SUPPORT for victims of sexual assault thread - mod warning post #1

Kimia · 22-04-2012 11:13PM

It genuinely scares me to think that there are guys who believe the craziness - you can always tell who they are as they pop up in AH or in this very thread as we can see from the nonsense posted by Snafu. Where did they get these ridiculous notions about women?

Dudess · 22-04-2012 11:21PM

Kimia wrote: »

It genuinely scares me to think that there are guys who believe the craziness - you can always tell who they are as they pop up in AH or in this very thread as we can see from the nonsense posted by Snafu. Where did they get these ridiculous notions about women?

And about men. It's pretty misandric too. Lies and manipulation to get sex. Noice.

miec · 23-04-2012 11:53AM

Sadly women are mystery to many men and when they can't get sex they get extraordinarily angry. That is not the woman's fault. It is up to a man to make himself attractive. But for some men they are destined to be lonely and sex starved for life because they just will never get how women tick. So they turn to either prostitutes or rape or suicide I suppose.
It really is tragic how this understanding causes such needless misery.

I hope no one minds me highlighting the above section of snafuk's crapology because I just need to clarify something. When my half brother was abusing me he was an incredibly popular, good looking and one of the most sought after lads in the town we lived in. He also had loads of girlfriends whilst he was abusing me and my sister. I even recall saying one time to him why don't you do this to x person. Don't believe for one minute the theory that abusers / rapists are sad lonely sex starved people who have to get it somewhere. It is an insult to those decent people who do not rape or molest (male or female). Even today he is considered respectable etc who is married with a number of children. One of the reasons I am pressing charges against him is that those kids and their friends / relatives could be at risk and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them by staying silent.

Emme · 23-04-2012 03:42PM

A few people in this thread suggested that mainly younger women (teens, twenties) are sexually assaulted and it doesn't really happen to women in their 30s and up.

This is so wrong. I was sexually assaulted in my late 30s by a 49 year old man in his house. It was on our 3rd date. I managed to get away from him but as I was leaving he said that I was lucky to get any offers at my age (37 at the time) and that he could have 25 years olds if he wanted.

It really knocked my self-esteem, I couldn't let anyone near me for a long time after that and if I did I was drunk and/or dissociated. The idea is still with me (I'm 40 now) that I'm too old to be attractive to anybody and I should be grateful for any modicum of attention I get, no matter who it's from. I'm largely over the physical reaction damage (I don't freeze any more if a guy touches me) but the emotional damage is still there. There are times I feel irrationally angry and I know it goes back to the sexual assault. A male acquaintance once commented that it couldn't be true teenage burglars raped a 76 year old woman because "a 76 year old woman wouldn't be attractive". My reaction at the time was totally over the top, I freaked out, gave him hell and told him rape is about power, not about age or attractiveness.

I still feel old, worthless and (pardon the french) not worth a f*ck. I'm not worth f*king because I'm old. The fact that I'm getting older doesn't help, I feel more worthless and less attractive every day. I know it's irrational but if the guy who assaulted me said I was lucky that anybody would want me at 37 maybe he was right? Maybe I am too old to be loved at 40. I haven't had a proper relationship for years, just one night stands where I'm thrown away like a piece of trash the next day.

I am not the only older women who has been sexually assaulted. Date rape is very common in our age group even if younger people don't think so. There are women whose main relationship was with their husband and when they're divorced or widowed they get taken advantage of on the dating scene. There is a surprising number of women over 30 who have very little self-esteem, particularly those newly divorced or those who have been single for a long time.

Rape and sexual assault can happen at any age.

Feeona · 23-04-2012 06:09PM

Emme wrote: »

I still feel old, worthless and (pardon the french) not worth a f*ck. I'm not worth f*king because I'm old. The fact that I'm getting older doesn't help, I feel more worthless and less attractive every day. I know it's irrational but if the guy who assaulted me said I was lucky that anybody would want me at 37 maybe he was right? Maybe I am too old to be loved at 40. I haven't had a proper relationship for years, just one night stands where I'm thrown away like a piece of trash the next day.

Ah here

. A 49 YEAR OLD MAN, let me repeat that, a 49 year old man tried to attack you in his house and then said you wouldn't get any other offers? What a tool. What sort of warped idea has he got in his head about women? He tried to attack you and was then affronted when you turned his *ahem* 'offer' down. That's why he said what he said to you, his ego was dented. That and no more. Surely you still can't believe him, a man who at the age of 49 thinks the way to a woman's heart is to assault her? His opinion means nothing! He removed all right to even form an opinion when he did what he did.

Don't let this excuse of a person win. Start living your life again the way you're entitled to live it, full of happiness and joy

Tigger99 · 23-04-2012 06:38PM

Emme I am very sorry to hear what happened to you and how it has affected you.

To the other poster who means well saying that she shouldnt let it affect her, is missing the point tho
After an assault, many victims blame themselves. When the abuser/attacker is also verbally abusive I'm not surprised it wounds so much, when a person is in such a vulnerable place.

Crann na Beatha · 23-04-2012 08:16PM

This post has been deleted.

miec · 23-04-2012 09:47PM

To every woman and man who has been raped and sexually assaulted I want to put my arms around you and say you are not to blame for what the perp/s did to you. I can't hug you's all so I'm sending an e-hug, besides if you are like me when you feel vulnerable you may not be comfortable with an actual hug.

[/QUOTE]There are women whose main relationship was with their husband and when they're divorced or widowed they get taken advantage of on the dating scene. There is a surprising number of women over 30 who have very little self-esteem, particularly those newly divorced or those who have been single for a long time.[/QUOTE]

As a divorced, now growing older woman I have encountered an attitude of 'ah sure she's up for it, she must be desperate for a bit now' so that attitude is there but equally I would like to counteract that by saying that along my path in life I have met some incredibly kind, caring and wonderful men and I am deeply grateful to them as I have something to balance out the horrors of my experiences.

midlandsmissus · 23-04-2012 09:56PM

miec wrote: »

I hope no one minds me highlighting the above section of snafuk's crapology because I just need to clarify something. When my half brother was abusing me he was an incredibly popular, good looking and one of the most sought after lads in the town we lived in. He also had loads of girlfriends whilst he was abusing me and my sister. I even recall saying one time to him why don't you do this to x person. Don't believe for one minute the theory that abusers / rapists are sad lonely sex starved people who have to get it somewhere. It is an insult to those decent people who do not rape or molest (male or female). Even today he is considered respectable etc who is married with a number of children. One of the reasons I am pressing charges against him is that those kids and their friends / relatives could be at risk and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them by staying silent.

My rapist would also have a high social standing and would have been with loads of women. (Though he did, I find out later have a reputation of treating women badly), I think men like this do it, because they are not used to hearing no, they are used to getting what they want and get angry when they dont get it.

midlandsmissus · 23-04-2012 09:59PM

I must say I found this thead really healing, it's great it's here. Well done girls.

dark crystal · 24-04-2012 01:37AM

My virginity was stolen from me when I was 16. Even now, in my late thirties, it's tough to admit.

My friend was seeing an older guy in college and one evening we went back to the house he shared with a few other guys. We'd had a few beers, nothing major, sitting around chatting. Eventually I decided to go home and one of the flatmates said I could crash on his bed instead.
So, I went up and went to sleep. The flatmate came in a while later and got into bed beside me, after saying earlier he'd sleep on the couch. Anyway, he tried to kiss me, but I said no and told him I had a boyfriend (I didn't) and he kinda sighed and stopped.
I went back to sleep and I don't know how much later, but I woke up thinking I was suffocating and the guy was on top of me having sex. He was hurting me and I said "What are you doing - stop, please stop" and he kept shusshing me. After a minute or so, I managed to push him off, threatening to scream if he didn't get off me.
I grabbed my jeans and shoes and ran out of the house, still in my underwear and ran around the corner to get dressed outside. I was shaking very badly at this stage.
I went home, telling my mother that I'd had a fight with my friend and that was why I was so quiet.

The worst part of it was the utter fear I had that I was pregnant. it was my first sexual encounter and I thought once you had sex with a guy without protection it automatically meant you were pregnant. It was three weeks before I realised I wasn't. I was so ashamed of what happened that night.

I didn't tell anyone about what happened for years and to this day when someone asks about how I lost my virginity, I lie. The only people who know are my best friend and my fiance.

For years I blamed myself that it was my fault for sleeping in his bed, for staying in the bed after he kissed me etc.
It was only later in life, after I had my own daughter and the thought of her ever being raped terrified me, that it hit me. It wasn't my fault, just as it wouldn't be her fault.

Being a mother myself and having gone through such an experience, I am so fearful of something like that ever happening to my gorgeous little girl. She's 17 herself now and has a lovely boyfriend, but my fears for her are still always there.

Today, I just think of that incident as a distant memory. It made me put a guard up with men for sure, but I've been lucky in so many other ways in my life, including the wonderful man in it now.

Never lose your self respect, ladies. Stay strong and be happy

Emme · 24-04-2012 11:02AM

Feeona wrote: »

Ah here . A 49 YEAR OLD MAN, let me repeat that, a 49 year old man tried to attack you in his house and then said you wouldn't get any other offers? What a tool. What sort of warped idea has he got in his head about women? He tried to attack you and was then affronted when you turned his *ahem* 'offer' down. That's why he said what he said to you, his ego was dented. That and no more. Surely you still can't believe him, a man who at the age of 49 thinks the way to a woman's heart is to assault her? His opinion means nothing! He removed all right to even form an opinion when he did what he did.

Don't let this excuse of a person win. Start living your life again the way you're entitled to live it, full of happiness and joy

But if he was wrong why does nobody want me now except for a one night stand?

What kills me most is that he was right, I was lucky that he paid me some attention but I didn't go along with his advances. I haven't had a relationship since, only one night stands. They throw me out like rubbish afterwards. Because that's all I am, rubbish, because I am a woman over 40 and men get to choose and abuse while women have to take what they get. If we don't like who chooses us that's our hard luck.

24-04-2012 11:12AM

Emme wrote: »

But if he was wrong why does nobody want me now except for a one night stand? What kills me most is that he was right, I was lucky that he paid me some attention but I didn't go along with his advances. I haven't had a relationship since, only one night stands. They throw me out like rubbish afterwards. Because that's all I am, rubbish, because I am a woman over 40 and men get to choose and abuse while women have to take what they get. If we don't like who chooses us that's our hard luck.

If you don't place any value on yourself, it'll come across to a lot of people.
Go talk to a counsellor and work on yourself instead of worrying about people paying you attention for the moment.

sambuka41 · 24-04-2012 11:17AM

Emme wrote: »

But if he was wrong why does nobody want me now except for a one night stand?

He was most definitely wrong, it's just harder for you to see that cause its your emotions tied up in it.

Emme wrote: »

If we don't like who chooses us that's our hard luck.

I wrote on this thread anonymously earlier, after my incident I thought like this. That they were seeking me out some how, I went out with some crappy guys after but in reality it was ME who was choosing them, because they were crap and because they let me keep beating myself up, and proving I was no good and that men were crap.

It was only through counselling that I seen I was staying the victim,when it happened I was the victim of a manipulative git but I didn't have to stay a victim after.

I would recommend counselling to anyone and everyone, its really helped me change the way I see the world.

Morag · 24-04-2012 11:18AM

Emme wrote: »

But if he was wrong why does nobody want me now except for a one night stand? What kills me most is that he was right, I was lucky that he paid me some attention but I didn't go along with his advances. I haven't had a relationship since, only one night stands. They throw me out like rubbish afterwards. Because that's all I am, rubbish, because I am a woman over 40 and men get to choose and abuse while women have to take what they get. If we don't like who chooses us that's our hard luck.

Emme I know you feel that way but it's not true.
I know several ladies who are in thier 50s and 60s who found love again and got married. It could be that you are looking in the wrong places and while you feel the way your feel about yourself you are attracting the wrong sort of men.

Please consider going for counseling and rethinking how you are going about meeting men to date.

Wibbs · 24-04-2012 11:54AM

Sharrow wrote: »

Emme I know you feel that way but it's not true.
I know several ladies who are in thier 50s and 60s who found love again and got married. It could be that you are looking in the wrong places and while you feel the way your feel about yourself you are attracting the wrong sort of men.

Please consider going for counseling and rethinking how you are going about meeting men to date.

If ever the internet meme of "Quoted for truth" applied, it's with this post.

Emme · 24-04-2012 12:36PM

Thanks everyone. Reading over this thread I don't feel so alone, other people have gone through a lot worse and they all have my sympathy. You have all been so brave. I can't believe how common assault is.

I also got assaulted on a rugby pitch when I was 19 (stupidly I went out for a snog with a guy I met at a rugby club disco) but got away and had no problem getting over the attack. So why can't I get over the attack I had at 37? I honestly think it's because I'm old and nobody wants me.

I had counselling before, maybe I should go back again. I went on a dating site recently and it's dragged me way, wayyyyy down.

24-04-2012 01:42PM

Emme wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Reading over this thread I don't feel so alone, other people have gone through a lot worse and they all have my sympathy. You have all been so brave. I can't believe how common assault is.

I also got assaulted on a rugby pitch when I was 19 (stupidly I went out for a snog with a guy I met at a rugby club disco) but got away and had no problem getting over the attack. So why can't I get over the attack I had at 37? I honestly think it's because I'm old and nobody wants me.

I had counselling before, maybe I should go back again. I went on a dating site recently and it's dragged me way, wayyyyy down.

firstly sorry your in such a drak place and i would urge like the other posters to seek a good consellour that specialises in sexual trauma. You arnt old ! your only halfway through your life ! nobody wants you are your sure about that ? really ?

You determine your worth and i believe your worth so so so much more than the treatment you have experienced .i wish you all the best as i do all the posters here .and i know this is cheesy but we are lionesses we will be more than ok we are strong in our own ways .

newport2 · 24-04-2012 02:49PM

Emme wrote: »

It really knocked my self-esteem, I couldn't let anyone near me for a long time after that and if I did I was drunk and/or dissociated. The idea is still with me (I'm 40 now) that I'm too old to be attractive to anybody and I should be grateful for any modicum of attention I get, no matter who it's from. I'm largely over the physical reaction damage (I don't freeze any more if a guy touches me) but the emotional damage is still there. There are times I feel irrationally angry and I know it goes back to the sexual assault. A male acquaintance once commented that it couldn't be true teenage burglars raped a 76 year old woman because "a 76 year old woman wouldn't be attractive". My reaction at the time was totally over the top, I freaked out, gave him hell and told him rape is about power, not about age or attractiveness.

I still feel old, worthless and (pardon the french) not worth a f*ck. I'm not worth f*king because I'm old. The fact that I'm getting older doesn't help, I feel more worthless and less attractive every day. I know it's irrational but if the guy who assaulted me said I was lucky that anybody would want me at 37 maybe he was right? Maybe I am too old to be loved at 40. I haven't had a proper relationship for years, just one night stands where I'm thrown away like a piece of trash the next day.

Get the idea that anyone of a certain age is not attractive out of your head, certainly when you're as young as 40. I married my wife less than 6 months ago, she's beautiful and 40.
Think about it, you're basing this on what one a$$h0le said when you rejected him.

miec · 24-04-2012 04:19PM

But if he was wrong why does nobody want me now except for a one night stand?

Do you care about yourself? Do you think you are lovable as you are?

What kills me most is that he was right, I was lucky that he paid me some attention but I didn't go along with his advances. I haven't had a relationship since, only one night stands. They throw me out like rubbish afterwards. Because that's all I am, rubbish, because I am a woman over 40 and men get to choose and abuse while women have to take what they get. If we don't like who chooses us that's our hard luck.

I have come to the realisation over the years that our outer world reflects our inner world. It can be especially cruel for someone who has been raped / abused because they carry the shame, guilt, dirt feeling and feel like they only deserve abuse so oftentimes that is what they receive.

It would be incredibly helpful to you if you could change how you view things. For instance, the man who tried to rape you and then had the audacity to say you were old and no one would bother with you, etc. Let's just break down his bull**** for a second 1) If he was so fricking good looking / etc then he would not need to resort to forcing a woman. Hot sexy nice men don't do that ****.
2) where were the hot 25 year olds dripping of his arm - they'd laugh at him and tell him he is a saddo
3) he did the classic projection. He felt rebuffed and projected his shame and his anger onto you. For as long as his words are in your head, putting you down, you are giving him a power over you that he does not deserve.

You know I can really relate to what you said above, I used to let men use me like a dishcloth, it was humiliating and it was for a long time the only life I knew. It was only during counselling and lots of it did I change my worldview and my way of thinking. I'm glad to say that my dishcloth days are over. Don't get me wrong I still get bad bouts of self hate but now I work through it and go as easy on myself as I can, even if it means having a duvet day and watching movies.

I know now that I deserve and warrant love and kindness, I also think it is important for survivors to learn to trust themselves again. That for me has been really important in my recovery.

neuro-praxis · 24-04-2012 04:31PM

miec wrote: »

Hot sexy nice men don't do that ****.

This is a myth that needs to be dispelled. Plenty of dangerous men appear "hot, sexy and nice". It has nothing to do with appearance. None of this does.

Jelly2 · 24-04-2012 04:37PM

neuro-praxis wrote: »

This is a myth that needs to be dispelled. Plenty of dangerous men appear "hot, sexy and nice". It has nothing to do with appearance. None of this does.

That phrase leaped out at me too. I suppose by 'nice' the poster meant that men who are genuinely nice don't act like the man Emme had the misfortune to meet. But 'hot, sexy' men can act badly when it comes to women, and it's all the more surprising and gut-wrenching when someone that you thought was hot and sexy turns out to be savagely awful.:( Someone that you fancied turned out to be a rapist. Talk about cognitive dissonance, it's a bad place to find yourself.

Ambersky · 24-04-2012 06:30PM

When I was in my early twenties I lived with a woman who had a young baby conceived in rape. A co-worker of hers knowing she was lesbian thought that all she needed was a good f**k. When she suspected she was pregnant she was still so much in shock from the rape that she went into denial about just about everything and tried to cope by keeping things as normal as possible and walking around on auto pilot. As a result she didn’t get any pre natal care and was ill equipped to deal with either the birth or the baby.
I met them both when the child was three months old fell in love went straight into rescue mode and moved right in. She sold everything she had to move in with me and we got ourselves a nice little apartment.
Soon however we found ourselves the centre of attention of the couple next door. Going to work each morning the man used to shout at me from his balcony “Hey name want to f**k?" and his wife used to laugh at the good of it.
We tried to keep things civil, pass it off, not draw to much attention to ourselves, not leave when they were out on the corridor etc. Then one day we were coming in the front door when this man was going out. He said “Hello name” and grabbed my girlfriend between her legs and held her, looking into my eyes. She had the child in her arms and was frozen on the spot so I hit him. He hit me. We fought our way into our apartment and he went and got a friend. They were shouting all kinds of obscenities at us, telling us what they were going to do to us when they got us. They started banging the door down and we waited for the police and we had called them as soon as we got in the door. The police stopped the attack but said they could only calm the situation and if we pressed charges they would too, because I hit him first. (still not sorry by the way) The police said they knew the man and couldn’t guarantee our safety later, but would come if called. We just gathered up all that we could and left the appartment that night to sleep in the child’s crèche on the floor.
So no I haven’t been raped but that was the intention during that attack and I was lucky enough to get away.
On the age issue I personally know a woman in her 50s who was raped last year. I just want to add to the voices here dispelling the myths about rape and educating from personal stories,

neuro-praxis · 24-04-2012 07:28PM

Ambersky wrote: »

So no I haven’t been raped but that was the intention during that attack and I was lucky enough to get away.

Ambersky, your and your partner's story cut me to the bone. Thank goodness you had each other that night.

Jackie Treeh0rn · 24-04-2012 08:34PM

I created this account to post here. These stories are absolutely gut wrenching. I am so sorry for all the women on here who experienced these horrible attacks. I hope you can all find some peace. Emme, plenty of women in their forties and fifties find love, you were just really unfortunate to encounter that disgusting prick who destroyed your confidence.

K-9 · 24-04-2012 09:28PM

Emme wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Reading over this thread I don't feel so alone, other people have gone through a lot worse and they all have my sympathy. You have all been so brave. I can't believe how common assault is.

I also got assaulted on a rugby pitch when I was 19 (stupidly I went out for a snog with a guy I met at a rugby club disco) but got away and had no problem getting over the attack. So why can't I get over the attack I had at 37? I honestly think it's because I'm old and nobody wants me.

I had counselling before, maybe I should go back again. I went on a dating site recently and it's dragged me way, wayyyyy down.

Trying to think about this logically, the man who assaulted you was in his 40's, a different generation from now, probably brought up with different prevailing beliefs etc.

So another way of looking at it is, the guy who assaulted you when you were 19, assuming he was near your age, is from the same generation as the guy in his 40's. Only difference is it's 20 years later!

From reading threads on this topic there is far too much emphasis on finding "excuses" for the assaulter and very little effort at trying to understand why the victim felt assaulted, a very selfish attitude.

I always think with many things it's a matter of time, society changing, attitudes adapting, unfortunately I don't see much change happening in attitudes in this area. The idea of a young women wearing short skirts and low cut tops as somehow "asking for it" still pervades. With attitudes like that so common and passed on to another generation, I don't hold out much hope.

All I can do is teach my son as best I can, and with the prevalence and easy accessibility of porn on the internet, together with other issues, not an easy task.

Jenneke87 · 24-04-2012 10:06PM

I'm so shocked by how many women had to go through the horror, it just sends shivers down my spine over and over again.:( No matter what happend,what was said, whether you flirted or not, ladies, it wasn't your fault no matter what's said on this tread or what other people tell you.

I thought that going through live without anything happening to you was something that happend to the majority of us all. Reading this, I know realise how blessed I am that up to this day nothing has happend to me and I pray it will remain that way.

Utmost respect to all the women who had the courage to share their story.

Morag · 25-04-2012 12:18AM

Oh the nice good looking 'hot' ones, do it as well, esp those who have a gf and have made cutting comments about yourself and how your a bitch and prolly a dyke.
Oh yes they will still try and force themselves on you when they think your drunk enough and no one is around, thinking you'd let anyone have a go, your that desperate and when you beat them away from you, tell you know one will believe you that they tried. and the thing is they know they mostly right.

25-04-2012 11:53AM

Ambersky wrote: »

When I was in my early twenties I lived with a woman who had a young baby conceived in rape. A co-worker of hers knowing she was lesbian thought that all she needed was a good f**k. When she suspected she was pregnant she was still so much in shock from the rape that she went into denial about just about everything and tried to cope by keeping things as normal as possible and walking around on auto pilot. As a result she didn’t get any pre natal care and was ill equipped to deal with either the birth or the baby.
I met them both when the child was three months old fell in love went straight into rescue mode and moved right in. She sold everything she had to move in with me and we got ourselves a nice little apartment.
Soon however we found ourselves the centre of attention of the couple next door. Going to work each morning the man used to shout at me from his balcony “Hey name want to f**k?" and his wife used to laugh at the good of it.
We tried to keep things civil, pass it off, not draw to much attention to ourselves, not leave when they were out on the corridor etc. Then one day we were coming in the front door when this man was going out. He said “Hello name” and grabbed my girlfriend between her legs and held her, looking into my eyes. She had the child in her arms and was frozen on the spot so I hit him. He hit me. We fought our way into our apartment and he went and got a friend. They were shouting all kinds of obscenities at us, telling us what they were going to do to us when they got us. They started banging the door down and we waited for the police and we had called them as soon as we got in the door. The police stopped the attack but said they could only calm the situation and if we pressed charges they would too, because I hit him first. (still not sorry by the way) The police said they knew the man and couldn’t guarantee our safety later, but would come if called. We just gathered up all that we could and left the appartment that night to sleep in the child’s crèche on the floor.
So no I haven’t been raped but that was the intention during that attack and I was lucky enough to get away.
On the age issue I personally know a woman in her 50s who was raped last year. I just want to add to the voices here dispelling the myths about rape and educating from personal stories,

That is horrible.
If i was a friend of yours, i would've sorted that prick out myself.:mad:

Emme · 25-04-2012 12:32PM

Ambersky wrote: »

Going to work each morning the man used to shout at me from his balcony “Hey name want to f**k?" and his wife used to laugh at the good of it.

What kind of people were they? It wouldn't surprise me if that man was abusive to his wife behind closed doors and she was only going along with him to prevent further abuse.

Ambersky wrote: »

We tried to keep things civil, pass it off, not draw to much attention to ourselves, not leave when they were out on the corridor etc. Then one day we were coming in the front door when this man was going out. He said “Hello name” and grabbed my girlfriend between her legs and held her, looking into my eyes. She had the child in her arms and was frozen on the spot so I hit him. He hit me. We fought our way into our apartment and he went and got a friend. They were shouting all kinds of obscenities at us, telling us what they were going to do to us when they got us. They started banging the door down and we waited for the police and we had called them as soon as we got in the door. The police stopped the attack but said they could only calm the situation and if we pressed charges they would too, because I hit him first. (still not sorry by the way) The police said they knew the man and couldn’t guarantee our safety later, but would come if called. We just gathered up all that we could and left the appartment that night to sleep in the child’s crèche on the floor.
So no I haven’t been raped but that was the intention during that attack and I was lucky enough to get away.
On the age issue I personally know a woman in her 50s who was raped last year. I just want to add to the voices here dispelling the myths about rape and educating from personal stories,

Ambersky, you might have hit him but he made the first move - he grabbed your girlfriend between the legs while she had a child in her arms. :eek: So he effectively assaulted your girlfriend and her child. If that isn't assault then nothing is. The Gardai sound like they were biased in favour of your girlfriend's attacker.

What happened was shocking but you were as well out of there. It was no environment to live in or to raise a child. Could you imagine the abuse your girlfriend's child would have suffered if you had stayed there?

SUPPORT for victims of sexual assault thread - mod warning post #1

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