What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar · 19-09-2020 8:07pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Ah now, L, Fr “Fingers” Flanagan C.S.Sp was a friend but, more importantly, a spiritual “advisor”. He wasn’t some greasy, shovel-handed, Carmelite Brother.

I shouldn’t have to, but I will point out that there was nothing “untoward” going on. Anyway, I believe he preferred blondes.

Back of the soutane was like a fish fryers apron after a day at the ploughing..

You could sauté a pan of cheap cuts in it.

JohnnyFlash · 19-09-2020 8:19pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Back of the soutane was like a fish fryers apron after a day at the ploughing..

You could sauté a pan of cheap cuts in it.

Fr. Maurice Withers was a good friend of yours, wasn’t he?

Brendan Bendar · 19-09-2020 8:45pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Fr. Maurice Withers was a good friend of yours, wasn’t he?

Mossy?

The lad who left the soutane in to the nuns laundry and the grease made four paschal candles?

Played in a Golf Classic with him in GalwayBay the day before he was caught ‘cannons deep’ in that young fella out Athenry area.

Never liked the kernt.

19-09-2020 8:50pm

The last few posts have the makings of a prime time special investigation episode lads.

Hotblack Desiato · 20-09-2020 1:38am

You gotta admire the correct use of C.S.Sp Emmet, well done.

I was inspired to edit the "Spiritans" Wikipaedia article, which until now surprisingly had no mention whatsoever of their detestable kiddly fiddling activities.

sligojoek · 20-09-2020 2:36am

Glad I got out of a catholic school in 81. The stories I heard of what happened after that are horrific. I shudder to think what went on in the 70s and before.

Arthur Fent · 21-09-2020 3:10pm

Jaysus lads, its been like stumbling across the Holy Grail finding this place. I've giggling away all afternoon !

Brendan Bendar · 21-09-2020 3:14pm

Arthur Fent wrote: »

Jaysus lads, its been like stumbling across the Holy Grail finding this place. I've giggling away all afternoon !

Good first post Arthur, go up and slot a baton round to celebrate.

Because it’s worth it!!

Sheep Shagger · 21-09-2020 3:47pm

Anyone read this book about ****ting at work?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Poo-Work-Mats-Enzo/dp/1853757403/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=how+to+poo+at+work&qid=1600692046&quartzVehicle=4015-1880&replacementKeywords=how+to+poo+at&sprefix=how+to+poo&sr=8-1

Brendan Bendar · 21-09-2020 4:03pm

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Anyone read this book about ****ting at work?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Poo-Work-Mats-Enzo/dp/1853757403/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=how+to+poo+at+work&qid=1600692046&quartzVehicle=4015-1880&replacementKeywords=how+to+poo+at&sprefix=how+to+poo&sr=8-1

Nah.... wouldn’t read any book my friend.

Only one technique....walk in, head held high, eyeball any stult fiddling with tissues and stuff... straight in to the stall, any stall.. good rasper of a door bang to close, drop the strides.... bang down the seat...slow closer my bollox...deep sigh is good at this stage.... then spool your guts into the pan at max manifold pressure.... a “Jaysus what was that “ is good a this point...clean up... out of the stall.... ‘What ?’ to any stult who looks at you askance.... wash hands and out.

‘C’ status technique.

JohnnyFlash · 21-09-2020 4:09pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Nah.... wouldn’t read any book my friend.

Only one technique....walk in, head held high, eyeball any stult fiddling with tissues and stuff... straight in to the stall, any stall.. good rasper of a door bang to close, drop the strides.... bang down the seat...slow closer my bollox...deep sigh is good at this stage.... then spool your guts into the pan at max manifold pressure.... a “Jaysus what was that “ is good a this point...clean up... out of the stall.... ‘What ?’ to any stult who looks at you askance.... wash hands and out.

‘C’ status technique.

Very rushed and stressed technique I must say, Brendan. You must be as busy as a hooker with two fannies.

Need to slow down, dude, and practice some mindful shítting.

Brendan Bendar · 21-09-2020 8:00pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Very rushed and stressed technique I must say, Brendan. You must be as busy as a hooker with two fannies.

Need to slow down, dude, and practice some mindful shítting.

John, I agree totally,however, at ‘C’ status level,and there is an optional module in the Manchester Business School on this.

‘Bathroom Behaviour’ is the working title and it outlines what not to do rather than other stuff.

“ Under no circumstances should a ‘C’ status exec creep into a bog, eyes down and wait for a vacant stall,giving way to junior tossers”

No... must power in, give the impression my time is very valuable,ignore the queue,have the belt buckle half undone and a thunderous meaty faaaart on the way is good.

Helps if the wimp of a chairman is sneakily checking his jocks for ‘ spillage’ in the sink area.

John, if you want a quiet evacuation, take it home , be quiet and don’t frighten the cat.

Work politics don’t end at the shïthouse door.

Arthur Fent · 21-09-2020 9:54pm

I wouldn't be one for advocating rushing matters such as these. I'd be afraid of leaving a few unwanted stowaways in the cargo hold. Can leave you fierce uncomfortable as the day progresses. No, it always pays to take ones time and enjoy the experience.

Aglomerado · 21-09-2020 10:55pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Nah.... wouldn’t read any book my friend.

Only one technique....walk in, head held high, eyeball any stult fiddling with tissues and stuff... straight in to the stall, any stall.. good rasper of a door bang to close, drop the strides.... bang down the seat...slow closer my bollox...deep sigh is good at this stage.... then spool your guts into the pan at max manifold pressure.... a “Jaysus what was that “ is good a this point...clean up... out of the stall.... ‘What ?’ to any stult who looks at you askance.... wash hands and out.

‘C’ status technique.

A Civil service PO (no pun intended) I know allegedly does this, middle trap and shoves his feet under the partitions into the neighbouring traps for extra "traction" when disposing of his used Foie Gras. Not a bother on him, in fact all subordinate officers using that facility should be grateful to him for the aromas he dispenses.

Brendan Bendar · 22-09-2020 6:54pm

Aglomerado wrote: »

A Civil service PO (no pun intended) I know allegedly does this, middle trap and shoves his feet under the partitions into the neighbouring traps for extra "traction" when disposing of his used Foie Gras. Not a bother on him, in fact all subordinate officers using that facility should be grateful to him for the aromas he dispenses.

A stream of hot piss in his shoes would be the answer, followed by a splatther of loose midden.

If any blowback, take it to HR.

JohnnyFlash · 22-09-2020 7:31pm

You never hear good stories about the shítter etiquette in the civil service.

Reminds me of the time I was visiting the HO of a very well-known Irish semi-state company. It was a Friday morning, and the person I was visiting there brought me down to the canteen for the breakfast. The queue for the Full Irish was about half a mile long, but you can't turn down a fry for €2.50, so I joined it.

Half the place must have been out on the company credit card the night before as the queue reeked of stale porter farts, cheap aftershave, and Rennie. Lots of red-faced men in a TM Lewin suit dabbing away the sweat from their collar. Massive feed in fairness, and I can see where they get their 'energy for generations' from.

The coffee was putrid auld stuff, and I hadn't wiped up the last of the fried egg with my toast when I started to get a serious twitch from the rusty bullet hole. I needed to find a dunny fairly serious, so said I'd let myself out at reception, and high tailed it into the facilities besides the lifts. 7 cubicles in a row, and all but one occupied.

Jesus H Christ. The smell when I closed the door of the cubicle was like a punch from Mike Tyson. The fent went right up the nostrils and almost solidified up there. And the fúcking sounds from the other 6 cubicles was like an orchestra composed by the Shít Lord of Hell himself. Sighs, groans, squeaky farts, trombone farts, foot shuffles, belt clicks, pebble dashing etc etc.

Nearly fúcking died in there. And didn't even end up winning the contract. Shower of combover cúnts.

Brendan Bendar · 22-09-2020 7:58pm

Jocks with a crotch band like the handle of a suitcase on the fcukers John.

EmmetSpiceland · 22-09-2020 8:09pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

And the fúcking sounds from the other 6 cubicles was like an orchestra composed by the Shít Lord of Hell himself. Sighs, groans, squeaky farts, trombone farts, foot shuffles, belt clicks, pebble dashing etc etc.

A Shítter Suite Symphony.

Aglomerado · 22-09-2020 10:44pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

A Shítter Suite Symphony.

With an epic Third Movement

.

Another lad I worked with in a government department came over to my desk one day to ask me something.
Fcuker farted right there and then, loud as you please...'oops' he said.
Oops? If I wasn't so stunned I'd have stapled his hole shut for him!

Another fellow used to pull the skeleton out of himself in the office bogs. A good splutter of aromatic yobble and the accompanying crapophony into a neighbouring bowl wouldn't be long putting him off his stroke.

gerrybbadd · 23-09-2020 11:35am

Aglomerado wrote: »

With an epic Third Movement .

Another lad I worked with in a government department came over to my desk one day to ask me something.
Fcuker farted right there and then, loud as you please...'oops' he said.
Oops? If I wasn't so stunned I'd have stapled his hole shut for him!

Another fellow used to pull the skeleton out of himself in the office bogs. A good splutter of aromatic yobble and the accompanying crapophony into a neighbouring bowl wouldn't be long putting him off his stroke.

There's a poster here is very fond of the self love at work, and besmirches a cubicle on the daily. He's forever in here boasting about whipping out the trouser trout and smacking it about in there.

EmmetSpiceland · 23-09-2020 11:48am

gerrybbadd wrote: »

There's a poster here is very fond of the self love at work, and besmirches a cubicle on the daily. He's forever in here boasting about whipping out the trouser trout and smacking it about in there.

It is a serious breach of “etiquette”, should be solely contained to the special needs jacks.

And, it should never be a daily “occurrence”. I can forgive anyone a little “stress relief” but everyday is just unacceptable.

This is “junior” staff, we’re talking, right? Management should know better.

Hector Savage · 23-09-2020 1:23pm

I think most civil service facilities could do with these being stationed outside ..

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Boxer-Satisfying-Warning-Plastic-Yellow/dp/B01C4CDELI/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/258-6425518-4292931?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01C4CDELI&pd_rd_r=760d4bd0-e00d-4437-a0d7-05b24b22fc8c&pd_rd_w=0AKvD&pd_rd_wg=aXmvt&pf_rd_p=dcf35746-0212-418b-a148-30395d107b2d&pf_rd_r=5E2YG3WR56A9CFZWYPJG&psc=1&refRID=5E2YG3WR56A9CFZWYPJG

An Ri rua · 23-09-2020 1:27pm

Aglomerado wrote: »

With an epic Third Movement .

Another lad I worked with in a government department came over to my desk one day to ask me something.
Fcuker farted right there and then, loud as you please...'oops' he said.
Oops? If I wasn't so stunned I'd have stapled his hole shut for him!

Another fellow used to pull the skeleton out of himself in the office bogs. A good splutter of aromatic yobble and the accompanying crapophony into a neighbouring bowl wouldn't be long putting him off his stroke.

Definitely not a Níl Obs at your desk anyway. Email is best in these situations.

An Ri rua · 23-09-2020 1:32pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

I think most civil service facilities could do with these being stationed outside ..

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Boxer-Satisfying-Warning-Plastic-Yellow/dp/B01C4CDELI/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/258-6425518-4292931?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01C4CDELI&pd_rd_r=760d4bd0-e00d-4437-a0d7-05b24b22fc8c&pd_rd_w=0AKvD&pd_rd_wg=aXmvt&pf_rd_p=dcf35746-0212-418b-a148-30395d107b2d&pf_rd_r=5E2YG3WR56A9CFZWYPJG&psc=1&refRID=5E2YG3WR56A9CFZWYPJG

Any Sec Gen would thank you for such a suggestion. Might I suggest the upcoming Innovation Awards? Cc some of the prime sh1tehawks. PO and up. Best advised to keep them in the loop to champion your refinement of facilities management policy. And their sh1t is of a deeper brown.

Seriously, well done. I imagine you'll get called up to the top floor to talk them through it. They are big into talking sh1t up there.

An Ri rua · 23-09-2020 1:40pm

Slideways wrote: »

I went out last night for a few beers and a chin wag with some of the blokes from work. There was a heavy metal tribute band playing which i detest but we were far enough away that conversation could still proceed without shouting.

Anyway, about half 10 and I had the undying urge to shyte. Putting it down to the music vibrations in my bowel as this would not be a normal time to drop anchor for myself.

Into this rather seedy schitter. On the right running nearly the full length of the room was this pïss trough that would make the hairs in your nostrils retreat. On the left, 5 stalls. The furthest, P5 was occupied. I slipped into P1 as is ones civic duty.

What came to pass after this will undoubtedly haunt me for quite some time. I can only only assume that the offending parties were unaware of my entrance due to the aforementioned music. There was some grunting and moaning and my mind went to worse case scenario, someone was having a ****. But nope, it was worse that that.

I quickly went about my business and it was when i went to leave i saw a two pairs of doc martin boots under the stall. One standing and the other on their knees. Sweet mother of devine jaysus. What sort of people go out to listen to some rather sub par tribute act and end up fùcking in the seedy mens toilets

All this talk of bodily functions and dirty filthy sex and we trying to hold a focussed civilised conversation here about the visceral cigar break, the grounding moment of our day. The great pacifier after the dark night of the hole. It's like someone coming into a jack's to blow their nose. Bloody disgusting and ya trying to ease the gasping fish down into the water. Jaysus, if it just drops in, it's not ideal. You can stun it.

Lewis_Benson · 23-09-2020 1:41pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

It is a serious breach of “etiquette”, should be solely contained to the special needs jacks.

And, it should never be a daily “occurrence”. I can forgive anyone a little “stress relief” but everyday is just unacceptable.

This is “junior” staff, we’re talking, right? Management should know better.

Wasn't it Pintman Paddy Losty?
He admitted on here that a whiff of perfume off some milf customer would have him in the jacks 2 mins later bating the baton off himself....the filthy kernt.

Hotblack Desiato · 23-09-2020 2:42pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

It is a serious breach of “etiquette”, should be solely contained to the special needs jacks.

And, it should never be a daily “occurrence”. I can forgive anyone a little “stress relief” but everyday is just unacceptable.

This is “junior” staff, we’re talking, right? Management should know better.

So proof that managers are w@nkers, after all

Aglomerado · 23-09-2020 3:50pm

An Ri rua wrote: »

Definitely not a Níl Obs at your desk anyway. Email is best in these situations.

The lad could barely switch his computer on in fairness, had a habit of licking forms.... no wonder he was gassy!

23-09-2020 3:51pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

I think most civil service facilities could do with these being stationed outside ..

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Boxer-Satisfying-Warning-Plastic-Yellow/dp/B01C4CDELI/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/258-6425518-4292931?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01C4CDELI&pd_rd_r=760d4bd0-e00d-4437-a0d7-05b24b22fc8c&pd_rd_w=0AKvD&pd_rd_wg=aXmvt&pf_rd_p=dcf35746-0212-418b-a148-30395d107b2d&pf_rd_r=5E2YG3WR56A9CFZWYPJG&psc=1&refRID=5E2YG3WR56A9CFZWYPJG

If your going down that road you might as well email everyone in the building. Save you dragging that sign out every time.

Nevin Parsnipp · 23-09-2020 7:22pm

Fcukin Supermarkets !

No fcukin etiquette...Gloamers wanderin about aimlessly around the aisles...makes "The Nev" get fair agitated and begin to look for a Dude to give a good shoeing !

Not healthy I agree....Was in the local supermercado today and two auld beuers was blocking my way to the fine wine area...masks down around the chins and yappin non stop.

I hovered for a while to no avail .... but luckily had some action down below and was able to release an ar$eful of foul smelling gas in their vicinity......up went the masks and they shuffled off muttering ...that somebody musta got a bad tray of mince .

Happy daze....was able to pick my nice bottle of Cote Du Rhone in peace and release another high density cloud of foetid arse fog to keep the area clear.

Proceeded happily to check out and reflected on a very satisfying and successful shop......

What's the etiquette here??

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