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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,125 ✭✭✭✭ gormdubhgorm


    I heard that a fella fell into the vat of whiskey..... he bravely fought off twelve of his rescuers.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,175 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    I heard he was cremated.


    And it took three days to put out the fire.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 16,021 ✭✭✭✭ everlast75


    I just met the head of the Indian Maffia.


    Poppa Don



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the london underground. We went from Barking to tooting in half an hour!



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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    If there's one thing that makes me throw up, it's a Dart Board on a ceiling.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,985 ✭✭✭ Worztron


    I have a fear of overly intricate buildings... I have a complex complex complex.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • Registered Users Posts: 265 ✭✭ Deregos.


    I’m reading the latest novel by Stephen King in Braille and something bad is about to happen . . . I can feel it.



  • Registered Users Posts: 77,987 ✭✭✭✭ Victor




  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

    So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm,



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,728 ✭✭✭ dilallio


    The guy who invented Velcro died yesterday.

    RIP



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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not water proof.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    Where to Egyptians go when they have a sore back?

    The Cairo-practor



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,175 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    King Tut was only 1 meter tall. But he was a good ruler.



  • Registered Users Posts: 77,987 ✭✭✭✭ Victor


    I've a Mexican friend, he lives in England and I occasionally visit for a long weekend.

    One time when I arrive, he was out on the back lawn with a croquet mallet, a shovel, onions, tomatoes, jalapeños, avocados and a lime.

    Apparently he was making whackamole.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I saw elvis in Woodies earlier today.................Returned a Sander.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    My ex tells everybody that I really knew how to push her buttons.

    I tell them if that were true she would have been on Mute !



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    My pet Siberian Hamster died today..........he fell asleep at the wheel



  • Registered Users Posts: 265 ✭✭ Deregos.


    My girlfriend can no longer attend next weeks 'Innuendo Seminar' in Muff. . . so I have to fill her slot instead.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    Even though I'm now bald I still carry around my old comb,I just can't part with it.



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