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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The Magnificent Seven cast were booked to do an advert for after shave in Liverpool.

    Only six turned up. Yul never wore cologne.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I was telling a border collie some jokes about sheep, but he'd herd them all before.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    What do you call a nun on a motor scooter?..........................A Vespal Virgin

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,508 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Sad news from the Welsh sheepdog trials. Five of them were hung.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Took the girlfriend out for dinner and played footsie under the table while we were eating. I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    My dog ate my game of Scrabble, his next poop could spell disaster.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Edam is the only cheese that is made backwards.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The government says that smoking weed causes memory loss.

    That's rubbish, next thing they'll say smoking weed causes memory loss?

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 123 ✭✭geminiman63


    You have to be careful when hiking on volcanoes.

    If you stumble, you might Krakatoa two.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Does anyone remember the chiropractor joke that was posted about a week back?

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,824 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    What do you call a chiropractor that loves his job?

    A crack addict.


    I never believed that chiropractors could solve my back problems

    2 weeks later, I stand corrected


    Anyone need some old copies of Chiropractor Monthly?

    I have lots of back issues.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    When I was young, my dad used to hit me with his camera, I still have flashbacks.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Just bought a 20' high motorbike! - I'll let you know how i got on later tonight

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=





  • You can prove anything with coats.

    I'll get my quote.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Of all the different blood groups, type-o's seem to make the most spelling mistakes.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 78,209 ✭✭✭✭Victor




  • Registered Users Posts: 78,209 ✭✭✭✭Victor




  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I just found out my girlfriends a ghost. To be honest, I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a screwdriver. I turned a few heads I can tell ya.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    What do you call an Italian beggar?

    Giovanni Change

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,824 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    What do you call an Irish bodyguard?

    Liam Malone



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I've just bought some HP sauce.

    It's 10 Cents a month for 2 years.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I went to a fat psychic once, or as I like to say, a 4 chin teller.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,069 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    I met the customs officer who claims he invented the cavity search or at least had a hand in it.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I'm making a film about a plane hijacking - we're shooting the pilot this weekend.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,231 ✭✭✭Gloomtastic!


    What did the horse say to the one-legged cowboy?

    How you getting on?



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,645 ✭✭✭Worztron


    Everyone always talks about what a genius Albert Einstein was but they never mention what a monster his brother Frank was. :-D

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes…it all about raisin awareness

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,253 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    My wife has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. If I put my ear on it I can smell the sea!

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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