Having a child under 30 - wasting your life.

Pherekydes

Having children young is not the end. It's not even the beginning of the end. It is, however, the end of the beginning. :pac:

Pherekydes

Sharrow wrote: »

Until we have free contraceptives for the under 25...

People are posting a lot, and not just in this thread, about single mothers milking the system, and you suggest the answer is to provide everyone under 25 with free contraceptives?

AeoNGriM

The King of Moo wrote: »

OP, they could just ban poor people, that'd solve this "problem."

Anyway, so what if people have kids young? It's their life.

But the State funds it and excuse me, but I don't want to be paying for some dirty geebags nappies when I can hardly afford the new conservatory on my second home, and I've had to stop taking the Bentley to work.

Have to laugh, all the millions being spent in parts of Africa to educate people on contraception - could do with similar programmes here for the skangers tbh. There are too many low intelligence, white trash families out there who can't keep their legs closed or pay for their own children and end up as a massive burden on the taxpayer.

Dere shud be lawz against it Joe, it's a disgrace.

:rolleyes:

summerskin

triple-M wrote: »

I totally agree with op,heres my view on it,my o/h just had our first child 6 weeks ago were both in our early 20's(22 and 20) and feel like a large part of our life has been taken from us we both have worked in basic jobs such as retail etc,she never had much chance to progress up the career ladder which we both were planning pre pregnancy to do by going back to fulltime education.

we never got the chance to move out together or even take a holiday as a couple shes my first g/f and I was naive and clumsy and didnt think it was so easy to get her pregnant.

We both had bigger and better plans than having a baby such as focusing on our careers and saving to buy a house now this plan is on hold and needs to be changed,yeah shes the cutest baby ever in our eyes etc etc but it would be great if she could of come in a few years down the line when we are able to provide for her better e.g us not be on welfare benefits or working in menial jobs and living at home with parents as im terrified that we might end up in the welfare trap now like the other half of the country cos "I knocked me missus up".

????

Did you think you had to travel through a maze and defeat the end of level boss first




it's not rocket science. unprotected sex = chance of pregnancy, and/or STD

skylight1987

I had my kids at 23 and 27 and certainly never got a cent from the social cause both myself and my now husband both worked . We had the kids first, then the mortgage and then married . Not everyone who has a kid outside wedlock and in their twenties are from estates and wear pjs to the shops and i resent the op implying such. Also i enjoyed my twenties because i actually enjoyed spending time with my kids i loved the park , the kids movies, the sand castles on the beach etc.

Morag

f0ggy92 wrote: »

why is it assumed that only scumbag girls from council estates have kids young?

cos it is assumed that those from better back grounds are more educated about contraception can afford it and if they choose can afford the costs of travelling for an abortion.

Pherekydes wrote: »

People are posting a lot, and not just in this thread, about single mothers milking the system, and you suggest the answer is to provide everyone under 25 with free contraceptives?

that and comprehensive education on sex and contraception, to try and change the culture.
there are those for whom the 70 quid to get the pill for 3 months is a considerable lump and they have thier pirorites skewed and would rather spend it on other things. taking the cost of contraceptives out of the equation means many many more will use them and it will save the state money.

al28283

Kaneda_ wrote: »

Every baby looks the same the first few weeks.

That's a really good point OP, really.

Akrasia

DjFlin wrote: »

I knew someone who said she planned to have a kid before turning 25. Because she could be a "cool" mother then. Her logic was flawless.

There are some very good reasons in deciding to have children earlier in life

1. Lower risk of complications during pregnancy
2. lower risk of development disorders in the child (especially down's syndrome)
3. More energy to play with the children when they are young (I have 2 kids under 3 and it takes an awful lot of energy and physical fitness to keep up with them over an 18 hour day 7 days a week)
4. Better able to relate to the children as there is less of a generation gap between younger parents and their children (the desire to be a 'cool mum')
5. Less likely to die or become seriously ill while the child is growing up

6. Oh, and I almost forgot. Kids are really good fun. I've been to the rock festivals and done the backpacking thing. they're cool, but so is having a child call you daddy and watching them grow up and learn and teaching them about saturn 5 rocketships and about the stars and the moon and listening to them learn to sing the ABC song...

Having kids in your 20s might remove the freedom to just get up and go somewhere on a whim, but it replaces it with something really rewarding, and hour for hour, I'd rather get up at 6 am and play with my child than stay up till 6 am smoking weed and spend the next 24 hours hungover.

LeeHoffmann

If you don't want kids - happy days. If you do, there's no good time imo. If you decide to have them when you're young, you can miss out on typical fun things that young people do - travelling, partying etc and you're more likely to be poor and have a lower level of education and more likely to end up dependent on social welfare etc. (you'll also be despised by pyjama-hating middle-class snobs). If you have them when you're older, you'll typically finder it more difficult to conceive, you're more likely to have unhealthy babies and complicated pregnancies, you'll have less energy for looking after the kids, you're less likely to survive long enough to meet your grandkids and you'll be more limited in how many children you can have.

Azureus

triple-M wrote: »

I totally agree with op,heres my view on it,my o/h just had our first child 6 weeks ago were both in our early 20's(22 and 20) and feel like a large part of our life has been taken from us we both have worked in basic jobs such as retail etc,she never had much chance to progress up the career ladder which we both were planning pre pregnancy to do by going back to fulltime education.

we never got the chance to move out together or even take a holiday as a couple shes my first g/f and I was naive and clumsy and didnt think it was so easy to get her pregnant.

We both had bigger and better plans than having a baby such as focusing on our careers and saving to buy a house now this plan is on hold and needs to be changed,yeah shes the cutest baby ever in our eyes etc etc but it would be great if she could of come in a few years down the line when we are able to provide for her better e.g us not be on welfare benefits or working in menial jobs and living at home with parents as im terrified that we might end up in the welfare trap now like the other half of the country cos "I knocked me missus up".

I love the honesty of this post. Its how I would imagine I would feel if I were to get pregnant now, at 23. Im only out of college, starting my career and enjoying living independantly with my boyfriend and going on trips together without any proper responsibilities. Personally, if I were to have a child now, it would be for me a waste of my own life.

That said, plenty of my friends are settling down and having kids at the moment. My own boyfriends parents had him at 18, and now are living the life now the kids are grown, so its definately not the end of the world. Just not for me.

Siuin

Completely agree with Azureus.
My boyfriend's mom was in a similar situation- married with a baby at 20, and lets fact is- practically nobody has the proper emotional and financial structures in place at that age to provide the best environment for that child as they possibly can. She told me countless times that it is best to wait until later in life, as she was in her 30s when she remarried and had the second 'batch' so to speak :P She said she had a much easier and enjoyable time raising those children because she was simply in a better place in life to take on the responsibilities.
My boyfriend really did suffer from her being such a young mom- he had to be much more responsible from a young age in order to take care of HER (and in many respects, still fulfils the role of carer.)
My mom had me when she was 37 and I was never left wanting for anything. She had gone off, travelled, enjoyed herself and was in a very good financial position before having kids, and never felt as if she was 'missing out' on her youth as my boyfriend's mom did. I for one will be waiting until I'm at least 27/28 before having any kids.

angie16ab

I would love to know how having a child wastes your life, thank god your parents didnt think that OP! I am 25, engaged and have lived with my fella for 5 years, we bought our own house 3 years ago. I hav no interest in movin to oz or going travelling, but i do love holidays n nights out! I dont hav a college degree but i work 3 days a week, my fella works full time! I think i am at a right age to have kids and i wouldnt hav minded havin them a year or 2 ago either! i would never wait til 30 to have kids because the older you get the more dangerous it is for you and the baby!

Malari

angie16ab wrote: »

I would love to know how having a child wastes your life, thank god your parents didnt think that OP! I am 25, engaged and have lived with my fella for 5 years, we bought our own house 3 years ago. I hav no interest in movin to oz or going travelling, but i do love holidays n nights out! I dont hav a college degree but i work 3 days a week, my fella works full time! I think i am at a right age to have kids and i wouldnt hav minded havin them a year or 2 ago either! i would never wait til 30 to have kids because the older you get the more dangerous it is for you and the baby!

I don't get how people think this is a valid argument. You are a different person to your parents. Just because they wanted certain things out of life doesn't mean you should want the same things.

I'm over 30 and I would consider having a kid now a waste of my life. That is, however, no comment on anyone who does have kids (accidentally or on purpose, pre- or post-30).

Kaneda_

Kaneda_ wrote: »

..............
Growing up, its easy to tell which girls will have a child as soon as they get a chance,its usually the girls from the estates..............

OP must be from a posh background, suit you Miss.

SEPT 23 1989

triple-M wrote: »

I totally agree with op,heres my view on it,my o/h just had our first child 6 weeks ago were both in our early 20's(22 and 20) and feel like a large part of our life has been taken from us we both have worked in basic jobs such as retail etc,she never had much chance to progress up the career ladder which we both were planning pre pregnancy to do by going back to fulltime education.

we never got the chance to move out together or even take a holiday as a couple shes my first g/f and I was naive and clumsy and didnt think it was so easy to get her pregnant.

We both had bigger and better plans than having a baby such as focusing on our careers and saving to buy a house now this plan is on hold and needs to be changed,yeah shes the cutest baby ever in our eyes etc etc but it would be great if she could of come in a few years down the line when we are able to provide for her better e.g us not be on welfare benefits or working in menial jobs and living at home with parents as im terrified that we might end up in the welfare trap now like the other half of the country cos "I knocked me missus up".

All that baby needs at the moment is milk,nappies,warmth and to feel loved

Nothing else matters

Enjoy this time with your new baby everything else will fall into place for you

billybudd

Kaneda_ wrote: »

Ok ok ,maybe 28 would be the minimum,30-33 being a perfect age.

All these single mothers at 18-19 ,the majority of them didnt mean to get pregnant.

You have your school years,then third level education or you enter the job market and try to get yourself in a position to earn a living and forge a decent career for yourself,something that is very important.Having a child at such a young age puts these things on hold.

Growing up, its easy to tell which girls will have a child as soon as they get a chance,its usually the girls from the estates,the ones who wear PJs to the shop,the ones who come from single parent familys themselves,the ones who get a name as being easy,if you get what i mean.

Travel becomes near impossible or very hard at least,kids suck the life from you.

Every baby looks the same the first few weeks.

I love kids,but i also value my life and i wouldnt have a child until i am some way financially stable and have some direction in life.

If you want to move out of home and dont want to pay 150-200 a week on rent,have a child and the the social will give you a house,then proceed to allow the father/bf to live there with you,the entire county is doing this.

:rolleyes: I am confused.

CiaranC

Akrasia wrote: »

3. More energy to play with the children when they are young (I have 2 kids under 3 and it takes an awful lot of energy and physical fitness to keep up with them over an 18 hour day 7 days a week)

Having to do anything 18 hours a day 7 days a week sounds horrific

lazygal

Pherekydes wrote: »

People are posting a lot, and not just in this thread, about single mothers milking the system, and you suggest the answer is to provide everyone under 25 with free contraceptives?

+1. If you can't afford it, you don't have it. Therefore, if you're too broke for a packet of Durex or a pill prescription (mine was €12 a month from memory), you can't afford to have sex. Funny how in my circle of mates not one of us got "caught out" in school or college. Maybe I'm naive but when I read things like "I didn't know how easy it was to get pregnant" I think, "Dude, the only way to prevent pregnancy 100% is to abstain. Otherwise, if you're doing it, you may get pregnant."

Azureus

angie16ab wrote: »

I would love to know how having a child wastes your life, thank god your parents didnt think that OP! I am 25, engaged and have lived with my fella for 5 years, we bought our own house 3 years ago. I hav no interest in movin to oz or going travelling, but i do love holidays n nights out! I dont hav a college degree but i work 3 days a week, my fella works full time! I think i am at a right age to have kids and i wouldnt hav minded havin them a year or 2 ago either! i would never wait til 30 to have kids because the older you get the more dangerous it is for you and the baby!

Fair play to you and your boyfriend for buying a house etc before you start having kids etc. Yes, for somebody like you who seems to have a bit of cop on and know what they want (a husband, stable home and family) at a young age its fine-each to their own. You seem financially prepared to have a child at 25, but I know that I wouldn't be and lets be honest, the majority of people who have kids in their early twenties aren't financially ready for it.

It is your choice to settle down and have a family young, you have no interest in travelling, but I woudnt criticise people who choose to wait until theyre in their mid 30s to have kids because they want to travel/pursue a career either. They dont want to endanger their baby and they're not being selfish by putting it off until a little later in life-there are many tests you can do to ensure you avoid most of the risks of late pregnancys.

angie16ab

Malari wrote: »

I don't get how people think this is a valid argument. You are a different person to your parents. Just because they wanted certain things out of life doesn't mean you should want the same things.
.

its not an argument, i am genuinely wondering how people think having children is a waste of their life!

angie16ab

Azureus wrote: »

It is your choice to settle down and have a family young, you have no interest in travelling, but I woudnt criticise people who choose to wait until theyre in their mid 30s to have kids because they want to travel/pursue a career either. They dont want to endanger their baby and they're not being selfish by putting it off until a little later in life-there are many tests you can do to ensure you avoid most of the risks of late pregnancys.

i wouldnt criticise peole who have children later on in life, i know loads of people do and they are perfectly happy, im just wondering why people who have children later in life dont get criticised and younger people do? just because you are over 30 doesnt mean you are automatically better educated, in a stable relationship or in perfect health!

LeeHoffmann

i am genuinely wondering how people think having children is a waste of their life!

because some people don't want children. Some people see children as work, as a drain on their energy and money, and as a barrier to doing the things they really want to do.

angie16ab

yeah i understand some people dont want children, but i dont think it would be a waste of anyones life if they did have a child... you can still do whatever you want when you have a child you may just have to put it off for a while or do it before you have children! some people are just happier not having children though, the same way some people prefer to be single rather than in a relationship. To each their own

rogerpeterson2

Well mate i have a slightly diffrent opinion from you, i feel the best age to have childrens for a couple according to my views is around 25-26 years, coz thats the best time the couple enjoy their love life, so that would be the best time to have childrens.

lazygal

angie16ab wrote: »

yeah i understand some people dont want children, but i dont think it would be a waste of anyones life if they did have a child... you can still do whatever you want when you have a child you may just have to put it off for a while or do it before you have children! some people are just happier not having children though, the same way some people prefer to be single rather than in a relationship. To each their own

I'm newly preggers and there is NO WAY your life stays the same. Right now I've severe morning sickness and I'm beyond tired, so nights out past about 10pm are a no go area. I can't and don't want to drink and most foods make me puke! So I can totally understand why people would be put off kids because your life changes dramatically even before they pop out!

CiaranC

angie16ab wrote: »

its not an argument, i am genuinely wondering how people think having children is a waste of their life!

Cos when you have kids you spend your life cleaning up **** and vomit instead of bettering yourself through work, education, travel, socialising and fun maybe

Theres a time for all that kids stuff - when youve given up and youve nothing better to do with your life!

angie16ab

Thats one way to look at it i suppose o_O

Azureus

angie16ab wrote: »

i wouldnt criticise peole who have children later on in life, i know loads of people do and they are perfectly happy, im just wondering why people who have children later in life dont get criticised and younger people do? just because you are over 30 doesnt mean you are automatically better educated, in a stable relationship or in perfect health!

But people who decide to have children later in life DO get criticised just as much, thats my point. I know many a midwife even who has made negative comments to prospective mothers because they are passed 35. My point is no matter what time you decide to have kids in life, its never going to be the 'right' time, but I think you should prepare yourself as much as possible, financially phsically and emotionally for parenthood. There are too many people, often young and unequipped, popping out kids without a second thought to the greater consequences it will have on their lives.

angie16ab

lazygal wrote: »

I'm newly preggers and there is NO WAY your life stays the same. Right now I've severe morning sickness and I'm beyond tired, so nights out past about 10pm are a no go area. I can't and don't want to drink and most foods make me puke! So I can totally understand why people would be put off kids because your life changes dramatically even before they pop out!

Of course your life doesnt stay the same, i just meant that if u still wanted to go to college, or move away etc you can still do those things, just takes more planning and effort!

AudreyHepburn

Kaneda_ wrote: »

Ok ok ,maybe 28 would be the minimum,30-33 being a perfect age.

All these single mothers at 18-19 ,the majority of them didnt mean to get pregnant.

You have your school years,then third level education or you enter the job market and try to get yourself in a position to earn a living and forge a decent career for yourself,something that is very important.Having a child at such a young age puts these things on hold.

Growing up, its easy to tell which girls will have a child as soon as they get a chance,its usually the girls from the estates,the ones who wear PJs to the shop,the ones who come from single parent familys themselves,the ones who get a name as being easy,if you get what i mean.

Travel becomes near impossible or very hard at least,kids suck the life from you.

Every baby looks the same the first few weeks.

I love kids,but i also value my life and i wouldnt have a child until i am some way financially stable and have some direction in life.

If you want to move out of home and dont want to pay 150-200 a week on rent,have a child and the the social will give you a house,then proceed to allow the father/bf to live there with you,the entire county is doing this.

OP I could not disagree more.

I am the daughter of a teenage mother and I can say hand on heart that my mother is the farthest thing from a scrounger. She has never been out of work in her life and never been on the dole.

She was 18 when I was born and she had to spend the first nine months of motherhood watching me fight liver problems, meningitis and salmonella. She has travelled widely , some of it with me and has qualifications. Plus she and my Father are still together and as happy as you like.

In so many ways having a young mother was a great benefit to me. I always found it easy to talk to her about things and she was young and full of energy when I was. And now I'm 25 and she's 43 it's like having a great friend as well as a mother.

I think OP you might to do well to rethink your opinions because it's clear you don't know the first thing about motherhood.