Were you bullied?

SheRa

This thread brings back very unpleasant memories. I have red hair and from the age of 9 to about 15 I was told how ugly and stupid I was by my clasmates. To hear that every day is pervasive, it gets inside you and, well breaks you a little bit.

I just thought that I must have been doing something wrong or maybe if I was cooler then it wouldnt happen. I confided in my mam once and she gave me some crap advice that made it worse for me. She never even went to the school on my behalf. When I think back on it, it was hell on earth, so painful.

God almighty I hope that it is better in schools now than it was then, and I really wish someone had taken my side, just once, so i could have known that it wasnt my fault.

Even now, if I get a compliment on my appearance, a part of me thinks, nah, how could they possibly think that. I suppose its daft really, I see the love in my OH's eye, and I know he means it, but its still hard to believe.

Anyway, sorry I dont know where that all came from, jeepers, I havent consciously thought about it in so long. There were some tears writing that I tell ya:o.

Eve_Dublin

I was bullied as well from the ages of 14 to about 16 because I made a really stupid mistake while drunk when I was 14 that got around (probably the only thing I still cringe about to this day) and also for defending my then best friend who had red hair against her own bunch of bullies, which led to two different groups giving me a hard time everyday for 2 years, both lads and girls. The bullying was physical but mainly verbal and followed me everywhere, including into my class and outside my home. There was no escaping it and I was miserable for those 2 years. That coupled with stuff going on at home made my mid-teens an unhappy time.

I still feel the effects of it today although I've noticed myself chilling out an awful lot in the last two years: I'm very defensive and take things to heart too much even if someone meant no harm by their comments. I can't even handle constructive criticism and find it difficult to put it into perspective. I'm told my most people who know me that I'm too hard on myself and beat myself up over stupid stuff that wouldn't bother most people. I can't let me guard down in relationships and find it difficult to truly let my guard down with friends. I've always kept my distance from people, which people have confused for independence but it's just a self-preservation measure. I honestly don't see myself in a normal, loving relationship as I find it impossible to put my guard down.

All of these I'm really trying to work on.

HOWEVER, it has given me empathy for other people and I can read other people pretty well if I feel they're miserable and will try to help them out. It's made me a sensitive sod, even if I don't always show it. I'll defend someone if I believe they're being ganged up on by others, sometimes bringing trouble on myself and I'm pretty good at defending myself if I feel I'm being singled out (this never happens though in fairness)

In 5th year my school started a mentor scheme and I volunteered. The idea was that older students visit a class of 1st years once a week so students can talk to them if they've any problems. A few students came to me and I made sure the situation was dealt with discreetly and the bullies were stopped. I thought it was a great system because often students are more comfortable talking to someone closer to their own age than a person in authority.

I still carry around a lot of anger from those times that still upsets me but I'm learning to let it go now. People grow up and cop on, I suppose.

Just last year I had my first experience of bullying.
In my first year of college, my "best friend" and I moved in together. . We both met mutual friends in our courses so there was a big group of us. We all clicked really well. Happy out.

Until one night, we were all at a house party, my "best friend" decided she wanted to go home and had forgetten her keys. . and asked me for mine. . while I was searching for them, she was too impatient. . and decided it would be a great idea to pull my hair, hit me, kick me. . until I was on the ground. . and kick me some more in the head.

Normally, I would stand up for myself. . I don't take **** from people. .
But, I was so shocked. . that my "best friend" was doing this. . that I didnt even defend myself. I did nothing.

The next day she tried to apologize, and I couldnt even look at her.
I had heard her the previous night boasting about what she had done to her boyfriend. And I just couldnt look at her the same way.
For a few days, I remained in the same house. . not speaking to her. . and having her run around the house banging doors/presses etc. . like I had done something wrong. I moved into a friends house for a month until she was gone.

After that, I thought that would be the end of that. . but we were all in the same college and she somehow convinced the rest of the girls in our group that it was my fault; and continued to turn them all against me. I had to put up with taunts and them shouting abuse at me. Also, a lot of abuse on facebook. Comments on pictures of me and writing status' about me.

They all ended up failing college so I don't see any of them that much,
but when I do, they do the same old things. . pushing into me. . shouting at me. Especially if I see them when im out.

But when I see her in particular. . I actually feel physically ill and start
shaking, thinking that I brought her into my home like she was family.
And have her treat me like that.

I find this so difficult to talk about. . it still brings tears to my eyes.
That someone I knew for so long could just turn on me like that.

(I apologize for how long this is, just havent really gotten it off my chest like this before)

Tayla

Luckily I was never bullied and I am so relieved that I never was, in particular because I developed extreme social anxiety at around the age of 14 and ended up leaving school at 16 because of it but I think if I had been bullied then I would not have been able to even stay until then.

I always hated bullies but thankfully even though I was in a school in quite a rough town there wasn't very much bullying in the school.

Strangely enough a girl in my school once (falsely) accused me and my friend of bullying her even though I had spoken to her once and never did a thing wrong to her, our school had a zero tolerance for bullying but they believed us straight away so I can only presume that this girl must have made false allegations in the past about bullying.

challengemaster

*deep breath*

Could write a multiple page thread on this all by myself I think... So i'll try refrain and keep this short

Bullied between ~4 - 14 (yes, 10 years...) for anything imaginable, and by a LOT of different people...I could count over 15 atleast. Red hair didn't help, nor did being the only guy who didn't give a fcuk about soccer/gaa in an all boys school. Easy target anyone? The irony was, some of the people bullying me were also red heads (more-so "ginger" than me)... didn't stop them using that one!

Also, to make things worse...One of the bullies was the nephew of the principal, who refused to believe that he was anything other than a little angel. All the other teachers tended to turn a blind eye too, apart from one that arrived in 4th class. Regularly I got told to go away and stop making things up...:rolleyes:

One day, after taking far too much crap over all the years, I just snapped and used a bullies head to smash a window. Was delighted to see the b*stard crying. Things stopped fairly sharpish after that, apart from one or two other incidents in secondary school, which were nothing major .

The really funny thing is, they're more than likely all on the dole, or in prison, just like most of their family. I'm happy doing exactly what I want to do in life.

Little Acorn

Deleted User wrote: »

Just last year I had my first experience of bullying.
In my first year of college, my "best friend" and I moved in together. . We both met mutual friends in our courses so there was a big group of us. We all clicked really well. Happy out.

Until one night, we were all at a house party, my "best friend" decided she wanted to go home and had forgetten her keys. . and asked me for mine. . while I was searching for them, she was too impatient. . and decided it would be a great idea to pull my hair, hit me, kick me. . until I was on the ground. . and kick me some more in the head.

Normally, I would stand up for myself. . I don't take **** from people. .
But, I was so shocked. . that my "best friend" was doing this. . that I didnt even defend myself. I did nothing.

The next day she tried to apologize, and I couldnt even look at her.
I had heard her the previous night boasting about what she had done to her boyfriend. And I just couldnt look at her the same way.
For a few days, I remained in the same house. . not speaking to her. . and having her run around the house banging doors/presses etc. . like I had done something wrong. I moved into a friends house for a month until she was gone.

After that, I thought that would be the end of that. . but we were all in the same college and she somehow convinced the rest of the girls in our group that it was my fault; and continued to turn them all against me. I had to put up with taunts and them shouting abuse at me. Also, a lot of abuse on facebook. Comments on pictures of me and writing status' about me.

They all ended up failing college so I don't see any of them that much,
but when I do, they do the same old things. . pushing into me. . shouting at me. Especially if I see them when im out.

But when I see her in particular. . I actually feel physically ill and start
shaking, thinking that I brought her into my home like she was family.
And have her treat me like that.

I find this so difficult to talk about. . it still brings tears to my eyes.
That someone I knew for so long could just turn on me like that.

(I apologize for how long this is, just havent really gotten it off my chest like this before)

Jesus Ava, that is so fcked up! You hear about people often getting bullied in secondary school, or even the workplace, but I haven't heard about it happening before in college.
College are most people's fun years with like minded people.
Your ex friend and her crew sound like such immature, violent little knackers to be honest!
These were supposed to be college girls, living as independent adults obtaining their education, and acted more like some of the scumbags on the street that we so often hear about.
You could have reported her for assault, and gotten her a criminal record, she's lucky you didn't.

How long ago was all this?
I'm guessing you must all be at least in your 20's by now if your finished college. You say these people still continue to give you abuse, by shoving into you and roaring abuse.
They are adults, and should not be able to still get away with this.
If they ever lay a finger on you again OP, please file a charge against them.

I don't know much about facebook as I'm not on it, but I have heard here that there are settings you can do to prevent what they are doing to your pictures and status thing. Maybe you can get the banned off facebook if you report their posts, I dunno?
Maybe someone here would also have more legal knowledge about whether there is anything you can do to stop the pushing and abuse on the street.

She sounds like a right little cnut, who revels in acting the "hard woman" and being physically intimidating.
Well see how far that gets her.
No decent lad would ever be attracted to someone like that, only a fellow scumbag who will probably turn and assault her someday.
She'll try it on the wrong person some night out OP, and probably get a serious hiding which tbh she deserves.
The only people she will have in her life, are other scumbags who have similar type of behavior to her, so that's all they will be. A pile of scumbags, who are basically also just wasters.
You had a lucky escape that you weren't sucked down into the way she and the others went. You should be proud of getting over this and of remaining in college after this happened. They are really to be either pitied or despised, but not worth letting them continue to affect you.
I hope you talk to someone about this, and that there is some way that they can be stopped from pushing and abusing you in the street.

the_syco

Deleted User wrote: »

After that, I thought that would be the end of that. . but we were all in the same college and she somehow convinced the rest of the girls in our group that it was my fault; and continued to turn them all against me. I had to put up with taunts and them shouting abuse at me. Also, a lot of abuse on facebook. Comments on pictures of me and writing status' about me.

Look at 4, 5, and 6 at http://www.ehow.com/how_4966768_stop-bullying-facebook.html

Deleted User wrote: »

They all ended up failing college so I don't see any of them that much, but when I do, they do the same old things. . pushing into me. . shouting at me. Especially if I see them when im out.

Try laughing at them. They do it do see the fear in your eyes. Laugh at them, and don't give them the satisfaction.

merlie

I was bullied for a number of reasons and to this day it has affected my life. I was bullied cos my mum couldn't afford to buy new clothes at the time when I was younger and so always either ended up in hand me downs, bargain basement or second hand clothes. Which meant I was wearing old style and out of fashion clothes. It wasn't anything major or very oddly different but style was everything and I just had to lump it. When I was younger I used to have a habit of climbing trees, I fell out of one the trees I had been climbing, and fell onto the ground on my face and ended up having a small bump on my nose, it isn't horrible or anything but the kids at my school made fun of me and called me all sorts of horrible names and it really hurt. The didn't even care what had happened they just took advantage of a bad thing. I can still hear the remarks they said to me to this day. I always felt nervous around them and even today, think if I ever met any of them how would I act? Would I be nervous or feel compelled to act stupidly cos that is what is expected of me by them? I don't know.

As the OP said, it is all down to the parents, I agree. But these days a lot of parents are getting much younger and it is hard to instill in children of children that bullying is wrong, when they too themselves are caught up with their own problems. Times have changed from my mothers time, when things were hidden and people got away with things. But bullying cannot and should no longer be tolerated. Learning respect for others, starts at home and that is one thing that seem to be in short supply these days.

reallyrose

I was bullied for every year I was in school, from 1st class through to
Leaving Cert.

When I was quite small, my family moved to Australia, where I was bullied in
school because I'm Irish. It was pretty classic kids repeating what they've
heard from their parents. I remember one year, I decided to ask all the kids
in my class to my birthday party, I thought that if they came, and had fun
maybe they would like me.

Two or three kids told me they couldn't come because I was Irish and a thief
and my house was probably dirty. There's no way that a 6 year old is going
to come up with that by themselves!

By the time we moved back to Ireland, I was very very shy and a bit broken.
When I started school in Ireland, I was bullied for having an Australian
accent. That was battered out of me pretty quickly, but having an Irish
accent didn't save me, I was still red haired and shy.

So that went on with name calling and being pushed around during primary
school. I got the school bus every day and from the moment I stepped onto
the bus, every single kid on the bus would shout names and sing little songs
they made up about me for the entire journey. They used to make noises when
I spoke up in class, steal my copy-books so I'd get in trouble for not
having my homework.

So secondary school rolled around but it didn't matter because the kids that
bullied me in primary were still there. The bullying just got a little
sneakier.

I was excluded for wanting to learn in school, for wanting to be left alone.
I learned never to speak up, never to express myself, never to have an
opinion.

The girls used to say things about me, refuse to speak to me, tell people
not to speak to me and make up lies about me and spread them about the
place. The boys used to steal my pens and stuff out of my school bag.
Memorably, they took my technical drawing equipment from me on the morning
of the Junior Cert exam. They all used to try to push me down steps or trip
me up. I still have a scar on my knee from being pushed down a set of steps
onto concrete.

I went through about two years of school and pretty much never spoke unless
directly spoken to by a teacher.

It was ****. The only peace I got until I was 18 years old was in leaving
cert year. The summer just before leaving cert, I discovered metal music and
became a bit of a goth, so I guess the negative attention reinforced my view
of "omg, I'm so edgy"

What I went through in school still affects me, 10 years later. I struggle
with confidence, if I'm in a group and say .. I make a slip of the tongue
and say something silly. The group laughs, in a friendly way, we all make
slips of the tongue, right? I go right back to being a kid in a circle of
people shouting insults and I want to curl up and hide.

I can't really cope with friendly teasing. I've learned to get shut up and
put up and pretend I don't care, but a friendly insult or tease will prey on
me afterwards.

I get defensive and worried in group situations. After I’ve been out with a
group, I tend to overthink everything I’ve said to make sure I didn’t say
anything stupid and then worry about everything I said in case people
thought I was an twit. (I am an twit, so it’s usually everything I said that
I worry about )

I don't believe compliments, mostly because the girls in school used to
occasionally pretend to me my friend and say things like "Oh reallyrose,
your hair is really pretty". If I said "Thank you" they would go tell
everyone "haha, reallyrose thinks she's pretty but she's actually crap
looking and has diseases"

I’ve tried, but I can never forgive those people for what they did to me. I
get so angry when I think about school. It was beyond awful and anything I
have achieved and will ever achieve in life was in spite of those animals.

The only thing I took from school was a drive to succeed so I can leave it
far behind me and I can show them that they did not break me, no matter how
hard they tried.



Phew, bit of an essay there, I guess I still have a little bile.

I know I sound like a basketcase, but I'm not really. I guess the tl;dr is,
the scars from bullying last and last and last. It's not fun, it's not
harmless and kids should not be allowed to get away with it.

lilmissprincess

Bullied from the age of 5-16.
One girl in particular from 5-11, every single day in school she'd do something. Turned the other girls in the class against me. Parents tried to get school involved but that made it worse.
Secondary school in first year I was a bit of a loner. Second year, a girl E started first year and made it her personal mission to make me miserable, for whatever reason. She started working on people I was somewhat friends with to turn them against me and made hateful comments. She continued this for two years, until one day when I was in Transition Year, I saw her do it to someone else. I wrote an anonymous letter and left it on the Principals Desk. He went around classes to ask the person who had written it to come forward in confidence. I left it two days, and when I eventually did go, he told me six other girls had come forward about other cases of bullying in the school. When he tried to deal with E, she basically showed no remorse or regret, and was kind of like "yes, so?".

Little Acorn

Little Acorn wrote: »

These were supposed to be college girls, living as independent adults obtaining their education, and acted more like some of the scumbags on the street that we so often hear about.
You could have reported her for assault, and gotten her a criminal record, she's lucky you didn't.

Yep. Scum of the earth. I know, now I wish I had done something. . but at the time. . I was still in disbelief .. and couldnt believe it had happened to me. It felt like it had happened someone else. . I dunno how to explain it really.

Little Acorn wrote: »

How long ago was all this?

It was actually just this time last year. Still fresh.

Little Acorn wrote: »

You had a lucky escape that you weren't sucked down into the way she and the others went. You should be proud of getting over this and of remaining in college after this happened. They are really to be either pitied or despised, but not worth letting them continue to affect you.

Yeah, I didnt go into college for a good while because of them. . as our college is pretty small so I was bound to bump into them. I had talks with the head of my course and I was so tempted to just drop out. I just couldnt deal with it. But, I still sat my exams and passed. . and Im glad.

And the whole facebook thing, I have them all blocked from my page and also my name can't be searched either.
But, when Im in pictures of albums they have - I have no control over what they tag me as or what **** they write about me.
And thats it - ****. . saying things that arent true and all that.
It ****ing hurts.

Little Acorn

Deleted User wrote: »

Yep. Scum of the earth. I know, now I wish I had done something. . but at the time. . I was still in disbelief .. and couldnt believe it had happened to me. It felt like it had happened someone else. . I dunno how to explain it really.




It was actually just this time last year. Still fresh.



Yeah, I didnt go into college for a good while because of them. . as our college is pretty small so I was bound to bump into them. I had talks with the head of my course and I was so tempted to just drop out. I just couldnt deal with it. But, I still sat my exams and passed. . and Im glad.

And the whole facebook thing, I have them all blocked from my page and also my name can't be searched either.
But, when Im in pictures of albums they have - I have no control over what they tag me as or what **** they write about me.
And thats it - ****. . saying things that arent true and all that.
It ****ing hurts.

I really feel for you. There are a few horribly sad stories on this thread [I haven't read them all yet], but yours really stands out to me for some reason. I think it is because the violent assault and the bullying came out of nowhere by someone who was supposed to have been your best friend, and someone who you said you saw as family.
Also for it to have happened when you had just moved out of home, and possibly had few other friends [as she turned them against you], or even family to to fall back on for some help.
Makes me sad to even think of it, you must have felt very frightened, alone and like you had no escape and I think you're incredibly brave to have gone back and completed your exams in spite of what was going on.

It should hopefully be much easier for you now in college if you have more years left, seeing as they have failed and are gone. Plenty of opportunities to meet some great people.

Anyone who sees those comments they have written about you on Facebook, are just going to think that they are very sad individuals for doing something like that. They are just making themselves look really bad, and most people are going to think, "wow, what bitches, can't believe they actually wrote that about somebody!". It doesn't make you look bad at all.

I was always really popular all through primary, and mostly through secondary aswell. Experienced some bad stuff in my last 2 years though, although it wasn't as bad as some of the stuff in this thread, as I was never abandoned by all of my friends, and it was never physical. It just made me mad more than sad, and did actually teach me to stand up for myself much better in the long run.
I might write more about it in this thread later on, or tomorrow maybe.

Kimia

Bloody hell there are some sad stories on this thread. I got a bit misty eyed reading some of them because the isolation that was felt at the time of the bullying really shines through. I hope this thread helps in that you are not abnormal - it wasn't you that 'caused' the bullying, it's unhappy, miserable people wanting to make other people miserable. Fúckers.

I remember this one incident where this nasty girl in very early secondary school was hell bent on making mine and my friend's life miserable. She was awful - slagging, whispering, laughing at us and that sniggering with others, and of course everyone was half afraid she'd turn on them so they went along with it to get out of the radar (I think this happens a lot). So my friend and I (childishly) started doodling on my friend's copybook one free class, it sounds so awful now but it was of the bully being stabbed (:o) - to us it was a bit of fun and a way to get our frustrations out, nothing serious. (It sounds like we were little psychos but we werent!!).

Anyway the teacher came down and found the page! We were so embarrassed, and we were held back after class for a serious talk about the 'effects of bullying' on others - she was convinced that we were bullying the bully! At that stage we were really pissed off, the teacher was so blind, and rather than get to the issue she just gave us detention and made us feel even worse about ourselves. Teachers really need to have a bit of cop on and dig a little deeper, especially because there was no way we were going to 'tell' as that would have made things worse (in our heads).

Another time, my friend was being bullied, pretty relentlessly, by this horrible boy. It was obvious he was very unhappy himself, but this dude was terrifying, he was like dead inside. No remorse, he would go to any lengths to say anything to make you cry, leave the room etc. Looking back, he was a very disturbed child actually. Anyway I convinced my friend to go to a teacher I trusted, and he was horrified. I'll never forget it, he looked into my friends eyes, made serious eye contact, and promised her that it would never happen again, and that he was sorry she was so unhappy, but he would fix it. And he did. It never happened again, for whatever reason, and whatever he did, that boy never bothered us again.

perri winkles

I was bullied by kids in my estate from the age of 5 till around 12. Never in school thank god.

And its funny because the girl who started it all was a fiery redhead with freckles that everyone adored!

I was the fat kid. I was called every name under the sun. Sumo wrestler was their favourite one to call me. There was one particular boy who was a good few years older then me and he used to throw tennis balls, footballs etc at me. It really was awful but most of the time I gave as good as I got. They never saw how it affected me. I never let my guard down, but by god it really hurt.
I also didn't go to the same primary or secondary school as any of the kids. I went to a "posh" school and wasn't part of their clique.

I still struggle with accepting my weight, I lost most of it but Im still not skinny. I put it down to them and what they used to say to me. It really has affected me in adult life, I think about my weight all the time it sucks


And now? I still live in the same estate (only till I finish college and can afford to get out of there!) and I know it's cruel and so stuck up but I'm the only one out of all of them who went to college, got a degree, travelled etc. They all still live in this little cocoon, they will never leave this area, they will never make friends outside this area. It's quite typical for where I live, everyone knows eachother etc. I thank god my parents had enough sense not to send me to school here because I woul have turned out exactly as they did.

And yes I admit I am smug about it:p .
It's awful but half of them will never amount to anything. In thirty years time they will still be living in this estate, going to the same pub talking to the same people. And I'll be long gone



(I'm really not a stuck up cow I swear!! )

Little Acorn

Little Acorn wrote: »

I really feel for you. There are a few horribly sad stories on this thread [I haven't read them all yet], but yours really stands out to me for some reason. I think it is because the violent assault and the bullying came out of nowhere by someone who was supposed to have been your best friend, and someone who you said you saw as family.
Also for it to have happened when you had just moved out of home, and possibly had few other friends [as she turned them against you], or even family to to fall back on for some help.
Makes me sad to even think of it, you must have felt very frightened, alone and like you had no escape and I think you're incredibly brave to have gone back and completed your exams in spite of what was going on.

Thank you.

But, I have gotten through it.
From the help of one of the greatest people ever.
Someone who has been through it all with me.
She was and is my life saver.
And I honestly don't know what I would have done without a friend like her.

Dudess

Someone wrote here a while back a beautiful, eloquent post about their experiences of being horrifically bullied, not just by their peers but by a teacher who egged on the other students. The bullying was also outside of school.
The last part was a list of "Whys" in relation to all the horrible things done to them, with the last line being something like "After a while you just ask yourself 'Why am I here?'"

Heartbreaking...

Wolfe Tone

I wonder what makes people be bullies,I say most are horribly unhappy themselves.

Dudess

Yeah, I'd say plenty are unhappy for sure, but tbh, as I said earlier, I'd say some of them are fine and happy, with plenty going for them - and are just awful people.
That's not a particularly pleasant thought so sometimes I think when people are adamant ALL bullies are secretly unhappy and insecure (and again, I know plenty are) it's a way of denying that there are simply some folks out there who are *****... for no reason other than they can be.

reallyrose

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I wonder what makes people be bullies,I say most are horribly unhappy themselves.

Never understimate the abilities of people just to be pricks.

Ickle Magoo

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I wonder what makes people be bullies,I say most are horribly unhappy themselves.

I'm not so sure...aggressive people, even passive/aggressive people in general seem to get a kick out the power of having some kind of affect on someone else's life. They enjoy the control aspect and I'm sure they somehow manage to convince themselves that their behaviour is justified in order that they can keep going. Some people learn, either through being bullied or lorded over themselves or just through chance, the power that pushing other people gives them and they like that feeling.

There are some pretty nasty people in the world - and weirdly enough some are such a delight in other situations that if you saw them bitching and being aggressive, other acquaintances wouldn't recognise them. I tutor some just past school-leaving age and have real literacy issues thanks to these monsters and some of the stories of abuse are just horrendous.

the_syco

Deleted User wrote: »

But, when Im in pictures of albums they have - I have no control over what they tag me as or what **** they write about me.
And thats it - ****. . saying things that arent true and all that.
It ****ing hurts.

Report it, and get their accounts banned.

flowerchild

I was never bullied, I saved others from bullying, from when I was five.

My youngest got bullied at childcare about eight days ago and he still has a black eye . He had a lump the size of an egg on his forehead, a pitch black eye, lacerated nose and headaches/nosebleeds and he had to go to hospital. He's only four. He is still quite whiny and vulnerable so many days later.

The other child still hasn't apologised. His mother tells me he finds that very hard. I felt very angry with her. She is stopping her child from facing/dealing with his behaviour. Bad mother.

LadyMayBelle

I always wondered why I wasn't bullied; I was scrawny, had horrific teeth, glasses, a stammer when i got nervous and talked so fast no one could understand me. Plus I was the only kid in the class who didn't make her confirmation/communion..

My little sister was bullied. She's now ten. She hid it so well. When it emerged what had been happening, I genuinely wanted to go into the school and wallop the kid who was instigating it..(you know what I mean; I'm strictly against smacking but I felt like it!! Can't deny it.)..it was the sneaky kind...leaving her out, exclusion, spreading rumours, manipulation...teachers said they'd deal with it..my sister ended up severely traumatized and it breaks my heart. She moved schools and saw a play therapist and to this day it is still something she is working through.

I now work in schools with children..both the bullies and the bullied. Whatever about Ireland, I think the Uk are fields ahead in terms of dealing with bullying..well at least in the schools I work in. Kids are pin pointed by their teachers and head, and suggested they come see us where we creatively help them through the heartache and the pain they both suffer.

Im still coming to grips with the pain my sister experienced, and it brings tears to my eyes to think how horrible some children can be. It challenges me daily. I wouldn't wish bullying on my worst enemy and my heart goes out to those of you who have suffered.

mojesius

Yes. My two best friends turned on me when I was about 14. They did so many horrible things to me that year, too many to mention.

One of them was my best friend since the age of 9. At the time, I didn't understand why they changed or why I had become so miserable, so constantly sad and so silent about it. I didn't go into school for most of that year, pretended I was sick so I wouldn't have to face the torture of worrying who to sit with at lunch or wondering if they were going to say something really nasty that day. I didn't sleep or laugh much.

That summer, I was so sad because I had no friends, apart from these absolute weapons. After breaking down in front of my Mam, she sent me to my Aunty in London for the summer to help out at this kids' after school workshop. My mam has no idea, just none, about how much those two months changed my life, being away and meeting new people.

I walked back into school that September, I confronted my old friends after they tried hugging me, like they were oblivious to the hurt they had caused me. I was in a particularly bitchy school and I found the strength to confront cruelness when I saw it happening to other girls. Eventually, I made new friends, who I still have today.

I found my old diaries the other week and the one from that year was so tough to read, it sounded so lonely. You know how sometimes, people say you should learn to forgive and forget? I'm not so sure. I can forget but I will never forgive those girls for the pain they caused, reading over that 14 year old's thoughts more than a decade on. I wish I could travel back in time, just to tell her it would all be okay, that life is so much better than what you're experiencing right now.

Amazing, how teachers are so oblivious to this kind of thing and just mark it as growing pains or some other bs.

tan11ie

I can't believe how many people that have red hair say they where bullied as kids. I to have red hair but i was never bullied (slagged yes) and i slagged back! I was a very feisty kid and was well able to stand my own, friends always called on me to fight their battles !!!! I think growing up with two older brothers toughened me up enough that noboady dared try ...

I really feel for any of you that have been bullied, it's such a horrible situation for any child to be in and i really think teachers and parents need to be more vigilant in putting a stop to it.

amacachi

Honestly the only thing that worked for me with bullies was giving them a quick cuff or two. Luckily I was generally passive and put up with plenty so the last time it happened we were brought into the VP's office and he just said "So what was he doing to you?"
After that time I got very little hassle from anyone. One of that guy's friends decided to start again, I assume it was a bit of a Napoleon Complex coming through but a fiver minute game of football in PE shut him up fairly quickly.

Permabear

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Chinafoot

mojesius wrote: »

Amazing, how teachers are so oblivious to this kind of thing and just mark it as growing pains or some other bs.

To be honest, I think in a lot of cases it's more a case of teachers turning a blind eye. I know that bullying can be difficult to deal with from an adult perspective particularly when those being bullied are very reluctant to seek help, but those who see it and ignore it might as well be standing next to the bullies.

In my case there was one teacher who actually helped me. She made it her business to speak to me privately after I broke down in my history class and she got me moved to a different class away from the bullies. I attempted to speak to my year head before this but I was ignored. If it wasn't for her I don't know how things would have played out.

I also don't believe that those who bully do it because they're unhappy or because they have been bullied themselves. How many people on this thread became bullies after what they went through? None as far as I can see. I genuinely believe some people are just horrible creatures who get off on making others miserable.

coffee_cake

I'm amazed at the stories and the amount of red heads getting bullied. In this day and age, too.
I got some put downs over my age and so on and the slagging probably did make me even more introverted but, nothing compared to anyone else on here.
Good on ye for getting through it

Laauren

mariebeth wrote: »

I was never really bullied but secondary school was a horrible experience. I was in a class with girls that I just didn't have anything in common with, they were all in their little cliques and because I didn't change myself to fit in with them I could go whole days without one of them talking to me. I left that school at the end of 5th year, and 6th year was oddly the best year of secondary for me.

hi mariebeth,

just wondering how you found changing schools? Im in 5th year and am totally isolated by the people in my year. They just ignore me. I spend many lunchtimes in the bathroom and I hear them talking about me regularly. Funnily enough I also have red hair and like to study!! Its really unfair how people judge you because of your hair colour. I'm really down and lonely.. I think changing schools is my only option, but am terrified by the thoughts of it !