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Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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Comments

  • #4952
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I don't like to brag about my wealth, but yesterday, I had the heating on



  • #4953
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    and you drove to your local grocery store😉



  • #4954
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night. This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.



  • #4955
    FraserburghFreddie
    Registered Users Posts: 514 ✭✭✭FraserburghFreddie


    Guy in office:"My computer just went down on me!"

    Lady in next office:"Which button did you press to get that???"



  • #4956
    FraserburghFreddie
    Registered Users Posts: 514 ✭✭✭FraserburghFreddie


    Benefits of a good vocabulary...

    I recently called an old engineering buddy of mine and asked what he was working on these days.

    He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics,aluminium and steel under a constrained environment."

    I was impressed until,upon further inquiry,I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision..



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  • #4957
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    My Aunty is 80% Irish. Iris



  • #4958
    magicbastarder
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 48,228 CMod ✭✭✭✭magicbastarder


    me: tell me what you know about atoms

    my friend: very little, actually

    me: well yes, but besides that



  • #4959
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I come from a long line of Cocaine addicts.



  • #4960
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Why is it spelled 'camouflage' and not



  • #4961
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    "Hilarious scenes at The Crucible as a pigeon flies onto the table at World Snooker Championship"

    What's so amazing about that? I once saw a Parrott win the whole tournament.



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  • #4962
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    It's a bit cloudy today.

    Maybe I should see a urologist.



  • #4963
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 7,992 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    About 2 weeks ago out of sheer boredom I set up a TikTok account just to tell jokes.

    This one has 833k views in 5 days. Hopefully find it funny

    https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLpmTn4F/



  • #4964
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 76,314 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    ^^^

    (Should be in the same category as clickbait)



  • #4965
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 7,992 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118976246#Comment_118976246

    Apologies if it looked like that…just thought it was funny



  • #4966
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 76,314 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    🙂 That's ok - just because I didn't like doesn't mean nobody did. I just thought it would have been funnier to read it, I wasn't too gone on the delivery.


    Anyway, here's another atrocious joke:

    Child: "Mammy, Daddy is disgusting!"

    Mother: "Shut up and eat!".



  • #4967
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    When the Pope toured Ireland he was asked what he thought of County Down.

    He said it's not the same since Carol Vorderman left.



  • #4968
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    BREAKING: World's biggest clown purchases world's largest circus.



  • #4969
    iamstop
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 11,788 Mod ✭✭✭✭iamstop


    Two cannibals eating a clown:

    Cannibal 1: Does this taste funny to you?

    https://open.spotify.com/album/69JKwCcZGdLqX4Upj3DwP7



  • #4970
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118981876#Comment_118981876

    i don't get it?😶



  • #4971
    Gloomtastic!
    Registered Users Posts: 8,300 ✭✭✭Gloomtastic!


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118986016#Comment_118986016

    I think it’s a reference to Musk buying Twitter. Funny! 🙄



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  • #4972
    M.T. Cranium
    Registered Users Posts: 14,319 ✭✭✭✭M.T. Cranium



    I am pleased to announce the arrival of a new sport, one-man boxing.

    Give it a try. Knock yourself out.



  • #4973
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 7,992 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    It breaks my heart that pirates spend their whole lives following a map, when the real treasure is the friendships they build along the way.



  • #4974
    iamstop
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 11,788 Mod ✭✭✭✭iamstop


    What did the octogenarian pirate say?

    I'm eighty!

    https://open.spotify.com/album/69JKwCcZGdLqX4Upj3DwP7



  • #4975
    Suckit
    Registered Users Posts: 11,215 ✭✭✭✭Suckit


    3 boys are talking in the playground.

    The 1st boy says, "My Dad's the fastest man in the world."

    "How do you know that?" Asks the other boys. "Because he can fire a bow and arrow and run and catch it!" He replies.

    "That's nothing," says the 2nd boy. "My Dad can fire a gun and run and catch the bullet!

    " That's nothing says the 3rd boy, "My Dad works for the Council, he finishes at half 4 and he's in the fookin house for 2."

     



  • #4976
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What do you call two crows that are stuck together?

    Velcrows.



  • #4977
    cj maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,329 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx



    image.jpeg




  • #4978
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What do mermaids like to smoke?

    Sea weed.



    How do you stop smoking sea weed?

    Sea kelp.



  • #4979
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    My inflatable house got a puncture last night. Now I'm living in a flat.



  • #4980
    M.T. Cranium
    Registered Users Posts: 14,319 ✭✭✭✭M.T. Cranium


    You might have to change attire.



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  • #4981
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight. The electric bill's just arrived.



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