How much € should parents take off grown-up children towards their keep per week

Frank Lee Midere · 10-08-2014 12:02PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

See that what I mean about being off the mark. I don't rely on family I choose to have family as part if my day to day life. As all my friends do and more or less everyone I know. Being in the majority on after hours usually means being in the minority in the real world, a tip you should remember. I really don't see what you think is so fantastic about not bring a regular part of your parents life. I have friends who own their own houses and still go home for dinner most days, to me that far more normal than your situation.

There is nobody I know who lives with their parents. Or lived with them past 22-25. Your lifestyle is a country farmer lifestyle. It's not common. People live in cities.

10-08-2014 12:02PM

kylith wrote: »

They wanted to move into the adult sphere and start to take care of themselves. In college we pitied the people whose parents wouldn't allow them to move out because we were going where we wanted and doing what we wanted, and they had to be home by X time because their Dad would be waiting up for them, or their mum would be worried.

I could have moved out if I wanted during my undergrad and my parents couldn't give a damn where I was or what I was at (they did and still do give me a lift gone when I'm drunk as a rat and I had plenty of friends houses to stay in if I wanted). I much preferred to live at home though and have money for running a car and going out rather than filling some landlord pockets. Because of having a weekend/summer job during college and living at home I always had plenty of money during college while most were living like poor students.

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

There is nobody I know who lives with their parents. Or lived with them past 22-25. Your lifestyle is a country farmer lifestyle. It's not common. People live in cities.

Loads of my friends live with their parents until they buy or build their own place. I had a friend get married this week and he only moved out of home t 3 days before hand I to his house next door. Another friend is getting married in a few months and will only be moving out of home into the house he is building next door in time for the wedding . Contrary to what some people think I'm the person living a normal life it's people on here poking fun at me living an odd way.

dark crystal · 10-08-2014 12:03PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

See that what I mean about being off the mark. I don't rely on family I choose to have family as part if my day to day life. As all my friends do and more or less everyone I know. Being in the majority on after hours usually means being in the minority in the real world, a tip you should remember. I really don't see what you think is so fantastic about not bring a regular part of your parents life. I have friends who own their own houses and still go home for dinner most days, to me that far more normal than your situation.

Most likely because they have no idea how to cook properly for themselves.

Normal? Jesus, what's normal about grown men still being waited on like children by their mothers most days?

zarquon · 10-08-2014 12:03PM

Tilly wrote: »

OMG you mean there's more of your kind out there in Ballygobackwards??? :eek:

Do you still eat your food with a spoon?

Breastmilk doesn't require a spoon!

pharmaton · 10-08-2014 12:16PM

My daughter hands up €20 per week, which I think is perfectly appropriate given that she's a student and doesn't have much funds. She suggested €30 initially but I asked her to open a savings account and put it there instead as it would benefit her in the long run. She's 20 btw. For her €20 euro she gets BB, TV, rent, leccy, bins and heat which I think is a fair price. She buys her own food, the little that she does eat but she prefers to do her own shopping as she has a fairly specific requirements.. (everything is gluten free, low fat or organic)

When she started out in college she was completely unwilling to pay her way, wash, clean or shop. She constantly reminded me that her friends didn't have to do it so why should she. It caused a rift between us and we both decided to go our separate ways. She moved in with her grandmother, where she had to pay her way, learn how to use a washing machine, go shopping and pick her clothes up off the floor. After her first year was done, she decided to move back home and brought her new found independence and level of respect back with her. We are more like flatmates now, which isn't a bad thing but we both have equal respect for each other in terms of privacy and chores and most of the time it runs like clockwork. She's starting her third year in September.

She can be very sweet too though, it was her birthday yesterday and I was skint, so she went out and came back with pizza and a horde of goodies and we had a cosy celebratory dinner. (I did manage to get cake and sing a rendition of happy birthday to top it off though

)

10-08-2014 12:18PM

dark crystal wrote: »

Most likely because they have no idea how to cook properly for themselves.

Normal? Jesus, what's normal about grown men still being waited on like children by their mothers most days?

Why are you assuming I'm only talking about men?

Again I love the assumption that because people head home most days to visit (and by default then gave dinner there) that they can't cook :rolleyes:

kylith · 10-08-2014 12:18PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I could have moved out if I wanted during my undergrad and my parents couldn't give a damn where I was or what I was at (they did and still do give me a lift gone when I'm drunk as a rat and I had plenty of friends houses to stay in if I wanted).

Jesus, they're your taxi service too? Do they wait up for you, or do they get out of bed when you call? "Sorry Jimmy, I can't go out for a drink with you, my adult son might need me to collect him when he's pissed."

zarquon · 10-08-2014 12:22PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Why are you assuming I'm only talking about men?

Again I love the assumption that because people head home most days to visit (and by default then gave dinner there) that they can't cook :rolleyes:

It doesnt mean they can't cook. It just means they are lazy

10-08-2014 12:24PM

kylith wrote: »

Jesus, they're your taxi service too? Do they wait up for you, or do they get out of bed when you call? "Sorry Jimmy, I can't go out for a drink with you, my adult son might need me to collect him when he's pissed."

Well obviously they offer a lift only if they aren't doing anything themselves (it's not something that happens every night) It's a 40 euro taxi home so they would rather get up to collect people than see a heap of money go on a taxi.

Electric Sheep · 10-08-2014 12:24PM

kylith wrote: »

What makes you think anyone is cut off from their family just because they don't spend every weekend with mammy and daddy and have started to set up their own home? You seem to have this weird idea that you have to be in each other's pockets and dependent on your parents in order to be close to your family.

I must admit that you remind me of a guy I knew in college, he went home every weekend and brought his washing with him, his mammy called him every day, and it turned out that he lacked the most basic skills to look after himself like being able to even operate a washing machine, or cook himself a meal because his mammy had done everything for him and, basically, hadn't allowed him to learn to look after himself. It seems to be a very Irish thing that until recently sons weren't expected to lift a finger around the house because, sure, their wives would do all that for them.

I know what you mean, I feel as if I can actually visualize Nox! He sounds like every farmers son back in the 70s, probably believes he is a great catch since he will inherit the farm. Mam telling him how wonderful he is for having a penis, and his sisters expected to clean up after him.

Frank Lee Midere · 10-08-2014 12:27PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I could have moved out if I wanted during my undergrad and my parents couldn't give a damn where I was or what I was at (they did and still do give me a lift gone when I'm drunk as a rat and I had plenty of friends houses to stay in if I wanted). I much preferred to live at home though and have money for running a car and going out rather than filling some landlord pockets. Because of having a weekend/summer job during college and living at home I always had plenty of money during college while most were living like poor students.

Loads of my friends live with their parents until they buy or build their own place. I had a friend get married this week and he only moved out of home t 3 days before hand I to his house next door. Another friend is getting married in a few months and will only be moving out of home into the house he is building next door in time for the wedding . Contrary to what some people think I'm the person living a normal life it's people on here poking fun at me living an odd way.

Your anecdotes are not statistics. Of course if you live at home in a village everybody you know will have stayed at home to live in a village. That's called a selection bias.

10-08-2014 12:28PM

zarquon wrote: »

It doesnt mean they can't cook. It just means they are lazy

No it means that home is close by and it's just normal daily routine to head home and obviously you are going to get dinner then.

Is it that hard to understand that home is a central part of a lot of people lives and not for being lazy or refusing to "cut the apron strings:rolleyes:" or other such nonsense.

Frank Lee Midere · 10-08-2014 12:35PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

No it means that home is close by and it's just normal daily routine to head home and obviously you are going to get dinner then.

Is it that hard to understand that home is a central part of a lot of people lives and not for being lazy or refusing to "cut the apron strings:rolleyes:" or other such nonsense.

Why don't they come over to your place to get some food?

Tilly · 10-08-2014 12:36PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

No it means that home is close by and it's just normal daily routine to head home and obviously you are going to get dinner then.

Is it that hard to understand that home is a central part of a lot of people lives and not for being lazy or refusing to "cut the apron strings:rolleyes:" or other such nonsense.

You dont think you are a lazy manchild at all? Can you not see ANYONES point on here?

Peppa Pig · 10-08-2014 01:00PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I've friends building houses mortgage free because they didn't move out until they got married and saved all the rent money over the years.

What house did they build - a Wendy house, or were they fairly old that they could save hundreds of thousands in rent? Or was it, as I suspect Mammy and Daddy gave them a hefty wedge to get started.

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I have friends who own their own houses and still go home for dinner most days

I bet you their wives don't go with them every day

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Loads of my friends live with their parents until they buy or build their own place.

As we all do - it's very common. The difference the friends I have and (apparently) the rest of this thread have, is they all contribute to the household running costs

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

No it means that home is close by and it's just normal daily routine to head home and obviously you are going to get dinner then.

Again - their wives will not be accompanying them.

Also - at what stage does this "house" that you and your mates build become your/their "home"

10-08-2014 01:16PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Contrary to what some people think I'm the person living a normal life it's people on here poking fun at me living an odd way.

This kind of thing does happen in the countryside. So I can see why you see it as normal, it is normal for you. I have a friend whose sister got married last year, the couple have their own house, yet they still go for dinner in my friends Mother's house every evening.

I personally find it utterly bizarre and embarrassing.

You keep going on about how you and your friends are saving money, but I think it's much better to not have to rely on your parents. I think independence is a very important quality in person, much more so than having "savings for a mortgage".

10-08-2014 01:34PM

Peppa Pig wrote: »

What house did they build - a Wendy house, or were they fairly old that they could save hundreds of thousands in rent?

Working since 18, site on their own land and doing most of the building work themselves. No windy house anyway, a far better and bigger house than you will get near.

Peppa Pig wrote: »

Again - their will not be accompanying them.

Will they will be funny looks who the women I'm talking about bring the wive home. But wouldn't be unusual for people to call to the in laws for dinner. Sure I I often go the the gf's parents house randomly and get dinner.

Peppa Pig wrote: »

Also - at what stage does this "house" that you and your mates build become your/their "home"

Owning it is certainly a main criteria, being around the home area makes it more of a home too.

mirrorwall14 · 10-08-2014 01:38PM

Lia_lia wrote: »

This kind of thing does happen in the countryside. So I can see why you see it as normal, it is normal for you. I have a friend whose sister got married last year, the couple have their own house, yet they still go for dinner in my friends Mother's house every evening.

I personally find it utterly bizarre and embarrassing.

You keep going on about how you and your friends are saving money, but I think it's much better to not have to rely on your parents. I think independence is a very important quality in person, much more so than having "savings for a mortgage".

It's the saving money that irks me. How can someone not realise that they are saving their parents money? If you aren't contributing you are literally taking their money not yours? It's the height of selfishness. The food, electricity, tv, broadband etc all have to be paid for you and you aren't bothering to help? I mean come on!

I have absolutely no problem with people living at home until they are ready to buy if they contribute to the household. I have a massive issue with people living at home, free loading off their parents in order to buy.

Peppa Pig · 10-08-2014 01:39PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Working since 18, site on their own land and doing most of the building work themselves. No windy house anyway, a far better and bigger house than you will get near.

Where did they get the money to buy this land - or did Mammy and Daddy give it to them?

Micky Dolenz · 10-08-2014 01:45PM

What's wrong with moving out at 17? I certainly don't need pity.

It was awesome. Not worrying about waking the ould pair after a night out or making noise when you have friends over or having sex. I suppose I was a lucky one. Could always support myself and was never out of work.

With regard to inheritance, there is a pile of us. We are all grown up with our own homes. If you split things equally amongst us, it probably wouldn't be much. We've told our parents to live it up and don't be worrying about passing anything on bar a few sentimental items.

Overall, I don't care less where or how you live. A very good friend is still living with his ma and has no intention of ever moving out. She likes the company, he pays his way. They both use different sections of the house mostly. It works for them so more power to them.

I will not,however, go home after a night out to a grown woman's parents place. That's all kinds of wrong.

dark crystal · 10-08-2014 02:44PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Why are you assuming I'm only talking about men?

Again I love the assumption that because people head home most days to visit (and by default then gave dinner there) that they can't cook :rolleyes:

Oh so they can cook, they just don't bother their arses because mammy is still expected to do it for them? No wonder they can afford to buy their own places when they have very little shopping to do and use mammy and daddy's gas and electricity to cook their meals and do their laundry. Without those expenses, we'd all have a lot more money in our pockets.

I'm assuming it's mostly men who do this, as the set-up you're talking about is a very old fashioned one and one which favours the sons over the daughters who are expected to learn the mammy role from a fairly early age. They're usually more than capable of cooking dinner for themselves (and the men).

What puzzles me is, these families are supposedly so close and loving, yet the 'children' in these families have no qualms about constantly using their parents as unpaid skivvies well into their twilight years. I wouldn't ask or expect that off anyone, let alone someone I'm supposed to love and respect.

10-08-2014 03:22PM

Peppa Pig wrote: »

Where did they get the money to buy this land - or did Mammy and Daddy give it to them?

On their own land i.e. They were gifted the site by their parents. What sort of an evil bas*ard would charge their own son or daughter for a site.

homemadecider · 10-08-2014 03:35PM

So you're going to build a house on your parents land and then officially be a sheltered manchild for the rest of your life???? This just gets more and more bizarre.

Electric Sheep · 10-08-2014 03:38PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Your self and your condescending sh*t is quite funny. Your life sounds pretty damn **** to me, cut of form your family at an eairly age, I wouldn't wish it on a dog...not something I ever want. Good luck to yourself and your foreign "women" my girlfriend of a few years is perfectly happy with my situation.

And yes as my dad and his dad before him land to the son (minus a small few acres) and my two sisters know that's how things work , i never mentioned the house but as I plan to build my own house beside the home house I won't need the house!!

If you are working local why waste money on rent. I've friends building houses mortgage free because they didn't move out until they got married and saved all the rent money over the years. Why would you even want to move out aside from moving out because you were going to a different part if the country for work or something.

This is a riot! I bet your non foreign girlfriend is a nurse whose parents are farmers!

10-08-2014 03:47PM

homemadecider wrote: »

So you're going to build a house on your parents land and then officially be a sheltered manchild for the rest of your life???? This just gets more and more bizarre.

What's bizzare about it, building a house at home is pretty much par for the course in my experience, my own home house was build by my dad next to his home house for example.

10-08-2014 03:48PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

This is a riot! I bet your non foreign girlfriend is a nurse whose parents are farmers!

Wrong on both counts.

homemadecider · 10-08-2014 03:51PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

What's bizzare about it, building a house at home is pretty much par for the course in my experience, my own home house was build by my dad next to his home house for example.

It's bizarre because even though you are an adult, you are still eating Mammy's dinners nearly every night and getting Mammy to wash your dirty clothes. You are saving all of your own earnings to buy a house on their land so that you can continue to sponge off them (free food, free labour, free electricity) for the rest of their lives. You will never be an independent adult like this.

Genuine question - is this the norm for people in rural Ireland? Nox I assume you are from a rural area? I'm absolutely baffled by this set up.

By the by, I live in rented accommodation with my fiance on the other side of Dublin to my parents. This doesn't mean I'm "cut off" from my folks; I speak to them on the phone regularly and do visit. I love inviting them over for dinner where I can insist they relax and unwind; I'll buy in their favourite gin and make an elaborate meal that we can all enjoy together as adults. Do you ever do this for your parents, or is it a purely take-take relationship??

daRobot · 10-08-2014 04:13PM

I always thought, and still think, that 'taxing' your kids is a real working class thing, borne out of necessity in order to run the house.

Take nothing from them, unless your own finances are dire and really do need it.

They're just getting a start in the world, so let them enjoy their full salary, and all the fun that comes with having disposable income.

It's also counterproductive in a way, as it'll ultimately reduce their ability to save and move out.

Trying to teach your kids some poverty mentailty "no free rides, life is tough" lesson by taxing them (should it not be financially necessary I must stress) is a misguided piece of
"education", and I'd be highly embarrassed to be that type of parent.

kylith · 10-08-2014 04:14PM

homemadecider wrote: »

So you're going to build a house on your parents land and then officially be a sheltered manchild for the rest of your life???? This just gets more and more bizarre.

Well building another house on their land makes it much easier to drop in every evening for the dinner his mammy has cooked that she bought out of her pension.

Jamsiek · 10-08-2014 07:18PM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Contrary to what some people think I'm the person living a normal life it's people on here poking fun at me living an odd way.

It might seem normal to someone in your world and small circle of friends. I'm guessing you might not know many people outside the area you grew up in.

How much € should parents take off grown-up children towards their keep per week

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