Having a child under 30 - wasting your life.

Azureus · 25-10-2011 2:13pm

Squall19 wrote: »

Under 30 first child silly!!

30 is old for a woman, she is well past her physical peak/beauty at that age.

By the time a model is 30, her beauty has gone.She is washed up, that's a model, not a normal girl!

Most normal women are going downhill at 23-24, at 28 there is a noticeable difference in looks between her 28 year old self and 19 year old self.

Nothing nicer than seeing a beautiful young woman of 23 out for a stroll on the beach with her newborn baby and husband.

Delighted to hear at 23 Ive started going 'downhill'. There was me thinking I was in my prime

Silly me. I must go get preggers...and get married...and find a beack to walk on!! But damnit, by the time 9 months is up I'll be 24 and thats too old for your idyllic lil image. Ah boo.

Spose I'll just have to continue up the career ladder and make the most of my independance

Lollipops23 · 25-10-2011 2:16pm

Squall19 wrote: »

Under 30 first child silly!!

30 is old for a woman, she is well past her physical peak/beauty at that age.

By the time a model is 30, her beauty has gone.She is washed up, that's a model, not a normal girl!

Most normal women are going downhill at 23-24, at 28 there is a noticeable difference in looks between her 28 year old self and 19 year old self.

Nothing nicer than seeing a beautiful young woman of 23 out for a stroll on the beach with her newborn baby and husband.

I'm 24 and nowhere near mature enough to handle a baby (or husband!!) I know I'll be a good mother, when I'm responsible and financially secure enough to take proper care of a child.

I note with interest you said "husband" and not "partner/boyfriend".

CiaranC · 25-10-2011 2:18pm

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Do some people think it's impossible to enjoy yourself and go travelling when you are older and your kids are grown up?

Why go travelling when you are old? You should live your life when you are young, in the now, not in some improbable future "after your kids grow up"

ash23 · 25-10-2011 2:22pm

Do people really think life becomes all about the kids once you have them?
Don't get me wrong, they're work.
They eat up a fair amount of disposable income. But having kids doesn't mean you have to be a parent and a parent alone.
Holidays, travel, nights out, a social life, work, a career.....it's possible to still do it all even if you are a parent and have kids.
I'm planning on heading to Paris in the New Year with my daughter for her 9th birthday. No I won't be able to go and drink all day but having her with me won't stop me doing anything else in Paris that I would do with a partner or alone.

candy-gal1 · 25-10-2011 2:25pm

Squall19 wrote: »

Under 30 first child silly!!

30 is old for a woman, she is well past her physical peak/beauty at that age.

By the time a model is 30, her beauty has gone.She is washed up, that's a model, not a normal girl!

Most normal women are going downhill at 23-24, at 28 there is a noticeable difference in looks between her 28 year old self and 19 year old self.

Nothing nicer than seeing a beautiful young woman of 23 out for a stroll on the beach with her newborn baby and husband.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSr49hnwU7I

Scanlas The 2nd · 25-10-2011 2:30pm

CiaranC wrote: »

Why go travelling when you are old? You should live your life when you are young, in the now, not in some improbable future "after your kids grow up"

You should live your life all the time not just when you are young, why live your life when you are young and not old too. When you are old you will be in the now too. Every moment of your your life is in the now.

Also if someone is old now, they are old and in the now and can "live their life" and go travelling so that isn't an improbable future it is the present for them.

Lollipops23 · 25-10-2011 2:31pm

ash23 wrote: »

Do people really think life becomes all about the kids once you have them?
Don't get me wrong, they're work.
They eat up a fair amount of disposable income. But having kids doesn't mean you have to be a parent and a parent alone.
Holidays, travel, nights out, a social life, work, a career.....it's possible to still do it all even if you are a parent and have kids.
I'm planning on heading to Paris in the New Year with my daughter for her 9th birthday. No I won't be able to go and drink all day but having her with me won't stop me doing anything else in Paris that I would do with a partner or alone.

And I know plenty of girls who have had their kids young enough and are wonderful Mums. But these were all unplanned (although not unwelcome) babies.
I just think I'd rather plan to have my kids when I'm a little older and have more life experience under my belt. I think it would be best for both me and my (imaginary) babies.

ash23 · 25-10-2011 2:33pm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

And I know plenty of girls who have had their kids young enough and are wonderful Mums. But these were all unplanned (although not unwelcome) babies.
I just think I'd rather plan to have my kids when I'm a little older and have more life experience under my belt. I think it would be best for both me and my (imaginary) babies.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't plan to be a mother at 20. But just because I did doesn't mean I've wasted my youth. It's not been as easy but at the same time, it hasn't ruined my life.

VenusPlays · 25-10-2011 2:45pm

I really dont understand why anyone feels they have the right (or superiority) to judge anyone elses choices. If you want to wait til you're thirty to have a kid, go ahead. Reap all the benefits and possible disadvantages that brings to you. If you want to have a kid beforehand, likewise. Neither path comes with a perfection guarantee.

I had my son at 22. I have a good job, own my own house, drive a good car, have great friends, go out when I can. Yes sometimes I want to tear my hair out. But sometimes I also feel like the sun was made to shine down on me and only me, thats how good my life is. Its certainly far from 'wasted'

CiaranC · 25-10-2011 2:47pm

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

You should live your life all the time not just when you are young, why live your life when you are young and not old too. When you are old you will be in the now too. Every moment of your your life is in the now.

Also if someone is old now, they are old and in the now and can "live their life" and go travelling so that isn't an improbable future it is the present for them.

Yeah, yeah enjoy your cruise grandad

ash23 · 25-10-2011 2:49pm

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

You should live your life all the time not just when you are young, why live your life when you are young and not old too. When you are old you will be in the now too. Every moment of your your life is in the now.

Also if someone is old now, they are old and in the now and can "live their life" and go travelling so that isn't an improbable future it is the present for them.

The same could be applied to somebody saying they'll have kids in their 30s or 40s. That's living in the future in the same way that me saying "I'll travel when I'm 38 and my child is an adult".
Someone else might say "I'll travel now and have kids when I'm 38".

Neither of us will know where we will be at 38 and if we'll be able to travel or have children.

Siuin · 25-10-2011 2:51pm

VenusPlays wrote: »

I had my son at 22. I have a good job, own my own house, drive a good car, have great friends, go out when I can. Yes sometimes I want to tear my hair out. But sometimes I also feel like the sun was made to shine down on me and only me, thats how good my life is. Its certainly far from 'wasted'

Don't suppose the lad is a Barney fan?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVtGLL9qXME

Leftist · 25-10-2011 2:51pm

If you're a bloke you're sorted. Have a kid whenever you want, you can always walk out if you're not up for it. They'll find someone else to look after your socks (some other c...'s kids), this is what you get for voting in divorce.

VenusPlays · 25-10-2011 3:06pm

Siuin wrote: »

Don't suppose the lad is a Barney fan?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVtGLL9qXME

Well he's 14 now but I may well make that my anthem for the day

eyescreamcone · 25-10-2011 3:11pm

Leftist wrote: »

If you're a bloke you're sorted. Have a kid whenever you want, you can always walk out if you're not up for it. They'll find someone else to look after your socks (some other c...'s kids), this is what you get for voting in divorce.

Miaow

Sala · 25-10-2011 3:19pm

A lot of people here seem to be of the opinion that your life is put on hold once you have kids and it resumes once they are grown up. All this talk about living your life while you're young, wasting your youth etc. is a bit dramatic. I don't have children yet but I presume parents, of any age, still think that they have a life!

25-10-2011 3:37pm

I think having kids young takes away opportunities to do different things. Not necessarily worse or better, just limited. Not everyone wants to travel etc. so assuming someone wasted their youth is a bit presumptuous.
In my case, I do want to do different things so it would be wasted opportunities, not a wasted youth. Can't wait to have kids and I had a very calm head through the last two scares.

username_x · 25-10-2011 3:40pm

I was born when my mum was 22. My dad legged it, but my mother gave me the best that she could all of the time. She passed away when I was 13, but my mum was undeniably the best I could of ever asked for. She was so easy to get along with, and very laid back compared to the rest of my parents friends. I couldn't imagine having parents the same age as some of my friends, who weren't even allowed to breathe without their parents permission at times!!!

Kanoe · 25-10-2011 3:48pm

I'm 36 and my daughter is practically raised and hopefully heading away to college this time next year. I did what I could with what I had and gave the best years of my life to being a full time working mother. I didn't have anything outside of that for sure but I think that at 36 I'm young enough to start enjoying life again.

It was hard when I was young but now I see the people I grew up with who didn't start having kids until recently and will be in their fifties before their kids head off to college. Not that they can't reclaim their life fully then but just glad I get to put in a few years now while I can. I'm having a lot of fun and I have the sagacity of parenthood behind me, which kinda helps.

Scanlas The 2nd · 25-10-2011 4:19pm

Kanoe wrote: »

I'm 36 and my daughter is practically raised and hopefully heading away to college this time next year. I did what I could with what I had and gave the best years of my life to being a full time working mother. I didn't have anything outside of that for sure but I think that at 36 I'm young enough to start enjoying life again.

It was hard when I was young but now I see the people I grew up with who didn't start having kids until recently and will be in their fifties before their kids head off to college. Not that they can't reclaim their life fully then but just glad I get to put in a few years now while I can. I'm having a lot of fun and I have the sagacity of parenthood behind me, which kinda helps.

At what age are you not able to enjoy life?

Eric Cartman · 25-10-2011 5:01pm

ash23 wrote: »

Do people really think life becomes all about the kids once you have them?
Don't get me wrong, they're work.
They eat up a fair amount of disposable income. But having kids doesn't mean you have to be a parent and a parent alone.
Holidays, travel, nights out, a social life, work, a career.....it's possible to still do it all even if you are a parent and have kids.
I'm planning on heading to Paris in the New Year with my daughter for her 9th birthday. No I won't be able to go and drink all day but having her with me won't stop me doing anything else in Paris that I would do with a partner or alone.

while i know your right , It wouldnt be in best practice to sit around your house smoking weed with mates , having people over for parties till 4am or being in the pub 4-5 nights a week with a toddler , you can get away with that stuff when your 25 , you cant get away with it when your 40 so youd be better off looking after kids then

everythings ok to do in your 20s and to a certain extent 30s , your 40s whether you like it or not will be a lot calmer so it would be easier to look after a kid without 'missing out'

ash23 · 25-10-2011 5:06pm

Eric Cartman wrote: »

while i know your right , It wouldnt be in best practice to sit around your house smoking weed with mates , having people over for parties till 4am or being in the pub 4-5 nights a week with a toddler , you can get away with that stuff when your 25 , you cant get away with it when your 40 so youd be better off looking after kids then

everythings ok to do in your 20s and to a certain extent 30s , your 40s whether you like it or not will be a lot calmer so it would be easier to look after a kid without 'missing out'

Mmmmm.....I was never into weed as a "youngster".
I still have mates over for parties when the kiddo is away and I was never one for the pub 4-5 nights a week either.
I'm still in my 20s and the social life is picking up more the older the kiddo gets. By the time I'm 34 I won't really need babysitters or anything so can do as I please to a certain extent.

CiaranC · 25-10-2011 5:13pm

ash23 wrote: »

By the time I'm 34 I won't really need babysitters or anything so can do as I please to a certain extent.

Sounds awesome

ash23 · 25-10-2011 5:16pm

CiaranC wrote: »

Sounds awesome

Yeah, life is pretty awesome. And it'll be even more awesome when I can take the €50 quid I spend on babysitters and blow it on soft drugs and shots. Then I'll really be "living". :rolleyes:

Paparazzo · 25-10-2011 5:48pm

Kanoe wrote: »

I'm 36 and my daughter is practically raised and hopefully heading away to college this time next year. I did what I could with what I had and gave the best years of my life to being a full time working mother. I didn't have anything outside of that for sure but I think that at 36 I'm young enough to start enjoying life again.

It was hard when I was young but now I see the people I grew up with who didn't start having kids until recently and will be in their fifties before their kids head off to college. Not that they can't reclaim their life fully then but just glad I get to put in a few years now while I can. I'm having a lot of fun and I have the sagacity of parenthood behind me, which kinda helps.

I know a few people in your situation. The lesson is, if you want kids, there's benefits to having them early or late

I know people that píssed away every penny in the pub watching football in the pub every saturday, sunday and midweek and they thought the girl raising the child at 22 was "wasting her life".
Each to their own!
Also, where did the idea come from that you're not allowed to travel when you have kids? I have a kid on the way and fully intend to travel.

Azureus · 25-10-2011 6:00pm

Paparazzo wrote: »

Also, where did the idea come from that you're not allowed to travel when you have kids? I have a kid on the way and fully intend to travel.

I think it comes from the fact that kids need routine, whether it be when they hit school age and need to be at home apart from the summer months, or even before that. That and the cost of having kids/additional cost of travelling with them. Its not to say its impossible, very far from it, but its certainly not for everybody.
Personally I love the freedom of being able to hop on a plane to god knows where and not have to worry about it being 'child friendly' (is it too hot for children? does it have enough to keep them entertained? etc). There is far more to take into account when you've kids in tow.

Paparazzo · 25-10-2011 6:08pm

Azureus wrote: »

I think it comes from the fact that kids need routine, whether it be when they hit school age and need to be at home apart from the summer months, or even before that. That and the cost of having kids/additional cost of travelling with them. Its not to say its impossible, very far from it, but its certainly not for everybody.
Personally I love the freedom of being able to hop on a plane to god knows where and not have to worry about it being 'child friendly' (is it too hot for children? does it have enough to keep them entertained? etc). There is far more to take into account when you've kids in tow.

Highlited the important bit

. Of course it's harder to do, but for me, not a reason not to have kids. There's enough places in the world to go to without worrying about having to compromise and go somewhere you don't really want to because it's not child fiendly. And as soon as the child is over the age of about 5, heat doesn't matter. And I can still go on a weekend away with my mates, wife can do the same. I think some people think live is over when you have kids.
As I said earlier, each to their own, some want kids early, some late, some not at all.
I do think when people are older and retired they'll regret not having kids.

bronte · 25-10-2011 6:24pm

Paparazzo wrote: »

I do think when people are older and retired they'll regret not having kids.

Of course they will...poor dears will only have their cats for company.
And then when they die, the cats will eat their remains.

The poor things.

Paparazzo · 25-10-2011 6:27pm

bronte wrote: »

Of course they will...poor dears will only have their cats for company.
And then when they die, the cats will eat their remains.

The poor things.

And they'll leave their things to the cats and dogs home

Kanoe · 25-10-2011 11:37pm

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

At what age are you not able to enjoy life?

I think about my parents and how it was for them, my mother stayed at home to raise us and my father went out to work. He was due to retire early at 55 and at 54 was diagnosed with cancer and died the following year. It pains me to think that they spent their lives living for us basically, to feed clothe and educate us and when the time came for them to be able to live with greater freedoms he died. Life is just not fair that way and I hope to get a few years out of it while I can. and enjoy the freedom that comes without having to take a dependant into account on every decision I make for myself. I know I certainly get to appreciate things more than I did before and with it expands the capacity to enjoy life to its fullest.

Having a child under 30 - wasting your life.

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