want and wake up Friday to a new day with new challenges ahead.

I also have an exam this week so hoping to put in a good shift there and not do myself justice but more prove to the examiner I deserve a pass. Just need to work my socks of during it and think about nothing else. Also making the right decisions on where to go with certain parts of the question is crucial. [enough of that]

Sorry to go off track on your thread here carpe diem but how do you find drinking na beer? Its just with xmas coming up and I know ill be out and about was thinking of trying it

Carpet diem

beano345 wrote: »

Sorry to go off track on your thread here carpe diem but how do you find drinking na beer? Its just with xmas coming up and I know ill be out and about was thinking of trying it

I'm probably too new here really to be giving advice but I do like it as you can fit in at the start any ways. I like the taste as well so it helps and helps me relax. I personally think it's great job. I would only have 2-3 or 4 max as they are bloody expensive and everybody is for the birds at that stage any ways.

To be honest I use anything (within reason) that will help me along. That why they made NA beers - for people who don't want the **** affects of alcohol!

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

I'm probably too new here really to be giving advice but I do like it as you can fit in at the start any ways. I like the taste as well so it helps and helps me relax. I personally think it's great job. I would only have 2-3 or 4 max as they are bloody expensive and everybody is for the birds at that stage any ways.

To be honest I use anything (within reason) that will help me along. That why they made NA beers - for people who don't want the **** affects of alcohol!

I drank a few pints of the Erdinger N/A at my Xmas party last week - tastes fine but expensive.

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

I drank a few pints of the Erdinger N/A at my Xmas party last week - tastes fine but expensive.

Very cheap on the grand scheme of things.

As some other poster said you rarely see the top man getting pissed. He watching like a hawk those making a fool of themselves.

I had in old company top man that did mingle and drink just as much as everyone but he was gone in 6 months.

beano345

Another reason I was kinda asking would it make you think of having an alcoholic beverage once you get the taste of beer?

KeefF

beano345 wrote: »

Another reason I was kinda asking would it make you think of having an alcoholic beverage once you get the taste of beer?

Not me personally as to be honest I was never into the taste just the crutch it provided for me. Once I got a few in I was gone - drink anything until anytime any place.

Carpet diem

beano345 wrote: »

Another reason I was kinda asking would it make you think of having an alcoholic beverage once you get the taste of beer?

Id say it something that differs by person and circumstance. I'd say if you were a very heavy drinker before it wouldn't be a good idea.

Wattle

beano345 wrote: »

Another reason I was kinda asking would it make you think of having an alcoholic beverage once you get the taste of beer?

I think it depends on where your at with your sobriety. If your feeling a bit tempted it might not be a good idea on an ongoing basis. I had a bottle of Erdinger a few months ago in a pub with friends but I don't make a habit of that and I'm not in pubs very often. I'd say use your judgement but err on the side of caution.

Carpet diem

Xmas party tonight so need to be on the alert big time. Got gym in this morning and that always keeps me on my toes on what proper clean living is about and how enjoyable it is.

I'm not gonna hope anything anymore - just do it and visualize the positives

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

Xmas party tonight so need to be on the alert big time. Got gym in this morning and that always keeps me on my toes on what proper clean living is about and how enjoyable it is.

I'm not gonna hope anything anymore - just do it and visualize the positives

best of luck

Carpet diem

An unmitigated disaster. Ended up drinking until all hours and to excess.

I'm back to AA because I can't do it on my own and keep relapsing.

And if there is anything to take from this sobriety cones first. Feck Xmas parties and what people think.

Wattle

Carpet diem wrote: »

An unmitigated disaster. Ended up drinking until all hours and to excess.

I'm back to AA because I can't do it on my own and keep relapsing.

And if there is anything to take from this sobriety cones first. Feck Xmas parties and what people think.

Sorry to hear that. Maybe for the forseeable future it would be best to stick to AA meetings and avoid drinking situations entirely as it seems the temptation is too much. It takes a while to get used to living a sober life. Maybe in time you'll be able to go to the pub without it being a big deal or maybe you won't even want to be bothered being around the drinking scene at all. Best of luck.

Carpet diem

Wattle wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Maybe for the forseeable future it would be best to stick to AA meetings and avoid drinking situations entirely as it seems the temptation is too much. It takes a while to get used to living a sober life. Maybe in time you'll be able to go to the pub without it being a big deal or maybe you won't even want to be bothered being around the drinking scene at all. Best of luck.

Yes totally agree Wattle.

hubba

Pick yourself, dust yourself off and start again, Carpet Diem. But I agree with the other posters, make sobriety your number one priority now, over everything else. Learn from this experience. This is your journey, no-one elses, and you have to decide what's best for you, all the time.

This time of year is unnatural. It's when the Irish totally blow off any pretence of restraint and anyone who doesn't get pissed weekly for the next 3 weeks is a weirdo. I just lie low, try to avoid getting invitations, and when I do, I pretend I've so many things to go to that I can't fit it in. It generally works. The odd thing I HAVE to go to, I arrive late, and leave early and often go missing in the middle for a breather, a walk outside or find a little seat alone and centre myself. It may seem unusual but that doesn't make it wrong. My body and mind thank me for it, every morning.

So, be kind to yourself, do the right thing for you, and never feel alone. Come for a boardsie hug, anytime you need to.

Carpet diem

hubba wrote: »

Pick yourself, dust yourself off and start again, Carpet Diem. But I agree with the other posters, make sobriety your number one priority now, over everything else. Learn from this experience. This is your journey, no-one elses, and you have to decide what's best for you, all the time.

This time of year is unnatural. It's when the Irish totally blow off any pretence of restraint and anyone who doesn't get pissed weekly for the next 3 weeks is a weirdo. I just lie low, try to avoid getting invitations, and when I do, I pretend I've so many things to go to that I can't fit it in. It generally works. The odd thing I HAVE to go to, I arrive late, and leave early and often go missing in the middle for a breather, a walk outside or find a little seat alone and centre myself. It may seem unusual but that doesn't make it wrong. My body and mind thank me for it, every morning.

So, be kind to yourself, do the right thing for you, and never feel alone. Come for a boardsie hug, anytime you need to.

Thanks hubba. Only so many times I can come on here feeling sorry for myself.

enoughalready

Don't be too hard on yourself mate, these things happen, we are all as flawed as each other, you can start again, day 1 and so on! Keep the chin up and focus. As hubba said, come on here if you need a virtual hug - that's whats great about these threads, massive support network. Keep it real. ~ Trigger (",)

beano345

Keep the head up carpet diem tommorows a new day! I've had a few relapses but their becoming less common and longer apart cause each time It drills it deeper into me what a waste of time alcohol is! I actually get dreams were I'm back on the beer and its like a nightmare then the relief when I wake up and realise its a dream! Its kinda a good reminder and seemingly quite common,dont be too hard on yourself just try look as it as a reminder...of what your not missing!

KeefF

Carpet diem wrote: »

Yes totally agree Wattle.

Nothing to add to what everyone else has said. just start again - go to AA (if that's what you want). Listen, Talk, Listen & Listen. Keep coming on here and posting for support etc.
Best of luck.

Amazingfun

Great comments so far!

What I found helpful in coming to accept my 'condition' (alcoholic), was seeing it as a physical problem too, not just some "defect of character", although it is that too, lol
Like, people who are allergic to strawberries cannot eat them without breaking out in hives, etc. So it is with us, except the "breaking out" looks like remorse and misery for some, whilst for others the consequences can be far more serious (accidents, drunk driving, fires started while drunk, etc).
AA terms it an "allergy", and that works for me. I am 'allergic' to alcohol and therefore must leave it alone, completely. And nothing I ever do, nowhere I shall ever go, will change that.

It's accepting that fact that is difficult for many of us, and 'the tedious process' of getting to that point of surrender can go on for years.

Today is a new day, and that's for every single one of us.
Just chalk it up to another piece of learning and try to stay in the day.
This poem helped me a lot, and many others too:

Yesterday Today and Tomorrow
There are two days in every week
about which we should not worry,
Two days which should be kept free of fear and apprehension.
One of these days is YESTERDAY,
With its mistakes and cares,
Its faults and blunders,
Its aches and pains.
YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY.
We cannot undo a single act we performed;
We cannot erase a single word we said.
YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW
With its possible adversities, its burdens, its larger promise.
TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.
TOMORROW, the sun will rise,
Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,
But it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW
For it is as yet unborn.
This leaves only one day – TODAY.

Any man can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
- YESTERDAY and TOMORROW -
That we break down.
It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad.
It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY
And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.
Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.

AA will have loads of meetings on this time of year, even on Christmas day, for anyone in need of a bit of support and good cheer. Even those of us many years sober tend to stick closer to the fellowship during the 'mad season'

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

Carpet diem

Thanks everyone. I know im learning each time and getting closer and closer to an alcohol free and fun life.

I'm still not feeling best after Thursday - it usually takes 2-3 days to be back to my best and 3-4 days to be back sleeping well. No wonder i want change

hubba

Amazingfun wrote: »

It's accepting that fact that is difficult for many of us, and 'the tedious process' of getting to that point of surrender can go on for years.

This was key for me too. Accepting that I would never be happy as a drinker. It was a big thing to accept and I had to let it sit in my head for a number of years before I actually quit.

KeefF

hubba wrote: »

This was key for me too. Accepting that I would never be happy as a drinker. It was a big thing to accept and I had to let it sit in my head for a number of years before I actually quit.

Agreed - I have to remind myself of the AA acceptance extract on a daily basis.

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

Agreed - I have to remind myself of the AA acceptance extract on a daily basis.

That's exactly it - I will never be happy drinking. It puts me on such downers for a few days and everything seems like a mountain to climb.

Carpet diem

As bad as things are I'm in bed on what would be one of the busiest weekends for Xmas and its brilliant.

I have come a long way so positives from that.

I fully accept i will never never be happy drinking and im powerless over it.

Now time to move on to better things and a more peaceful life.

Carpet diem

Looking forward to a nice day even tho I I'm not 100% but up early nonetheless.

Have a nice day everyone

Carpet diem

Great day today. Content and happy and not hungover and got loads done.

Acceptance extract for me now to keep me balanced emotionally.

Carpet diem

Focusing on acceptance these days and not just in myself but in people. It really is helping and making the day easier.

Other than that keeping my emotions balanced - extremes are definitely triggers for me. The need to celebrate a job well done or to drown sorrows and forget a bad day.