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The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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    #1172
    TiGeR KiNgS
    Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭TiGeR KiNgS


    barone wrote: »
    A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice.


    She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.Next she picked up a hacksaw.The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off arent you?The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

    WTF, I think you posted in the wrong thread/forum.


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    #1173
    barone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,224 ✭✭✭barone


    think the women would find it funny eh :)


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    #1174
    getz
    Registered Users Posts: 5,255 ✭✭✭getz


    pat said to john,you are the laughing stock of the village,on thursday you were making love to your wife ,and you dident close the curtains,the whole village was watching you.john said,well the jokes on them then because i was in dublin all day thursday


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    #1175
    barone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,224 ✭✭✭barone


    I went to the bank today to ask for a loan.

    "What do you need the money for sir?"

    "It's for a car".

    "Oh nice, what are you getting?"

    "Just some unleaded".


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    #1176
    MajorThom
    Registered Users Posts: 163 ✭✭MajorThom


    Paddy was driving down the road with 15 penguins in his car.

    He came to a garda checkpoint and the guard asked him "what are you doing with 15 penguins in the car"? to which he replied "I dont know, I just had them come along for a spin with me, is that a problem officer"!!!

    The guard said "would you ever go away and take them to the Zoo" so Paddy said he would.

    The next day, Paddy came across the same guard at the same checkpoint and still had the 15 penguins in the car with him. The guard got angry and said to him "I thought I told you to take them penguins to the Zoo"!!!

    "I did" said Paddy, "and now Im taking them to the cinema".....


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    #1177
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    3 guys were in a queue for Heaven and St Peter said there was only space for 1.....

    So he decided to ask them how they died - the biggest sob-story would get in.

    Guy 1 : "Well I was up a drainpipe - spying on a neighbour's wife having sex, and next thing her husband came in shouting; I decided to leg it but and looked up only to see a wardrobe come crashing down on top of me"

    St Peter : "That's awful - you could be in. Let me just hear a few more"

    Guy 2 : "Well I came home early from work to find my wife upstairs naked; she'd obviously been with someone.....the window was open and I saw the guy climbing down the drainpipe, so in my rage I grabbed the nearest heavy thing to throw at him - a wardrobe, but I fell out the window as I threw it"

    St Peter : "That's awful too - this is going to be tougher than I thought...

    What's your story Number 3 ?"

    Guy 3 : "Not sure - last thing I remember I was hiding in a wardrobe".


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    #1178
    gman2k
    Registered Users Posts: 4,076 ✭✭✭gman2k


    barone wrote: »
    I went to the bank today to ask for a loan.

    Haha, that's hilarious! (I've shortened it to a one liner for you!)


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    #1179
    roy rodgers
    Registered Users Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭roy rodgers


    What do you call a condom with money inside of it????

    jonney cash..



    What do ya call a black condom???

    Night rider..


    What do you call a red condom???

    little red riding hood...:P


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    #1180
    GoldFour4
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 4,960 Mod ✭✭✭✭GoldFour4


    I dunno what its been posted before... This was in how I met your mother a while ago...


    Q: What's the difference between peanut butter and jam ?

    A: I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass!


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    #1181
    T2daK
    Closed Accounts Posts: 328 ✭✭T2daK


    I've a good joke.

    Arsenal to win the Premier League 2011/12


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    #1182
    shrewdness
    Registered Users Posts: 2,709 ✭✭✭shrewdness


    In the toilet of McBrides pub, 3 men were standing side-by-side using the urinals.

    The 1st guy finished, an American, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...right up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Nebraska and they taught us to be sanitary."

    The next man finished, an Englishman, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of Oxford and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

    The last man, an Irishman, zipped up, and as he was walking out the
    door said, "I graduated from the University of Life.. me oul doll taught me not to piss on me hands."


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    #1183
    Spread
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,876 ✭✭✭Spread


    T2daK wrote: »
    I've a good joke.

    Arsenal to win the Premier League 2011/12

    That's beyond a joke :D

    Everyone's afraid of QPR :P

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1z0UQ0eqRM :cool:


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    #1184
    Nulty
    Registered Users Posts: 7,838 ✭✭✭Nulty


    Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?

    Cause they're ugly and they smell bad.


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    #1185
    1867IE
    Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭1867IE


    roy rodgers wrote: »
    What do you call a condom with money inside of it????

    jonney cash..



    What do ya call a black condom???

    Night rider..


    What do you call a red condom???

    little red riding hood...:P

    What do you call a white condom?

    Full.


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    #1186
    patmac
    Registered Users Posts: 7,565 ✭✭✭patmac


    malachyscott wrote: »
    I dunno what its been posted before... This was in how I met your mother a while ago...


    Q: What's the difference between peanut butter and jam ?

    A: I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass!
    Second joke of the thread!


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    #1187
    Orando Broom
    Registered Users Posts: 3,351 ✭✭✭Orando Broom


    May have posted this before:

    Why can't the Dutch tell jokes timing.


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    #1188
    barone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,224 ✭✭✭barone


    A Wise Man once said "You should treat Ur women the way u treat Ur vacuum cleaner!!! when it stops sucking........ . change the ****ing bag"!!


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    #1189
    getz
    Registered Users Posts: 5,255 ✭✭✭getz


    last week i went fly fishing........caught a ten pound bluebottle


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    #1190
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,762 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    T2daK wrote: »
    Arsenal to win the Premier League 2011/12
    hmm odds of 167/1 , I'm tempted


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    #1191
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,762 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    shrewdness wrote: »
    "I graduated from the University of Life.. me oul doll taught me not to piss on me hands."
    I just don't get the mentality of people who think that's funny.


    Anyone who could suggest eating finger food that tastes of their [:eek: ] is just a complete scumbag.


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    #1192
    lecker Hendl
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭lecker Hendl


    My wife said she was leaving me the other night due to my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking...and then I saw her face.


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    #1193
    chughes
    Registered Users Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭chughes


    lecker Hendl wrote: »
    My wife said she was leaving me the other night due to my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking...and then I saw her face.

    See post 1060 in this thread.


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    #1194
    lecker Hendl
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭lecker Hendl


    chughes wrote: »
    See post 1060 in this thread.

    see: the size of the thread. deal with it.


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    #1195
    Ken.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,898 ✭✭✭✭Ken.


    Are 2 people not allowed like the same joke.


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    #1196
    later12
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,299 ✭✭✭✭later12


    I will now proceed to divide the joke by cutting it in half.

    /Solomon


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    #1197
    Duiske
    Registered Users Posts: 3,087 ✭✭✭Duiske


    What's navy and blue and goes 'beep beep beep'?
    The Dublin Hurling teams open top bus reversing back into the garage!


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    #1198
    hypermuse
    Registered Users Posts: 2,178 ✭✭✭hypermuse


    My uncle ejaculated on me when I was a kid...



    I'm glad I got that off my chest!!


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    #1199
    ererer
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭ererer


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BjrG5QQZxE BWAHAHAHA


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    #1200
    Bassboxxx
    Registered Users Posts: 608 ✭✭✭Bassboxxx


    The first bit is the background to the joke but bare with it it's a cracker!!!:D



    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YE9Kthyaco


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    #1201
    NufcNavan
    Registered Users Posts: 2,832 ✭✭✭NufcNavan


    chughes wrote: »
    See post 1060 in this thread.
    LOL what a loser. You're worse than someone who comments "FIRST!!!" on a youtube video..


This discussion has been closed.
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