The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

TheBody

I quit my job as a butler in a stately home.

I didn't like being spoken to in that Manor.

Heighway61

Le Figaro have exposed a controversial government program of the 1960s where hundreds of French children were shipped off to mime school and were never heard from again.

everlast75

I once burnt my tongue when I ate a red hot chili pepper and I don't ever want to feel like I did that day...

Comer1

Guy is sitting on the edge of the bed pulling off his boxers, to which his girlfriend said, "you spoil those dogs."

Heighway61

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119525025#Comment_119525025

Don't joke about power outages.

That's just dark humour.

iamstop

Have you heard this new craic about anal bleaching?

Spoiler Warning

It's called changing your ring tone.

The Princess Bride

...

The Princess Bride

...

The Princess Bride

...

M.T. Cranium

I don't know, officer, we drive faster to get home sooner? I'm guessing that's wrong. We keep changing lanes to reduce the chances of hitting a vehicle that is stopped in our lane? No that can't be right. We honk the horn every five seconds to let people know we're coming? How many guesses do I have?

Ubbquittious

Q: What did the Russian soldier say when his missile missed its target?

A: I squandered my Iskander

Suckit

Gardaí have confirmed that the man who sadly fell to his death from a nightclub roof was not a bouncer.

Heighway61

When Marcel Marceau died on September 22, 2007 a minutes noise was held throughout France.

Heighway61

In England, contortionist Reg Gridley died in his own arms.

FraserburghFreddie

Avoid the M1 near Drogheda,

lorry carrying snooker equipment has overturned.

Cues in both directions.

Capt'n Midnight

Bruce Lee's daughter Simone now makes a living selling mobile phone contracts..

Heighway61

Karl Marks sister Onya invented the starting pistol.

everlast75

Earlier today I yelled into my colander.

I think I strained my voice

blade1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119721647#Comment_119721647

Hopefully it's not too sievere!

Heighway61

Watch what you say in PC World.

everlast75

If you work in a medal shop, it must be very hard to ask people what they want without sounding sarcastic.....

Heighway61

My wife is giving me the silent treatment. I spent too long in the bar at her sister's wedding before telling the story of the time we went flying stunt kites in the Kent countryside.

everlast75

People thought that Tina Turner had moved into my spare room last weekend but she was simply the guest...

FraserburghFreddie

BREAKING:

Superman reversing Earth's rotation loses title as biggest U-turn in human history.

everlast75

My wife bought a ruler from Smyths, and heaven knows I'm measureable now...

Capt'n Midnight

I was going to kill myself with painkillers, but after the first two I started to feel better.

Capt'n Midnight

I recently got divorced from my wife. We decided to split the house. I got the outside.

Capt'n Midnight

If anyone wants a list of my favourite Bugs Bunny quotes, I'll send them to you in a WhatsApp doc.

Capt'n Midnight

A bad electrician charges the earth.

Heighway61

Eva Braun invented the spot-the-ball puzzle.