Shortest jokes ever!

lotar

# People keep telling me I'm beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.

# Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween.

# What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

# Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.

# Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher.

# When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days.

# I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone.

Bootup

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

Bootup

If there was a 'Bi-Sexual Pride' parade, would it go both ways?

gammygils

Nothing wrong with 'Bisexual'

I buy sex all the time!!

Formosa

My name is Will, call me "W" for short

tayto lover

Bootup wrote: »

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

Or as Delboy would say a "Jaffa" (seedless).

Bootup

Did you hear about the bloke who lost his left arm and left leg in a car crash? He's all right now.

gammygils

What do you call a masturbating chicken?

A Pullet

Bootup

What did one lesbian say to another? "Your face or mine?"



What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.



What would happen if pigs could fly? Bacon would go up.



What did one lesbian say to another? "Your face or mine?"

Supermensch

What do lesbian pirates say? Scissor me timbers.

Bootup

Why did Tigger look in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.

Mossin

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget!



Why do men die before women?

Because they want to!

Bootup

What do you call an Alligator in a vest..an Investigator

livEwirE

Classic ones thanks

GastroBoy

The Friesian cow shivered......

Bootup

Ever heard of a 68?You blow me and i'll owe you one...

Draydis80

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.

Bootup

How long did it take to fill the Red Sea? A very long period.

Hilly Bill

Lance Armstrong should be applauded for being able to ride on bike so well on drugs. I tried it once & hit a dog and fell into a canal.

Bootup

Dairy Queen: A milkman in high heels

Hilly Bill

Q: How does a woman scare a gynacologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Bootup

A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."



What's the definition of oral sex? The taste of things to come.



What's the definition of confusion? Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

Hilly Bill

Why does a squirel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry

Bootup

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

Bootup

How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob? Take up a collection.

fobster

Sale now on, 100% off. Only at your local brothel.

Bootup

Buggery is boring. Incest is relatively boring, Necrophilia is dead boring.



Sodomy puns are sexual in ur endo



If you mated a bull dog and a ****su,you would have a bull****.



Never take a nurse as a lover. They're taught to wait until the swelling goes down.



What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other? A block of flaps

fobster

Who was the vampire who sucked at maths?

Count Calcula.

Bootup

PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn.



Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.



It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.



My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.



Shortcoming: Premature ejaculation.



Necromancer: Someone who shares a last bier with a loved one.



DONKEY BARBECUE: Where everybody gets a piece of ass.

tayto lover

My wife has a Black Belt in cookery.
She could do you serious damage with one chop.