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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 17,975 ✭✭✭✭ fryup


    one advantage of having Monkeypox is...

    You're able to eat bananas with your feet 😋

    but unfortunately people will stare at your big red ass 😚



  • Registered Users Posts: 16 aomarzu


    How do penguins like their whisky?



  • Registered Users Posts: 10,741 ✭✭✭✭ B.A._Baracus


    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, 'What is this, a joke?'



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  • Registered Users Posts: 17,894 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    I made myself a belt from herbs.

    It bloody broke, what a waist of thyme.



  • Registered Users Posts: 141 ✭✭ Mullinabreena


    My friend thought he could save money building his own house by doing the wiring himself. Unfortunately it didn't work out for him. Brown to live, green/yellow to earth, blue to fuçking bits.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 219 ✭✭ FraserburghFreddie


    Are you sweating while putting gas in your tank?

    Feeling sick when paying for it?

    You've got the carownervirus!



  • Registered Users Posts: 219 ✭✭ FraserburghFreddie


    So I was standing there yesterday morning drinking coffee in my slippers when I thought I'll have to wash some cups.

    Post edited by FraserburghFreddie on


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,712 ✭✭✭ TheBody


    My friend has got a really stressful job proofreading Braille transcripts of songs by Freddie Mercury and David Bowie. 

    He's feeling Under Pressure.



  • Registered Users Posts: 17,975 ✭✭✭✭ fryup


    young lad comes home from school and says....

    'mummy mummy what's a Lesbian?'

    Mother replies...'ask your father when she comes home'



  • Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 31,118 Mod ✭✭✭✭ dolanbaker


    A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

    The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

    The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...

    The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."



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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,712 ✭✭✭ TheBody


    The inventor of distorted mirrors has died.

    His funeral will be held in asymmetry.



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,712 ✭✭✭ TheBody


    I’ve been sacked as the singer in a D:Ream tribute band as I kept getting the lyrics wrong…

    Oh well, I guess things can only improve.



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,712 ✭✭✭ TheBody


    I've been offered the lead role in a movie about heavy metal.



  • Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 31,118 Mod ✭✭✭✭ dolanbaker




  • Registered Users Posts: 17,975 ✭✭✭✭ fryup


    tend to sink very fast though



  • Registered Users Posts: 10,561 ✭✭✭✭ blade1


    If he got hit by a certain other brand, he would have blacked out after getting decked.



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  • Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 31,118 Mod ✭✭✭✭ dolanbaker


    Guess who I bumped into while I was getting my glasses fixed?


    EVERYONE!



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