The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Discussion at an engineers conference turns to matters philosophical. Over pints after the day's presentations, three of them are pondering what sort of Engineer God was, having designed the human body.

Electrical Engineer says, god is clearly an electrical engineer. Look at the way our neural pathways and bollix like that works on the basis of tiny electrical charges, conveying to us all we see, hear, feel, experience etc. etc.

Mechanical Engineers says, nah he was definitely a mechanical engineer. Look at all the amazing joints and levers and stuff in our body that lets us move around and do whatever.

Civil Engineer says you're both idiots, he was a civil engineer. Who else is going to run a toxic waste pipe through a recreational area for a start.

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard . The next morning, he asks the monks what th......e sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you because you're not a monk..

The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk .
We shall now show you the way to the sound..

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key ?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door ...

The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight

.. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!!!!!!!

DON'T SWEAR AT ME;
I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO SENT THIS TO ME!!!

FanadMan wrote: »

Arrrrrgh!!! Gonna hunt you down for that one!!!!!:D

Sorry:)

I was in the pub on Sat night and noticed 2 large girls by the bar. They both had strong accents so i said 'hi, are you 2 girls from Scotland?' One of them chirped 'it's WALES you ****ing idiot!!' So i immediately apologised and said 'Sorry, are you 2 Whales from Scotland?

Not a joke really but a true story...

In the sleepy village of Erbum, in the town of Tillet, Hertfordshire
lives a lady by the name Linda Lykes. She owns the local pub called
The Cock Inn.

Her postal address is:

Linda Lykes
The Cock Inn
ERBUM,
Tillet
Herts.

Now, try reading the complete address without any pause!

Apparently towels are the biggest cause of dry skin.