DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

moy83 wrote: »

You wont feel it Reggie ! Tis rust im rubbing off mine .
A bit of nice growthy weather really lifts the form and the stretch in the evening is good too

Nothing like the chuck chuck chuck like the square baler..... Unless it's followed by a bang

biddy2013 wrote: »

ye i am already looking up a new barbecue so here's hoping:D

I got a new one as christmas present.:cool:

This night I am thinking about a young farmer (late 20's) who tragically passed away this night last year.

reilig wrote: »

This is a thread that I have been asked to start on the Farming and Forestry forum as it is something which seems to affect rural dwellers more than anyone. Suicide rates among Farmers are pretty high.

This is a thread which will offer people some information and resources to help with depression.

Please feel free to add sensible stuff to the thread. Depression is a pretty taboo subject, but at the end of the day, the only way to beat it is to talk about it.

Here are some links and resources:

Samaritans

1850 60 90 90

Aware

Mental Health Ireland

Just a note for anyone who feels depressed, it might seem dark now but there is help.
Please read the sticky here if you haven't already or speak to a medical professional

EDIT: We're going to sticky this thread on F & F for a week or two and following that it will be found in the Important Threads and Useful Information Thread

Could you also mention the console charity for people who have been bereaved by suicide please? Their number is 1800-201 890

Reggie. wrote: »

Having a bit of an issue with this myself lately. Friend of mine has it awhile. Recently went off the medicine he was prescribed. Disappears for days on end and it was getting longer and more frequent between the disappearing acts. Went off about two weeks ago and haven't returned home since. Get him on the phone sometimes and he is in great for then might not get him for days.

Hi Reggie,

That's obviously very worrying for you. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you who cares/bothers to notice and express concern.

Sometimes, when people stop taking their meds, it can be because they feel they no longer need to take them:

Scenario 1: they feel fine (in fact, when that happens they can feel great, often on top of the world and able to do anything and everything, at a pace that perhaps you would find to be blinding). If this describes your friend's current mood and behaviour fairly closely, s/he may have become a bit high and probably needs professional help. All you can do is to try your best to be available if/when s/he needs to contact you. Does s/he have any close family?

Scenario 2: they feel the meds are useless and not helping them feel any better. In this scenario, again all you can do is to try to reach out to your friend and help him/her to receive help.

Above all, try to be non-judgemental when you do have contact, but do what you can to get him/her to obtain help, BUT without becoming used & abused in the process.

If you would like to find out more about what you can do for your friend as well as where you may need to draw 'lines in the sand' perhaps a chat with your GP or one of the professional mental health organisations would help you.

Hope this is of some use to you.

Hello

Iv been reading through this post and basically wanted to put my story out there and get some opinions.

I took over the farm in the last few years from my bachelor uncle. I'm 1 of 4 nephew. The uncle never bothered with the nephews but was spoiled by his mother and sisters (being the only boy) but he was a fair man to work but he never improved the farm and ran it into high depths.

He was tough always. A real manly man and often gave me grief about my father leaving when I was young but I'd tell him that it was easy say that to me because he was scared of the other nephews fathers. His best taunts being"breeding beats feeding" and "it's easy to see why my mother left my father" I quote these so ye know it wasn't a tickling contest we fell out over.

Anyway I was always around the farm but just lifting and sweeping and chasing. No work that had any responsibility or anything and basically my mother always said not to mind him. So I went to ag college and quickly realised that farming isn't all about cleaning out calf houses so I was lost at sea. Couldn't even drive a tractor. Only knew what weeds were from all the summers out pulling them.

I went traveling after college and worked on farms around the world. Dairy in nz. Cattle ranch in USA. Got about 4 years of this done then the phone call. The uncle was on the way out. Come home for calving. I returned ASAP and it was madness. I fought with him daily over stuff like him hiding the tractor keys and I'd buy stuff for the farm and he would return it and say he never saw it.

Long story short he passed after about a year and all the family turned on me saying I put him in the grave because I wouldn't give him peace. I said to them that they weren't there and how I was the one that spent the year putting him in and out if bed each night while being told how I had left the farm go. Well I ended up with the farm while they all got money out of it. There was no money to speak of so I took on a depth of just over 100k. Iv managed to clear it after 4 years of hard graft and kept the land.

That's the back story. My problem now is that when I sit back and take stock of my situation I'm left asking why. Why did I bother.we don't speak but I see the cousins off living life going on holidays. Getting married and all that. And I'm here on the farm. I drove everyone away. I'm effectively broke financialy. I barely speak to my mother. Girlfriend left because of the hours I work. I find that the local farmers laugh at me because I'm the same age as most of their sons after a few drinks the louder of them love saying what they heard their fathers say the night before to their mother's over the dinner table.

That's my full story up to present day. My problem is that since I slowed down on the farm and started thinking iv come to really wonder where I'm going in life. Iv come to hate the farm. I'm tired of going around on my own. I find I just want to stop worrying. My ex told me I was very social and that she used to worry about me a lot because I spent so much time alone.

Iv become so lazy and I just do the bare minimum these days. I let things slide so much that sometimes it scares me. I'm so angry at the world and can go from a fit if rage to total submission crying my eyes out and then back to rage again all while just feeding a calf. The doctor told me that I'm not depressed but should seek counciling but I don't think I can let it all out face to face with someone yet hence this essay which I apologise about the length but in all honesty it does feel good to put it out there.

I suppose in a sentence. I hate my life and all about it. Am I lazy and just need to get a grip or is it something more. I need ideas or options. I'm glad to answer most questions and for more info it's all up on another tread under my name about combining sucklers and dairy.

Thanks for listening. I have no idea if I'm in the correct section or thus site so I apologise if I'm wrong

Mike

Farming can be a cruel occupation with loneliness, hard physical work and loosing livestock ect. You've achieved a lot clearing 100k debt in 4 years. Most of the people are just jealous and you should steer clear of the likes. We all feel similar things to you at times when things aren't going right and the list of things needs doing keeps growing. Make a list of jobs and tick them off, hanging a gate, fencing ect. Good luck mike.

Mike

in terms of the diagnosis from your GP - he might be right - but he might also be wrong, he could be looking at you and thinking "sure he's young, he has a farm - sure what has he got to be depressed about". After all he's only human and prone to mistakes - unfortunately many professionals mess up here, especially if they have no experience in the area.

Go talk to another GP as soon as you can, if you need to goto a third.
If it helps - bring along a printout of your two posts above - get the message across - you need them to help you... You could be depressed, you could be suffering from burnout, or some other illness, basically his first port of call should have been to run some blood tests, bring you back in and really listen to you. Telling you just you're not depressed annoys me and it smacks of someone who is in the wrong profession.

Sorry about your neighbours as well, but in many communities as you now know there can be a sort of small mindedness that stretches back generations and a slight against a grand-father still strains the relationship now. Chances are they all know what a great job you've done and frankly they're jealous. In typical begrudgery now seeing you struggle makes them feel happier about themselves in an odd sort of way. The good news? Well the good news is this forum - many of the posters here are here to genuinely help you. They have a range of experience that spans decades and will have run into the same clique type thinking that you are now seeing first hand. Get to know some of the folk here and the threads, create some of your own. When you need to vent goto the ChitChat thread and have a laugh.

In the meantime, try to set up a schedule with breaks built in. At least to get the minimum done but also to ensure you are getting proper rest periods. Also see if you can get someone to help with some of the load for a while. Go to ANOTHER GP. And spend sometime away from the farm - get out for a walk, mess about here but just give your head some space. Above all else give yourself a break, no-one but you knows the lengths you went to, so what if they have the wrong idea about you and your uncle, that's their issue and you can't change the minds of idiots. Finally - find someone you can talk to - preferably a professional but here is good too (just watch out for some of the stick).

To clear that wasn't easy granted but I could never do it again. Like if it wasn't nailed down I sold it. Like I was pulling old slate roof tiles off old buildings to sell them and sold fire wood off the ditches. Double suckling calves on high cell cows. There were weeks where the only food that came into the house was porridge spuds and sausages. The sky box and phone was disconnected.

In all fairness to the people around I don't
Think they know what the place was like. My uncle had a name for being a good worker. Even people still say what q gentleman he was to deal with. Sure maybe it was me that had the problem but I hated him in the end and I hate myself for admitting to it.

I'm sorry I really feel like iv hijacked this thread.

mike hilux wrote: »

I'm sorry I really feel like iv hijacked this thread.

Definitely not, nobody had posted here in a while anyways! But as others have said, well done for taking this huge step of posting it up to all of us! As Taltos said, go find another more considerate GP, I would seriously consider the counseling also, you said it might be hard to open up to one, they will be properly trained to listen and understand, a hell of alot better and more professional than yourown GP for sure.

Aside from all this, you just got to block out the locals, and by the sound of it some of your family also, the thing with your uncle is thankfully all in the past now. You definitely need to find something to do during the day also, or better again as Whelan said escape for a real break. There is genuinely nothing worse than being stuck sitting around doing nothing other than thinking why am I stuck here etc. At least if you have afew interests outside of farm, even on days you are stuck at home doing nothing it will give you something else to focus your thoughts on instead of thinking about the locals opinions or whatever.

In my view, Farming should come with a serious mental health warning, long hours, very unsociable, both due to the hours, being stuck alone on the farm, and then being tied done to it with milking etc. Then you usually got very complex family ties and irrational land links thrown in ontop of it also, and throw in afew uneducated idiots of locals who have nothing better to do then wind ya up!

Anyways best of luck Mike, and let us know how you get on please.

whelan2 wrote: »

2 replies i have learnt when anyone says anything are " sure you know best what i should be doing with my life " and the other is " i am doing my best and if that isnt good enough for ya , you know what you can do" i used to take what people said to heart now its water off a ducks back.

That's the style whelan...sometimes it can still fester in my head a bit after a sly dig from someone tho