Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on [email protected] for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact [email protected]

One-Liner Jokes

1…156157159161162…186

Comments

  • #4742
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,082 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    This Polish lad Piotr down the gym, big into his weightlifting, says he's going to quit his job in financial service and go work for ESB Networks doing electricity wires. It was a surprise at first ...


    ... but he's just a big power pole.



  • Advertisement
  • #4749
    wotzgoingon
    Registered Users Posts: 14,309 ✭✭✭✭wotzgoingon


    I'm private dick, very private dick. I used to be public dick but after that incident in the park.



  • #4751
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    So I say to the waitress, "Tell me about the menu please", and she says, "The men in my life are none of your business!"

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Advertisement
  • #4753
    everlast75
    Registered Users Posts: 18,334 ✭✭✭✭everlast75





  • #4754
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I just tried some of the new Viagra tea bags,I'm still crap in bed, but at least my biscuits no longer go soggy when I dunk them.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4755
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Why is VI afraid of VII?..............Because VII VIII IX.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4756
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Since getting back from my vacation in Asia, I've been completely disoriented.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4757
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I was looking at an archery set for Christmas, you can even get it gift-wrapped so it comes with a bow!

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4758
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    When I asked my new girlfriend when her birthday was, she said March 1st, so I walked round the room and asked her again.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4759
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,082 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    https://twitter.com/J2onyabike/status/1473758090549944320


    ...



  • #4760
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    You think Omicron is bad, just wait until Megatron shows up.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4761
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    My first job was sound engineer for the band that played at Stonehenge....................I no longer mix in those circles.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Advertisement
  • #4762
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    My wife said she saw a deer on the way to work this morning, wonder how she knew it was going to work?

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4763
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    As a personal tribute to David Bowie, I've made a whole tin of Heroes last just for one day.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4764
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Just found out Sir Anthony Hopkins is Welsh.

    Certainly explains why he wanted those lambs to keep quiet.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4765
    barneygumble99
    Registered Users Posts: 3,951 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    Dwarfism is a growing problem. Actually my neighbour is a dwarf, I look out for him and he really looks up to me.



  • #4766
    everlast75
    Registered Users Posts: 18,334 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118398131#Comment_118398131

    It's a hard life being a dwarf.

    Trying to put food on the table can be difficult



  • #4767
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 89,278 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118398476#Comment_118398476

    He wasn't Happy.



  • #4768
    Sam Russell
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 18,829 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sam Russell


    I heard the story of the seven dwarfs - they were mostly miserable. Only one was Happy.



  • #4769
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I'm a super dad. Only took me 3 hours to build a Lego set that had 3-7 years on the box.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4770
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,128 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    If I could be any super hero, I would be Aluminum Man and my super power would be...foiling crime.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Advertisement
  • #4771
    barneygumble99
    Registered Users Posts: 3,951 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    Me: So when will I actually receive the shark

    Loan Shark: What?



Advertisement