Were you bullied?

Fizzlesque

I wasn't bullied at school - was bullied at home, but I think that would belong under the title 'abused' rather than bullied, so for me school was a place to escape to - and wasn't really aware of bullying, apart from one case regarding a girl who was bullied. When I became friendly with this girl I was told in no uncertain terms by another girl (who I was also friendly with) that I'd be ostracised if I chose to be the first girl's friend. As it happened, I had been trying to find a way to ditch the second girl as a friend because I was starting not to like her all that much, so I ignored her threats to drop me as her friend.

Last week I attended a 25 year school reunion, the first time I'd seen all those girls since I left the school (I left two years earlier than the rest to attend a different school, so it was 27 years since I'd seen all my old classmates) and was saddened to learn that the girl I'd been friendly with (the one I was told I'd be ostracised for being friendly with) had chosen not to attend because of her bad memories of being bullied. I still don't know who did the bullying, and even though I was somewhat aware of the fact she'd been bullied, I had no idea it was so bad she'd still feel cautious of revisiting the old days 27 years later.

During a conversation about bullying (brought on by me asking if this girl was coming, as I'd loved to have seen her) it amazed me how ill-equipped the rest of us were to deal with such a situation at that time, almost as if we didn't recognise it for what it was, somewhat aware we weren't comfortable with it, yet powerless to intervene.

For the first time in years, after attending that school reunion, I had cause to reflect on the damage bullying can have on a person. Even though I wasn't one of the bullies, I've been scouring my memories of those school days to try and recall - it's quite foggy at this stage.

I have no idea what the answer is, all I know, as someone who was bullied (abused, really) by the woman who married my father after my own mother died, is that eventually when the scales do tip back into balance (as they often do), if/when you find yourself in the position of power, you don't lower yourself to their level, and fight like with like, you have made a silk purse out of the sow's ear that was once the bane of your life. Hold your head high and know you were always better than those who made your life hell, because they weren't strong enough to be the better person, but you are.

shoos

Dudess wrote: »

Someone wrote here a while back a beautiful, eloquent post about their experiences of being horrifically bullied, not just by their peers but by a teacher who egged on the other students. The bullying was also outside of school.
The last part was a list of "Whys" in relation to all the horrible things done to them, with the last line being something like "After a while you just ask yourself 'Why am I here?'"

Heartbreaking...

Immediately thought of the suicides of girls and boys like Erin Gallagher, Phoebe Prince, Amanda Todd after reading that quote. Devastating.

Arawn

Bullying will never be abolished it's a simple fact, kids are confused and are trying to fit in. Yes they do it in ****ed up ways but they don't realise what they are doing, it will not change no matter what we do as adults really don't understand

gozunda

Arawn wrote: »

Bullying will never be abolished it's a simple fact, kids are confused and are trying to fit in. Yes they do it in ****ed up ways but they don't realise what they are doing, it will not change no matter what we do as adults really don't understand

Agreed bullying will always be there.
Bullying is a form of assault and as such requires to be treated as such. The sooner this behaviour is treated for what it is as an offence against the person the better. It's not just kids that are bullied, adults are the victims of bullying behaviour too. Criminalise such behaviour do that people have the option to properly report and stop it. Bullying needs to be stopped - now.

Arawn

gozunda wrote: »

Agreed bullying will always be there.
Bullying is a form of assault and as such requires to be treated as such. The sooner this behaviour is treated for what it is as an offence against the person the better. It's not just kids that are bullied, adults are the victims of bullying behaviour too. Criminalise such behaviour do that people have the option to properly report and stop it. Bullying needs to be stopped - now.

You wont be able to criminalize it. Kids would have the cops run raggad if you did.

gozunda

Arawn wrote: »

You wont be able to criminalize it. Kids would have the cops run raggad if you did.

Yes as a form of assault it can be criminalised. Like physical assault it requires that as an offence against the person it can be properly reported and stopped.

Taking an extreme example of the Bolger case in the UK - the kids there were although underage treated for the severity of the crime they committed

Currently there is no deterent to stop individuals bullying others to the point that they only way out is to take their own lives. this needs to be acted on. When kids and adults know that they will get into serious trouble if they deliberately psychologically abuse others and victims know they will be able to report such behaviour then at least we will have created some safeguards for the victims of bullying

It looks like cyber bullying will be criminalised under the offences against the person act that the minister of justice is currently reviewing for this purpose. It hopefully will only be a matter of time before the other for a of serious bullying are dealt with in a similar manner,

Arawn

gozunda wrote: »

Yes As a firm if assault it can be criminalised. Like physical assault it requires that as an offence against the person it can be properly reported and stopped.

Taking an extreme example of the Bolger case in the UK - the kids there were although underage treated for the severity of the crime they committed

Currently there is no deterent to stop individuals bullying others to the point that they only way out is to take their own lives. this needs to be acted on. Where kids and adults know that they will get into serious trouble if they deliberately psychologically abuse others and victims know they will be able to report such behaviour then at least we will have created some safeguards for the victims of bullying

It looks like cyber bullying will be criminalised under the offences against the person act that the minister of justice is currently reviewing for this purpose. It hopefully will only be a matter of time before the other for a of serious bullying are dealt with in a similar manner,

My sister was bullied, eventually when she fought back she bet the **** out of her bully. The school took the bullys side of events over my sisters, they had the child liason officer out and all, the only reason the school backed down was a guy who ****ing despised my sister told the truth about what happened apart from that my sister would of been in alot of bother, Kids can lie and will do for their friends, criminalising bullying could lead to alot of disasters

gozunda

Arawn wrote: »

My sister was bullied, eventually when she fought back she bet the **** out of her bully. The school took the bullys side of events over my sisters, they had the child liason officer out and all, the only reason the school backed down was a guy who ****ing despised my sister told the truth about what happened apart from that my sister would of been in alot of bother, Kids can lie and will do for their friends, criminalising bullying could lead to alot of disasters

I understand what your saying but the situation we have at present is that someone like your sister who was driven to try and fight back because their is no prevention, no Stoping the bullies and they can do what they like for as long as they wish.

Physical assault is rightly acted on but sadly psychological assault goes on unchecked without any consequences for the bully.


One incident of physical assault & the school turned the tables on your sister ignoring the very cause of what happened

Under our current system - Nothing happens to those that psychlogical abuse others.

By putting in a means to stop the bullies in their tracks we protect the victims and stop the bullies continuing to destroy other lives.

At the end of the day serious bullying is a type of assault - assault that is somehow not punished, not penalised and in most cases buried under the carpet when it happens

It's not just kids that get bullied, adults are also bullied to the point where they feel they have no other escape and take their own lives.

It's time we stopped this abuse - now.

Isolt

I was an easy target for a number of reasons. I moved schools when I was in 1st class and was always the black sheep with a different accent. I am also teeny tiny and always have been short. I also had hearing aids until I was 16. Haha, bullies - eat your heart out.

Ironically, all of the boys who used to say stuff to me have asked me out or cracked onto me in recent years. I don't speak to or see any of the girls. Thankfully!

I was an easy target too, for various reasons, I was different and I knew I would always be picked out for being so. I came to accept that bullying was a simple fact of life I would have to tolerate. It's very sad that a child/teenager would come to such a conclusion, that people were naturally just going to be cruel because I wasn't as "good" as them. I became aware around Junior Cert that people didn't realise the damage they were doing, I didn't so much confront the bullying I was receiving, as to stand up to the ones who were picking on my friend. In turn came a respect and confidence that put an end to the cr*p I endured too. I have no contact with any of those people, nor would I welcome any. Though for the majority, I had built bridges with by the time I left school, as they grew up a little and laid off picking on people for being different.

happywithlife

probably was targeted by bullies but to honest, I just didn't overly care what people thought /said. Read years ago its to do with being a Gemini birth sign but I genuinely don't overly care if people don't like me. Guess I am lucky. Did witness some horrible bullying though whilt in school. I don't know what the solution is - schools seem so powerless when it comes to bullies - just think about the amount of expulsions that have been overturned because some stupid technicality was't fully adhered to. I don't think any school goes down the expulsion route for someone who is just merely not working etc in class - personally I think it's a fair bet to assume that they were also involved in some sort of bullying too - I know that.s a fairly sweeping generalisation but its my opinion. And if that ultimate sanction can't be implemented than what do you do? Legislation needs to be more protective of the bullied rather than the bully.

sophya

I wasn't bullied as a kid but when I went to secondary school I spent a good few years being ignored and had no friends which basically demolished my self esteem and left me with issues I'm only starting to deal with now as a 23 year old.