How much € should parents take off grown-up children towards their keep per week

zarquon

Peppa Pig wrote: »

You claim to have a PhD, yet with absolutely no logic, other than the reason that I don't think it's normal to have your Mammy doing everything for you when you are in your 30s, you thinks it's very likely your mate has a better house than me. Not just better, but far far nicer. Pathetic.
As to the "you will ever get near" portion of your post, that is your typical response when anyone disagrees with you.
The fact that I do not spend almost every penny I have on getting locked should mean that everything I have would be better than you. Then again, both my parents are no longer here so I have to stand on my own 2 feet, something I started learning to do when I was 20.

I wouldn't get too worked up. If you parents teach you that you are special and god's gift to humanity chances are you will have an inflated ego and go around boasting how everything you have is bigger and better.

I'll bet his sister's won't have a bigger better and nicer house than him as they are not entitled to any dues from the parents. I wonder if boasts to his sisters that his house will be bigger and nicer too as he is male royalty in his home.

It really is cringeworthy redneck farmer's son stuff!

kylith

zarquon wrote: »

Clingy parents never want their children to leave so they don't teach them to grow up nor do they teach indepence which is counter productive to what the parents want. Clingy parents love their children to be fully dependent on them as it gives them massive levels of control.

Nox's parents have succeeded so much that his ultimate goal is build a house next door where he and his future family can still be taken care off by his mother.

It's not necessarily control, it could be fear. Fear that their children will leave them and never come back. He must have gotten his idea that those of us who left home young are cut off from their families somewhere. He may have had it instilled into him that people who leave home in their late teens didn't actually want to, but were thrown out by cruel parents and that their relationship has suffered as a result.

It certainly creates an unhealthy power dynamic though, where the parent never sees their child as a grown-up and an equal, and there is forever a relationship where one is the Parent and one is the Child.

jimgoose

zarquon wrote: »

...It really is cringeworthy redneck farmer's son stuff!

kylith wrote: »

It's not necessarily control, it could be fear. Fear that their children will leave them and never come back. He must have gotten his idea that those of us who left home young are cut off from their families somewhere...

I think that's a bit harsh. This way of looking at life has more to do with a powerful, inter-generational attachment to the land, and is quite common in farming families in Ireland. Some of them are a bit Bull Mccabe about it, and sure us spailpíns and tinkers wouldn't undershtand, bah! :pac::pac::pac:

coffee_cake

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

See that what I mean about being off the mark. I don't rely on family I choose to have family as part if my day to day life. .

By making them wash and cook for you.
Have you tried making them part of your life by doing THEIR washing or cooking for a change? Show up at the house with some nice cuts and say "sit down mammy - I'm gonna make us a nice family dinner today" ??

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Will they will be funny looks who the women I'm talking about bring the wive home. But wouldn't be unusual for people to call to the in laws for dinner. Sure I I often go the the gf's parents house randomly and get dinner.

Is that when you want to give mammy a break yeah???

zarquon

bluewolf wrote: »

By making them wash and cook for you.
Have you tried making them part of your life by doing THEIR washing or cooking for a change? Show up at the house with some nice cuts and say "sit down mammy - I'm gonna make us a nice family dinner today" ??


Is that when you want to give mammy a break yeah???

What, are you crazy? Male farmers and their sons should not be expected to wash or cook. Thats what the wives and daughters are for!

kylith

jimgoose wrote: »

I think that's a bit harsh. This way of looking at life has more to do with a powerful, inter-generational attachment to the land, and is quite common in farming families in Ireland. Some of them are a bit Bull Mccabe about it, and sure us spailpíns and tinkers wouldn't undershtand, bah! :pac::pac::pac:

You can have an attachment to the land without expecting your mammy to scrub the gick stains out of your jocks though, or whilst contributing to the running of the household, if you live there, from your wages.

I don't really think Nox is a farmer though, wouldn't it be more usual for him to live there and help with the running of it before taking it over? All he seems interested in is a parcel of land to build a big house on that's close enough for him to go home for dinner (not to have his parents round for dinner, as far as I can tell).

jimgoose

kylith wrote: »

You can have an attachment to the land without expecting your mammy to scrub the gick stains out of your jocks though, or whilst contributing to the running of the household, if you live there, from your wages.

Oh, I wholeheartedly agree!

kylith wrote: »

I don't really think Nox is a farmer though, wouldn't it be more usual for him to live there and help with the running of it before taking it over? All he seems interested in is a parcel of land to build a big house on that's close enough for him to go home for dinner (not to have his parents round for dinner, as far as I can tell).

You would think so, yes. A touch of shall we say, short-sightedness isn't totally unheard-of within that particular demographic either, though. :pac:

Dowl88

A lot of mothers love cooking the dinner and doing their childs washing. The amount of people judging other people in this thread is actually disgusting. High horses who think they are better than other people because they think their opinion is 100% right.

It does not matter if a person cintributes yo the hiusehold, it does not matter if someone lives with the parents in their 40. Stop been so judgemental!

Tokyo

Dowl88 wrote: »

A lot of mothers love cooking the dinner and doing their childs washing.

I'm fairly sure that 'love' isn't the first word they'd associate with washing and cooking.


A lot of mothers love their children, and that's a completely different thing. They love them enough to put up with the drudgery of cooking and cleaning for them well into adulthood, quite often with the not so misguided notion of "if I do this for them then they'll call round more often" when the adult child doesn't have the courtesy of saying "no mum, it's grand, I'll take care of it". Or at least returning the compliment now and again.

kylith

Dowl88 wrote: »

A lot of mothers love cooking the dinner and doing their childs washing. The amount of people judging other people in this thread is actually disgusting. High horses who think they are better than other people because they think their opinion is 100% right.

It does not matter if a person cintributes yo the hiusehold, it does not matter if someone lives with the parents in their 40. Stop been so judgemental!

Because what every woman longs for is more housework.

If you are in employment and you don't contribute toward your keep then you are a scabby fecker.

zarquon

Dowl88 wrote: »

A lot of mothers love cooking the dinner and doing their childs washing. The amount of people judging other people in this thread is actually disgusting. High horses who think they are better than other people because they think their opinion is 100% right.

It does not matter if a person cintributes yo the hiusehold, it does not matter if someone lives with the parents in their 40. Stop been so judgemental!

Are you in your forties and still living with your parents? Does your mother still do all your cooking and washing as an adult.?

If so you may think thats ok, but tell that to most people on the street and they will be hard pressed not to judge you in some manner. Personally if someone told me they were in their 40s, living with their mother and having her do all the cooking, cleaning and washing for them without contributing at all i would certainly judge. I have an uncles who fits that thats description and he is one of the biggest waste of space that i know. He is in forties and still acts like a 15 year old and takes advantage of his mother at every opportunity.

kylith wrote: »

Because what every woman longs for is more housework.

If you are in employment and you don't contribute toward your keep then you are a scabby fecker.

Have you noticed it's all a male opinion on here insisting that the mothers love doing all the cooking and cleaning for their darling adult sons. Very backward gender specific notions here. For some strange reason the female posters on this thread strongly disagree. I wonder why

I must say i find it very entertaining to hear from these man children insisting that their mothers/sisters/girlfriends wholeheartedly love washing, cleaning and cooking for them

Barely There

Dowl88 wrote: »

A lot of mothers love cooking the dinner and doing their childs washing.!

You keep telling yourself that buddy.

Dowl88 wrote: »

It does not matter if a person cintributes yo the hiusehold, it does not matter if someone lives with the parents in their 40.

Oh, but it does.

zarquon

Barely There wrote: »

You keep telling yourself that buddy.




Oh, but it does.

No, if you are a sponge and leeching off your parents well into adulthood then clearly it does not matter as parents love their adult children to sponge of them :rolleyes:

kylith

zarquon wrote: »

Have you noticed it's all a male opinion on here insisting that the mothers love doing all the cooking and cleaning for their darling adult sons. Very backward gender specific notions here. For some strange reason the female posters on this thread strongly disagree. I wonder why

I must say i find it very entertaining to hear from these man children insisting that their mothers/sisters/girlfriends wholeheartedly love washing, cleaning and cooking for them

True. Probably because in the types of families where the son is under the impression that womenfolk live for the opportunity to do chores the daughters have been groomed all their lives that this is what they'll be doing for their husbands and sons and so are under no illusions about what women think of doing laundry and cooking.

There are plenty of people with grown children on Boards. You'd think that if mammys so loved it when their grown children come home with a duffel bag of washing that one of them would have dropped by to say so.

FTA69

I honest to God can't fathom how people have such difficulty with the notion of paying a weekly contribution to the household if they're a working adult.

The fact someone is in their 20s or above and earning a regular wage and not paying anything toward their own upkeep is nothing short of immaturity and mollycoddling. I'd die of shame before freeloading on my parents like that.

andrew

I'd agree that if you're living at home you should definitely contribute something, but in some cases the 30% people here are mentioning seems really high. Surely the whole point of staying at home is to avoid that kind of massive outgoing so that you can save money you'd otherwise 'throw away' on rent. If you're not earning enough money to move out, then how are you supposed to save much money if you're parting with 30% to stay at home?

Captain Flaps

My folks refused to take cash off me until I was out of college and in full time employment, at which point I paid about 50 a week until I moved out. In college I worked part time and I bought the odd takeaway or something but as I paid my own petrol and lunches and bus fares etc they'd prefer I saved for moving out rather than chucking them all the cash. The 40% quoted by other people in this thread sounds extortionate to me!

Some pathetic posting in this thread, the assumptions people are throwing out like they are facts. The vast majority of the "claims" people are making about me are way off the mark. Clueless stuff altogether.

Again as I said earlier people don't appear to understand that there is a lot of middle ground between the whole moved out at 17 and never looked back brigade and the nonsense that's being directed at me.

homemadecider

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Some pathetic posting in this thread, the assumptions people are throwing out like they are facts. The vast majority of the "claims" people are making about me are way off the mark. Clueless stuff altogether.

Then why don't you answer some of the questions people have put to you?

When's the last time you had your parents over for a nice meal?

Peppa Pig

When you are mollycoddled all the time, I suppose it's only natural to throw your toys out of the pram when the real world points it out to you.

Penny Tration

Some people on this thread shock me, and should really cut the apron strings.

I earn about 250 pw. I pay 80 pw to my mum, split all of the house work between myself and 2 siblings (my mum is disabled so can't do much), give her her medication and cook her dinners, and still manage to have enough money and time for a social life and anything else I want.

hynesie08

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Again as I said earlier people don't appear to understand that there is a lot of middle ground between the whole moved out at 17 and never looked back brigade and the nonsense that's being directed at me.

That middle ground is called being an independent adult who can cook, clean, make their own way home and doesn't expect things handed to them.

The assumption is coming from you, you assume anyone who is the above has detatched themselves from their family.

homemadecider

homemadecider wrote: »

Then why don't you answer some of the questions people have put to you?

When's the last time you had your parents over for a nice meal?

No I haven't (and as I've pointed out a number of time), I'm renting in a house share a few hours drive from home so for one I wouldn't have my parents over in a house share and two when they do come to visit we go eat out as that's we like to do.

Tilly

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

No I haven't (and as I've pointed out a number of time), I'm renting in a house share a few hours drive from home so for one I wouldn't have my parents over in a house share and two when they do come to visit we go eat out as that's we like to do.

Do you pay as a way of thanks? Do you do anything for your mother?

Tarzana

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Some pathetic posting in this thread

Don't be so hard on yourself, hun. xxoxoxox

Tilly

Tilly wrote: »

Do you pay as a way of thanks? Do you do anything for your mother?

I offer but very rarely will they allow me to pay, they would normally refuse to let me pay.

I do a lot for my parents so enough of the digs, more than most here do of that I can be sure.

homemadecider

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

No I haven't (and as I've pointed out a number of time), I'm renting in a house share a few hours drive from home so for one I wouldn't have my parents over in a house share and two when they do come to visit we go eat out as that's we like to do.

Ah right. So I assume you drive the few hours to their house, collect them, bring them to dinner, pay for dinner and then drop them home again? This would be a nice way to thank them for all the meals they cook you and for washing your knickers.

coffee_cake

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I offer but very rarely will they allow me to pay, they would normally refuse to let me pay.

I do a lot for my parents so enough of the digs!

What do you do

FTA69

There's no point in singling out one person on the thread but some posts here are indicative of a wider problem amongst many Irish men, the "mammy syndrome". The fact is that if you expect your mother and father to pay your bills, do your washing, cook your dinners and pay for your food when you're a grown man earning a wage then you have some serious maturity issues. Without being vulgar, do these people expect their parents to wipe their arse at the same time?

Similarly this "my parents wouldn't let me pay" is a load of sh*t too, you either want to contribute to the household or you don't. Parents who let their (allegedly) adult children away with this craic obviously have serious issues themselves.

Tilly

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I offer but very rarely will they allow me to pay, they would normally refuse to let me pay.

I do a lot for my parents so enough of the digs, more than most here do of that I can be sure.

What do you do for your mother?