DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

Base price

Mike, the one thing that I learned when I was going through my own personal crises was that you CANNOT change the past. When I eventually realised that it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I became ME again. Not someone consumed with "what ifs". I slowly began to look forward to MY personal future. Councelling helped me immensely.
As the others have go speak to another doctor or make an appointment with a councillor ifyou can.
You have made a huge step by posting here today, keep taking more steps and in now time at all you will soon be running. Believe in yourself.

lakill Farm

I think everyone has bad days here. I for sure do, things going wrong, long days, people pissing you off etc.

So this is what i do

Surround yourself with positive people. Maybe join Macra as your under 30 and social aspect. Auld lads down the pub love running lads down. They just realise all their own mistakes. 2 finger salute to them.

Set yourself small goals - Do a list of items you want to do for the week. monday dose, tuesday fence, wednesday top, etc. Each day tick your list and write down what extra you did like tidying a shed or cleaning the tractor or going for meal.

Get sleep and relaxation time . Im 30 and im like a hormonal bitch if i dont get 7 hours average sleep.

Get time away from farm - Either throught socialising or even a job sundry to the farm. Even if its a bit of agri advisory or relief milking or driving a tractor for a contractor if he is stuck.

I know he was your uncle but he sounded a complete prick . No wonder he ended up alone. So once you get your life back on track maybe try contact your mother and try to build bridges. ONce you have given it a genuine try you have done all you can do. There is a saying " you can chose your friends, not your family" Some family can be unreal to deal with.

Im sure over the next few weeks if you keep posting here and tell us above the good days and the bad days it will help

I know for 1, that my own family GP suffered from depression for a while. He told my own mother a few years ago. He had a nice practice, a great wife also in medical professional and 3 smart kids. But life changed and he got it hard to cope. He took a back seat and let the other doctors take the strain and he got himself sorted out and is back to the old GP i have known for 25 years.

greysides

mike hilux wrote: »

I'm sorry I really feel like iv hijacked this thread.

Not in the least. I've not read through much of this thread but if it serves any purpose, it's the one it's being used for now.

I couldn't presume to be able to give you advice but what Lakill has posted sounds entirely sensible, just remember at < 30 life is there for the taking/making.

24_7

All good advice above. Ive been going through the same for a while now, just doing the minimum and putting important things off. Was getting me down so I enrolled in a self development course. A lot of it was common sense and some of it is repeated above but when your in a rut sometimes common sense things need to be spelt out to you.

First thing I learnt was to identify the main problems, its only when you identify whats wrong that you can do something about it. So, create a list of things thats getting you down eg. not talking with family, too much work to do, not enough social time, money etc. Beside what the problem is write if that problem was gone how would that make you feel, Happy, fulfilled, excited.
Then the hard part, you need to something about it. If you not talking to your mother, call to see her. Maybe she's been putting off going to see you. If too much work to do, so what, does it have to be done today?,now? probably not. If not enough social time, go to pub, go to a football. I wouldnt sit in front of tv too much. Think its better to be mingling and talking to people rather than sitting watching tv.
Slowly I'm realising there is more to life than farming. Thats were my name 24_7 came from. Always seemed to be working. Now I'm more relaxed about it. Gonna reduce cattle numbers next year and try to keep fewer better cattle. If I dont get something done today, do if tomorrow, only thing is make sure it gets done, if it needs done.
You cant change what happened in the past. Forget about it. Its like the list I suggested above. If 'the past' was off your list and you were starting with a clean slate, how would that make you feel, or what would you do. Make a list of things you want to do.
The last thing i would suggest is to talk to someone, as said by other posters you've done the hard part and acknowledged that somethings up, but i've found that its better to say things and get them off your chest, you'll never believe how far conversations can go.
Last tip. Dont look at it as depression. The name gives it strength. If it comes and goes call it something else or look at it a different way. You'll think I'm mad but sometimes I look at it like a young calf breaking through a fence away from its mother. I acknowledge that its there, but its only temporary and when its hungry it'll come back and everything's 'normal' again.
Hope you find something useful in all that.

mike hilux

Thanks for all the above suggestions and comments and well wishes. There all very much appreciated.

I wasn't expecting such a large response to be honest so I'm not sure what to say. I suppose thank you is the main one to get across.

lakill Farm

mike hilux wrote: »

Thanks for all the above suggestions and comments and well wishes. There all very much appreciated.

I wasn't expecting such a large response to be honest so I'm not sure what to say. I suppose thank you is the main one to get across.

best response would be to keep taking to us all here and hopefully in a few weeks you will be flying

grazeaway

mike

sorry to hear your plight, tough life for a young man. The 1st thing i would say is to take your doctors advice and book an appointment with someone to talk to. It is always good to talk to someone. We have a very poor attitude to things like this in Ireland but it is something that is changing luckily. Conor Cusak (donal Ogs brother) recently made headlines where he spoke openly about his life and has received fantastic support and has shown a superb insight into depression, i would recommend reading his blog.

I met my wife while traveling in Europe and i am always surprised how open they are over there about any issues they have. Ironically i find my friends and family here more liberal then hers over there but they have a much more mature attitude to mental health issues then us irish. There is no judgement but support and understanding.

while i am lucky not to be in your shoes i do have experience with dealing with depression with one of my own family. The important thing i find is that we are always there for her if she needs to talk and we try to include her in things. I always encourage her to go to a councillor (even though she finds it very tough mentally) confronting and dealing with ones demons i think it the best way forward.

when we were kids and if we were getting bullied my father used to say to us to "never let the bas?ards grind you down" and "dont give the fcukers the satisfaction of seeing you hurt". Strange as it may seem the same advice can also be applied to any other issue we have in life and i still use it myself.

You and you alone control your destiny and you can do anything you want with it.

You have already shown that you are more just a fella on the land clearing a 100k debt in 4 years is a fair achievement never mind doing it with no family support. so you have proved your self as a farmer already. To hell with the naysayers and gosh1tes in the pub take no notice of them.

Make time for yourself look to finish early some evenings and go do what you like to do, get away from the farm and leave its worries at the gate for a few hours. When you were younger there was probably something that you liked doing be it sport, music art, cars what ever. But look to do it again, you are young and single so you can choose when and where you want to do things. One of my friends (also a young farmer) was always interested in singing and is now spending a couple of evenings singing in a gospel choir and loves it.

We all want to do something that makes us happy so you are no different from anyone else so remember what makes you happy and look to do it.

exercise is the antidote

Reggie. wrote: »

That's the style whelan...sometimes it can still fester in my head a bit after a sly dig from someone tho

If I get sly digs off a person I don't acknowledge them as digs and i laugh them off as not to look bothered(put a big smile on your face:D) and slowly remove them/it from your life. You don't need that s##t man

A cow called Daisy

Hi Mike,

If it any have consultation I have good idea of how you feel as I have been there myself - all I would do is the bare minimum of work any day. Some days I wouldn't even bother looking at the few cattle. I would get up, milk, and then ar*e around till milking time again despite having great intentions. This only left me feeling worse. Things have slowly improved but I'm not fully out of it yet.
I can't put my finger on what actually helped but one was 'dropping hints' to a good and trusred friend who told me they had noticed how low I was feeling. It was a great weight of my mind. Have you anyone you can tell and trust. Also considering talking to some professional who can help. Keep changing till you find someone who listens and understands Having said that I find boards here great. You have anonymity and you get prompt responses and support from those of us who are or have been in similar situations -
just look at the genuine advice you have got on here in only a few hours. Farming can be lonely and I reiterate what has already been said about getting away for even a day and night
at first and build up from there.
Remember you are not alone. Look at the number of people on here that have felt down at times and all say how much better they feel now. There is light at the end of the tunnel - my light is not fully lit yet but is a hell of a lot brighter than it was a while ago.

I wish you the best of luck and remember there are always friends here on boards which i have

A cow called Daisy

Hi Mike,

If it any have consultation I have good idea of how you feel as I have been there myself - all I would do is the bare minimum of work any day. Some days I wouldn't even bother looking at the few cattle. I would get up, milk, and then ar*e around till milking time again despite having great intentions. This only left me feeling worse. Things have slowly improved but I'm not fully out of it yet.
I can't put my finger on what actually helped but one was 'dropping hints' to a good and trusred friend who told me they had noticed how low I was feeling. It was a great weight of my mind. Have you anyone you can tell and trust. Also considering talking to some professional who can help. Keep changing till you find someone who listens and understands Having said that I find boards here great. You have anonymity and you get prompt responses and support from those of us who are or have been in similar situations -

just look at the genuine advice you have got on here in only a few hours. Farming can be lonely and I reiterate what has already been said about getting away for even a day and night
at first and build up from there.
Remember you are not alone. Look at the number of people on here that have felt down at times and all say how much better they feel now. There is light at the end of the tunnel - my light is not fully lit yet but is a hell of a lot brighter than it was a while ago.

I wish you the best of luck and remember there are always friends here on boards which i have

mike hilux

Cheers for all advice I suppose I'll go find a councillor so but it will have to wait until I'm more on top of things around the place.

Grazeaway your father sounds like a smart man. I always enjoyed a good play on words or a well put together rousing speech like al pachino in any given Sunday and the coaches speech in the DVD of the nz lions tour in 2005.
Rudyard Kipling wrote IF. A fantastic poem where he writes "if you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone. And hold on when there is nothing in you except the will that says to them hold on."

Henley also wrote "invictus" (the Latin word for unconcerable) plenty of us heard Morgan freeman saying the words in the film of the same name.

All words to live by in my opinion

whelan2

was talking to a lad last week, he said he went off to a hotel on a 3 day break on his own, got massage treatments, few drinks , total chill out few days , said it was the making of him. Fair play to him. Said he went home a different fella.

grazeaway

whelan2 wrote: »

was talking to a lad last week, he said he went off to a hotel on a 3 day break on his own, got massage treatments, few drinks , total chill out few days , said it was the making of him. Fair play to him. Said he went home a different fella.

Sent the sister away to spa hotel a few years ago after things started to overwhelm her in work. Took her phone off her and told the hotel not to let her use the wifi as she needed to switch off.

Went away with the in laws a few years back on a all inclusive holiday to a resort where very few people spoke English in Spain for a week and it was fantastic to just be able to wind down. I was a different person when I got home.

grazeaway

mike hilux wrote: »

Cheers for all advice I suppose I'll go find a councillor so but it will have to wait until I'm more on top of things around the place.

Grazeaway your father sounds like a smart man. I always enjoyed a good play on words or a well put together rousing speech like al pachino in Friday night lights and the coaches speech in the DVD of the nz lions tour in 2005.
Rudyard Kipling wrote IF. A fantastic poem where he writes "if you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone. And hold on when there is nothing in you except the will that says to them hold on."

Henley also wrote "invictus" (the Latin word for unconcerable) plenty of us heard Morgan freeman saying the words in the film of the same name.

All words to live by in my opinion

I used to have this on my iPod back in my playing days and would listen to it before matches. One of my friends is a fireman and listens to it every day when goes to work.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4tIrjBDkk

sea12

Just read Ure story now mike and fair play to you for putting it down. Being aware that Ure not yourself and trying to look for help is a big step.

The fact that you have cleared 100k debt in 4 yrs and lost your girlfriend would indicate you worked bloody hard over the past 4 yrs probably too hard at the expense of other things in Ure life.

You need another outlet outside farming. What other interests do you have ?

A bit of exercise such as running or cycling is great to clear the head and get away from it all.

Also as mentioned above set out short term goals and you will feel great when you achieve them.

Don't be afraid to get a second opinion from another doctor on the diagnosis.

Best of luck and keep posting on here.

Farrell

Sorry Mike thought I posted earlier.
I really admire what you have achieved. Sadly the controlling & put downs are hard to deal with, but you've come through, & I believe you'll continue to exceed.
One thing I was told & still use "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Wish you the best of luck & look forward to your future posts

eric prydz

mike hilux wrote: »

Hello

Iv been reading through this post and basically wanted to put my story out there and get some opinions.

I took over the farm in the last few years from my bachelor uncle. I'm 1 of 4 nephew. The uncle never bothered with the nephews but was spoiled by his mother and sisters (being the only boy) but he was a fair man to work but he never improved the farm and ran it into high depths.

He was tough always. A real manly man and often gave me grief about my father leaving when I was young but I'd tell him that it was easy say that to me because he was scared of the other nephews fathers. His best taunts being"breeding beats feeding" and "it's easy to see why my mother left my father" I quote these so ye know it wasn't a tickling contest we fell out over.

Anyway I was always around the farm but just lifting and sweeping and chasing. No work that had any responsibility or anything and basically my mother always said not to mind him. So I went to ag college and quickly realised that farming isn't all about cleaning out calf houses so I was lost at sea. Couldn't even drive a tractor. Only knew what weeds were from all the summers out pulling them.

I went traveling after college and worked on farms around the world. Dairy in nz. Cattle ranch in USA. Got about 4 years of this done then the phone call. The uncle was on the way out. Come home for calving. I returned ASAP and it was madness. I fought with him daily over stuff like him hiding the tractor keys and I'd buy stuff for the farm and he would return it and say he never saw it.

Long story short he passed after about a year and all the family turned on me saying I put him in the grave because I wouldn't give him peace. I said to them that they weren't there and how I was the one that spent the year putting him in and out if bed each night while being told how I had left the farm go. Well I ended up with the farm while they all got money out of it. There was no money to speak of so I took on a depth of just over 100k. Iv managed to clear it after 4 years of hard graft and kept the land.

That's the back story. My problem now is that when I sit back and take stock of my situation I'm left asking why. Why did I bother.we don't speak but I see the cousins off living life going on holidays. Getting married and all that. And I'm here on the farm. I drove everyone away. I'm effectively broke financialy. I barely speak to my mother. Girlfriend left because of the hours I work. I find that the local farmers laugh at me because I'm the same age as most of their sons after a few drinks the louder of them love saying what they heard their fathers say the night before to their mother's over the dinner table.

That's my full story up to present day. My problem is that since I slowed down on the farm and started thinking iv come to really wonder where I'm going in life. Iv come to hate the farm. I'm tired of going around on my own. I find I just want to stop worrying. My ex told me I was very social and that she used to worry about me a lot because I spent so much time alone.

Iv become so lazy and I just do the bare minimum these days. I let things slide so much that sometimes it scares me. I'm so angry at the world and can go from a fit if rage to total submission crying my eyes out and then back to rage again all while just feeding a calf. The doctor told me that I'm not depressed but should seek counciling but I don't think I can let it all out face to face with someone yet hence this essay which I apologise about the length but in all honesty it does feel good to put it out there.

I suppose in a sentence. I hate my life and all about it. Am I lazy and just need to get a grip or is it something more. I need ideas or options. I'm glad to answer most questions and for more info it's all up on another tread under my name about combining sucklers and dairy.

Thanks for listening. I have no idea if I'm in the correct section or thus site so I apologise if I'm wrong

Mike

Hi Mike
First of all fair play to you for typing your story it took a lot of courage to do that.
Im sorry that im no good to you regarding advice but I understand where your coming from because ive had the same difficulties with family members and the neighbours all talking about me and passing unfair and hurtful remarks.
I do find it hard to get motivated too about things and do have mood swings from time to time too.
Life is difficult for you at the moment but things will get better

mike hilux

Hello Eric

I'm sorry to hear about your woes also. Look I'm new and this is all new to me but basically I got a verbal dig of a young lad over the weekend. This sounds awful but the same lad wouldn't have the wit for the remarks he passed so I'm guessing he was just repeating what he heard at home. It knocked me on my back side.

I was on this site then lastnight looking up cattle breeding. (Pure breeds v cross breeds) saw the headline depression and just said maybe I'll see something. I was reading through and I don't know what came over me but just started typing. When I had it typed I was actually going to delete it then but it took so long to do on the phone I just thought put it up. Come back in a week and see what comes of it.

Never expected such a response or such a great bunch of people. (thank you to everyone by the way) the reason I'm saying this is that I put it up and I feel good not great just yet but a good 3/10.

I think a way to describe it is that about 24 hours ago I felt that I was lost in a wood and a fog had come down but tonight the fog is gone. I'm still in the woods but I can see the stars through the branches. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone but me.

I'd recommend putting your story up if your thinking about it at all because (I don't know why) but it just reminds of when the cows get turned out to grass in spring and you have that sence that they can tip away for the day.

I haven't felt this "free??" in a long time. Im actually shocked.

A cow called Daisy

Mike, it's great to hear that you have got some help from the responses on here but you also deserve a lot more credit than this yourself, firstly, for taking the courage for the putting up the initial post, but also for being able to get some benefit-however small-from it.
None of us know how long your journey out of 'the woods' is, but hopefully the people on here (and perhaps some 'professional' help will make you journey shorter and more pleasant. I know i still hide behind 'a tree' from time to time. Remember the old chinese proverb, "the longest journey starts with the smallest step". You have already started on that journey - WELL DONE!

As for these people that pass these comments -somehow neighbours seems to me to be the wrong word- just ignore them. You have far more courage in your little finger and are a far 'bigger' person than they will ever have or be. Even your use of lanwguage on here is to be commmended.

Continued good luck to you.

P.S. I totally agree with your point about typing things out on the phone!!!

grazeaway

mike hilux wrote: »

Hello Eric

I'm sorry to hear about your woes also. Look I'm new and this is all new to me but basically I got a verbal dig of a young lad over the weekend. This sounds awful but the same lad wouldn't have the wit for the remarks he passed so I'm guessing he was just repeating what he heard at home. It knocked me on my back side.

I was on this site then lastnight looking up cattle breeding. (Pure breeds v cross breeds) saw the headline depression and just said maybe I'll see something. I was reading through and I don't know what came over me but just started typing. When I had it typed I was actually going to delete it then but it took so long to do on the phone I just thought put it up. Come back in a week and see what comes of it.

Never expected such a response or such a great bunch of people. (thank you to everyone by the way) the reason I'm saying this is that I put it up and I feel good not great just yet but a good 3/10.

I think a way to describe it is that about 24 hours ago I felt that I was lost in a wood and a fog had come down but tonight the fog is gone. I'm still in the woods but I can see the stars through the branches. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone but me.

I'd recommend putting your story up if your thinking about it at all because (I don't know why) but it just reminds of when the cows get turned out to grass in spring and you have that sence that they can tip away for the day.

I haven't felt this "free??" in a long time. Im actually shocked.

Good to see things are looking up. As daisy says 1 step at a time. My ol lad is great for sayings and whenever any job espically a big one gets started one of his favourite ones about eating an elephant.

How do you eat an elephant? 1 bite at a time.

Like daisy I too have to comment on your use of words and imagery, shows you have a keen understanding of such things and are able to put them across very well. Have you ever tryed a creative writing course? As you said above just typing it out and expressing it made you feel better maybe putting your obivious talent to more use and having an outlet may help as well.

mike hilux

Thank you very much. But I don't know about that. I wouldn't like to jump another tread in the future saying how down I am over no one wanting to read my memoirs.

My grand uncle always kept a diary about the day to day goings on with the farm. He always wrote on the cover "farming arseways" followed by the year so I suppose there's my title there.

I'll make sure you gang are all mentioned in the acknowledgments ha ha.

I want to say thank you to everyone for being so non judgemental and good sports. For all the good wishes and sound advice. Ill be tipping around this site so if I can return the favour or just lend an ear then don't hesitate to give me a shout.

Not saying I wont be back on my knees in a week's time but I'm optimistic and haven't felt like this for a while.

On about eating elephants. When I was in nz I did a bus tour of Milford sound. The bus driver was telling us about when the roads were being made back in the good old days of dynamite and elbow grease. The boss had an Irish foreman and told him to pick his 10 best men. Head down the south end of the road and start construction on the tunnel. When they got there that morning they were informed that they were going to dig into a rock face something like 200m tick.

The Irish lad turned to his men and said. "Jesus I wonder if he has anything on the cards for this evening lads"

blue5000

Mike I've had a long spell of less than 5/10 days too. My advice from someone who knows what it's like, is go for counselling, bit like the doc, maybe the first one won't crack the nut, try another one. Believe me it will be worth it in the end.

Roundbale

Hi Mike,

Surprised no one has mentioned this but why don't you sell up and get out to there. You'd have a good wedge of money and I imagine you don't care when the neighbors or cousins think (f%ck em anyway). No one should farm for the sake of it.

You indicate that you like to travel so you could take 2 years and head off on an extended holiday. If and when you come back you could go to college as a mature student and pursue another area of interest. Don't tie yourself to something you hate.

I'm farming part-time and have full time job in IT. I'd go nuts if I was farming on my own without the day job, each one keeps me sane from the other.

Best of luck but don't exclude the option of selling, you could regret it in your 70s.

mike hilux

Hello roundbail.

I don't know why but I just couldn't let it go. Iv often questioned holding on to it but I just couldn't get out nor could I not have a reasonable amount of animals on it. What I mean is I would hate to only see
10 animals on it or something to that effect.

I do feel a tie to the place that again I can't explain. Also i believe that in some sort of way I was left the farm because he knew I'd at least try to make it work.

I've tried to work out the reasons of and conditions for me taking over when he could have just easily split it between all 4 nephews or even left me out of the will altogether.I'll never know his mind though. Maybe it was his last slap in the face???.

Basically all the above is me trying to bulk out an answer so you didn't think I was dismissing your advice but the short answer is that in spite of everything. I want to farm it more than I want to sell it.

It's just sort of all overpowered me the last while. If you want you could go over to a tread of mine from last month where I go on about the carry on of my cousins and a stupid idea I had about combining sucklers into a dairy enterprise. That was my first venture on boards.

eric prydz

mike hilux wrote: »

Hello Eric

I'm sorry to hear about your woes also. Look I'm new and this is all new to me but basically I got a verbal dig of a young lad over the weekend. This sounds awful but the same lad wouldn't have the wit for the remarks he passed so I'm guessing he was just repeating what he heard at home. It knocked me on my back side.

I was on this site then lastnight looking up cattle breeding. (Pure breeds v cross breeds) saw the headline depression and just said maybe I'll see something. I was reading through and I don't know what came over me but just started typing. When I had it typed I was actually going to delete it then but it took so long to do on the phone I just thought put it up. Come back in a week and see what comes of it.

Never expected such a response or such a great bunch of people. (thank you to everyone by the way) the reason I'm saying this is that I put it up and I feel good not great just yet but a good 3/10.

I think a way to describe it is that about 24 hours ago I felt that I was lost in a wood and a fog had come down but tonight the fog is gone. I'm still in the woods but I can see the stars through the branches. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone but me.

I'd recommend putting your story up if your thinking about it at all because (I don't know why) but it just reminds of when the cows get turned out to grass in spring and you have that sence that they can tip away for the day.

I haven't felt this "free??" in a long time. Im actually shocked.

Well Mike I have been thinking all day about how id reply sorry about the delay,
Again I can relate to verbal digs made by a third party who only believed what they were told and knew no better which makes me feel sorry for them in a small way although it mainly makes me go mad with rage for having to listen and deal with such nasty ****e.

long story short anyway something fairly similar happened me a few weeks ago and after calming down I decided To go and visit them and tell them my side of the story and told them how it was with me and how much pressure that im under and how life is a bitch atm and has being for a very long time but it basically changed their opinion of me but it needed to be said and im sorry that id didn't decide to do it 5 years ago.

Ive thought about posting up about what has happened me but im just not able mainly because im trying to block out things that happened and that some of my problems were my own doing but were compounded by problems created by other people which hasn't been fully resolved and might never be.
Im also useless at expressing myself and I definaly don't have your way with words anyway Mike .

mike hilux wrote: »

Hello roundbail.

I don't know why but I just couldn't let it go. Iv often questioned holding on to it but I just couldn't get out nor could I not have a reasonable amount of animals on it. What I mean is I would hate to only see
10 animals on it or something to that effect.

I do feel a tie to the place that again I can't explain. Also i believe that in some sort of way I was left the farm because he knew I'd at least try to make it work.

I've tried to work out the reasons of and conditions for me taking over when he could have just easily split it between all 4 nephews or even left me out of the will altogether.I'll never know his mind though. Maybe it was his last slap in the face???.

Basically all the above is me trying to bulk out an answer so you didn't think I was dismissing your advice but the short answer is that in spite of everything. I want to farm it more than I want to sell it.

It's just sort of all overpowered me the last while. If you want you could go over to a tread of mine from last month where I go on about the carry on of my cousins and a stupid idea I had about combining sucklers into a dairy enterprise. That was my first venture on boards.

Well Mike (again)
Seeing as is so late I got nosey and decided to look at the thread that you started it last month.
I really admire you for all your hard work and dedication and I think that your uncle knew this too but could never bring himself to tell you that and maybe he was trying to make his peace with you in the end because your the only one who will be able to make this farm work Mike
Your farm is very labour intensive and being fragmented makes it even more akward and you don't deserve to work this hard for such a poor return (or does anyone else btw) and you deserve to enjoy life as well as farming.

mike hilux

Hello Eric

Thank you for the reply. It's a role reversal now because I don't know what to say really. You did something I'll never do because you went to the source of the aggravation and laid it down at their door for them so just fair play sir.

You say that you are trying to block it out but I wasn't able to. It would always creep in from the sides and I would shake it off and suppress it but in the end it might be a very simple thing would go wrong and I would LOSE IT. I've broken more windows in the tractor and pitch fork handled that you would never believe.

I think you do need to put it out there to someone be it here or a friend or a councillor. That was the biggest thing I was told here and as blue said above I intend to bring it further.

Start off small with the jist of it even. No one knows who you really are on this. I don't know can I say this but even if you were to change to another account under a different name and post it and then you could keep this account and know one would know.

It's not about how it's said. Forget about proper English and all that as it's not important. That first tread turned into more of a moaning session for me but it was in the wrong section. Like looking for sweets in a hardware store. But this is the right section. This will be the right section tor you too.

There is no pressure from me Eric and for
my first post it took ages to get it down and I nearly deleted it several times. But for all it took. The payback has been tenfold. It felt so nice and good to be listened to after so long. I could never put it into words

I say do it Eric

whelan2

agree 100% mike, just writting stuff down here that you would never say to anyone in real life takes a big weight of your shoulders. No point bottling it up, its you thats suffers in the long run.

24_7

Just had a thought, see what yez think, sometimes a good idea can come from a bad one. I've read back a good few posts on this thread, this and from my own experience I know that small problems increase to bigger ones, then they start to multiply and then your head is telling you that you have a million things to at once. So, how about anyone thats stressed at the minute writes down a couple of things on a thread that they need to do that they've been putting off. I started this yesterday myself in a notebook, so I wrote in to make a hospital appointment, a dentist appointment and to voice my opinion more at home, work and not be afraid to look stupid, and guess what happened, I phoned the hospital, the dentist, voiced my opinions at work and i'm voicing my opinion now by writing this, and not being afraid to look stupid.
Todays list
enquire about phone and internet connection to my house. done
contact charolais society
register calf
phone about tax
enquire about meal price for weanlings.
I know i havent done much yet but its still only 1oclock and I may not get them done today, but so what, tomorrows another day.

These are basic tasks but its only a start and it will get me in a habit of having confidence to start and complete things. I have bigger jobs to do but I'll get to them, hopefully next week, cause they're the ones causing me most annoyance.
So if someone posts something they need to do we can support each other and enquire if its done, or encourage them to do it.
I read on one of the posts that last spring the ifa wanted you to look out for your neighbours, try here,now, see what happens.
BTW tomorrow no work so.
fixing a manhole thats always blocking,
fertiliser
Get ready for second cut
shoot fecking rabbits

All the tasks above ive been putting off. Not anymore.

mike hilux

Ok I'm on board with you.

I'm going to do this weekend if thats ok.
TONIGHT call over to the contractor and explain how I've left so much slide and enquire as to if I spread 2 bags of cut sward on the silage ground on Sunday will it be fit to cut and will he be willing to cut maybe the 3rd week of September.

SATURDAY I'm helping to set up the field with the people for the local agricultural show which is coming up soon and I'll call into an older neighbor of mine that also suffers from depression.

SUNDAY spread the fertilizer that I'm telling the contractor about this evening and probably end up back at the show grounds to help finish for the week.

whelan2

mike hilux wrote: »

Ok I'm on board with you.

I'm going to do this weekend if thats ok.
TONIGHT call over to the contractor and explain how I've left so much slide and enquire as to if I spread 2 bags of cut sward on the silage ground on Sunday will it be fit to cut and will he be willing to cut maybe the 3rd week of September.

SATURDAY I'm helping to set up the field with the people for the local agricultural show which is coming up soon and I'll call into an older neighbor of mine that also suffers from depression.

SUNDAY spread the fertilizer that I'm telling the contractor about this evening and probably end up back at the show grounds to help finish for the week.

i do a mental list each week, something like i will have picked ragworth from where ever, cut weeds under wires in a certain area and powerwashed a certain amount.