Were you bullied?

Kimia

So I'm reading some articles on line about the bullying of children with red hair and one person commented that it's the adults that need to set an example, by making bullying completely unacceptable - and that's the only way bullying will ever be iradicated in schools. Bullying is such a damaging appalling thing to do to someone, it stays with people forever and I firmly believe that if society were to adopt a zero tolerance policy towards it it would peter out. For example, a child in school is a bully? Expelled immediately. I know it's harsh but it would iradicate it.

I myself was bullied in school, I have red hair, and although I didn't receive half as much crap as many others did, to this day at times I would feel the same shame and guilt I did when I was younger (how fúcked up is it that a child is made to feel ashamed of how they look). It's incredibly difficult to overcome and I feel for any child or person who has to go through it.

I know that there are people who will argue that bullying makes you stronger rabble rabble. I don't think that's true - how can anyone argue for a 'bullying school of hard knocks' to make you into a stronger person - fúck that, I'd prefer to have a childhood free of fear and intimidation. I don't know what kind of person I would be like if I wasn't bullied, but I know that I strive in my daily life to never offend anyone and yes this is the result of knowing how it feels to be humiliated and mortified in front of loads of people. However was becoming the person I am today worth the bullying I received in school? Definitely not.

What do others think? Were you ever bullied? Is there any way of getting rid of it entirely in schools? I believe it has to begin with adults - if they think it's ok to make fun of others for their own personal enjoyment, then of course their children will think the same. What can be done?

Dudess

In primary school and then first year of secondary, there was this girl all right who just seemed to command a kind of warped respect (even voted prefect) and she was horrible to a number of girls, including myself, to the point of ensuring they'd be isolated... but thankfully people stopped putting up with her sh1t and she was turned on and ended up almost friendless. No sympathy - she reaped what she sowed. Naturally she wasn't able to practise her messed up ways then, but you'd think she'd learn a lesson, however, no - once she was in college and socialising with a new set, she returned to her ways. I met a girl years after school who coincidentally also knew her - and I was shocked by this girl's story of what she did to her. The girl appeared to have got worse as she got older.

Just seemed like a fucked up, evil bitch tbh... but quite charismatic and charming, hence people initially flocking to her. I hate to think of her as a manager in the workplace now - she would be ruthless...

Kimia

Some people never get called out on it, ever. They go through life thinking it's their right to comment on other people in a derogatory way. I mean, you only need to look at the AH threads on the Tesco card back in the day (Santa never forgets children at Christmas, not even gingers - I think it said) - there were a few people who rightly identified that if the card was aimed at black/asian/disabled/any other minority* it would have been pulled, but SO many others arguing that 'it's only a joke' etc. Ah yes, casual discrimination, so much fun for those experiencing it. Ha ha.

What's worse again is that the term 'ginger' itself is a British anti-Irish derogatory term, so in a way it's also racist. It's shameful that Irish people have embraced it, in fact I don't think many people realise that to make fun of someone with red hair is to (historically anyway) make fun of their 'Irishness'. Hilarious, especially from another Irish person. :rolleyes:

*I say minority because it's fairly obvious that people with red hair are in the minority in Ireland.

Lia_lia

I've never witnessed someone being bullied for having red hair How ridiculous.


I was bullied for a while when I started school in Ireland for being a "foreigner". I had moved here from France and school was quite different over there. I thought it was okay to go around and kiss all my classmates, obviously it was not

I was known as the "French girl who kissed everyone" until about the age of 12. Pfft! I don't think I really took any notice of it though. I was a lot different when I was a child. Completely in my own world and preferred to write stories and draw stuff than to make friends.

Poor Craythur

Yeah, I was , in primary and secondary school BUT looking back now, there was people I wasn't so nice to either.

One girl who I went to primary school with, she was rich so every sucked up to her except me. This didn't please her so when we went into secondary she told everyone not to be friends with me. (I found this out in third year) That was pretty upsetting because I was a shy person as it was, and really struggled in secondary school for many reasons.

Ickle Magoo

I never really got bullied...the odd crappy day but not systematically bullied.

My sister is my big little sister and my best friend. When she went up to high school, I was left the year behind in the last year of primary. For three weeks she came home balling her eyes out because some cow was kicking her all the way around the school and being really nasty and spiteful to her for daring to be a good bit taller and slimmer than the bully could ever hope to be. Because primary finished an hour earlier, queue protective little sister going up to the high school and having a brawl with said bully...of which I was the victor.

So when I went up to high school, I was kind of left alone...but more importantly, so was my sister. :cool:

Kimia wrote: »

What's worse again is that the term 'ginger' itself is a British anti-Irish derogatory term, so in a way it's also racist.

:eek: Say what? I've never heard of that before...where I come from ginger is a kind of fizzy drink.

Chinafoot

Bullied in secondary school from about 3rd year on. I was never shy and was actually one of the more confident girls in my class. However, I was friends with a group of girls who were being led by one girl in particular and it was like she picked a random girl and tortured her until she was totally isolated from the whole group. Then she'd move on to someone else. I wanted nothing to do with this and I removed myself from the group which, of course, meant I was the next target. I got followed home from school everyday while they shouted abuse at me. I had horrible pictures drawn of me and put into my locker. If I went to the bathroom this girl would get the group to wait outside the stall and make nasty comments until I came out and then try to block me from the sinks.

I was fairly ok at ignoring it but things took a decidedly nasty turn when one of the girls closer to the top of this twisted hierarchy started going out with a bloke about 2 years older than us from the local community college. He started waiting for me at the gates and shouting abuse at me the whole way home. At one point he started throwing things at me. All the while she stood there laughing her hole off. Eventually they moved on to someone else but its not something I'll ever forget.

I also became a target of the older sister of someone I was actually good friends with. I still talk to her when we see each other but even to this day, 13 years later, her older sister gives me shít when she sees me. Apparantly some girl told her and her mates that I said something nasty about them when I was 15. I didn't say anything at all. This resulted in further following home from school, abuse, shoving into me when they passed me, crap like that. I saw the main bully in the local nightclub before christmas (she's married with kids now) and she thought it would be hilarious to dance right behind me and try to shove me around the place. Her behaviour doesn't affect me now at all. I find her tragic, but when it was happening at the time, I was obviously very intimidated.

Cupcake_Crisis

I was bullied quite a bit growing up. I was painfully shy, red hair and overweight, i was a very easy target I guess.

The worst incident happened when I was in either senior infants or first class. There was a group of 3 girls who were in 4th or 5th class, they were a lot older than me. They made my life miserable. During lunch I used to just sit in a field by myself watching everything, perfectly happy! But they used to hover around me laughing and slagging.

One day I got up to walk away and one tripped me and brought me in to the school nurse. She dragged and pinched me the entire way there.

I didnt say anything to anyone, just kept it to myself. It wasn't until my mam saw me covered in bruises when I was taking a bath that anything was done about it.

It's weird, 17 years later and I still remember exactly how I felt when it was happening.

sam34

yep, I was a target for a few reasons: I was intelligent & worked hard, I wore glasses, I was fat, I wasn't sporty, I didn't wear Nike runners and I didnt socialise much, thanks to strict parents.

the combination of all the above was fuel for a few vindictive bitches who tried to make my life hell, in that underhand insidious way some girls have.

Asphyxia

Yes I was bullied a lot in 2nd year secondary school by a teacher. Being dyslexic it was very tough in her class she was an English teacher and she used to regularly taunt me in front of other students. I had to stand up and read in front of the class while everyone else could read in their seats, she used to always criticize my work for being bad I remember her telling me that I wouldn't amount to anything and wouldn't do anything in my life which hurt so bad.

One day I ended up cracking, it was another day in her class and she was correcting my home work and all of a sudden I was called up to her desk and she started accusing me of copying off someone or getting someone to do my work for me I was so angry because I had put so much effort into it the night before and I ended up screaming at her and cursing at her and telling her how awful she was to me. I ended up getting suspended and then expelled :mad:

A few weeks later the guidance councilor came out and tried getting me back into the school but there was no chance of me going back if she was there.. I ended up heading off to a youthreach and I got my Leaving Cert there.

Neyite

Bullied from age 4 -12. I was a bullies wet dream - ginger, freckles glasses, brit, hand-me-down unfashionable clothes, short, skinny, shy. Only for the view at the time that suicides go to hell, I probably would have tried something. The amount of times my mother went to the school to talk to the principal about it, yet nothing was done.

On the plus side though, I seemed to blossom in my teens, and became attractive enough to be the first of them to get asked out by a boy, and always got valentines cards and roses sent each year. While it was not revenge, it did go some way towards giving me a boost. 2 of the bullies aplogised to me when we were in third level, and I appreciated that a lot.

My first best friend was in first year of secondary. Bullying totally shaped my whole life, I dont trust women as a result, and the only female friends I have are my siblings. I have tried to make female friends, but I find it really hard to fully trust.

I fully lay the blame at the teachers feet in my case - these girls were from 'better off' families, and some of their parents were on the school board of management, so the teachers openly watching me get thumped daily in the playground chose not to intervene to avoid risk to their career.

I do believe that a zero tolerance policy be taken, but even more - I believe that parents have too much of a say. There is too much backing down when some parent comes roaring at the principal. I believe there should be a type of social worker /ombudsman or any Dept of Education appointed person that is entirely impartial to both the school, the teachers, and the parents involved to investigate and make the decision on the case.

Dudess

Chinafoot wrote: »

However, I was friends with a group of girls who were being led by one girl in particular and it was like she picked a random girl and tortured her until she was totally isolated from the whole group. Then she'd move on to someone else.

Exactly like the one in my school. Psychos.

I disagree that it's always a case of "Oh they've no confidence and they're just doing it to make themselves feel better". I'd say, while that's perhaps sometimes true, plenty of them though have confidence - too much of it. And they just get a kick out of making others suffer... :mad:

Chuchoter

In some ways I actually think a lot of bullying(maybe thats the wrong word,exclusion maybe?) can be blamed on parents. When I was in my first primary school, up until second class I had no friends at all. This was partly down to me being quite shy but the main reason was that we were new to the city and the parents had no interest in including my family in anything, to the extent where we were actively not able to go to certain things. I remember an incident where there was some sort of after school group in Junior infants, and we were told I would ruin the dynamic of the other three girls in it. I only made friends when another new girl joined in second class.

Then in 6th class I was called a lesbian for a whole year (by my friends no less!) and had rubbish kicked at me by a different group of girls. It was not fun. I can't wait to meet them again and be all like now I really am a lesbian!! You say something enough times and look what you did! :P:P

When I got into secondary school I got a bit of slack but not too much, by the end of the year I had learnt to assert myself a lot more and wasn't afraid to stand up to people, including the whole blond popular group. People don't really try to pull **** like that with me since then because they know I'm going to call them out on it there and then.

VictoriaC

I was bullied from age 10 - 13 - what a nightmare it was. A bunch of girls told lies about me and it turned people against me, one time they pulled my uniform skirt up in front of boys (at that age it's so embarrasing). Another time a girl just walked up to be and slapped me - it was like she was dared to do it. I was shy and didn't make friends that easily and I didn't have the confidence to fight back.
Then a new girl joined the school and I befriended her but these girls slowly turned her against me - those were lonely school days. I would sit by myself at breaktime and wish the day away. They would have day outs (movies/ice skating and so on) and I wouldnt be invited and on Monday's I would hear all about their wonderful day!

one time when I was going home I couldn't find my suitcase anywhere and my mother was looking and also the teachers and then it was found high up in the tree and the girls started to laugh - they all got a talking to about it but it only stopped them for about 3 days and then it started up again.

A nice/young student teacher got wind of this and tried to help me (well she did help me) and by my final year in primary school things were much better and when I left all those girls and got to high school I was suddenly strong enough not to take the Sh!t from anyone else!!!

Then when I was 17/18 I heard about the girls - they were taking drugs and sleeping around and had a bad name. 2 of them were kicked out of their highschool....

and some of these girls tried to add me on facebook how many years later!! IT WAS A BLOCK THIS PERSON FROM ME! HEAVENS!

liliq

I was bullied from about ages 8-10... because I was tall and quiet as a mouse!
The primary school I went to was a distaster. The principle told my mum I was making it all up to get attention, and loads of other ridiculous things :eek: Idiot!
It really affected me, but thankfully my mum knew me well enough to know when enough was enough, realised the principle was a bit of an unreasonable fool and told the her what she thought of her, and got me out of the school.
I reckon if I'd be left there much longer it would have had a far worse effect on me than it did. In saying that, even then it coloured a lot of how I felt about myself up until the time I hit 20 or so...

boomkatalog

I was bullied in first year of secondary school. I was really thin having had a growth spurt, and only 12 starting secondary. I was bullied by a guy in our class for being flat chested. In fairness, how many girls have boobs at 12 years of age?? Anyway, much and all as the guy hurt me, what hurt more was the fact that not one person in our class ever stood up for me. In fact, as the months went on, they joined in. The whole thing really left a mark on me and had a profound impact on my teenage years. And I'm fairly certain I will always have a compex about my modest B cups after him.

Kinda funny now looking back cos the guy went on to have a crush on me when I did blossom. Like I'd ever like a jerk like him.

I think he bullied me because we were all insecure going back into a co-ed environment, and being the "funny guy" to everyone else was all he had. It mightn't be possible to stop jerks being jerks, but it would be amazing if something could be done to empower all children to stand up for one another.

Morag

It was a regular daily occurrence in primary school and on the road where I lived until I was 10 and beat a 3 of the bullies until they bled. I didn't talk like they did and that was all the excuse they needed.

It was the same in secondary school, vicious and physical until I put someone through a window and after that it was a game of cutting remarks which went on until I tore strips of two of the popular girls in 3rd year and then it was a case of exclusion for the rest of my time in convent school which suited me just fine.

I have no time for bullies esp sly ones and no time for 'group dynamics' in female only groups. I had teachers and guidance counsellors trying to get me to make freinds with the bitches I was in school with until I told them the things they did to thier 'friends'.

Hell is other people.

viota

yes i was bullied a lot in primary school and secondary school.Wasnt nice.It was for being too quiet,being poor and my mother being nasty to me.Also the teachers bullied me too.It was horrible.They used to ridicule me for being depressed. Pretend to be my friend and say nasty stuff behind my back.One girl called me Japanese which was bizarre cause i'm not.They used to make everyone not talk to me so i would be alone.In primary school they put thumb tacks on my chair.

Dudess

boomkatalog wrote: »

I was bullied in first year of secondary school. I was really thin having had a growth spurt, and only 12 starting secondary. I was bullied by a guy in our class for being flat chested. In fairness, how many girls have boobs at 12 years of age?? Anyway, much and all as the guy hurt me, what hurt more was the fact that not one person in our class ever stood up for me. In fact, as the months went on, they joined in. The whole thing really left a mark on me and had a profound impact on my teenage years. And I'm fairly certain I will always have a compex about my modest B cups after him.

Yeah, there was a kid who used to give me hassle about being skinny too - but I was an early developer and my boobs started growing at 10, so that shut him up. :pac:

mariebeth

I was never really bullied but secondary school was a horrible experience. I was in a class with girls that I just didn't have anything in common with, they were all in their little cliques and because I didn't change myself to fit in with them I could go whole days without one of them talking to me. I left that school at the end of 5th year, and 6th year was oddly the best year of secondary for me.

the_syco

Kimia wrote: »

I know that there are people who will argue that bullying makes you stronger rabble rabble.

IMO, it makes the strong stronger, the weak hate school, and will drive those in the middle a bit more insane. Personally, I was bullied from maybe somewhere between 7 and ten, until 16 by different people. Half way through secondary I snapped, and went on the offensive, randomly started attacking (probably after reading about guerilla warfare) any and all people in a certain age group. The attacks on myself stopped, and I went back to a more peaceful version of myself.

Someone tried to get the better of me in college, but they very quickly backed down when they copped that whilst they waged war with subtle remarks, I go all out...

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

It's weird, 17 years later and I still remember exactly how I felt when it was happening.

Agreed. 19 or so years ago, I remember hiding from someone on the way home from school. Forget his face, only remember that I feared meeting them.

Kimia wrote: »

For example, a child in school is a bully? Expelled immediately. I know it's harsh but it would iradicate it.

Find the reason first. One of the first people who bullied me was bullied himself. When his bully left the area, he stopped bullying me. I don't condemn what he did, but I understand it.

Kimia wrote: »

I don't know what kind of person I would be like if I wasn't bullied

Personally, probably more peaceful and less paranoid about peoples intentions. Also I'd probably analyse their intentions less.

Kimia

the_syco wrote: »

Personally, probably more peaceful and less paranoid about peoples intentions. Also I'd probably analyse their intentions less.

I just started a new job and I was feeling a bit new and uncomfortable, worrying if the people there would like me etc. And then I had a thought - I should be more worried about if I like them! It was a very freeing thought actually.

Oh and to the poster who said they find it difficult now to have female friends - I'm the same. I am a bit wary of girls tbh, which is ridiculous. I also think it's ridiculous that I still have slight image issues about myself which is a direct cause of the shame and humiliation I felt when being bullied as a teenager (worrying about my appearance and what others think of it etc). It pisses me off that it still has some power over me. :mad:

I veer from not giving a shít to caring too much which sucks. Where's the middle ground!!

byhookorbycrook

Had my collarbone broken aged 11 for standing up to a bully.

Rocket19

Its interesting to see how many people have been victims of bullying.

I'm not quite sure what constitutes bullying so I'm kinda afraid to say "I was bullied". I'm sure what I went through was nothing compared to the **** that some kids put up with.

I do remember when I was about 11 or 12 (5th/6th class) having to deal with two girls in my class who were absolute b*tches. I certainly wasn't the only one they picked on and it seemed there was a bunch of kids who kinda 'joined in'.
There was this one girl who was the 'ringleader' I guess, and she was a horrible kid. I specifically remember her going "what the hell is wrong is wrong with your cheeks, they're too high up". Actually slagging me for having high cheek bones! But at the time I was mortified she was mocking the way the I looked in front of other kids as I was pretty self-consious at that age.
Doesn't sound like much but I rememeber being in tears about the things she'd say about me. She also pushed me around but I only remember that happening once or twice.

I didn't take too much too **** and I wasn't one of the 'weird' kids so to speak, so I didn't get much a bad time from those girls. I do remember though, this girl who got bullied really badly by the same girls. She even wrote a note to the teacher asking for help. The teacher 'had a chat' with th bully, but it obviously didn't work because the whole class obviously found out later that day "x is a baby and a tattle tale".

Occasionally I'll see one of the girls around foxrock and it still makes my blood boil. Also she looks like a mess which is strangely satisfying. I was always prettier though, I just didn't know it. Bullys are always, always insecure.

Anyway, something should have been done. There was no reason why I had
to hate lunch break because of bitchy kids like these.
Problematic backrounds or not, these kids know they're causing harm and hurting feelings and that's not ok.
I was more than able to tell them to get lost, and I still hated it. I really can't imagine what it must be like for kids that don't have the confidence to stand up for themselves, and don't have friends to defend them like I did. I can only imagine how isolating that must be. Kids can be absolutely awful.

Also, I've never experienced bullying as a "grown-up". That's even worse. All I can say is, if someone is trying to bring you down, tell them in no certain terms to "f-off". They have absolutely no business treating you with anything less than respect.

loopyloulilly

Yep bullied in two different schools.

Right through primary school and secondary school. Bullies in primary would throw the football aim it for my face (sick). Secondary things got worst hated going to PE with the boys they would pick and tease me mostly cause I had skinny legs, since I was only 11 i took this as the norm never reported it. The boys in RE would pick their noses and flick it at me. I did nothing never told anyone.

Moved to the south (not due to the bullies more to do with land dads a farmer) Thought maybe ppl in the south might treat me better nope. Same sh1t again, throwing paper in class directly to hit my face, but this time I reported it.

Actually was out in my local one night (one of the bullies) came up to me and apologised for a being an ass in school. Funny eh.

carolinespring

I changed schols in first class and as bullied in my new school. I was very tall ( a head over them) red curly hair, liked reading and didnt say a lot. I hated school and cried every night. My parent spent many hours up in the school but the teacher never bothered to do anything. It went on for years until one day I flipped and beat the crap out of one of the bullies. It didnt stop but was never as bad after that. Went i moved to scondary school I got bullied by 3 boys in my year and a half a dozen girls, again the red hair, I was tall and liked reading, worked hard and didnt give any hassle to the teachers. It really was nasty and I was not the only kid to be bullied and some a hell of a lot worse that me.

It has stayed with me during my life and leaves it mark. One of the main bullies friend requested me a short while ago on face book and it mad me so mad. I PMed him and asked him did he know what he had done to me in school? His reply was it was only a laugh and forget it as it was just kids playing. It happen until I did my leaving cert so hardly kids. I was called names and had picture stuck on my back, they picked on anyone who wanted to be friends with me. One of the girls who was also bullied get panic attacts when she thinks back on it or goes past the school

panda100

Jeez I can't believe so many people got bullied for having red hair. That absolutely awful, u poor things! If its any consolation bullies usually target the besttest and brightest from what I've seen.

I was one of the 'inbetweeners' in school. Never in the cool gang but never in the nerd gang either, so I kinda sailed passed under the radar thankfully.

Wolfe Tone

Well Im a bloke(hope Im allowed to comment!) and I was bullied quite a bit in secondary school. Quite surprising really when I look back on it because I was always well bigger than the bullies, and played lots of rugby. Basically I would just keep to myself and a group of four or five mates. I just quietly got on with things.

They(the bullies) would slag me about various things which sound stupid now "big head",petty name calling. When it started off it was just little things which I made the mistake of ignoring. They gradually became bigger and bigger until it really got a bit too much. My bag would be taken, turned inside out etc, hidden, copies taken, crap like that. Sure that sounds funny but when it was every day it was a bit much. Then they egged me a couple of times.

I was never physically afraid of them, I just never liked fighting as I was always afraid I would end up hurting them, then one day I just snapped after one particularly big arsehole egged me, I grabbed him, headbutted him and punched his head in, is mates ran away. Best thing I ever did tbh, only way to stop bullies is to stand up to them. I made the mistake of ignoring and hoping it would go away. I didn't even get in trouble cause the teachers knew what was going on, although he ended up going to A and E.


Some people are just arseholes, gives me huge satisfaction to see those fcukers now with no future except a life on the dole(even if there was no recession) while I am off in college.

Do I think it was beneficial to have been bullied? I suppose it was a bit, taught me to stand up for myself and not to ignore little things as if you give scum an inch they take a mile.

In a way I feel sorry for bullies, happy people never make other people miserable.

Kimia

I'm not surprised there's so many of us that have been bullied for having red hair during school but I am surprised there's so many of us on the same thread!! I bet you that lots of people envy your hair now, everytime I meet someone new they always ask me if I dye my hair and how jealous they are of it.

But it leaves its mark. Although I appreciate that I look original and don't blend into the crowd, sometimes I'd like that opportunity. I've never confronted any former bully either, because to be honest the attitude (in my case towards red hair) is so pervasive that I've even had friends (not best friends) make some horrible comment and not realise that it would affect me. For example, someone saying that they would never date a guy with red hair because it's so disgusting. Thanks. :rolleyes: It's genuinely like some people don't realise how hurtful it is. Would they ever same the same thing about another person's appearance - what if that person was black or asian for example?

In fact, for me, it's not the bullying so much as it is this pervasive attitude towards anything different, and the accompanying attitude that they have the right to comment on the difference in an offensive way. And when someone says 'It's only a laugh', well that makes my blood boil. I sometimes think, when someone makes a comment (and it still happens, adults can be thoughtless and mean too), well why don't I focus on something on this person's appearance, maybe they have a slightly large nose, or they are a little overweight - why don't I comment on that? Of course I'd be wrong then, but it's only a laugh. Hilarious right?

Acacia

Really long and depressing post warning!:pac:

I've probably talked about this a little bit before but anyway... I don't think bullying necessarily makes you a stronger person or prepares you for life. I mean, sure, you maybe realise at a younger age that the world can be very cruel and maybe you learn to empathise with others a bit more... but I don't think it's worth it for what it does to your self-esteem.

I was bullied by guys and girls at various times in primary and secondary school. Like a lot of the posters here, bullying from other girls was usually that underhand b1tchy stuff you get in a big group of girls. For this reason, I've always been wary of big groups of women and I tend to have friends that are a few individuals from different groups rather than a big girly gang. As irrational as it may be, I'm put off by big groups of women in social settings and feel much more relaxed or at ease talking to lads ( which is a complete turnaround as I used to be uber-shy around fellas, more on that later.)

Looking back, through therapy, I've realised that the bullying from fellas probably affected me in a worse way. There is something that never sat right with me about being picked on by lads, especially around the age of 11 or 12, when you're so wary of how the opposite sex sees you. I grew up thinking that dudes thought I was weird, ugly, and un-fanciable. I could certainly have done without that sort of thinking at such a crucial time, and to put it simply, it really fcuked me up in the whole self-esteem department, and I'm just starting to get over that now.

I do think being bullied affects your ability to say "no" and have healthy boundaries ( I'm paraphrasing from some self-help yoke I read but it makes sense.) It took me getting really, really depressed to the point of being suicidal to realise that I'd been bullied my whole life in one way or another, from school to so-called friends and ex-boyfriends.

I also find I'm drawn towards people who have been through similar stuff ( bullying, self-harm, depression.) I'm not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing, but it does help to know that other people have felt the same way as I have and have gotten over it, to some extent.

mfceiling

It is a horrible thing to happen to anyone but let's not forget this happens every day in the workplace.

I know a girl who was in her late 20's who was bullied in work - the usual bitching about her, inviting everyone for drinks except her and saying hello to everyone in the morning but deliberately not saying it to her (these were the mild things).

The ring leader was a girl who traded on her mediocre looks/sexuality to the weaker/uglier/fatter members of the team and was "looked up" to.

Things took a change though when the bullied girl started to bring in seirous orders and sales and was top european sales person for 4 or 5 years running!!

As the rest lagged behind they started to hang on to this girl - oh look boss she's my friend and you can't fire me:rolleyes:

I know about this happening as this girl used to come home crying to me every day and as her husband it used to make my blood boil.

She now has this bully eating out of her hand but we both never forget what she did for over a year.
I was annoyed at the time because she would not report her but the bully was sly enough to do it in such a way that proof would be hard to come by.


Enough spouting...i agree with the OP - zero tolerance whether it be in school or the workplace.

SheRa

This thread brings back very unpleasant memories. I have red hair and from the age of 9 to about 15 I was told how ugly and stupid I was by my clasmates. To hear that every day is pervasive, it gets inside you and, well breaks you a little bit.

I just thought that I must have been doing something wrong or maybe if I was cooler then it wouldnt happen. I confided in my mam once and she gave me some crap advice that made it worse for me. She never even went to the school on my behalf. When I think back on it, it was hell on earth, so painful.

God almighty I hope that it is better in schools now than it was then, and I really wish someone had taken my side, just once, so i could have known that it wasnt my fault.

Even now, if I get a compliment on my appearance, a part of me thinks, nah, how could they possibly think that. I suppose its daft really, I see the love in my OH's eye, and I know he means it, but its still hard to believe.

Anyway, sorry I dont know where that all came from, jeepers, I havent consciously thought about it in so long. There were some tears writing that I tell ya:o.

Eve_Dublin

I was bullied as well from the ages of 14 to about 16 because I made a really stupid mistake while drunk when I was 14 that got around (probably the only thing I still cringe about to this day) and also for defending my then best friend who had red hair against her own bunch of bullies, which led to two different groups giving me a hard time everyday for 2 years, both lads and girls. The bullying was physical but mainly verbal and followed me everywhere, including into my class and outside my home. There was no escaping it and I was miserable for those 2 years. That coupled with stuff going on at home made my mid-teens an unhappy time.

I still feel the effects of it today although I've noticed myself chilling out an awful lot in the last two years: I'm very defensive and take things to heart too much even if someone meant no harm by their comments. I can't even handle constructive criticism and find it difficult to put it into perspective. I'm told my most people who know me that I'm too hard on myself and beat myself up over stupid stuff that wouldn't bother most people. I can't let me guard down in relationships and find it difficult to truly let my guard down with friends. I've always kept my distance from people, which people have confused for independence but it's just a self-preservation measure. I honestly don't see myself in a normal, loving relationship as I find it impossible to put my guard down.

All of these I'm really trying to work on.

HOWEVER, it has given me empathy for other people and I can read other people pretty well if I feel they're miserable and will try to help them out. It's made me a sensitive sod, even if I don't always show it. I'll defend someone if I believe they're being ganged up on by others, sometimes bringing trouble on myself and I'm pretty good at defending myself if I feel I'm being singled out (this never happens though in fairness)

In 5th year my school started a mentor scheme and I volunteered. The idea was that older students visit a class of 1st years once a week so students can talk to them if they've any problems. A few students came to me and I made sure the situation was dealt with discreetly and the bullies were stopped. I thought it was a great system because often students are more comfortable talking to someone closer to their own age than a person in authority.

I still carry around a lot of anger from those times that still upsets me but I'm learning to let it go now. People grow up and cop on, I suppose.

Just last year I had my first experience of bullying.
In my first year of college, my "best friend" and I moved in together. . We both met mutual friends in our courses so there was a big group of us. We all clicked really well. Happy out.

Until one night, we were all at a house party, my "best friend" decided she wanted to go home and had forgetten her keys. . and asked me for mine. . while I was searching for them, she was too impatient. . and decided it would be a great idea to pull my hair, hit me, kick me. . until I was on the ground. . and kick me some more in the head.

Normally, I would stand up for myself. . I don't take **** from people. .
But, I was so shocked. . that my "best friend" was doing this. . that I didnt even defend myself. I did nothing.

The next day she tried to apologize, and I couldnt even look at her.
I had heard her the previous night boasting about what she had done to her boyfriend. And I just couldnt look at her the same way.
For a few days, I remained in the same house. . not speaking to her. . and having her run around the house banging doors/presses etc. . like I had done something wrong. I moved into a friends house for a month until she was gone.

After that, I thought that would be the end of that. . but we were all in the same college and she somehow convinced the rest of the girls in our group that it was my fault; and continued to turn them all against me. I had to put up with taunts and them shouting abuse at me. Also, a lot of abuse on facebook. Comments on pictures of me and writing status' about me.

They all ended up failing college so I don't see any of them that much,
but when I do, they do the same old things. . pushing into me. . shouting at me. Especially if I see them when im out.

But when I see her in particular. . I actually feel physically ill and start
shaking, thinking that I brought her into my home like she was family.
And have her treat me like that.

I find this so difficult to talk about. . it still brings tears to my eyes.
That someone I knew for so long could just turn on me like that.

(I apologize for how long this is, just havent really gotten it off my chest like this before)

Tayla

Luckily I was never bullied and I am so relieved that I never was, in particular because I developed extreme social anxiety at around the age of 14 and ended up leaving school at 16 because of it but I think if I had been bullied then I would not have been able to even stay until then.

I always hated bullies but thankfully even though I was in a school in quite a rough town there wasn't very much bullying in the school.

Strangely enough a girl in my school once (falsely) accused me and my friend of bullying her even though I had spoken to her once and never did a thing wrong to her, our school had a zero tolerance for bullying but they believed us straight away so I can only presume that this girl must have made false allegations in the past about bullying.

challengemaster

*deep breath*

Could write a multiple page thread on this all by myself I think... So i'll try refrain and keep this short

Bullied between ~4 - 14 (yes, 10 years...) for anything imaginable, and by a LOT of different people...I could count over 15 atleast. Red hair didn't help, nor did being the only guy who didn't give a fcuk about soccer/gaa in an all boys school. Easy target anyone? The irony was, some of the people bullying me were also red heads (more-so "ginger" than me)... didn't stop them using that one!

Also, to make things worse...One of the bullies was the nephew of the principal, who refused to believe that he was anything other than a little angel. All the other teachers tended to turn a blind eye too, apart from one that arrived in 4th class. Regularly I got told to go away and stop making things up...:rolleyes:

One day, after taking far too much crap over all the years, I just snapped and used a bullies head to smash a window. Was delighted to see the b*stard crying. Things stopped fairly sharpish after that, apart from one or two other incidents in secondary school, which were nothing major .

The really funny thing is, they're more than likely all on the dole, or in prison, just like most of their family. I'm happy doing exactly what I want to do in life.

Little Acorn

Deleted User wrote: »

Just last year I had my first experience of bullying.
In my first year of college, my "best friend" and I moved in together. . We both met mutual friends in our courses so there was a big group of us. We all clicked really well. Happy out.

Until one night, we were all at a house party, my "best friend" decided she wanted to go home and had forgetten her keys. . and asked me for mine. . while I was searching for them, she was too impatient. . and decided it would be a great idea to pull my hair, hit me, kick me. . until I was on the ground. . and kick me some more in the head.

Normally, I would stand up for myself. . I don't take **** from people. .
But, I was so shocked. . that my "best friend" was doing this. . that I didnt even defend myself. I did nothing.

The next day she tried to apologize, and I couldnt even look at her.
I had heard her the previous night boasting about what she had done to her boyfriend. And I just couldnt look at her the same way.
For a few days, I remained in the same house. . not speaking to her. . and having her run around the house banging doors/presses etc. . like I had done something wrong. I moved into a friends house for a month until she was gone.

After that, I thought that would be the end of that. . but we were all in the same college and she somehow convinced the rest of the girls in our group that it was my fault; and continued to turn them all against me. I had to put up with taunts and them shouting abuse at me. Also, a lot of abuse on facebook. Comments on pictures of me and writing status' about me.

They all ended up failing college so I don't see any of them that much,
but when I do, they do the same old things. . pushing into me. . shouting at me. Especially if I see them when im out.

But when I see her in particular. . I actually feel physically ill and start
shaking, thinking that I brought her into my home like she was family.
And have her treat me like that.

I find this so difficult to talk about. . it still brings tears to my eyes.
That someone I knew for so long could just turn on me like that.

(I apologize for how long this is, just havent really gotten it off my chest like this before)

Jesus Ava, that is so fcked up! You hear about people often getting bullied in secondary school, or even the workplace, but I haven't heard about it happening before in college.
College are most people's fun years with like minded people.
Your ex friend and her crew sound like such immature, violent little knackers to be honest!
These were supposed to be college girls, living as independent adults obtaining their education, and acted more like some of the scumbags on the street that we so often hear about.
You could have reported her for assault, and gotten her a criminal record, she's lucky you didn't.

How long ago was all this?
I'm guessing you must all be at least in your 20's by now if your finished college. You say these people still continue to give you abuse, by shoving into you and roaring abuse.
They are adults, and should not be able to still get away with this.
If they ever lay a finger on you again OP, please file a charge against them.

I don't know much about facebook as I'm not on it, but I have heard here that there are settings you can do to prevent what they are doing to your pictures and status thing. Maybe you can get the banned off facebook if you report their posts, I dunno?
Maybe someone here would also have more legal knowledge about whether there is anything you can do to stop the pushing and abuse on the street.

She sounds like a right little cnut, who revels in acting the "hard woman" and being physically intimidating.
Well see how far that gets her.
No decent lad would ever be attracted to someone like that, only a fellow scumbag who will probably turn and assault her someday.
She'll try it on the wrong person some night out OP, and probably get a serious hiding which tbh she deserves.
The only people she will have in her life, are other scumbags who have similar type of behavior to her, so that's all they will be. A pile of scumbags, who are basically also just wasters.
You had a lucky escape that you weren't sucked down into the way she and the others went. You should be proud of getting over this and of remaining in college after this happened. They are really to be either pitied or despised, but not worth letting them continue to affect you.
I hope you talk to someone about this, and that there is some way that they can be stopped from pushing and abusing you in the street.

the_syco

Deleted User wrote: »

After that, I thought that would be the end of that. . but we were all in the same college and she somehow convinced the rest of the girls in our group that it was my fault; and continued to turn them all against me. I had to put up with taunts and them shouting abuse at me. Also, a lot of abuse on facebook. Comments on pictures of me and writing status' about me.

Look at 4, 5, and 6 at http://www.ehow.com/how_4966768_stop-bullying-facebook.html

Deleted User wrote: »

They all ended up failing college so I don't see any of them that much, but when I do, they do the same old things. . pushing into me. . shouting at me. Especially if I see them when im out.

Try laughing at them. They do it do see the fear in your eyes. Laugh at them, and don't give them the satisfaction.

merlie

I was bullied for a number of reasons and to this day it has affected my life. I was bullied cos my mum couldn't afford to buy new clothes at the time when I was younger and so always either ended up in hand me downs, bargain basement or second hand clothes. Which meant I was wearing old style and out of fashion clothes. It wasn't anything major or very oddly different but style was everything and I just had to lump it. When I was younger I used to have a habit of climbing trees, I fell out of one the trees I had been climbing, and fell onto the ground on my face and ended up having a small bump on my nose, it isn't horrible or anything but the kids at my school made fun of me and called me all sorts of horrible names and it really hurt. The didn't even care what had happened they just took advantage of a bad thing. I can still hear the remarks they said to me to this day. I always felt nervous around them and even today, think if I ever met any of them how would I act? Would I be nervous or feel compelled to act stupidly cos that is what is expected of me by them? I don't know.

As the OP said, it is all down to the parents, I agree. But these days a lot of parents are getting much younger and it is hard to instill in children of children that bullying is wrong, when they too themselves are caught up with their own problems. Times have changed from my mothers time, when things were hidden and people got away with things. But bullying cannot and should no longer be tolerated. Learning respect for others, starts at home and that is one thing that seem to be in short supply these days.

reallyrose

I was bullied for every year I was in school, from 1st class through to
Leaving Cert.

When I was quite small, my family moved to Australia, where I was bullied in
school because I'm Irish. It was pretty classic kids repeating what they've
heard from their parents. I remember one year, I decided to ask all the kids
in my class to my birthday party, I thought that if they came, and had fun
maybe they would like me.

Two or three kids told me they couldn't come because I was Irish and a thief
and my house was probably dirty. There's no way that a 6 year old is going
to come up with that by themselves!

By the time we moved back to Ireland, I was very very shy and a bit broken.
When I started school in Ireland, I was bullied for having an Australian
accent. That was battered out of me pretty quickly, but having an Irish
accent didn't save me, I was still red haired and shy.

So that went on with name calling and being pushed around during primary
school. I got the school bus every day and from the moment I stepped onto
the bus, every single kid on the bus would shout names and sing little songs
they made up about me for the entire journey. They used to make noises when
I spoke up in class, steal my copy-books so I'd get in trouble for not
having my homework.

So secondary school rolled around but it didn't matter because the kids that
bullied me in primary were still there. The bullying just got a little
sneakier.

I was excluded for wanting to learn in school, for wanting to be left alone.
I learned never to speak up, never to express myself, never to have an
opinion.

The girls used to say things about me, refuse to speak to me, tell people
not to speak to me and make up lies about me and spread them about the
place. The boys used to steal my pens and stuff out of my school bag.
Memorably, they took my technical drawing equipment from me on the morning
of the Junior Cert exam. They all used to try to push me down steps or trip
me up. I still have a scar on my knee from being pushed down a set of steps
onto concrete.

I went through about two years of school and pretty much never spoke unless
directly spoken to by a teacher.

It was ****. The only peace I got until I was 18 years old was in leaving
cert year. The summer just before leaving cert, I discovered metal music and
became a bit of a goth, so I guess the negative attention reinforced my view
of "omg, I'm so edgy"

What I went through in school still affects me, 10 years later. I struggle
with confidence, if I'm in a group and say .. I make a slip of the tongue
and say something silly. The group laughs, in a friendly way, we all make
slips of the tongue, right? I go right back to being a kid in a circle of
people shouting insults and I want to curl up and hide.

I can't really cope with friendly teasing. I've learned to get shut up and
put up and pretend I don't care, but a friendly insult or tease will prey on
me afterwards.

I get defensive and worried in group situations. After I’ve been out with a
group, I tend to overthink everything I’ve said to make sure I didn’t say
anything stupid and then worry about everything I said in case people
thought I was an twit. (I am an twit, so it’s usually everything I said that
I worry about )

I don't believe compliments, mostly because the girls in school used to
occasionally pretend to me my friend and say things like "Oh reallyrose,
your hair is really pretty". If I said "Thank you" they would go tell
everyone "haha, reallyrose thinks she's pretty but she's actually crap
looking and has diseases"

I’ve tried, but I can never forgive those people for what they did to me. I
get so angry when I think about school. It was beyond awful and anything I
have achieved and will ever achieve in life was in spite of those animals.

The only thing I took from school was a drive to succeed so I can leave it
far behind me and I can show them that they did not break me, no matter how
hard they tried.



Phew, bit of an essay there, I guess I still have a little bile.

I know I sound like a basketcase, but I'm not really. I guess the tl;dr is,
the scars from bullying last and last and last. It's not fun, it's not
harmless and kids should not be allowed to get away with it.

lilmissprincess

Bullied from the age of 5-16.
One girl in particular from 5-11, every single day in school she'd do something. Turned the other girls in the class against me. Parents tried to get school involved but that made it worse.
Secondary school in first year I was a bit of a loner. Second year, a girl E started first year and made it her personal mission to make me miserable, for whatever reason. She started working on people I was somewhat friends with to turn them against me and made hateful comments. She continued this for two years, until one day when I was in Transition Year, I saw her do it to someone else. I wrote an anonymous letter and left it on the Principals Desk. He went around classes to ask the person who had written it to come forward in confidence. I left it two days, and when I eventually did go, he told me six other girls had come forward about other cases of bullying in the school. When he tried to deal with E, she basically showed no remorse or regret, and was kind of like "yes, so?".

Little Acorn

Little Acorn wrote: »

These were supposed to be college girls, living as independent adults obtaining their education, and acted more like some of the scumbags on the street that we so often hear about.
You could have reported her for assault, and gotten her a criminal record, she's lucky you didn't.

Yep. Scum of the earth. I know, now I wish I had done something. . but at the time. . I was still in disbelief .. and couldnt believe it had happened to me. It felt like it had happened someone else. . I dunno how to explain it really.

Little Acorn wrote: »

How long ago was all this?

It was actually just this time last year. Still fresh.

Little Acorn wrote: »

You had a lucky escape that you weren't sucked down into the way she and the others went. You should be proud of getting over this and of remaining in college after this happened. They are really to be either pitied or despised, but not worth letting them continue to affect you.

Yeah, I didnt go into college for a good while because of them. . as our college is pretty small so I was bound to bump into them. I had talks with the head of my course and I was so tempted to just drop out. I just couldnt deal with it. But, I still sat my exams and passed. . and Im glad.

And the whole facebook thing, I have them all blocked from my page and also my name can't be searched either.
But, when Im in pictures of albums they have - I have no control over what they tag me as or what **** they write about me.
And thats it - ****. . saying things that arent true and all that.
It ****ing hurts.

Little Acorn

Deleted User wrote: »

Yep. Scum of the earth. I know, now I wish I had done something. . but at the time. . I was still in disbelief .. and couldnt believe it had happened to me. It felt like it had happened someone else. . I dunno how to explain it really.




It was actually just this time last year. Still fresh.



Yeah, I didnt go into college for a good while because of them. . as our college is pretty small so I was bound to bump into them. I had talks with the head of my course and I was so tempted to just drop out. I just couldnt deal with it. But, I still sat my exams and passed. . and Im glad.

And the whole facebook thing, I have them all blocked from my page and also my name can't be searched either.
But, when Im in pictures of albums they have - I have no control over what they tag me as or what **** they write about me.
And thats it - ****. . saying things that arent true and all that.
It ****ing hurts.

I really feel for you. There are a few horribly sad stories on this thread [I haven't read them all yet], but yours really stands out to me for some reason. I think it is because the violent assault and the bullying came out of nowhere by someone who was supposed to have been your best friend, and someone who you said you saw as family.
Also for it to have happened when you had just moved out of home, and possibly had few other friends [as she turned them against you], or even family to to fall back on for some help.
Makes me sad to even think of it, you must have felt very frightened, alone and like you had no escape and I think you're incredibly brave to have gone back and completed your exams in spite of what was going on.

It should hopefully be much easier for you now in college if you have more years left, seeing as they have failed and are gone. Plenty of opportunities to meet some great people.

Anyone who sees those comments they have written about you on Facebook, are just going to think that they are very sad individuals for doing something like that. They are just making themselves look really bad, and most people are going to think, "wow, what bitches, can't believe they actually wrote that about somebody!". It doesn't make you look bad at all.

I was always really popular all through primary, and mostly through secondary aswell. Experienced some bad stuff in my last 2 years though, although it wasn't as bad as some of the stuff in this thread, as I was never abandoned by all of my friends, and it was never physical. It just made me mad more than sad, and did actually teach me to stand up for myself much better in the long run.
I might write more about it in this thread later on, or tomorrow maybe.

Kimia

Bloody hell there are some sad stories on this thread. I got a bit misty eyed reading some of them because the isolation that was felt at the time of the bullying really shines through. I hope this thread helps in that you are not abnormal - it wasn't you that 'caused' the bullying, it's unhappy, miserable people wanting to make other people miserable. Fúckers.

I remember this one incident where this nasty girl in very early secondary school was hell bent on making mine and my friend's life miserable. She was awful - slagging, whispering, laughing at us and that sniggering with others, and of course everyone was half afraid she'd turn on them so they went along with it to get out of the radar (I think this happens a lot). So my friend and I (childishly) started doodling on my friend's copybook one free class, it sounds so awful now but it was of the bully being stabbed (:o) - to us it was a bit of fun and a way to get our frustrations out, nothing serious. (It sounds like we were little psychos but we werent!!).

Anyway the teacher came down and found the page! We were so embarrassed, and we were held back after class for a serious talk about the 'effects of bullying' on others - she was convinced that we were bullying the bully! At that stage we were really pissed off, the teacher was so blind, and rather than get to the issue she just gave us detention and made us feel even worse about ourselves. Teachers really need to have a bit of cop on and dig a little deeper, especially because there was no way we were going to 'tell' as that would have made things worse (in our heads).

Another time, my friend was being bullied, pretty relentlessly, by this horrible boy. It was obvious he was very unhappy himself, but this dude was terrifying, he was like dead inside. No remorse, he would go to any lengths to say anything to make you cry, leave the room etc. Looking back, he was a very disturbed child actually. Anyway I convinced my friend to go to a teacher I trusted, and he was horrified. I'll never forget it, he looked into my friends eyes, made serious eye contact, and promised her that it would never happen again, and that he was sorry she was so unhappy, but he would fix it. And he did. It never happened again, for whatever reason, and whatever he did, that boy never bothered us again.

perri winkles

I was bullied by kids in my estate from the age of 5 till around 12. Never in school thank god.

And its funny because the girl who started it all was a fiery redhead with freckles that everyone adored!

I was the fat kid. I was called every name under the sun. Sumo wrestler was their favourite one to call me. There was one particular boy who was a good few years older then me and he used to throw tennis balls, footballs etc at me. It really was awful but most of the time I gave as good as I got. They never saw how it affected me. I never let my guard down, but by god it really hurt.
I also didn't go to the same primary or secondary school as any of the kids. I went to a "posh" school and wasn't part of their clique.

I still struggle with accepting my weight, I lost most of it but Im still not skinny. I put it down to them and what they used to say to me. It really has affected me in adult life, I think about my weight all the time it sucks


And now? I still live in the same estate (only till I finish college and can afford to get out of there!) and I know it's cruel and so stuck up but I'm the only one out of all of them who went to college, got a degree, travelled etc. They all still live in this little cocoon, they will never leave this area, they will never make friends outside this area. It's quite typical for where I live, everyone knows eachother etc. I thank god my parents had enough sense not to send me to school here because I woul have turned out exactly as they did.

And yes I admit I am smug about it:p .
It's awful but half of them will never amount to anything. In thirty years time they will still be living in this estate, going to the same pub talking to the same people. And I'll be long gone



(I'm really not a stuck up cow I swear!! )

Little Acorn

Little Acorn wrote: »

I really feel for you. There are a few horribly sad stories on this thread [I haven't read them all yet], but yours really stands out to me for some reason. I think it is because the violent assault and the bullying came out of nowhere by someone who was supposed to have been your best friend, and someone who you said you saw as family.
Also for it to have happened when you had just moved out of home, and possibly had few other friends [as she turned them against you], or even family to to fall back on for some help.
Makes me sad to even think of it, you must have felt very frightened, alone and like you had no escape and I think you're incredibly brave to have gone back and completed your exams in spite of what was going on.

Thank you.

But, I have gotten through it.
From the help of one of the greatest people ever.
Someone who has been through it all with me.
She was and is my life saver.
And I honestly don't know what I would have done without a friend like her.

Dudess

Someone wrote here a while back a beautiful, eloquent post about their experiences of being horrifically bullied, not just by their peers but by a teacher who egged on the other students. The bullying was also outside of school.
The last part was a list of "Whys" in relation to all the horrible things done to them, with the last line being something like "After a while you just ask yourself 'Why am I here?'"

Heartbreaking...

Wolfe Tone

I wonder what makes people be bullies,I say most are horribly unhappy themselves.

Dudess

Yeah, I'd say plenty are unhappy for sure, but tbh, as I said earlier, I'd say some of them are fine and happy, with plenty going for them - and are just awful people.
That's not a particularly pleasant thought so sometimes I think when people are adamant ALL bullies are secretly unhappy and insecure (and again, I know plenty are) it's a way of denying that there are simply some folks out there who are *****... for no reason other than they can be.

reallyrose

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I wonder what makes people be bullies,I say most are horribly unhappy themselves.

Never understimate the abilities of people just to be pricks.

Ickle Magoo

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I wonder what makes people be bullies,I say most are horribly unhappy themselves.

I'm not so sure...aggressive people, even passive/aggressive people in general seem to get a kick out the power of having some kind of affect on someone else's life. They enjoy the control aspect and I'm sure they somehow manage to convince themselves that their behaviour is justified in order that they can keep going. Some people learn, either through being bullied or lorded over themselves or just through chance, the power that pushing other people gives them and they like that feeling.

There are some pretty nasty people in the world - and weirdly enough some are such a delight in other situations that if you saw them bitching and being aggressive, other acquaintances wouldn't recognise them. I tutor some just past school-leaving age and have real literacy issues thanks to these monsters and some of the stories of abuse are just horrendous.