The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Capt'n Midnight · 04-04-2022 11:00PM

I don't like to brag about my wealth, but yesterday, I had the heating on

fryup · 04-04-2022 11:19PM

and you drove to your local grocery store😉

Capt'n Midnight · 11-04-2022 11:39PM

In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night. This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.

FraserburghFreddie · 13-04-2022 04:12PM

Guy in office:"My computer just went down on me!"

Lady in next office:"Which button did you press to get that???"

FraserburghFreddie · 14-04-2022 01:48PM

Benefits of a good vocabulary...

I recently called an old engineering buddy of mine and asked what he was working on these days.

He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics,aluminium and steel under a constrained environment."

I was impressed until,upon further inquiry,I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision..

Capt'n Midnight · 14-04-2022 11:42PM

My Aunty is 80% Irish. Iris

magicbastarder · 21-04-2022 02:52PM

me: tell me what you know about atoms

my friend: very little, actually

me: well yes, but besides that

Capt'n Midnight · 21-04-2022 09:13PM

I come from a long line of Cocaine addicts.

Capt'n Midnight · 21-04-2022 09:14PM

Why is it spelled 'camouflage' and not

Capt'n Midnight · 23-04-2022 08:19PM

"Hilarious scenes at The Crucible as a pigeon flies onto the table at World Snooker Championship"

What's so amazing about that? I once saw a Parrott win the whole tournament.

Capt'n Midnight · 23-04-2022 08:22PM

It's a bit cloudy today.

Maybe I should see a urologist.

joeguevara · 25-04-2022 08:09PM

About 2 weeks ago out of sheer boredom I set up a TikTok account just to tell jokes.

This one has 833k views in 5 days. Hopefully find it funny

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLpmTn4F/

New Home · 25-04-2022 09:14PM

^^^

(Should be in the same category as clickbait)

joeguevara · 25-04-2022 09:51PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118976246#Comment_118976246

Apologies if it looked like that…just thought it was funny

New Home · 25-04-2022 10:08PM

🙂 That's ok - just because I didn't like doesn't mean nobody did. I just thought it would have been funnier to read it, I wasn't too gone on the delivery.

Anyway, here's another atrocious joke:

Child: "Mammy, Daddy is disgusting!"

Mother: "Shut up and eat!".

Capt'n Midnight · 26-04-2022 01:15AM

When the Pope toured Ireland he was asked what he thought of County Down.

He said it's not the same since Carol Vorderman left.

Capt'n Midnight · 26-04-2022 11:46PM

BREAKING: World's biggest clown purchases world's largest circus.

iamstop · 27-04-2022 09:07PM

Two cannibals eating a clown:

Cannibal 1: Does this taste funny to you?

fryup · 27-04-2022 10:11PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118981876#Comment_118981876

i don't get it?😶

Gloomtastic! · 27-04-2022 10:13PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118986016#Comment_118986016

I think it’s a reference to Musk buying Twitter. Funny! 🙄

M.T. Cranium · 28-04-2022 12:40AM

I am pleased to announce the arrival of a new sport, one-man boxing.

Give it a try. Knock yourself out.

joeguevara · 29-04-2022 10:25AM

It breaks my heart that pirates spend their whole lives following a map, when the real treasure is the friendships they build along the way.

iamstop · 29-04-2022 08:54PM

What did the octogenarian pirate say?

I'm eighty!

Suckit · 30-04-2022 12:12AM

3 boys are talking in the playground.

The 1st boy says, "My Dad's the fastest man in the world."

"How do you know that?" Asks the other boys. "Because he can fire a bow and arrow and run and catch it!" He replies.

"That's nothing," says the 2nd boy. "My Dad can fire a gun and run and catch the bullet!

" That's nothing says the 3rd boy, "My Dad works for the Council, he finishes at half 4 and he's in the fookin house for 2."

Capt'n Midnight · 01-05-2022 09:34PM

What do you call two crows that are stuck together?

Velcrows.

cj maxx · 02-05-2022 10:03PM

Capt'n Midnight · 09-05-2022 09:41PM

What do mermaids like to smoke?

Sea weed.

How do you stop smoking sea weed?

Sea kelp.

Capt'n Midnight · 12-05-2022 11:04PM

My inflatable house got a puncture last night. Now I'm living in a flat.

M.T. Cranium · 19-05-2022 05:20AM

You might have to change attire.

Capt'n Midnight · 19-05-2022 08:52PM

Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight. The electric bill's just arrived.

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Comments

Welcome!