One-Liner Jokes

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe · 02-12-2003 01:04AM

two S*A*R*S are sitting in a petri dish.
one turns to the other jesus im starving.
the otherone says tell me about it. id murder a chinese.

Horsefumbler · 02-12-2003 06:45PM

Originally posted by MrJoeSoap
Two sausages are in a frying pan, one turns to the other and says "Jeez, its getting hot in here". The other one says "AAAAAAGH, A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

But wouldn't that make him a talking sausage? This joke can be told adifferent way, like with an animal and a person. Sorry but this had to be addressed.

BioHazRd · 03-12-2003 08:38AM

Originally posted by Horsefumbler
But wouldn't that make him a talking sausage? This joke can be told adifferent way, like with an animal and a person. Sorry but this had to be addressed.

Horsefumbler, this is an old joke - not real life:rolleyes:

These one liners are for a giggle, not for deep analysis. I think some people need to get out more.

Bio

Unpossible · 03-12-2003 11:54AM

pobodys nerfect!!!

<teacher>what happened to your program?
<me> K9 error, my dog ate it
(sorry)

wishlist.ie · 11-12-2003 09:33PM

why do nude female parachutists wear tampons???

it stops em whistling on the way down!!

heffo9 · 16-12-2003 10:30PM

did you here the one about the kerry man who invented the toilet, it was a dub who put the hole in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when myra hindley and two children were walking up the moors, the two children said "myra we're scared", she replied "you's are scared, i have to walk back on me own!!!!!!

Walter Ego · 18-12-2003 02:10PM

I wanted to be Ireland's first masochist but someone beat me to it.

Capt'n Midnight · 18-12-2003 02:34PM

She was only a poteen makers daughter - but he loved her still.

Walter Ego · 18-12-2003 02:53PM

I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with.
He left me a pair of trousers with a hole in the pocket.

trilo · 18-12-2003 11:21PM

This is my favouite joke and the one joke i only remember.. its good...i think... no actually its brilliant..

why are blond bimbo jokes so short?

so men can remember them....

hee hee

Capt'n Midnight · 19-12-2003 01:56AM

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

What do you call someone who makes rash decisions ?
A dermatologist.

Capt'n Midnight · 19-12-2003 11:16PM

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ, ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Spoiler

Noel, Noel

Space Coyote · 20-12-2003 03:10AM

That joke makes me wanna cry blood ! Oh the pain. :dunno:

Hey new smiley...wuhoo ! :dunno:

Walter Ego · 22-12-2003 08:17PM

She was only an architect's daughter but she let the Borough Surveyor.

Vader · 22-12-2003 09:54PM

Originally posted by Silent Death
She was only an architect's daughter but she let the Borough Surveyor.

omg thats shít

Capt'n Midnight · 22-12-2003 10:12PM

I wanted to be a milkman, but my plans turned sour.

Blade · 26-12-2003 10:32PM

What do you call a horse with only two legs?

Clip.

Capt'n Midnight · 26-12-2003 10:42PM

All horses have 6 legs ! - two legs at the back and forelegs in front.

plastic_axe · 02-01-2004 03:52AM

whats blue and white and cant climb trees?

a fridge in a denim jacket.

a woman goes into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one!

a priest, a rabbi and the pope go into a bar and the barman says "what is this, a joke?"

Jk_Eire · 04-01-2004 04:34AM

Why didnt the lifeguard save the hippy.......?
.
.
.
.
He was too far out

Capt'n Midnight · 04-01-2004 02:52PM

How do you circumcise a whale?
With four skin divers!

the whole year inn · 13-01-2004 11:07PM

What do gay horses eat?

hay (to be said in a gay voice and use appropriate hand movements)

gob_smacked

Capt'n Midnight · 13-01-2004 11:40PM

What do you call someone who thinks they are an opera singer ?

Placebo Domingo

Walter Ego · 14-01-2004 11:00AM

First Atom: I think I have lost an electron.
Second Atom: Are you sure?
First Atom: I'm positive.

Mr Grumpy · 14-01-2004 01:12PM

Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.

Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?

Being raped.

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

KlodaX · 14-01-2004 01:19PM

lol .. . its funny cause its TRUE!!?!?!?!

kmart6 · 14-01-2004 05:25PM

Originally posted by Mr Grumpy
Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.

Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?

Being raped.

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

You should be banned for them:mad:

Vader · 14-01-2004 10:27PM

posted before under the title "unjokes". There are rules against spamming even if there are none for being an orsehole.

Mr Grumpy · 14-01-2004 11:27PM

Originally posted by Vader
posted before under the title "unjokes". There are rules against spamming even if there are none for being an orsehole.

Seeing as I only posted it once then it hardly qualifies as spamming. Other jokes have been repeated multiple times in this thread alone. Orsehole.

kmart. You should be banned for quoting a big chunk of text like that to voice your unrequired opinion. At least I contributed something relevant to the thread.

kenmobrien · 15-01-2004 06:34PM

did you hear about the dyslexic (ok I can't spell) guy who walks into a bra?

One-Liner Jokes

Comments

Welcome!