The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

gman2k · 26-06-2011 01:51PM

/\/\/\/\/\ Ejaculations???????

Spread · 26-06-2011 03:54PM

gman2k wrote: »

/\/\/\/\/\ Ejaculations???????

http://catholicism.about.com/od/prayers/g/Ejaculation.htm

Effing pagan, God forsaken, worst type of infidel. If you don't know the meaning of the above, you haven't done it. Off you go to the Male Virgin Pride March.

chughes · 26-06-2011 08:12PM

Spread wrote: »

http://catholicism.about.com/od/prayers/g/Ejaculation.htm

Effing pagan, God forsaken, worst type of infidel. If you don't know the meaning of the above, you haven't done it. Off you go to the Male Virgin Pride March.

I notice on that website that one of the ejaculations is called Come Holy Spirit.

Who knew the Vatican had a sense of humour ?

Spread · 26-06-2011 08:25PM

chughes wrote: »

I notice on that website that one of the ejaculations is called Come Holy Spirit.

Who knew the Vatican had a sense of humour ?

According to the story that Mary told to Joseph ......... he did! And that's why she had to sit sidesaddle on the donkey

Hang on a sec ......... that made Jesus have two fathers. This man and what he started has caused a lot of, er, piety in the world. I think there already is another simultaneous thread dealing with this ....... :rolleyes:

admiralofthefleet · 26-06-2011 08:32PM

whats the one case columbo cant crack

his coffin

chughes · 26-06-2011 08:45PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

whats the one case columbo cant crack
his coffin

"I've just one last question, how do I get outa here ?".

VampiricPadraig · 26-06-2011 08:47PM

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was DEAD!

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because....it was...stapled to the first monkey!

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Peer Pressure

efb · 26-06-2011 08:52PM

What does a maths teacher do when he's constipated?

Works it out with a pencil.

mr lee · 26-06-2011 09:06PM

how do you confuse 2 blind lesbians, put them in the middle of a fish farm. police arrested a firecracker and a battery, they let off one and charged the other.

wobblyheadedbob · 26-06-2011 09:31PM

What do you call a rich Chinese person?

Cha Ching!

*ashamed*

thebullkf · 26-06-2011 09:32PM

What do you call :

A 3 legged donkey

a wonkey

A one eyed 3 legged donkey

a winky wonkey

A one eyed 3 legged donkey with a guitar\

a honky tonky winky wonkey

a donkey on heroin

a Jonkey

A donkey hanging outta a tree eating a banana

a mon-key

whats the most crucial part of a joke timing

efb · 26-06-2011 11:09PM

How come when the title is best joke you ever heard, people list of reams of them????

Indecisive much???

Bassboxxx · 26-06-2011 11:17PM

Yeah I'm thinking the thread should be renamed "any joke you've ever heard"

thebullkf · 26-06-2011 11:21PM

Bassboxxx wrote: »

Yeah I'm thinking the thread should be renamed "any joke you've ever heard"

efb wrote: »

How come when the title is best joke you ever heard, people list of reams of them????

Indecisive much???

how about contributing a joke..... moan much:rolleyes:

frenchy1992 · 27-06-2011 12:08AM

There are three men in a plane. It is losing altitude so they all have to throw something out of it.

The first man, who is american, throws out his wallet.
The ssecond one who is french, throws out a bottle of wine.
The last one, a man from palestine throws out a bomb.

When he gets home, the american fella meets a homeless person that seems absolutely delighted. He asks him "why are you so happy ?" and the homeless person answers : "I just found a wallet full of money ! "

When the french man gets home he sees a boy crying so he asks him what's wrong. The boy answers : "I was walking in the street and a bottle of wine fell on top of me !!!"

When the palestinian guy comes home, he sees an old man laughing out loud. He asks him : "what's so funny ?". The old man answers : "I farted and my house exploded !"

Bassboxxx · 27-06-2011 12:32AM

thebullkf wrote: »

how about contributing a joke..... moan much:rolleyes:

If you bother to look you'd have seen I did and low and behold it was the best joke I ever heard....:rolleyes:

Ah I see now, you musta thot I was talking about you....wasn't, I actually thot ur "wonkey" jokes were good...tut

Chuck Stone · 27-06-2011 02:04AM

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?

Because they're ugly and smelly

:pac:

D_murph · 27-06-2011 02:11AM

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think men give a s**t :pac:.

efb · 27-06-2011 06:48AM

thebullkf wrote: »

how about contributing a joke..... moan much:rolleyes:

Scroll up!
Also I would consider the donkey thing 1 joke. The timing one make it two tho! Lolz

fred funk }{ · 27-06-2011 10:57AM

I rang work this morning and told them I wouldn't be in because I was sick. My boss asked me how sick I was. I told him I was really sick, I was in bed with my sister.

fred funk }{ · 27-06-2011 11:10AM

A traveller came home from school one day and said to his mother "mammy mammy I was in school today and I was able to count to twenty and nobody else could, is that because I'm a traveller?" "yes yes son that's because you're a traveller" said the mother.

The next day the traveller came home from school again and asked his mother "mammy mammy I was in school today and I was able to spell 'car' and nobody else could is that because I'm a traveller?" "yes yes son that's because you're a traveller" said the mother.

The next day the traveller once again came home from school and said " mammy mammy I was in school today and after PE I was in the changing room and I noticed my willy was much bigger than anybody else's, is that because im a traveller?" the mother said "no son that's because you're 26".

Hootanany · 27-06-2011 03:25PM

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass? "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.

"You'll really love my place.

"The grass is almost a foot high"

barone · 30-06-2011 02:58PM

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice.

She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.Next she picked up a hacksaw.The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

Poor Uncle Tom · 30-06-2011 04:41PM

barone wrote: »

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice.

She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.Next she picked up a hacksaw.The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off arent you?The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

That's not a joke....

That's the worst horror story I heard in my life....:eek:

TiGeR KiNgS · 30-06-2011 04:59PM

barone wrote: »

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice.

She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.Next she picked up a hacksaw.The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off arent you?The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

WTF, I think you posted in the wrong thread/forum.

barone · 30-06-2011 05:13PM

think the women would find it funny eh

getz · 30-06-2011 05:20PM

pat said to john,you are the laughing stock of the village,on thursday you were making love to your wife ,and you dident close the curtains,the whole village was watching you.john said,well the jokes on them then because i was in dublin all day thursday

barone · 30-06-2011 05:55PM

I went to the bank today to ask for a loan.

"What do you need the money for sir?"

"It's for a car".

"Oh nice, what are you getting?"

"Just some unleaded".

MajorThom · 30-06-2011 07:19PM

Paddy was driving down the road with 15 penguins in his car.

He came to a garda checkpoint and the guard asked him "what are you doing with 15 penguins in the car"? to which he replied "I dont know, I just had them come along for a spin with me, is that a problem officer"!!!

The guard said "would you ever go away and take them to the Zoo" so Paddy said he would.

The next day, Paddy came across the same guard at the same checkpoint and still had the 15 penguins in the car with him. The guard got angry and said to him "I thought I told you to take them penguins to the Zoo"!!!

"I did" said Paddy, "and now Im taking them to the cinema".....

Liam Byrne · 30-06-2011 07:28PM

3 guys were in a queue for Heaven and St Peter said there was only space for 1.....

So he decided to ask them how they died - the biggest sob-story would get in.

Guy 1 : "Well I was up a drainpipe - spying on a neighbour's wife having sex, and next thing her husband came in shouting; I decided to leg it but and looked up only to see a wardrobe come crashing down on top of me"

St Peter : "That's awful - you could be in. Let me just hear a few more"

Guy 2 : "Well I came home early from work to find my wife upstairs naked; she'd obviously been with someone.....the window was open and I saw the guy climbing down the drainpipe, so in my rage I grabbed the nearest heavy thing to throw at him - a wardrobe, but I fell out the window as I threw it"

St Peter : "That's awful too - this is going to be tougher than I thought...

What's your story Number 3 ?"

Guy 3 : "Not sure - last thing I remember I was hiding in a wardrobe".

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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