How much € should parents take off grown-up children towards their keep per week

Peppa Pig

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Working since 18, site on their own land and doing most of the building work themselves. No windy house anyway, a far better and bigger house than you will get near.

I'm now going to ask you to clarify that portion of your remark. Plain English please.

Tarzana

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Why are you assuming I'm only talking about men?

Again I love the assumption that because people head home most days to visit (and by default then gave dinner there) that they can't cook :rolleyes:

You said on here before that you avoid cooking whenever possible.

homemadecider

homemadecider wrote: »

It's bizarre because even though you are an adult, you are still eating Mammy's dinners nearly every night and getting Mammy to wash your dirty clothes. You are saving all of your own earnings to buy a house on their land so that you can continue to sponge off them (free food, free labour, free electricity) for the rest of their lives. You will never be an independent adult like this.

If you actually read my posts you will see that I do rent at the moment as I'm living a few hours away from home, so I certainly don't have dinner cooked for me every evening unfortunately I either do my own cooking (most of the time) or eat our.

homemadecider wrote: »

So you're going to build a house on your parents land and then officially be a sheltered manchild for the rest of your life???? This just gets more and more bizarre.

At some point yes I may build a house on our/my land. What exactly is the problem with that. It's only a problem for people who are obsessed with cutting themselves off from their family, were as normal people like to have their family as part if their day to day lives. I'd love to know what exactly people dislike about people who choose to live there live in close proximity to their family.

Peppa Pig wrote: »

I'm now going to ask you to clarify that portion of your remark. Plain English please.

It means it's very likely that, despite you ridiculing how some people live their lives the person in question most likely has a far far nicer house than you do.

Tarzana wrote: »

You said on here before that you avoid cooking whenever possible.

Yeah I do, i.e. I cook a few days meals at the same time, eat out etc once r twic a week (and of course when I'm at home for the weekend I get my dinner like any person would) . Don't see the significance of this though in the current thread.

Some very very strange people posting in this thread I have to say.

homemadecider

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

At some point yes I may build a house on our land? What exactly is the problem with that.

It's not your land. It belongs to your parents, not you.

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

It's inly a problem for people who are obsessed with cutting themselves off from their family, were as normal people like to have their family as part if their day to day lives.

I don't think anyone here has said they are obsessed with cutting themselves off from their family. In my last post I specifically outlined how I am in regular contact with my family and enjoy having my parents over for dinner.

You conveniently overlooked my question about whether you ever have your parents over... considering how often you have dinner at their house, do you ever invite them over for dinner in your place? Do you buy in nice food, cook for them, get them nice drinks, generally treat them? This is what adults would do for their parents, not give them their filthy clothes to wash and expect a hot dinner.

In fairness, you're the only person in this thread that thinks your behaviour is normal so you might want to think about that.

Tarzana

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Yeah I do, i.e. I cook a few days meals at the same time, eat out etc once r twic a week (and of course when I'm at home for the weekend I get my dinner like any person would)

Reluctantly, clearly:

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

so I certainly don't have dinner cooked for me every evening unfortunately I either do my own cooking (most of the time) or eat our.

Unfortunately? That food isn't handed up to you every evening?

Tilly

Defo troll.

Tarzana

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

It means it's very likely that, despite you ridiculing how some people live their lives the person in question most likely has a far far nicer house than you do.

Well, of course. Any sponger can save up lots of money for a house. No adult outgoings to consider.

zarquon

Tilly wrote: »

Defo troll.

No i think he is genuine! Just a typical country bumpkin farmer's son conditioned by his father in the ways of 60's and 70's social atitudes! :eek:

It the women's job to look after the men. It is completely normal :rolleyes:

The daughters in the family also have no rights to the property or assets. It's up to them to go find another farmer's son with a property inheritance to safeguard their future. It's keeps agricultural inbreeding alive and well. It'd be terrible for the farmer daughters to get notions and start their own professional careers and marry independent men who can function without parental help.

Shakespeare's Sister

I don't see stuff wrong with everything Nox says he does in fairness, but him saying moving out and getting your own place = alienating yourself from your folks...?
I moved out nearly 13 years ago (bar a short stint moving back out of necessity) and I'm in regular contact with my parents and very close to them.

zarquon

Magaggie wrote: »

I don't see stuff wrong with everything Nox says he does in fairness, but him saying moving out and getting your own place = alienating yourself from your folks...?

I think expecting your parents to get up in the middle of the night and drive long distances to pick you up because you are too stingy to pay for a taxi after spending multiples of the fare on booze is a stretch too far and indicative of a spoilt child. Only spoilt people see nothing wrong with this type of behaviour.

kylith

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

It means it's very likely that, despite you ridiculing how some people live their lives the person in question most likely has a far far nicer house than you do.

Jaysus, we'd all have lovely houses if we got the site handed to us.

acon2119

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Well as the weekend tends to be the normal time for doing washing and the fact I go home a lot at weekends then it's not that hard to see why it suits better. I also might be leaving stuff at home in my wardrobe there so makes more sense to wash it at home.

Also enough with the parents house crap, it's my home. They had a right laugh when I was telling them about the opinions in this thread at breakfast this morning, couldn't get their heads around the mentalities at all.

Did you ever consider going home to visit your parents for the weekend with your washing already done, and maybe bring a few treats home for your parents to thank them for all their years of rearing you. Wouldn't it be some surprise for your parents to see you arrive home with no dirty laundry to be washed

darkpagandeath

I feel like I have travelled back in time to the 50s, That I have met some young fella in the country. I try to explain to him what my life is like in the future, and he's saying " but the girls do that ". And not inheriting the land is a foreign language. I must ask, If there is more than one son is there a fight to the death ? :pac:

Electric Sheep

zarquon wrote: »

No i think he is genuine! Just a typical country bumpkin farmer's son conditioned by his father in the ways of 60's and 70's social atitudes! :eek:

It the women's job to look after the men. It is completely normal :rolleyes:

The daughters in the family also have no rights to the property or assets. It's up to them to go find another farmer's son with a property inheritance to safeguard their future. It's keeps agricultural inbreeding alive and well. It'd be terrible for the farmer daughters to get notions and start their own professional careers and marry independent men who can function without parental help.

darkpagandeath wrote: »

I feel like I have travelled back in time to the 50s, That I have met some young fella in the country. I try to explain to him what my life is like in the future, and he's saying " but the girls do that ". And not inheriting the land is a foreign language. I must ask, If there is more than one son is there a fight to the death ? :pac:

If there is more than one son the youngest becomes a priest, of course:rolleyes:

end of the road

each to their own, really i couldn't give a ****, between him/her and parents

John_Rambo

Magaggie wrote: »

I don't see stuff wrong with everything Nox says he does in fairness

Yeah, most of it's typical spoilt boy stuff, but it's the sense of entitlement and lack of understanding of simple household budgets that raises a few eyebrows. They'll cook dinner to me, sure their cooking anyway, they'll do my washing, sure the heatings on anyway and I don't like clotheshorses in my own place, they don't mind picking me up drunk so I can save money. He doesn't seem to realise that all this costs his parents money. And a lot of money. The tough shlt attitude to the sisters is odd. Betya they don't bring their washing (and subsequent ironing) to the folks house.

I know where he's coming from regarding the big house thing. I know people that have fallen in to the exact same trap. Parents gifting land to kids, kids milking whatever they can from the folks so they can build the biggest house (not the nicest) they can afford. Two garages, but the Audi/VW/Skoda on display on the drive! Classic keeping up with the Jones's.

My friends older brother took over the farm and the house after their father sadly passed away. His first thing to do was to inform the rest of the siblings that they were "welcome to visit His" house when they wished! (the Ma is still alive).

Magaggie wrote: »

but him saying moving out and getting your own place = alienating yourself from your folks...? .

Yeah, Nox, you seem to have confused us not having dinner in our folks house with cutting ourselves off from our folks.

Myself and my peers often visit our folks. Usually without empty hands and hungry mouths! A case of wine, a striploin roast on the bone, flowers, a couple of racks of lamb, some dried meats, a really good mature cheese... the things that they like, but don't get that often is appreciated! We invite them over to dinner and Halo a taxi home for them, bring them out to restaurants or meet them for breakfast. And pay!

Sometimes you gotta initiate the turning of the tables. My folks probably would do stuff for me, they'd probably like it, but find it tough, so I don't allow it. Myself and my brother and sisters do stuff for them now!

764dak

After reading this thread I am definitely convinced that I don't want children.

darkpagandeath

764dak wrote: »

After reading this thread I am definitely convinced that I don't want children.

Why not ? These people with the self entitled attitudes were generally raised that way. So fairly easy to avoid.

Hollister11

My mam and dad have all ways said if you need a lift at any time they will come and get me.
My cousins have to get the bus and taxis home as their parents couldn't be arsed.

daRobot

> Nox

I genuinely have no idea what probelm anyone could have with what you've posted. All sounds totally normal to me, and the folk I've grown up with.

Sounds to me like your parents are successful, love you, and want to help you out in life. That's a great way to be brought up, and I'll raise mine the same.

But of course your story will hurt the folk who have had the polar opposite of an upbringing, and they respond in an embittered and hateful manner.

I wouldn't even bother qualifying myself to them if I were you. They deserve your sympathy rather than your justifications.

AllthingsCP

I payed about 50 and when my partner started staying i payed 120 well not payed offered- And got sky out of the way monthly too, That was from 17 till 20 i then had my own house with my own rent- Wages were 420 euro. And only stayed weekends as i lived on base.

Jamsiek

daRobot wrote: »

But of course your story will hurt the folk who have had the polar opposite of an upbringing, and they respond in an embittered and hateful manner.

So you think people that don't agree with Nox are bitter that their families don't love them? Wow

daRobot wrote: »

I wouldn't even bother qualifying myself to them if I were you. They deserve your sympathy rather than your justifications.

I don't want or need your sympathy, I have a family that loves me but I still have my own life.
Looks like you suffer from the same delusions tbh

Dowl88

There is no right/wrong that a person must pay rent while living at home. Its obviously good to pay rent if the parents are struggling financially but also if they charge the going rates the youth will just move out. The reason people stay at home is to save money.

If parents insist on rent then half the price of the normal market price for the area for the room and pitch in with bills/food is more than reasonable.

darkpagandeath

Dowl88 wrote: »

There is no right/wrong that a person must pay rent while living at home. Its obviously good to pay rent if the parents are struggling financially but also if they charge the going rates the youth will just move out. The reason people stay at home is to save money.

If parents insist on rent then half the price of the normal market price for the area for the room and pitch in with bills/food is more than reasonable.

Who has asked for that ? Thought people just wanted adult children to cover the cost of their stay in the house.

Electric Sheep

Dowl88 wrote: »

There is no right/wrong that a person must pay rent while living at home. Its obviously good to pay rent if the parents are struggling financially but also if they charge the going rates the youth will just move out. The reason people stay at home is to save money.

If parents insist on rent then half the price of the normal market price for the area for the room and pitch in with bills/food is more than reasonable.

So it's not about family love and closeness, then, it is all about money.

zarquon

daRobot wrote: »

> Nox

I genuinely have no idea what probelm anyone could have with what you've posted. All sounds totally normal to me, and the folk I've grown up with.

Sounds to me like your parents are successful, love you, and want to help you out in life. That's a great way to be brought up, and I'll raise mine the same.

But of course your story will hurt the folk who have had the polar opposite of an upbringing, and they respond in an embittered and hateful manner.

I wouldn't even bother qualifying myself to them if I were you. They deserve your sympathy rather than your justifications.

You must be trolling! Either that or you another product of a spoilt childhood

I guess i deserve sympathy because my family clearly don't love me as they taught me equality and independence. Is true love is indicated by bowing to the whims of children and treating adults as if they are still adolescents?

Who i really feel sympathy for are Nox's sisters. His parents have such a loving home that they run around doing everything for him and providing a large inheritance. There is nothing wrong at all with having an inheritance but basically deciding the son gets everything and the daughters get nothing is not indicative of a family that loves each other equally. How can anyone say that a house where the son is embellished and the daughters are treated as second class inferior people is a house of love and normal. Nox also displays the love he was taught by his wonderful family by displaying his tough sh*t atitude towards his sisters as he is the prodigal son, the choosen one :rolleyes:

It was normal in bygone eras where the women were expected to take a role of servittude towards the men in the family. I'll bet the sisters in the house help with the washing and cooking while the men sit around drinking beer and being waited on hand and foot - Yeah that is normal and completely indicative of a house with overwhelming love

It is the women of such homes that deserve sympathy, and i say this as a man taught to respect women equally. If only my parents loved me enough to teach me that i am so special that women need to submit to me and serve my whims :rolleyes:

It should also be noted that child psychologists state that over dependence on parents is indicative of an over indulged and spoilt upbringing. (google if you don't believe this!)

I suppose psychologists don't know what they are talking about either as there parents didn't love them either and they need our sympathy too!

kylith

Hollister11 wrote: »

My mam and dad have all ways said if you need a lift at any time they will come and get me.
My cousins have to get the bus and taxis home as their parents couldn't be arsed.

So do my parents, if I'm out on a night that I'm staying in their house, but I always get a taxi back because I'm a grown woman who can take care of herself and doesn't expect mammy and daddy to put themselves out because I made the decision to get ratty drunk.

I've been thinking about this whole 'my parents house is my house' 'mammy cooks me dinners' 'mammy does my washing' thing and I realised that it's not the grown-up child's fault, it's the parents. They never pushed their children to become independent and to not expect things to be done for them. It reminded me of a cousin of mine who put off potty training her son until the school said that they wouldn't take him if he wasn't. When we asked her why on earth she was still changing nappies and wiping the sh!tty arse of a three year old she said 'I wanted to keep my baby for as long as I could', and that's what it is - the older generation of women, particularly those who live rurally, wouldn't have had much to do once the children flew the nest and so it was in their best interests to ensure that at least some of the children never did - that way there's always someone who needs them, always a metaphorical nappy to change.

In contrast I grew up in a town and my mum had (and still has) an active life outside the home. When we left home she had more time to do what she wanted to do. She encouraged us to be independent of her. This doesn't mean that we aren't close or don't love each other, it means that as I've grown up I've stopped seeing her as Mammy, I see her as Sarah*, a woman who I holiday with, and go to the theatre with, and who just happens to be my mother. So it's not 'Mammy doesn't mind doing my washing', it's 'Sarah has better things to be doing with her time than washing the knickers of a 30 year old'.


*Not her name.

shruikan2553

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Who has asked for that ? Thought people just wanted adult children to cover the cost of their stay in the house.

Well there have been people who say charging more will "teach" their children about what its like to live in "the real world" or some crap like that.

zarquon

kylith wrote: »

So do my parents, if I'm out on a night that I'm staying in their house, but I always get a taxi back because I'm a grown woman who can take care of herself and doesn't expect mammy and daddy to put themselves out because I made the decision to get ratty drunk.

I've been thinking about this whole 'my parents house is my house' 'mammy cooks me dinners' 'mammy does my washing' thing and I realised that it's not the grown-up child's fault, it's the parents. They never pushed their children to become independent and to not expect things to be done for them. It reminded me of a cousin of mine who put off potty training her son until the school said that they wouldn't take him if he wasn't. When we asked her why on earth she was still changing nappies and wiping the sh!tty arse of a three year old she said 'I wanted to keep my baby for as long as I could', and that's what it is - the older generation of women, particularly those who live rurally, wouldn't have had much to do once the children flew the nest and so it was in their best interests to ensure that at least some of the children never did - that way there's always someone who needs them, always a metaphorical nappy to change.

In contrast I grew up in a town and my mum had (and still has) an active life outside the home. When we left home she had more time to do what she wanted to do. She encouraged us to be independent of her. This doesn't mean that we aren't close or don't love each other, it means that as I've grown up I've stopped seeing her as Mammy, I see her as Sarah*, a woman who I holiday with, and go to the theatre with, and who just happens to be my mother. So it's not 'Mammy doesn't mind doing my washing', it's 'Sarah has better things to be doing with her time than washing the knickers of a 30 year old'.


*Not her name.

You have completely hit the nail on the head here. The issue is create by the parents of such children. Their whole upbrining is designed to not teach them indepence for fear of the kids flying from the nest It also helps explain Nox's disdain for the foreign women i mentioned. i imagine his mother is quite xenophobic towards foreign girlfriends and boyfriends and this trait is handed down to the kids. This is due to overwhelming fear that a foreigner could pull their precious darlings away to another country completely.

I had such an experience with an ex. Nice girl from abroad. Things were going well, but she was living with her mother as an adult and had no real indepence. Her mother freaked out when an Irish boyfriend came on the scene as she was petrified that i would steal her daughter away to another country where she would have limited contact. It was too much for the mother who basically told her daughter that if she dated a foreigner she would kick her out of the house and if she chose to marry a foreigner she would be cut off from her family indefinitely! Once i had a few dealings with the mother i ran the other way from the daughter as fast i could as i could see the stronghold the mother had over her daughter.


It doesn't have to be a foreigner though. I bet if Nox told his mother that he was marrying a cork girl and moving to Cork permantly his parents would freak out particularly his mother.

Clingy parents never want their children to leave so they don't teach them to grow up nor do they teach indepence which is counter productive to what the parents want. Clingy parents love their children to be fully dependent on them as it gives them massive levels of control.

Nox's parents have succeeded so much that his ultimate goal is build a house next door where he and his future family can still be taken care off by his mother.

Peppa Pig

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

It means it's very likely that, despite you ridiculing how some people live their lives the person in question most likely has a far far nicer house than you do.

You claim to have a PhD, yet with absolutely no logic, other than the reason that I don't think it's normal to have your Mammy doing everything for you when you are in your 30s, you thinks it's very likely your mate has a better house than me. Not just better, but far far nicer. Pathetic.
As to the "you will ever get near" portion of your post, that is your typical response when anyone disagrees with you.
The fact that I do not spend almost every penny I have on getting locked should mean that everything I have would be better than you. Then again, both my parents are no longer here so I have to stand on my own 2 feet, something I started learning to do when I was 20.