The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

kingchess · 26-10-2014 11:38PM

heard of the dyslexic who was agnostic-he was up all night pondering the question-Is there a Dog?

EoghanIRL · 27-10-2014 01:15AM

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

EoghanIRL · 27-10-2014 01:17AM

I finally took the warning on the cigarette box to heart and stopped littering.

Happyman42 · 27-10-2014 01:24AM

realies wrote: »

Woman walking down The road with her left boob hanging out, a passer by quietly say's to her " sorry Mrs but do you know your boob is hanging out" **** she reply's, I'm after leaving the baby on the bus.

Topless woman tries to get into an old cathedral on holidays.
The priest at the door says;
'Sorry madam you cannot enter like that'.
The woman protests;
'But I have a divine right to enter'
Says the priest;
'Yes and you have a divine left too, but you still aren't getting in'.

eisenberg1 · 27-10-2014 02:18AM

kingchess wrote: »

heard of the dyslexic who was agnostic-he was up all night pondering the question-Is there a Dog?

The question is ...

"did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac..?"

Hence the being up all night bit.

McChubbin · 27-10-2014 02:31AM

Recently, I had the gross misfortune of accidently locking my car keys inside my car whilst parked across from an abortion clinic.
I'll never forget the filthy look the receptionist gave me when I went in and asked for a coat hanger...

eisenberg1 · 27-10-2014 02:44AM

McChubbin wrote: »

Recently, I had the gross misfortune of accidently locking my car keys inside my car whilst parked across from an abortion clinic.
I'll never forget the filthy look the receptionist gave me when I went in and asked for a coat hanger...

There are bad jokes and crap jokes, and jokes that are just not funny....and that is just not funny.

Hermy · 27-10-2014 09:40AM

eisenberg1 wrote: »

There are bad jokes and crap jokes, and jokes that are just not funny....and that is just not funny.

Au contraire.

Kayleigh.. · 27-10-2014 10:35AM

The ginger woman at my work recently announced that she is pregnant by her black boyfriend. She was discussing possible baby names the other day, apparently "Terry The Chocolate Orange" is not tolerated and is enough to get you fired.

jonnybegood · 27-10-2014 12:07PM

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of
years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home
absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously
wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how
I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh,
Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got
fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she
got fired too."

27-10-2014 05:35PM

TWIN IRISH SISTERS CELEBRATE

Twin sisters in a Bexhill Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old.

The editor of the Bexhill Observer newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take
pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and
the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."

So they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out, "OH LARD JESUS! BOTH OF US????"

kingchess · 27-10-2014 07:00PM

eisenberg1 wrote: »

The question is ...

"did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac..?"

Hence the being up all night bit.

Did you hear about the dyslexic,agnostic,insomniac who was up all night wondering "Is there a Dog ??". (I hope that will agree with your well developed sense of Humour?)

david75 · 27-10-2014 07:28PM

Dyslexics of the world!! untie!!

donalh087 · 27-10-2014 07:40PM

Nearly there Kingchess.

eisenberg1 · 27-10-2014 08:18PM

kingchess wrote: »

Did you hear about the dyslexic,agnostic,insomniac who was up all night wondering "Is there a God ??". (I hope that will agree with your well developed sense of Humour?)

I was merely pointing out that you had omitted the "insomniac" part.....

kingchess · 27-10-2014 08:24PM

eisenberg1 wrote: »

I was merely pointing out that you had omitted the "insomniac" part.....

Thank you, And I merely hoped that the correction met with your approval,:eek:

eisenberg1 · 27-10-2014 08:29PM

kingchess wrote: »

Did you hear about the dyslexic,agnostic,insomniac who was up all night wondering "Is there a God ??". (I hope that will agree with your well developed sense of Humour?)

kingchess wrote: »

Thank you, And I merely hoped that the correction met with your approval,:eek:

Why would the agnostic wonder if there was a god?:D

kingchess · 27-10-2014 09:07PM

Anti-joke??anybody.anybody?? ok actually did not notice it so thanks again

eisenberg1 · 27-10-2014 09:34PM

You are welcome, lets leave it there, shall we.

Hermy · 27-10-2014 11:37PM

An agnostic walked into a bar and asked the barman if there was a god.
The barman didn't know and got a train to Albania.

EoghanIRL · 28-10-2014 01:43AM

eisenberg1 wrote: »

There are bad jokes and crap jokes, and jokes that are just not funny....and that is just not funny.

This is the best joke I've ever heard . Did you come up with it all by yourself ?

EoghanIRL · 28-10-2014 01:50AM

People who get offended when I breastfeed in public can just fcuk off .
What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my husband .

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

thee glitz · 28-10-2014 11:47AM

Some lad walks into a bar, doesn't tell an anti-joke. Everybody is happy.

irish_goat · 28-10-2014 12:23PM

'Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective'

'You're still ****ing late' replied my boss.

Hitchens · 28-10-2014 11:24PM

'I am' is the shortest sentence in the English language................

.................... 'I do' is the longest.

Busted Flat. · 29-10-2014 01:53AM

Where is all the jokes gone, now we have a discussion thread by a bunch of ???. Get back to the thread.

everlast75 · 29-10-2014 09:53AM

A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded!!!!!

Must have been a jihaddy long legs...

29-10-2014 10:10AM

Whats the difference between two cocks and a joke?
It doesn't look like you could take a joke .

rolliepoley · 30-10-2014 09:00PM

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a
Plane: "I think everyone's asleep, lets go"

"This one's empty ... No-ones looking... You go in first"

"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down"

"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on"

Sniff sniff
"Ah perfume - you think of everything"

"This is great....." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.

"This is the captain speaking, to those two people
In the rear toilet.

We know what you're doing and
It is expressly forbidden by airline regulations...

Now put those cigarettes out and take the
Condom off the smoke detector!"

Santa Cruz · 30-10-2014 09:12PM

EoghanIRL wrote: »

People who get offended when I breastfeed in public can just fcuk off .
What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my husband .

A women says to me one time "I rather not see you masturbating"
I said to her "Why did you sit beside me on the bus so"

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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