Were you bullied?

Lockstep · 15-04-2011 11:57pm

I'm deeply impressed by the way so many people in this thread have gotten through heavy bullying and become such vibrant and succesful people.

School was grand for me, had bad days but bullying wasn't a problem. Got into a couple of fights at the beginning of secondary school and was left alone after that.

LegacyUser · 16-04-2011 2:21pm

some of the stories on here are so sad. bullying really affects me when i see hear or read about it. I was bullied on and off as a child in primary school but it ended quick enough when another tougher kid stood up for me. that feeling of fear , of walking to school praying you would not see your tormentor, praying today was a day you would not be humilated has never left me.

all throughout secondary i was quiet popular and never had any problems but looking back now i see the horrendous times that some people had, they were unbelievably victimised by others and to my shame i never spoke up. I was just to afraid it would be me that was picked on again. as an adult i've changed i guess, i have stood up for people in the workplace who were getting bullied and also outside the workplace but still i have a nagging guilt that in secondary school i should have stood up and done more. To those guys i guess all i want to say is i'm so sorry i hadn't the courage to help you. i really am so sorry

--LOS-- · 16-04-2011 9:19pm

I was a bit in primary school, nothing major, not enough red hair :P

Pythia · 17-04-2011 12:46pm

I wouldn't say I was bullied, but people aren't always the nicest when you are the 'clever one' or 'nerd' in the class. A lot of comments about how you study all the time and being left out. I remember one time I overheard these girls saying I had a copy of the school rules taped up in my locker. It wasn't anyone in particular, just a general theme.

I probably helped alienate myself somewhat by choosing weird subjects for exams (Latin and Ancient Greek) and being friendly with the teachers. Also, I have red hair so in primary school there was a bit of that.

allandanyways · 17-04-2011 2:18pm

Edit: This turned out a lot longer than planned, First time I've ever written it all down together!

I was bullied all the way through primary and secondary school. I was (still am) a big girl but the bullying I was put through I really and truly believe the girls who did it to me had something wrong with them.

In second class, one of the girls who would later become the lead bully bashed my head up against a pebbledash wall and shattered one of my teeth and gave me a black eye. She was suspended for a week and her mam and my mam had a talk and she didn't come near me for a couple of years.

In 5th class then the bullying really started. Call them Sarah and Amy. I was smarter than all the others in the class, got special prizes for my work and was the teacher's pet. They did everything in their 11 year old power to make my life hell. I have always been scared of the dark - they locked me in the windowless bathrooms while the rest of the class went swimming. They put glue in my yogurts and nearly poisoned me. They got a lino cutter from the arts and crafts box and used to walk behind me and cut my neck with it. They cut my hair. They wrote letters to me detailing how they wanted to kill me. Sarah cut up one of my copybooks because I got a better mark than her. They got the boys in our class to trip me up, throw me against walls, call my house phone and tell me my parents were dead and the worst one was when Amy and the biggest guy in our class tried to drown me on a school tour. My mam pleaded with the principal to move me to another class but we were a tiny school and I couldn't get away from them.

On the last day of primary school the two of them followed me down the road and pushed me in front of a car. The car braked in time thankfully but the last words they ever said to me were "I wish you got hit by that car. I wish you were dead. Nobody will ever love you".

When I went to secondary school, I thought I'd get away from them (we all went to different schools) and I did, for a while. I made friends with a girl who I thought was just the coolest person ever. She made my life hell for the next 4 years.

She was the most manipulative, coniving and sadistic person I ever met. When I told her the story of what had happened to me in primary school, she actually cried and said she'd never let anything like that happen to me again. And sure enough she didn't let any physical bullying happen. She mentally tortured me.

She used to completely isolate me, she would pick days when she wanted to talk to me and others when she wouldn't. She told the whole school I had aids. She wrote notes about me in her books to her friends and then would lend me the books so I knew what she was saying about me. She made me return clothes and make up because she wanted to be the only one who had them. She constantly made an issue out of my weight, asking "Are you sure you want to eat that?" and she turned all my friends against me. She made me so paranoid and she used to say it was my fault, and that I was hard to get along with.

When we left school and I started to blossom in college, she told friends in the same college that I was pregnant and didn't know who the father was. She used to text me off random numbers pretending to be guys who were interested in me saying that I was just too ugly and they regretted shifting me and giving a girl like me hope.

I never understood why I was a target for bullies. Ok, I was bigger than them and more intelligent but I didn't plan that. I was just being myself. Being bullied like that has left me with a lot of trust and paranoia issues, and the worst part is, all those girls are doing really well for themselves now. I met Sarah in town not too long ago, and she's modelling and doing a year abroad in Italy. I just wonder how they could have been such horrible children and never think about how they treated me. Maybe I'm just soft but I wouldn't be able to forget that.

If I even had a suspicion that one of my sisters or my children (when I have them) was being bullied, I would go straight to the child's mother or father, because schools are not doing enough to stop bullying, or at least they didn't when I was younger.

Gracey west · 17-08-2012 11:43am

Hey everyone, I feel really bad for those of you who have been bullied. No one deserves to be treated badly by another human being. There should be some sort of punishment for those who bully for sure. Mostly, a bully is someone who may have an inferiority complex or who has really low self esteem and this is why they carry on the way they do. But,I just want to say that sometimes, it works the other way too, someone who has low self esteem or issues with themselves will blame anything else or anyone else to gain attention for themselves. For instance, I was accused of bullying a girl in secondary school. I wrote something on her copy once for fun (it wasn't in anyway offensive or critical) it was a rude joke if I remember correctly. Anyway, she used this as evidence against me and subsequently left "because I was bullying her". I just wanted to get that out there really!

daenerysstormborn3 · 17-08-2012 12:09pm

I wasn't really bullied but I was given an awful time in primary school over my Dublin accent. We lived in Dublin until I was 5 and then we moved to Kerry so I had picked up a Dublin accent at that stage. It wasn't necessarily strong but I had the twang. Few of the lads on the school bus used to torment me on the way home every evening. It used to really upset me. I had only done one year of primary school in Dublin before we moved and I had made some really good friends in Dublin that I had to leave behind so I had to deal with these lads while trying to get used to a new school, a new life in the middle of nowhere and missing my friends. It did stop after the first year but I still remember how crap they made me feel. Over time I have developed a neutral accent, neither Dublin, nor Kerry, just kind of in between, nobody can ever tell where I'm originally from.

I think a lot of children and adults still can't see past differences. Everybody is different, even identical twins are different, people from the same family are different etc. but I think people still have a lot of difficulty seeing past differences and they are automatically looked upon as a negative thing, a reason for competition, a reason to dislike someone because they have something you don't, they can do something you can't. Sometimes I suppose it has to do with selfworth as well. I mean if you think you're crap at everything, then you're bound to meet somebody who is better than you and sometimes people just can't deal with that and react by lashing out, either verbally or physically.

RacoonQueen · 17-08-2012 1:25pm

When I was in first class, waiting around at the start of the day in the classroom after we'd been dropped off one of the other girls parents came over to me and asked me if I'd been bullying her daughter. I was shocked - I had obviously been doing something or acting in some way that made her feel like I had been and wasn't aware of it. This is something that really sticks out as a memory for me, I remember making an effort after that to be 'friends' with her but maybe we just clashed but I was quite upset at the idea that I was a bully. For that reason I do believe that, in some cases, people don't realise that what they are doing is or can be perceived to be, bullying.

Moved primary schools from 3rd class onwards and one of the boys used to slag me off because of my nose in 5th class I think. Family trait that we all have big nostrils

I don't think it ever bothered me, he was one of those who ripped the p(ss out of everyone, but my parents reported him for it and the school sorted it out. After that I kinda learnt to stick up for myself though. He's actually a FB friend now and chat to him ocassionally. Not an issue. Again, I don't think he meant to be cruel or hurtful.

Secondary school, first year was grand. Had loads of friends was friendly with everyone in my class and was really happy. At the end of March my cousin died and it really upset me, kind of withdrew and was a little down. As you do. By the end of the year a couple of girls who would have been my main circle of friends started getting a bit nasty about me being 'depressed' - I over heard them, never to my face so it was evident that things were being said behind my back.

I remember on the first day of second year when I went over to the group the girl I slotted in beside ran over to the other side of the group so she wouldn't be standing beside me. The same girl who commented on me being depressed. Stayed 'friends' with them for a couple of months but it was clear she had turned people against me. I'd been close to a few of them others had just been in the group, but my 'best friends' in that group were getting cold. So, seeing as I was friendly with others anyway and always talked to and sat with others anyway I just figured 'screw this' and one day started sitting with a different group for break and lunch.

Classes had merged for second year and some newbies from other classes came in, one of them was a right c*nt and took an instant dislike to me for some reason. Used to try give me a terrible time but it was water off a ducks back. Never bothered me in the slightest. Why would I care what some g*bshi*te who was trying to bring me down thought of me? She was the one with issues, not me. I had no bother standing up for myself if she tried any crap. She was an utter scumbag though. At this stage we'd merged into three groups the 'cool people', the 'goths' and the 'smart people' so I was now hanging around solely with the goths and the smart people. We were all friends with each other and all got on great so essentially there was two groups. One day one of the 'goths' had a fight with yer one cos yer one was a wagon and was causing trouble. She only went and threw a table and chair at the goth :eek: No joke. Complete dirtbag.

You know the type, think they're the business. She wasn't. She was a right dope.

Think part of my issue was I wouldn't let anyone push me around and I'd stick up for others so they hated that I didn't worship them , didn't have any interest in being 'friends' with them and that I had no bother telling them where to stick themselves. I didn't fear them so that really got on their nerves. To be honest, I wouldn't spit on any of that group if they were on fire. While I still chat to the guy from primary school - any of the girls who were cows in secondary school, I'd step over if they were lying on the street. Says a lot that the goths and smart people are still all friends with each other today and the coolies aren't...

My last job was rife with bullying. Old guard didn't want the newbies getting settled in. Unreal how much bullying went on in there. Again, while they did actually bully me - I never saw it as an issue as I stood up for myself, told them were to go, wouldn't let them push me around and most importantly, it never bothered me. Water off a ducks back. One of the guys who started about a year before me - grown man in his 40's was torn apart by it though. It really got to him.

ShiftStorm · 17-08-2012 2:26pm

It's crazy that each person who has been bullied has a particular feature that makes them 'different'; an accent, hair colour, glasses, teeth, weight...

I have been bullied for most of my life. I come across as a strong and charismatic person and so every person I have told about my bullying experiences is surprised. But sadly tis true.

I grew up in a very religious but Protestant home which immediately set my family apart in our generally Catholic neighbourhood. We were known as the Jehovah Witness family or the Flanders for some reason. The church we attended was slightly cultish and encouraged us to 'set ourselves apart' as this meant we were holy/closer to God. So in a twisted way any bullying or exclusion confirmed for me that I was a good Christian. I'd say I came across as quite judgmental and holier-than-thou.

Our family was poor so we couldn't afford the sports brands which were popular at the time. Towards the end of primary school which happened to be attended by mostly wealthy kids, your looks started to determine your popularity. Like some other girls above, I was slagged for being skinny, called anorexic and flat-chested. In 5th and 6th class, I became the class outcast. A boy and a girl in particular were the class ringleaders and had it in for me. Reading over my 11 year old diary is heartbreaking. I thought that if I apologised to them, they would be nice to me. I had nothing to apologise for! Some incidences I remember: once, all the boys and girls came up to me in the yard in a group and the one boy in my class whom I thought was nice asked me "Would you wear shoes if you had no feet?" I said "no." His reply was "Well then why do you wear a bra?" Everyone laughed. I hung out occasionally with one girl (who would dump me when convenient) and we were called lesbians. The other girls would whisper, exclude and laugh at me, call me over for a chat to tell me that they had all decided I had headlice and was dirty. I was called ugly, stupid and lots of other things. The feeling of being excluded was a painful one and I often feel that same pain and vulnerability if I suspect (often wrongfully) that I am being left out.

I blossomed a bit that summer and on starting secondary school, a lot of guys liked me and the girls seemed to respect me. My two closest friends left after first year and the girls in my class turned on me in 2nd year and did the same as the girls in my primary school did for three years. Ironically, when I got boobs and a curvy behind, guys in school would chant 'Big D' at me, replacing the old taunts of 'anorexic'. Our bodies are never right for these bullies! Too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too pale, too brown etc etc.... 5th and 6th year were far better but I never felt 'enough'.

College was generally good although I still carried the 'outcast' feeling and was sometimes awkward and self-righteous. I moved abroad for a year and formed an unhealthy friendship with a seemingly nice guy. We went out officially and unofficially for about 4 years. He subtly criticised everything about me, including my body, clothes, taste in music, religion...Only looking back now do I realise how bad he was for me. He confirmed that everything people had said to me in school was true.

Fast forward to leaving college: I started my first full-time job and the bullying started again, but at a much more incidious and frightening level. My boss would play mind games with me and psychologically abuse me. I ended up submitting a grievance against my boss for workplace bullying and left with severe PTSD and depression. Even now when I think about it, I get panicky, my chest tightens and my mouth goes dry. I couldn't breathe comfortably for about a year.

One good thing that came out of that work situation is that I finally saw the pattern for what it was. My reaction to these bullies was to try desperately to make them like me, to apologise or be something I wasn't. This made them bully me even more and so the unhealthy cycle continued. I went for counselling. The therapist called my multiple experiences of bullying 'abuse' and said I was a victim. That made sense to me. If they hadn't bullied me, they would have bullied someone else. It wasn't my fault. There was nothing wrong with me.

I am now 27 and work in a lovely workplace. I married an amazing guy and have good friends. I still carry all the scars, paranoia, sensitivities and hurts and suffer depression. But I am finally learning that even if I was flat-chested or religious or curvy or WHATEVER, I didn't deserve to be isolated, ignored or ridiculed. It wasn't my fault. There was nothing wrong with me.

I still overreact to criticism or to apparent exclusion. I am trying to love my body but struggle deeply with that and have put on quite a bit of weight and then struggle even more to accept myself! I go to extremes with things; appearance, exams, music performance...if it's not perfect, then it's not enough and I give up. I was constantly obsessed with being 'significant' or 'worthwhile' and mediocrity is something to be disdained. Problem is, we can choose perfection or happiness but not both! So each time I have these thoughts I have to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me and that it's OK not to be perfect.

I am enough as I am. I am ENOUGH!

NCONTHEMC · 17-08-2012 2:35pm

byrned17 wrote: »

It's crazy that each person who has been bullied has a particular feature that makes them 'different'; an accent, hair colour, glasses, teeth, weight...

I have been bullied for most of my life. I come across as a strong and charismatic person and so every person I have told about my bullying experiences is surprised. But sadly tis true.

I grew up in a very religious but Protestant home which immediately set my family apart in our generally Catholic neighbourhood. We were known as the Jehovah Witness family or the Flanders for some reason. The church we attended was slightly cultish and encouraged us to 'set ourselves apart' as this meant we were holy/closer to God. So in a twisted way any bullying or exclusion confirmed for me that I was a good Christian. I'd say I came across as quite judgmental and holier-than-thou.

Our family was poor so we couldn't afford the sports brands which were popular at the time. Towards the end of primary school which happened to be attended by mostly wealthy kids, your looks started to determine your popularity. Like some other girls above, I was slagged for being skinny, called anorexic and flat-chested. In 5th and 6th class, I became the class outcast. A boy and a girl in particular were the class ringleaders and had it in for me. Reading over my 11 year old diary is heartbreaking. I thought that if I apologised to them, they would be nice to me. I had nothing to apologise for! Some incidences I remember: once, all the boys and girls came up to me in the yard in a group and the one boy in my class whom I thought was nice asked me "Would you wear shoes if you had no feet?" I said "no." His reply was "Well then why do you wear a bra?" Everyone laughed. I hung out occasionally with one girl (who would dump me when convenient) and we were called lesbians. The other girls would whisper, exclude and laugh at me, call me over for a chat to tell me that they had all decided I had headlice and was dirty. I was called ugly, stupid and lots of other things. The feeling of being excluded was a painful one and I often feel that same pain and vulnerability if I suspect (often wrongfully) that I am being left out.

I blossomed a bit that summer and on starting secondary school, a lot of guys liked me and the girls seemed to respect me. My two closest friends left after first year and the girls in my class turned on me in 2nd year and did the same as the girls in my primary school did for three years. Ironically, when I got boobs and a curvy behind, guys in school would chant 'Big D' at me, replacing the old taunts of 'anorexic'. Our bodies are never right for these bullies! Too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too pale, too brown etc etc.... 5th and 6th year were far better but I never felt 'enough'.

College was generally good although I still carried the 'outcast' feeling and was sometimes awkward and self-righteous. I moved abroad for a year and formed an unhealthy friendship with a seemingly nice guy. We went out officially and unofficially for about 4 years. He subtly criticised everything about me, including my body, clothes, taste in music, religion...Only looking back now do I realise how bad he was for me. He confirmed that everything people had said to me in school was true.

Fast forward to leaving college: I started my first full-time job and the bullying started again, but at a much more incidious and frightening level. My boss would play mind games with me and psychologically abuse me. I ended up submitting a grievance against my boss for workplace bullying and left with severe PTSD and depression. Even now when I think about it, I get panicky, my chest tightens and my mouth goes dry. I couldn't breathe comfortably for about a year.

One good thing that came out of that work situation is that I finally saw the pattern for what it was. My reaction to these bullies was to try desperately to make them like me, to apologise or be something I wasn't. This made them bully me even more and so the unhealthy cycle continued. I went for counselling. The therapist called my multiple experiences of bullying 'abuse' and said I was a victim. That made sense to me. If they hadn't bullied me, they would have bullied someone else. It wasn't my fault. There was nothing wrong with me.

I am now 27 and work in a lovely workplace. I married an amazing guy and have good friends. I still carry all the scars, paranoia, sensitivities and hurts and suffer depression. But I am finally learning that even if I was flat-chested or religious or curvy or WHATEVER, I didn't deserve to be isolated, ignored or ridiculed. It wasn't my fault. There was nothing wrong with me.

I still overreact to criticism or to apparent exclusion. I am trying to love my body but struggle deeply with that and have put on quite a bit of weight and then struggle even more to accept myself! I go to extremes with things; appearance, exams, music performance...if it's not perfect, then it's not enough and I give up. I was constantly obsessed with being 'significant' or 'worthwhile' and mediocrity is something to be disdained. Problem is, we can choose perfection or happiness but not both! So each time I have these thoughts I have to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me and that it's OK not to be perfect.

I am enough as I am. I am ENOUGH!

Wow, you've been through some serious stuff. Well done on the counselling and your capacity for self analysis. You should be very proud of yourself. I really hope you are happy in life. Best of luck!

ShiftStorm · 17-08-2012 2:37pm

NCONTHEMC wrote: »

Wow, you've been through some serious stuff. Well done on the counselling and your capacity for self analysis. You should be very proud of yourself. I really hope you are happy in life. Best of luck!

Ah thanks. One majorly helpful thing is to be heard and believed and empathised with. So cheers

And right back atcha.

cynder · 17-08-2012 3:03pm

I got bullied (a lot) but never got bullied for being blonde, a lot of blondes hate the blonde jokes....

I got bullied from 8- 11 at school due to my English accent and quiet personality.

From 14- 15

My mom recons I got bullied because I was pretty and slim, yet I never saw myself as pretty. I was never told I was pretty as a child or teen, my dads sister was told she was drop dead gorgeous and turned into a bit of a pig as she thought she was wonderful and my mom didn't want me to be like that so never told me I was pretty, along with a few other things going on I had very low self esteem, i didnt get on with my peers. I was a bit of an odd ball, I wouldn't follow the crowd, I would stand up to what I believed in, I wouldn't fight, I wouldn't take drugs, I wouldn't succumb to peer pressure, they would say that I thought I was better than them and so on and on. I got pinned down in the street by 4 of them and they tried to kick the living daylights out of me, that same day I swallowed 24 panadol and 30 solphadine, I had, had enough. Was in icu for 3 days hospital for a week. For years I did stupid things ( standing on cliff edge, walking into road without looking) hoping I would die but it didn't happen.

3 month later I left the area and started a new job.

From 16-18. Again the English accent haunted me at work, I got bullied in the workplace for having an English accent, day in day out same siht.

When I got pregnant at 18 I had a reason to live and devoted my life to her (I was on and off with my boyfriend) but things sorted themselves out.

As the saying, go what doesn't kill you only makes stronger.......

I am stronger, I am strong both in body and mind, I am happy.....

cassiedoll · 17-08-2012 4:04pm

I was picked on mostly in primary school as i had red hair and freckles. When we would get our break and play in the yard, i was often left standing on my own. I can remember as if it was yesterday, kids were playing chasing and (i even know his name to this day) turned to me and said "nobody wants to play with you cos ur ginger and ugly" How the f**k can a kid say that to another kid???

Then when i had to wear the dreaded "patch".....i was ridiculed every day over that.

On the day when the photographer would come in to take those yearly pics, i would pretend to b sick cos one year i had it done, some other kids stood behind the photographer calling me names and in that particular pic you can see the tears in my eyes. I tore it up many many years ago cos i couldn't bear to look at it.

I felt very ostrocised in primary school and i don't think that ever left me. I kept to myself then in secondary school but still there was one or two girls who called me names (they were in my class in primary). I never ever told my parents and i don't think they ever copped why i never had a huge circle of friends as a young girl. The very first opportunity i got i dyed my hair and have never ever gone near any shade of red or ginger.

I'm 31 now and when i was rooting around at home, i noticed there are about 4 or 5 pictures of me from my school days.

ShiftStorm · 17-08-2012 4:06pm

cassiedoll wrote: »

I was picked on mostly in primary school as i had red hair and freckles. When we would get our break and play in the yard, i was often left standing on my own. I can remember as if it was yesterday, kids were playing chasing and (i even know his name to this day) turned to me and said "nobody wants to play with you cos ur ginger and ugly" How the f**k can a kid say that to another kid???

Then when i had to wear the dreaded "patch".....i was ridiculed every day over that.

On the day when the photographer would come in to take those yearly pics, i would pretend to b sick cos one year i had it done, some other kids stood behind the photographer calling me names and in that particular pic you can see the tears in my eyes. I tore it up many many years ago cos i couldn't bear to look at it.

I felt very ostrocised in primary school and i don't think that ever left me. I kept to myself then in secondary school but still there was one or two girls who called me names (they were in my class in primary). I never ever told my parents and i don't think they ever copped why i never had a huge circle of friends as a young girl. The very first opportunity i got i dyed my hair and have never ever gone near any shade of red or ginger.

I'm 31 now and when i was rooting around at home, i noticed there are about 4 or 5 pictures of me from my school days.

So cruel of them. I'm glad that's over for you and I hope you don't believe a single word they ever said to you.

Bid08 · 17-08-2012 8:53pm

For me bullying starting in secondary school, a group of girls who I had been friendly enough with turned against me and mad life horrible. I didnt have a particular feature I was thin and blonde so nothing out of the ordinary. one girl attacked me after school, I was petite and just stood there calling her a 'cow' I didnt know what else to do, fighting was not my thing
I then made 'friends' with another control freak b*tch who isolated me and made me feel like crap, like other peoples experience she tried to make me not be friends with other girls from my neighbourhood, I remember I crimped my hair one day and she told me not to do my hair like that again as another one of her friends wears her hair like that
then the last 2 years of secondary schoool I was bullied by another group of girls just general insults, mocking and occasional throwing things
college wasnt great either, 3 'friends' shut me out for a full year of college cos I wasnt into the constant partying
I was always a quite child but now am an extremely quite and shy person, im actually pain to be around in a social situation, I find I dont like to be talkative and outgoing as I have had so many people take a disliking to me in the past for absolutely no reason so I suppose Im in the mind set of if I am quite people cannot take a disliking to me as they dont know me. when im in a general conversation with people I dont know well I find if I do talk my face just goes red as I get embarrased as always thinking oh no should I have said that will they think im an idiot...
even writing this im thinking will people think im the b*tch as I had a few diff people bully me but I suppose thats what bullys want to make you feel like your the odd one
I am in full time employment 3 years and am starting to make friends now, although being bullied has probably held me back in terms of being outgoing it hasnt in exceeding in life, i have my college degree, a good job, a house and a long term partner who is my absolute rock.
I have read so many stories here far worse than my own and I just hope people dont let bullying get on top of them and bring them down. one thing I did was tell my parents / boyfrend (whom was then and is still my rock) what was going on even through college. I think thats one thing that should be drilled into young people is to tell some one, do not let it build up as it will only get worse if no one can help, unfortuantely bullying is not going to go away any time soon esp with social media so I think drilling it into young people that they should tell parents / older siblings what is going on

IrishAm · 18-08-2012 2:24am

Jesus, its kinda sad to read some of the post in this thread. My heart goes out to any of you have were bullied growing up. It really does.

I went to secondary school in a very working class South West Dublin area during the noughties to mid noughties. It contained 900 boys and I can honestly say that there was little or no bullying. Those that gave it, got it back ten fold. But the shy, unsocial and what would now be called autistic were left well alone. In fact, there were two lads in my form class that could well of been autistic. We invited them along to every event we went to. Dub games. Parties in some lads or mots free gaff. We went out of our way to big them up when they made a peno save or scored a goal in P.E. All the while telling some lad who played for the Orchard that he was sh*t.

We had two Afghani/Iraqi brothers parachuted into our form class during fifth year. Weird at first, these lads were 20/21 and we were all 15/16/17. Smart kids. Their old man was an ex politician and high tailed it. First few weeks we barely got a hello or goodbye out of them. Eventually, they became our pals. The head bro thought he was a beast. A lot more muscled than us scrawny teenage Dubs. So we took him down to our boxing gym in Neilstown. Say no more.

We shared our P.E class with the leaving cert applied. Sound lads. But around five of them were stonehead scumbags. They two bros got into an altercation with these lads and one of them got his arm broken. This was after big lunch so nobody really found out until the next day.

Rumours were rampant the next day and the whole story came to be told. We had lunch at 12.45. Around 100 lads, no word of a lie, chased the five lads and kicked them to ribbons.

No need for an anti bullying program in my school. We policed ourselves. If anyone thinks I am lying, ask anyone who went to Moyle Park College, Clondalkin in the 2000's about that day.

Only thing bullies understand is a few mercilessness hooks.

Repeatedly.

To the head.

Kimia · 18-08-2012 5:13pm

IrishAm, it's good that you didn't experience bullying and it sounds like you had a great, inclusive school where there was a lovely sense of community. I'm not sure I fully agree with you when you say that all bullies need is to be fought with.

Bullying is so pervasive and insidious that it really has the potential to stay with you for the rest of your life. My big problem is the fear of humiliation. I think I've finally dealt with it now and have moved past it, but what really sits with me is that shame & humiliation that followed me around even years after the bullying stopped. It's like someone said earlier, you're made to feel apologetic for just being you! It's insane.

In my school, there was one guy who was just despicable. He would torment everyone, yelling insults at the top of his voice. I would get panicky when I saw him coming because the shame/humiliation feeling would flood into me and I would just try and avoid him.

What also is so alarming is the way girl bullies act. The power struggles for dominance were remarkable. I also had a 'friend' who would, out of the blue, decide that she wasn't speaking to me and I would be punished with her silence for as long as she felt like it. What makes someone do that? I suppose, in general she felt weak and dis-empowered, so by making someone else feel that way, she was able to feel secure and strong. It's a twisted, horrible coping mechanism that should be dealt with in a healthy way, by her parents. They never noticed, and she never told them anything. So who's accountable?

I think teachers have a lot to answer for. Laziness and shortsightedness contributes to this happening all over the country. Why don't they team-build in school? Why aren't counselling services for children more available? Why aren't there guidance counselors in primary school? I remember when I was a kid, no one asked me how I was coping, or made me feel like bullying was wrong, so I just felt abnormal and rightfully victimized because it was my fault. My parents also didn't notice, they had enough to deal with because of their dysfunctional relationship. Not good enough.

Ickle Magoo · 18-08-2012 10:30pm

I don't think I was ever bullied...I certainly got teased at school and if I did anything remotely silly I felt I was the laughing stock for a while but I think that's fairly standard in school. I find I seem to clash horns with people who would like to bully me and then they back off with much behind-the-scenes bitching and crowing but, thankfully, no real affect on me personally. Standard bully cowardice, I guess.

My sister tho, who is only 11 months older than me and my absolute best friend was bullied unmercifully when she moved to high school by this one cow and her wee pet herd. She used to come home in floods of tears mortified every night, her confidence went from sky high to rock bottom and it really changed her and her whole perception of life which was just heartbreaking...and she is just the kindest, nicest person you'd ever want to meet - which is why I think they targeted her, it was just awful.

It drove me distracted, to the point I went up to the school (as I was still in primary we finished an hour earlier) and challenged the bully face to face, to leave her alone or face fighting me every time she bullied my sister. Well, you've never seen anyone back down so quickly. It meant I went up to high school with a bit of a reputation but if anything I reckon that made life a bit easier in terms of bullies giving me a wide berth and at least they left my sister alone...altho she was known as X's big sister rather than the other way around, much to her chagrin.

Reading some of the stories here I think we got off relatively lightly - I'm dreading one of the kids coming home and telling us they are being bullied.

Galwayguy35 · 19-08-2012 4:23am

I was bullied in primary school, I was very quiet as a kid and probably seemed an easy target. If I had a piece of cake or crisps with my lunch they would always take it off me and there was always a certain amount of pushing and shoving but always done when there was no teacher around. It came to a head when I was about 9 and a group of them beat me up in the toilets. I never told anyone about it and at the time didn't even see it as bullying, just something that had to be endured.

It made me hate school with a passion and that remained with me until the day I left.

Bid08 · 20-08-2012 6:20am

I agree schools need to tackle the problem better, when I was being bullied the 1st time my Mam went into the principle but there was little or nothing done
My younger cousin is in secondary school aswell and there is one girl who is literally terrorising alot of the girls, her mam went into the school aswell (same school I went to and same principle still) over her child being bullied and it was a long time and a lot of parents complaining before the situation was taken seriously

IrishAm · 22-08-2012 3:11am

Kimia wrote: »

IrishAm, it's good that you didn't experience bullying and it sounds like you had a great, inclusive school where there was a lovely sense of community. I'm not sure I fully agree with you when you say that all bullies need is to be fought with.

Of course, you are right. It depends on the bully. But if the bully or bullies are violently abusive. Then I think there is only one response to that.

There are so many different styles of bullying, physical abuse is just one of them. So I understand your point. I was just pointing out the one type of bullying that I have,myself, experienced.

Bullies introduce themselves in many forms, physical, verbal, talk behind ones back etc. etc.

I agree with that.

Most bullies are victims themselves, if we roll it back a bit.

ihsb · 22-08-2012 10:11pm

I am 23 and I cannot remember a time in my life that I have not been bullied in some aspect of it. Be it in school, at home, at work etc.

It is how you cope with it. I am strong but also very sensitive, I also am the type of person that will kill them with kindness or just blank them from my life.

I cannot imagine living a life without some sort of bullying tbh.

MaroonAndGreen · 23-08-2012 4:05am

would I be right in saying that girls tend to bully more than lads? among the younger generation

RacoonQueen · 23-08-2012 1:57pm

MaroonAndGreen wrote: »

would I be right in saying that girls tend to bully more than lads? among the younger generation

I definitely think so. Girls can be bitches and girls can be very jealous and a lot of the times guys will sort things out with their fists. Someone tried it on with my brother in first year, bro gave him a black eye. Nothing after that. Who says violence doesn't solve anything?!

cantdecide · 26-08-2012 11:32pm

ihsb wrote: »

I am 23 and I cannot remember a time in my life that I have not been bullied in some aspect of it. Be it in school, at home, at work etc.

It is how you cope with it. I am strong but also very sensitive, I also am the type of person that will kill them with kindness or just blank them from my life.

I cannot imagine living a life without some sort of bullying tbh.

Me too. I'm a quiet and private guy and in primary school I was very shy and introverted. I was heavy and taller than all the other boys and they couldn't push me around physically so they teased and teased me constantly. I dreaded every single day. I think I would have been happier if they'd beat me up. I think that there are some of us who just attract them. I don't amend my behaviour to avoid their crap. At least now I can spot them at fifty paces and I already know how I'm going to handle them.

I wouldn't change my past for anything. It's a huge part of who I've become.

The Cool · 27-08-2012 10:43am

I was bullied in secondary school for a couple of years by two girls in my dorm. One, I understand in retrospect, had a **** life at home and needed to put someone else down to make herself feel better, and the other was a spoiled little princess.
It is true that bullying makes you stronger - now in my twenties, people being ****ty just runs off my back but I'm also better at sticking up for myself when needs be. BUT, it does stay with you. I would still from time to time get upset thinking about it. I only really properly emotionally dealt with it last year. It can be hard to understand why some people in this world are just ****.
I love my life now though - I went to university on my own and made new friends, who are all wonderful, respectful people.

I was also bullied at the age of 16 by my bf's aunt who I worked for at the time, it took a lot out of me for the summer I worked that job but really, a woman in her 40s who bullies a teenager is only to be pitied, that's just pathetic. So I don't have too many woes about that.

I think there's a lot of schools that need to care more about their anti-bullying policies. You don't spend your formative years feeling like a speck of dirt on the ground and then just get over it.

sweeney1971 · 27-08-2012 10:57am

I was the only one in our family to get into a good school. One little b*tch who was a year older than me came around every morning during break to pull my hair and shove me around. She always did this with her mates in tow. One day she was brave enough to do it on her own. I just dropped the b*tch where she stood, put my foot on her face and ground her face into the shale on the floor. She never came near me again.

Snoopy1 · 27-08-2012 8:27pm

I don't think I was really bullied ay school.
But now im 33 and I've realised I've been bullied for the last 5 years at work and I've also a pattern of being with bullying boyfriends.
I'm now at the stage where all I can think about at night is work, and I dread seeing certain peoples cars in the carpark.
I wish I wasn't so weak

sweeney1971 · 29-08-2012 9:53pm

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I don't think I was really bullied ay school.
But now im 33 and I've realised I've been bullied for the last 5 years at work and I've also a pattern of being with bullying boyfriends.
I'm now at the stage where all I can think about at night is work, and I dread seeing certain peoples cars in the carpark.
I wish I wasn't so weak

I was like you at one time and dreaded meeting certain people at work, but I fought back and when they came out with something nasty I use to say something even worse back. One Manager had a real do with me one day over something I had done wrong, in front of everyone, he even hit me. What he did not know was that I had a 'Dicta phone' in my pocket and taped everything.
When the big boss got me in to sack me on this Managers say so. I just sat down and played the tape. He got sacked instead because I said I would bring a bullying case up against the Company.
No one dared say anything to me again and they all pussy footed around me.
There is a book I can thank it is an excellent read but may not be everyone's cup of tea it is called 'The Art of War' it is an old classic so I am not advertising on here.
Good Luck and be brave.

trinz23 · 24-09-2012 9:22am

Thankfully I wasnt bullied for very long but the few moths I was were pure torture. I was friends with a group of girls in secondary school and we were "popular", or so we thought! As usual there is always one who rules over everyone else and used to insult everyone and anyone. I was never that kind of person so tried to step back from that side of it but they were the kind of girls that if you weren't their friend you were their enemy.

Anyway, as I wasnt doing very well in school, my parents asked me if I would be willing to change schools and go to an intensive school for my leaving cert to which I agreed. Once I was signed up I went in to school and told my "friends". From that day forward every day at school was a living hell. Things written about me on school desks, threats of "fights" after school, I spent moths either staying home from school or going home "sick". It went on for a few moths after I had moved school but thankfully died down. it has been 8 years and they still like to make comments when they see me but I have long gone from scared and intimidated to just realising how sorry I feel for them that I still affect them after all these years.

Were you bullied?

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