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Shortest jokes ever!

145679

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18 lotar


    # People keep telling me I'm beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.

    # Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween.

    # What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

    # Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.

    # Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher.

    # When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days.

    # I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    If there was a 'Bi-Sexual Pride' parade, would it go both ways?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,614 ✭✭✭✭gammygils


    Nothing wrong with 'Bisexual'

    I buy sex all the time!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 513 ✭✭✭Formosa


    My name is Will, call me "W" for short


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 55,575 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Bootup wrote: »
    Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

    Or as Delboy would say a "Jaffa" (seedless).


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Did you hear about the bloke who lost his left arm and left leg in a car crash? He's all right now.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,614 ✭✭✭✭gammygils


    What do you call a masturbating chicken?

    A Pullet


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    What did one lesbian say to another? "Your face or mine?"



    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.



    What would happen if pigs could fly? Bacon would go up.



    What did one lesbian say to another? "Your face or mine?"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 270 ✭✭Supermensch


    What do lesbian pirates say? Scissor me timbers.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Why did Tigger look in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭Mossin


    Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

    He couldn't budget!



    Why do men die before women?

    Because they want to!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    What do you call an Alligator in a vest..an Investigator


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,449 ✭✭✭livEwirE


    Classic ones thanks :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 863 ✭✭✭GastroBoy


    The Friesian cow shivered......


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Ever heard of a 68?You blow me and i'll owe you one...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31 Draydis80


    Whats brown and sticky?

    A stick.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    How long did it take to fill the Red Sea? A very long period.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,053 ✭✭✭Hilly Bill


    Lance Armstrong should be applauded for being able to ride on bike so well on drugs. I tried it once & hit a dog and fell into a canal.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Dairy Queen: A milkman in high heels


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,053 ✭✭✭Hilly Bill


    Q: How does a woman scare a gynacologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."



    What's the definition of oral sex? The taste of things to come.



    What's the definition of confusion? Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,053 ✭✭✭Hilly Bill


    Why does a squirel swim on its back?
    To keep its nuts dry


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob? Take up a collection.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 953 ✭✭✭fobster


    Sale now on, 100% off. Only at your local brothel.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    Buggery is boring. Incest is relatively boring, Necrophilia is dead boring.



    Sodomy puns are sexual in ur endo



    If you mated a bull dog and a ****su,you would have a bull****.



    Never take a nurse as a lover. They're taught to wait until the swelling goes down.



    What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other? A block of flaps


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 953 ✭✭✭fobster


    Who was the vampire who sucked at maths?

    Count Calcula.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,912 ✭✭✭Bootup


    PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn.



    Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.



    It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.



    My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.



    Shortcoming: Premature ejaculation.



    Necromancer: Someone who shares a last bier with a loved one.



    DONKEY BARBECUE: Where everybody gets a piece of ass.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 55,575 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    My wife has a Black Belt in cookery.
    She could do you serious damage with one chop.


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