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One-Liner Jokes



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 327 ✭✭Cozpyro

    Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight

    PS. anyone know Teresa Green ?

    Nah, but I do know Logs Burn

  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,625 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22 Shell

    3 blondes walk in2 a building
    u think one of them wud o' seen it!!!


    There's a 'Mark' on my page -> :p

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,537 ✭✭✭joseph brand

    Two goldfish in a tank,
    one turns to other . . . . . . . . . .

    Three goldfish in a tank,
    One turns to the others and says,
    "Wheres MY seat belt"

    This joke goes up to 11 goldfish!!!

  • Registered Users Posts: 455 ✭✭penguinbloke

    Patient: Doctor, doctor I can't feel my legs.

    Doctor: Thats because I amputated your arms.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,225 ✭✭✭JackKelly

    sound, this became a sticky while i was gone. They are some of the funniest jokes ive ever seen.

    I can't remember if i said this.

    Who is the leaded of the hankies?
    The hankerchief


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,446 ✭✭✭Havelock

    volentiarly edited, grumble

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,514 ✭✭✭Sleipnir

    I do believe dead baby jokes are banned. It's for one-liners, not sick jokes. Where's the Mod?

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,236 ✭✭✭AL][EN

    two fish swimming along one hits a conceate wall it turns to the other fish and says.................


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 1,846 Mod ✭✭✭✭Michael Collins

    Ha actually funny jokes for a change! Not mine now, everyone elses I mean...

    Did you heard about the constipated mathematician?

    He worked it out with logs...

    Did you heard about the constipated mathematician?

    He worked it out with a pencil...

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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,154 ✭✭✭Oriel

    Did you heard about the constipated mathematician?

    He worked it out with a pencil, but it came out in logs...

  • Registered Users Posts: 553 ✭✭✭irishman_abroad

    A dyslexic man walked into a bra.....

    Whats pink and hard?

    A pig with a flick-knife

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 534 ✭✭✭bozzie

    dyslexia rules ko!!!

    did ya hear about the red sauce chasing the brown sauce?
    it couldnt ketchup

    why did the one armed man cross the road
    to get to the second hand shop

    why did the rooster cross the road
    to prove he wasnt a chicken

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,148 ✭✭✭✭Sangre

    What do you call a sheep with no legs?
    A cloud

    What do you call a deaf man?
    Anything you want, he can't hear you

    Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    Right where you left him

  • Registered Users Posts: 4 seveer

    what do you say to a zen buddhist hot dog vendor ??

    make me one with everything

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 81 ✭✭loftus

    What’s the difference between 365 condoms and a car tyre?

    Ones a Good year the others a great year.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 88 ✭✭TeenStar

    Why do prostitutes wear furry knickers?
    Too keep their ankles warm

    Whats brown and sticky?
    A Stick

    How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
    With Tyrannosaurus checks.

    Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
    Because they have big fingers

    What do u call cheese that isn't yours?
    Nacho Cheese


  • Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭EricM

    What did one coconut tree say to the other coconut tree?
    Hold on to your nuts, there's a big blow job coming!

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 84 ✭✭Kwizatz Anorak

    The tower of Piza leans over to Big Ben and says "Have you got the time", big ben smiles and says back "I don't know, have you got the inclination"...

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 151 ✭✭Pencapchew

    Good move makin' this a sticky.

    Did you ever hear about the magic tractor?

    It went down a lane and turned into a field.

    I'll get my coat.

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,350 ✭✭✭WexCan

    What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?

    If they fall on their backs, they're ****ed.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 152 ✭✭avatar

    Two blondes walk into a building.

    Think about it.....

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 28,633 Mod ✭✭✭✭Shiminay

    Folks - these are supposed to be ONE LINERS! A one liner does not take the format of Q & A...

  • Registered Users Posts: 249 ✭✭mydarkstar

    whats cold & white and falls from the sky?
    a fridge falling from an aeroplane

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,481 ✭✭✭Vader

    what does DNA stand for?

    National Dyslexic Association

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,236 ✭✭✭AL][EN

    ooooooh one liners!!


    A Smith & Wesson ALWAYS beats four aces!!

    I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing

    Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

    I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

    Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film

    Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them

    I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,481 ✭✭✭Vader

    whats pink and fluffy? Pink fluff
    whats red and fluffy? red fluff
    whats blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding its breath
    whats white and fluffy? a cloud

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 693 ✭✭✭The Beer Baron

    saddest joke of all time.

    Two peanuts walking down a dark ally and one was a salted.


    (wurst episode ever!)

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,010 ✭✭✭littleninja

    Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms
    Who pushed Johnny off the cliff? Not Sally

    What's yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard

    NEWSFLASH: dyslexic troups have raided British Home Stores.... they heard bed linen was on the third floor.

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 693 ✭✭✭The Beer Baron

    Hands up who got these jokes from the Zig&Zag joke books. C'mon...admit it.

    (Why did the lobster blush- because the sea weed- deary me)