Ghosted after a few good dates

raclle · 28-04-2021 11:15pm

Oops

meant to say this should be the norm

sporina · 28-04-2021 11:16pm

YellowLead wrote: »

What’s wrong with that? Or are you pointing out this is how it should be done?
I feel like I may have written it lol

what made you think he was saying that there was something wrong with that???

Lirange · 28-04-2021 11:20pm

Tindr is a bit of a necessary evil (and perhaps I’m being generous here with the necessary). It’s awash with those plying the field under false pretences. It’s a minefield. The 2 month fling is the new one night stand. These people have always been about but the online aspect has greatly facilitated this behaviour.

Many falsely believe they can better suss them out up front. That’s the trap because people overestimate their intuitive abilities. If you poll people almost everyone believes they have great intuition. But as people have always done they fool themselves because they want to believe. So they compartmentalise and rationalise any red flags. The online deets don’t change this. But it provides some with the false notion they can pre-audit people with profiles and correspondence. If your potential companion is really serious they’ll accept moving things along gradually. You’re quite unlikely to miss out on the love of your life if you refuse to do the business right out of the gates.

Surreptitious · 28-04-2021 11:33pm

People are so two faced on here. It's unreal

Feisar · 29-04-2021 8:01am

Surreptitious wrote: »

People are so two faced on here. It's unreal

Username fits!

Feisar · 29-04-2021 8:04am

JoChervil wrote: »

I sense you are still very much into her, so it is hard and it will last some time.

So read just a simple article to be better equipped:
https://www.independent.ie/life/health-wellbeing/toxic-love-some-relationship-red-flags-should-not-be-ignored-37438842.html

A quote from it:
"In other words, it’s very easy to get hooked on people who blow hot and cold — and even easier for people to use this tactic to their advantage."

She already gave you a very hard time, so be cautious...

That's in The Art of Seduction, you need to give people room to fall for you.

JoChervil · 29-04-2021 10:32am

Feisar wrote: »

That's in The Art of Seduction, you need to give people room to fall for you.

I know, I just worry that OP is hooked beyond return...

"A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes." Robert Frost

I think I was too long on Harry and Meghan thread...

YellowLead · 29-04-2021 10:39am

I worried that at the start but if you read the thread and his more recent replies he has copped on now.

Though of course it is possible that he has re engaged with her. In that case....NOOOOO

29-04-2021 6:19pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Unless the OP is 15 or 16, I wouldn't go this route.

Leave the friends out of it.

its got nothing to do with teenage tactics. theres no alternative route of contact and something legitimately bad may have happened.
the adult thing to do is to be concerned and to express that concern upfront via the only available route.

Doing so ONCE only ensures that theres no possibility of any nonsense.

Deleted User wrote: »

Proper stalker behaviour, that.

are you out of your mind? ONE message of concern is stalking now. holy christ.

one message, something along the lines are you ok i havent heard from you.
this somehow constitutes stalking now.

id love to know your better approach.

because as i see it anything could have happened and its just the adult thing to do to simply check once. thats not stalking thats just the concern of a normal person.

29-04-2021 6:23pm

85603 wrote: »

its got nothing to do with teenage tactics. theres no alternative route of contact and something legitimately bad may have happened.
the adult thing to do is to be concerned and to express that concern upfront via the only available route.

Doing so ONCE only ensures that theres no possibility of any nonsense.

are you out of your mind? ONE message of concern is stalking now. holy christ.

one message, something along the lines are you ok i havent heard from you.
this somehow constitutes stalking now.

id love to know your better approach.

because as i see it anything could have happened and its just the adult thing to do to simply check once. thats not stalking thats just the concern of a normal person.

You said:

"id message a few of her friends simultaneously, one time only, saying id like her to contact me and hoping everythings ok."

So, not one message of concern really, but a few messages of fake concern sent to people who don't know you in an attempt to reach a woman who is choosing to not have contact with you.

Ugh. ****ing creepy.

YellowLead · 29-04-2021 6:24pm

85603 wrote: »

its got nothing to do with teenage tactics. theres no alternative route of contact and something legitimately bad may have happened.
the adult thing to do is to be concerned and to express that concern upfront via the only available route.

Doing so ONCE only ensures that theres no possibility of any nonsense.

are you out of your mind? ONE message of concern is stalking now. holy christ.

one message, something along the lines are you ok i havent heard from you.
this somehow constitutes stalking now.

id love to know your better approach.

because as i see it anything could have happened and its just the adult thing to do to simply check once. thats not stalking thats just the concern of a normal person.

Lol he was BLOCKED. So that means she took action to make sure he couldn’t message on whattsap - now what sort of emergency would that be???

29-04-2021 6:30pm

Deleted User wrote: »

You said:

"id message a few of her friends simultaneously, one time only, saying id like her to contact me and hoping everythings ok."

So, not one message of concern really, but a few messages of fake concern sent to people who don't know you in an attempt to reach a woman who is choosing to not have contact with you.

Ugh. ****ing creepy.

Dont you think its kind of cowardly to just sit on the sidelines shouting words like stalker or creepy.

as expected you have no answer of your own. its obvious what youre doing here, though the charter forbids say so.

but C-, poor effort, although i did enjoy the irony.

29-04-2021 6:31pm

85603 wrote: »

Dont you think its kind of cowardly to just sit on the sidelines shouting words like stalker or creepy.

as expected you have no answer of your own. its obvious what youre doing here, though the charter forbids say so.

but C-, poor effort, although i did enjoy the irony.

I'm being completely serious. Your suggestion is totally creepy. Like if someone messaged me trying to reach a female friend of mine I'd warn her to avoid this guy. 100%.

It's totally creepy and inappropriate behaviour.

29-04-2021 6:38pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Lol he was BLOCKED. So that means she took action to make sure he couldn’t message on whattsap - now what sort of emergency would that be???

i lost contact with one girl, a platonic friend, due to her having a miscarriage, she had stopped contact abruptly. got back in contact a year, and managed to do so because i had been upfront enough to send a message of concern to a friend of hers.

another time after an abrupt cease in communications i later discovered it was a religious parent, she lived in n.africa and her father just put the kaibosh down on her flirting - not her fault.

both times i reconnected due to a simple message of concern through mutual contacts.

why the hell would you not just leave a simple message saying 'hey havent heard from you, hope theres nothing wrong'.

Tell me how · 29-04-2021 6:40pm

85603 wrote: »

its got nothing to do with teenage tactics. theres no alternative route of contact and something legitimately bad may have happened.
the adult thing to do is to be concerned and to express that concern upfront via the only available route.

Doing so ONCE only ensures that theres no possibility of any nonsense.

are you out of your mind? ONE message of concern is stalking now. holy christ.

one message, something along the lines are you ok i havent heard from you.
this somehow constitutes stalking now.

id love to know your better approach.

because as i see it anything could have happened and its just the adult thing to do to simply check once. thats not stalking thats just the concern of a normal person.

Walk away. Get on with your life. Meet someone knew.

29-04-2021 6:41pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm being completely serious. Your suggestion is totally creepy. Like if someone messaged me trying to reach a female friend of mine I'd warn her to avoid this guy. 100%.

It's totally creepy and inappropriate behaviour.

Yeah, havent heard from you, hope everthings ok.

oooh thats some real **** in the bushes outside her house level creepiness.

Johnnytractors · 29-04-2021 6:41pm

So an update for ye all. I was down in Limerick city passing going to an outside farm spraying some tillage crops there this evening. As I was jumping into the tractor I heard my name being called and who was it.... yes her! I got a bit of grilling from her since I never replied to her message or accepted her friend request on Instagram. I do know how to pick them!!!! By the way I am 30 and she is 28. Since seeing her this evening I have had 3 missed calls on a private number that I haven’t answered and I never get private number calls so I dunno!!!!!

29-04-2021 6:42pm

85603 wrote: »

i lost contact with one girl, a platonic friend, due to her having a miscarriage, she had stopped contact abruptly. got back in contact a year, and managed to do so because i had been upfront enough to send a message of concern to a friend of hers.

another time after an abrupt cease in communications i later discovered it was a religious parent, she lived in n.africa and her father just put the kaibosh down on her flirting - not her fault.

both times i reconnected due to a simple message of concern through mutual contacts.

why the hell would you not just leave a simple message saying 'hey havent heard from you, hope theres nothing wrong'.

Because the OP barely knew her and didn't know any of her friends. If the woman chose to not respond, it is not his right to contact her friends our of fake nice guy concern to get back in contact with her.

29-04-2021 6:43pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Walk away. Get on with your life. Meet someone knew.

is it that your ego couldnt take leaving one message?

the possibility a slight indignity is greater than your concern for a friends welfare?

thats some eggshell ego stuff if so.

29-04-2021 6:44pm

85603 wrote: »

Yeah, havent heard from you, hope everthings ok.

oooh thats some real **** in the bushes outside her house level creepiness.

Sending that to her friends is inappropriate. It's as simple as that.

Itainire · 29-04-2021 6:46pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

So an update for ye all. I was down in Limerick city passing going to an outside farm spraying some tillage crops there this evening. As I was jumping into the tractor I heard my name being called and who was it.... yes her! I got a bit of grilling from her since I never replied to her message or accepted her friend request on Instagram. I do know how to pick them!!!! By the way I am 30 and she is 28. Since seeing her this evening I have had 3 missed calls on a private number that I haven’t answered and I never get private number calls so I dunno!!!!!

Did you guys chat or did she just say hello or what?
Why would she call you from a private number?

Johnny I don't know you and chances are I never will, but I know that you can do better than this, you can find yourself someone that values more from the start.. someone that calls you from their real phone number

29-04-2021 6:47pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

So an update for ye all. I was down in Limerick city passing going to an outside farm spraying some tillage crops there this evening. As I was jumping into the tractor I heard my name being called and who was it.... yes her! I got a bit of grilling from her since I never replied to her message or accepted her friend request on Instagram. I do know how to pick them!!!! By the way I am 30 and she is 28. Since seeing her this evening I have had 3 missed calls on a private number that I haven’t answered and I never get private number calls so I dunno!!!!!

I'd be wary. She sounds like the type who only likes you if she can't have ya, but if you're chasing her she loses interest. That's not the behaviour of an emotionally stable person. Like I said earlier, plenty of red flags already.

Tell me how · 29-04-2021 6:47pm

85603 wrote: »

is it that your ego couldnt take leaving one message?

the possibility a slight indignity is greater than your concern for a friends welfare?

thats some eggshell ego stuff if so.

All of us saying to walk away are suggesting doing so because we think it is the best way in order for the OP to maintain their dignity. Effectively begging to reconnect, contacting friends etc looks weak and portrays an image of someone who cannot take the hint, cannot handle rejection or has no confidence that they can meet someone knew.

sporina · 29-04-2021 6:47pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

So an update for ye all. I was down in Limerick city passing going to an outside farm spraying some tillage crops there this evening. As I was jumping into the tractor I heard my name being called and who was it.... yes her! I got a bit of grilling from her since I never replied to her message or accepted her friend request on Instagram. I do know how to pick them!!!! By the way I am 30 and she is 28. Since seeing her this evening I have had 3 missed calls on a private number that I haven’t answered and I never get private number calls so I dunno!!!!!

OMG what a psycho - what did you say to her?

Wow - she is not liking her own medicine eh?

I hope she's doesn't become a stalker..

BTW - this thread prob wudda been better in the S&C Personal Issues forum.. for future reference

29-04-2021 6:50pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Because the OP barely knew her and didn't know any of her friends. If the woman chose to not respond, it is not his right to contact her friends our of fake nice guy concern to get back in contact with her.

Deleted User wrote: »

Sending that to her friends is inappropriate. It's as simple as that.

Barely knew her:

So, I recently matched with the one on tinder who was very cute, charming a funny. Within a few weeks we exchanged numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp. After a while we agreed to meet up in person and we clicked like a house on fire. We met the following week again and had a ball of time together. The following two weeks were Easter Sunday and the following Sunday I was tied the following Sunday helping a friend. We stayed in contact every day and night and shared messages and Snap chatting each other every day. Met her last Sunday and we had a brilliant time together. We chatted Sunday night when I got home and I fell asleep then. Monday morning I texted her and I got the following message back “ You're fine, sooo tired this morning getting up for work how's you?

Sounds like her knew her enough to warrant a slight concern.

One message of concern is what any adult might consider. I'd expect the same if I abruptly stopped chatting with someone after weeks, and numbers and meetings.

Poor effort. On your ... bike.

29-04-2021 6:53pm

Tell me how wrote: »

All of us saying to walk away are suggesting doing so because we think it is the best way in order for the OP to maintain their dignity. Effectively begging to reconnect, contacting friends etc looks weak and portrays an image of someone who cannot take the hint, cannot handle rejection or has no confidence that they can meet someone knew.

No see any adult will get this.

If youre being an infant then yeah you might be able to get a little kick out of being able to deceive yourself into thinking that someones concern for your health is some kind of love obsession, but any adult will know that if they disappear off radar with no warning that people will naturally enquire.

Watch less love island.

29-04-2021 6:56pm

85603 wrote: »

Barely knew her:

Sounds like her knew her enough to warrant a slight concern.

One message of concern is what any adult might consider. I'd expect the same if I abruptly stopped chatting with someone after weeks, and numbers and meetings.

Poor effort. On your ... bike.

He barely knew her, it was a few dates. He didn't know her friends. What you're suggesting is psychotic "nice guy" fedora-wearing, full length leather jacket creepy behaviour.

End of.

YellowLead · 29-04-2021 6:57pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'd be wary. She sounds like the type who only likes you if she can't have ya, but if you're chasing her she loses interest. That's not the behaviour of an emotionally stable person. Like I said earlier, plenty of red flags already.

Yep she sounds MENTAL - lucky escape. Thankfully for you OP she’s showing her true colours before things really get going.

29-04-2021 6:59pm

Deleted User wrote: »

He barely knew her, it was a few dates. He didn't know her friends. What you're suggesting is psychotic "nice guy" fedora-wearing, full length leather jacket creepy behaviour.

End of.

love it. an enquiry into someones well being is now stalking. eNd oF.

29-04-2021 7:03pm

85603 wrote: »

love it. an enquiry into someones well being is now stalking. eNd oF.

But it's not an enquiry into someone's well being, is it? It's clear motive is to reconnect with a person for your own selfish needs. The selfless move would be to push your own feelings aside and to respect a person's wishes.

That's why it's stalking. It's a selfish act masquerading as a expression of concern.

It's gross and so transparent.

Tell me how · 29-04-2021 7:06pm

85603 wrote: »

love it. an enquiry into someones well being is now stalking. eNd oF.

An enquiry to someone you probably have no connection with about someone who blocked you. Yep. That's stalkish behaviour.

29-04-2021 7:11pm

Deleted User wrote: »

But it's not an enquiry into someone's well being, is it? It's clear motive is to reconnect with a person for your own selfish needs. The selfless move would be to push your own feelings aside and to respect a person's wishes.

That's why it's stalking. It's a selfish act masquerading as a expression of concern.

It's gross and so transparent.

well yeah. it is.

if im regularly contacting someone for weeks and meeting with them, whether it be platonic or romantic, and they suddenly just drop off the screen, with no forewarning or explanation then im genuinely concerned.

who in their right mind wouldn't be.

id sleep better knowing that someone had scored a childish point on me, than i would wondering whether they'd been in an accident.

society will forgive a single enquiry. its not a sign of weakness.

YellowLead · 29-04-2021 7:13pm

85603 wrote: »

well yeah. it is.

if im regularly contacting someone for weeks and meeting with them, whether it be platonic or romantic, and they suddenly just drop off the screen, with no forewarning or explanation then im genuinely concerned.

who in their right mind wouldn't be.

id sleep better knowing that someone had scored a childish point on me, than i would wondering whether they'd been in an accident.

society will forgive a single enquiry. its not a sign of weakness.

Not that this would make a difference - but it wasn’t just ignoring, where one might wonder if there was an accident. It was an active blocking! What accident makes you do that???

29-04-2021 7:13pm

Tell me how wrote: »

An enquiry to someone you probably have no connection with about someone who blocked you. Yep. That's stalkish behaviour.

really? THAT constitutes stalking now?

it couldn't just have been a misunderstanding. it has to be some way uptight game?

lol this is such sh1t.

29-04-2021 7:16pm

85603 wrote: »

well yeah. it is.

if im regularly contacting someone for weeks and meeting with them, whether it be platonic or romantic, and they suddenly just drop off the screen, with no forewarning or explanation then im genuinely concerned.

who in their right mind wouldn't be.

id sleep better knowing that someone had scored a childish point on me, than i would wondering whether they'd been in an accident.

society will forgive a single enquiry. its not a sign of weakness.

If you've only known them a FEW WEEKS then you have no rights or entitlement to know why a person chooses to disconnect from you. If you message that person and they don't message back, that's their right.

If you go trying to bridge that gap by contacting her friends - people you have never met - then you've crossed the line into being a "nice guy". Go buy a fedora and a katana.

Tell me how · 29-04-2021 7:17pm

85603 wrote: »

really? THAT constitutes stalking now?

it couldn't just have been a misunderstanding. it has to be some way uptight game?

lol this is such sh1t.

They way you are pursuing this topic here, the language you are using etc, along with your insistence in trying to contact someone who blocked you on a number of platforms doesn't paint a great picture as to how you would have acted if you were in the OP's shoes. Or would do in future.

29-04-2021 7:18pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Not that this would make a difference - but it wasn’t just ignoring, where one might wonder if there was an accident. It was an active blocking! What accident makes you do that???

a conservative religious father in my case. he took her phone, only passing my details to her friend allowed some kind of closure.

a hacked account, a lost or stolen phone. an accident. coercion. someone sabotaging your name or impersonating you. numerous things you cant even imagine.

this is ridiculous. you're behaving like 16 year olds. its ok to be concerned, for gods sake.

29-04-2021 7:19pm

85603 wrote: »

a conservative religious father in my case. he took her phone, only passing my details to her friend allowed some kind of closure.

a hacked account, a lost or stolen phone. an accident. coercion. someone sabotaging your name. numerous things you cant even imagine.

Jesus Christ...

29-04-2021 7:21pm

Deleted User wrote: »

If you've only known them a FEW WEEKS then you have no rights or entitlement to know why a person chooses to disconnect from you. If you message that person and they don't message back, that's their right.

If you go trying to bridge that gap by contacting her friends - people you have never met - then you've crossed the line into being a "nice guy". Go buy a fedora and a katana.

lol. mental.

29-04-2021 7:23pm

85603 wrote: »

lol. mental.

The fact that you think it's "mental" says it all.

Well put.

Johnnytractors · 29-04-2021 7:27pm

Itainire wrote: »

Did you guys chat or did she just say hello or what?
Why would she call you from a private number?

Johnny I don't know you and chances are I never will, but I know that you can do better than this, you can find yourself someone that values more from the start.. someone that calls you from their real phone number

She came over to me and I kept ignoring her. Before I knew it she was right next to me outside the tractor asking me why I have ignored her text and her friend request. I told her straight out that it was “you that ghosted and blocked me” so I have got the hint now and I ain’t going back. If this is the way you treat me after 3 months, 7 dates god only knows what could happen in the future. She said she is stressed with work and needed time to clear her head. I just told her straight if I knew that I would have left you alone or helped ya. She just asked me to think about it. As for ringing me on a private number I don’t know....

raclle · 29-04-2021 7:28pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

So an update for ye all. I was down in Limerick city passing going to an outside farm spraying some tillage crops there this evening. As I was jumping into the tractor I heard my name being called and who was it.... yes her! I got a bit of grilling from her since I never replied to her message or accepted her friend request on Instagram. I do know how to pick them!!!! By the way I am 30 and she is 28. Since seeing her this evening I have had 3 missed calls on a private number that I haven’t answered and I never get private number calls so I dunno!!!!!

Ok this doesn't add up. How did she know where you were and I thought you blocked her?

Johnnytractors · 29-04-2021 7:35pm

raclle wrote: »

Ok this doesn't add up. How did she know where you were and I thought you blocked her?

She obviously works around that area as there is a school nearby. I had her blocked on WhatsApp. She texted me on Viber that I never use so I have that deleted. This wan seems not to be going away in a hurry now.

YellowLead · 29-04-2021 7:37pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

She obviously works around that area as there is a school nearby. I had her blocked on WhatsApp. She texted me on Viber that I never use so I have that deleted. This wan seems not to be going away in a hurry now.

I wouldn’t give in. First the blocking/ghosting and now the stalking. She doesn’t sound too mentally stable and would be a nightmare down the line. When people show you their true colours - don’t ignore them.

I do acknowledge it’s tough though OP - somebody you once liked pursuing you...just remember her treatment of you. Like god if you got together and you broke up with her in a few months time what would she be like then???? Equally she could disappear again.

YellowLead · 29-04-2021 7:43pm

85603 and her sound perfect for each other lol

raclle · 29-04-2021 7:56pm

YellowLead wrote: »

First the blocking/ghosting and now the stalking

But why would someone do that? That doesn't even make sense for someone with mental issues

JoChervil · 29-04-2021 7:59pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

She obviously works around that area as there is a school nearby. I had her blocked on WhatsApp. She texted me on Viber that I never use so I have that deleted. This wan seems not to be going away in a hurry now.

Has she apologised?

Surreptitious · 29-04-2021 8:15pm

YellowLead wrote: »

85603 and her sound perfect for each other lol

Hahaha

sporina · 29-04-2021 8:48pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I wouldn’t give in. First the blocking/ghosting and now the stalking. She doesn’t sound too mentally stable and would be a nightmare down the line. When people show you their true colours - don’t ignore them.

I do acknowledge it’s tough though OP - somebody you once liked pursuing you...just remember her treatment of you. Like god if you got together and you broke up with her in a few months time what would she be like then???? Equally she could disappear again.

awe now give the OP some credit..

Johnnytractors · 29-04-2021 9:18pm

JoChervil wrote: »

Has she apologised?

No apology at all only being stressed and needed time to clear her head. I wish I could use the line with my bank manager...

Ghosted after a few good dates

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