What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Fascinating insight into domesticated anthropoid living arrangements Em. A couple thousand years ago and she wouldn't have given you the time of day unless you crawled up on a mound of her dung and stuck your nose in it and gave it a whiff. Yes we've come a long way but I wonder have we lost something in transit.

You never answered the question though. That faint, more delicate smell, do you like that or not? Could it excite the senses or is it more likely to put a damper on things?

Can’t say it’s something that excites me. I would say that in general, day to day, life it doesn’t bother me at all.

However, in more “intimate” circumstances I’ve always found a “toilet smell” to be incredibly distracting. Whether that was in a pub toilet, a festival portaloo or when starting into “doggy fashion” with a one night conquest who has been, rather, careless with a previous “clean up”.

Always required extra concentration to finish the “job”. Do you enjoy that ordure odour yourself, H?

Hand in Your Pants

I'll come out and say it. I love going into a bathroom after a beautiful and sexy specimen has dropped a mound of sloppy sour. Any splash marks, skid marks, I'm looking for them and documenting the lot. And I'm getting the whole thing as deep up in my nostrils as possible. I really love women.

Bullocks

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Fascinating insight into domesticated anthropoid living arrangements Em. A couple thousand years ago and she wouldn't have given you the time of day unless you crawled up on a mound of her dung and stuck your nose in it and gave it a whiff. Yes we've come a long way but I wonder have we lost something in transit.

You never answered the question though. That faint, more delicate smell, do you like that or not? Could it excite the senses or is it more likely to put a damper on things?

WOW ! What a post 🤣

Brendan Bendar

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

I'll come out and say it. I love going into a bathroom after a beautiful and sexy specimen has dropped a mound of sloppy sour. Any splash marks, skid marks, I'm looking for them and documenting the lot. And I'm getting the whole thing as deep up in my nostrils as possible. I really love women.

This fcoookher has problems, folks.

There may be trouble ahead.

EmmetSpiceland

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Spice, I often " Loo Lurk ".

During the colder winter months it can be a nice touch to follow her in a couple of minutes after. The warm seat is always something I look forward to.

Most babes tend to leave facilities in decent nick I find.

I get that, I, I do. The old saying of ‘there’s only one thing worse than a cold seat and that’s a warm one’ really only applies to unfamiliar buttocks.

Back in my old school we’d often send one of the boys from the lower forms down to the jacks to give the seat a bit of “warmth” before leaving the morning’s “deposit”. God help the little brat if he “dropped a deuce” himself, that wouldn’t do at all. An act worthy of a thrashing.

I’ll have to give it some thought, not sure I’m ready to leave the downstairs “loo” just yet. It’s got a lock, upstairs doesn’t, and the kids are damned intrusive at the best of times.

Food for thought, though. I’ll give you that.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

This fcoookher has problems, folks.

There may be trouble ahead.

Might have to be sent to Ballinasloe, Brendan. Or maybe Portrane if he’s a jackeen.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Might have to be sent to Ballinasloe, Brendan. Or maybe Portrane if he’s a jackeen.

Will cause problems John, in my opinion.

Won’t be content just to spatther the pan with a thin mist of sour scutther.

Uhmmm.....

EmmetSpiceland

Farted all through dinner. Was sent to the couch to finish off my szechuan chicken with fried rice. Had to take 2 bathroom “breaks” as well. Not pretty.

Dreading a sleepless night and suffering a bout of “hot hole”. Fingers crossed things thicken up by morning. I’m tempted to take a couple of spoons of corn flour or maybe even Bisto to help that along.

Hand in Your Pants

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Farted all through dinner. Was sent to the couch to finish off my szechuan chicken with fried rice. Had to take 2 bathroom “breaks” as well. Not pretty.

Dreading a sleepless night and suffering a bout of “hot hole”. Fingers crossed things thicken up by morning. I’m tempted to take a couple of spoons of corn flour or maybe even Bisto to help that along.

Squirt a little otravine inside your hoop Em.

EmmetSpiceland

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Squirt a little otravine inside your hoop Em.

The “hay fever” nose spray stuff? What does that do to your arse?

Trouser Snake

It's like that ad for norn Ireland way back Emmet, "you never know unless you go!".

Arthur Fent

Never been a fan of the smell of shyte during any intimate indulgences myself. Infact, this Covid bollix has been a blessing for such matters. When i have to pop into the office, its usually just me and the secretary. So no need to retire to the disabled jacks on the sly. Infact, just the other day...we were in the office. She was working on her Christmas bonus. Head going up and down like she was bobbing for apples on Halloween. Anyway...i went into a bit of a trance..and the gun went off. I look down and she's slobbering like that dog out of Turner & Hooch. Ropes everywhere...dripping all over the place. I jumped up....jaysus love...not on me loafers ! They're genuine Italian leather, hand made.

IAMAMORON

Reminds me of those classic chair sniffing evenings. Thinking you are all alone in the deep dark corner of your office only to realise Rebecca the diligent has her eye on the prize. I miss her ambition. Philthy cow would do anything once the cleaners had left the building, nailed her twice in the boardroom , the mahogany is a great lubricant. Amazing gash wide open and purring like it hadn't been fed in a week, ripping the back of ye.

Hand in Your Pants

Beautiful stories gents.

sligojoek

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Farted all through dinner. Was sent to the couch to finish off my szechuan chicken with fried rice. Had to take 2 bathroom “breaks” as well. Not pretty.

Dreading a sleepless night and suffering a bout of “hot hole”. Fingers crossed things thicken up by morning. I’m tempted to take a couple of spoons of corn flour or maybe even Bisto to help that along.

Bisto is your man Emm.

Browns, seasons and thickens.

fuerte1976

sligojoek wrote: »

Bisto is your man Emm.

Browns, seasons and thickens.

And a teaspoon of cornflour to cement it..

Slideways

https://www.news.com.au/finance/work/at-work/hit-me-like-a-samboy-chip-wa-man-sacked-after-pooing-in-front-of-colleagues/news-story/68892b9cc8e0070bfeca5a31cd21e10f


As a man who has dropped some of Cosby’s kids off on a minesite in the not too distant past I find this case rather unsettling

IAMAMORON

Had a free gaff to myself last night. Cousin was over early evening, driving, but he gave me a handful of Magic Mushrooms his brother picked in Wicklow last week. I brewed a pot of tea and started cracking into my 6 percent lagers I purchase in my local Polish grocery. Tripped off my nut until the early hours dancing around my kitchen to breakbeat old school techno and had a fair swipe at a bottle of Gold Label Powers ( my favourite, no mixer ).

Woke up around 2 hours ago on the couch with my trousers around my ankles, I have no idea, but I hope to phuck I didn't ring one of those really expensive chat lines where you get through to some hooker in Bolivia who moans down the phone to you until the job is done. Don't ask.

Just got out of the jacks there. Managed to gentle squeeze a semi solid half dry half wet piece of shight out of me hole, all in all very underwhelming. The last bit wouldn't phucking drop either the bitch, so basically had to plaster my arse in a half roll of toilet paper to get the job done. I nearly burnt my hands washing them, I just threw the soap out.

Starting on the shandys now and will probably ring a chincky later for dinner. Probably chicken balls.

fuerte1976

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Had a free gaff to myself last night. Cousin was over early evening, driving, but he gave me a handful of Magic Mushrooms his brother picked in Wicklow last week. I brewed a pot of tea and started cracking into my 6 percent lagers I purchase in my local Polish grocery. Tripped off my nut until the early hours dancing around my kitchen to breakbeat old school techno and had a fair swipe at a bottle of Gold Label Powers ( my favourite, no mixer ).

Woke up around 2 hours ago on the couch with my trousers around my ankles, I have no idea, but I hope to phuck I didn't ring one of those really expensive chat lines where you get through to some hooker in Bolivia who moans down the phone to you until the job is done. Don't ask.

Just got out of the jacks there. Managed to gentle squeeze a semi solid half dry half wet piece of shight out of me hole, all in all very underwhelming. The last bit wouldn't phucking drop either the bitch, so basically had to plaster my arse in a half roll of toilet paper to get the job done. I nearly burnt my hands washing them, I just threw the soap out.

Starting on the shandys now and will probably ring a chincky later for dinner. Probably chicken balls.

I'd say you could do worse than going back to bed again champ!

Trouser Snake

The aul flag of Japan waving back at you if you had a gawk at it in the mirror I'd say. What time did your cousin leave?

Hand in Your Pants

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Had a free gaff to myself last night. Cousin was over early evening, driving, but he gave me a handful of Magic Mushrooms his brother picked in Wicklow last week. I brewed a pot of tea and started cracking into my 6 percent lagers I purchase in my local Polish grocery. Tripped off my nut until the early hours dancing around my kitchen to breakbeat old school techno and had a fair swipe at a bottle of Gold Label Powers ( my favourite, no mixer ).

Woke up around 2 hours ago on the couch with my trousers around my ankles, I have no idea, but I hope to phuck I didn't ring one of those really expensive chat lines where you get through to some hooker in Bolivia who moans down the phone to you until the job is done. Don't ask.

Just got out of the jacks there. Managed to gentle squeeze a semi solid half dry half wet piece of shight out of me hole, all in all very underwhelming. The last bit wouldn't phucking drop either the bitch, so basically had to plaster my arse in a half roll of toilet paper to get the job done. I nearly burnt my hands washing them, I just threw the soap out.

Starting on the shandys now and will probably ring a chincky later for dinner. Probably chicken balls.

Sounds like you and I need to spend an evening together. Put on a few 'club tunes', drop some acid, watch some celebrity sex tapes, take turns stinking out the loo, discuss the five proofs of Thomas Aquinas and run through in detail every anal adventure we've had with a female.

mfceiling

Mate texted me earlier.

He's staying in the heritage hotel for a few nights with the missus. Skulling pints of Arthur most of yesterday and had the steak dinner in the evening for soakage.
Went this morning for a fry and on the way back up in the lift felt the badge twitching. He said he let rip for a good 7 or 8 seconds from the stench trumpet...said the smell was horrific.
Door opened at his floor and 2 oul ones were waiting to get in. He passed them with a cheery "morning ladies". Just as the doors were closing he heard one of them go "Jesus Christ Anne that is disgusting".

He said never felt more alive and he went back to the room to waken the other half and give her a morning sausage for breakfast.

Fair play.

Hand in Your Pants

Fireball81 wrote: »

Nice to see the thread still going alive and well.

Nearly killed myself this morning with the bang off a thick cable, ring piece actually hurt a bit when it was cutting it so it could go in the water.

Must review diet...

You still, um, working from home F?

Trouser Snake

Fired out two yule logs there, second one refusing to break, nearly had to take the bottom of the hand soap dispenser to it. Had me well weighed down all morning, delighted she's out.

Brendan Bendar

Trouser Snake wrote: »

Fired out two yule logs there, second one refusing to break, nearly had to take the bottom of the hand soap dispenser to it. Had me well weighed down all morning, delighted she's out.

Well done TS...... blew a pungent King Edward into the pan at the club just before the course was closed.

Left her wallowing in the pewter out of disappointment.

Stale whack of cheap Eastern European beer was evident after I left.

fuerte1976

A good few of ye are fond of the ol cheap Eastern European sh1te lads.
Good gawd comrades, no good can come from subjecting ye're carcasses to that tripe..

If it doesn't blow the head off ya, twill blow the balloon knot out..

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Well done TS...... blew a pungent King Edward into the pan at the club just before the course was closed.

Left her wallowing in the pewter out of disappointment.

Stale whack of cheap Eastern European beer was evident after I left.

Very similar story myself, Brendan. Had onion bhajis, a lamb rogan josh, peshwari naan, and 10 cans of porter for the dinner last night. Had 2 very loose and cloying shítes before I left the gaff, one in the service station when I called in for some sausage rolls and coffee, one when I got to the course, and one after we came in after 12 holes.



The last one was the worst. Mostly muddy water at that stage, and coated the entire pan. Even had to lift up my sac and run a sheet of paper on it to make sure there hadn't been 'blowback' or 'down wind contamination'.



My hoop is hot and pulsing since. Raw. Looks like yet another bag of frozen peas will have to be sacrificed for the greater good.

Fireball81

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

You still, um, working from home F?

Unfortunately yes, we had returned but have since been told the office is closed until January at the earliest.

Hate it to be honest but shouldn't complain as am still getting paid to **** and relieve tension (not always at the same time). Am staying amused with the thread when I can but not giving updates as such...

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Very similar story myself, Brendan. Had onion bhajis, a lamb rogan josh, peshwari naan, and 10 cans of porter for the dinner last night. Had 2 very loose and cloying shítes before I left the gaff, one in the service station when I called in for some sausage rolls and coffee, one when I got to the course, and one after we came in after 12 holes.



The last one was the worst. Mostly muddy water at that stage, and coated the entire pan. Even had to lift up my sac and run a sheet of paper on it to make sure there hadn't been 'blowback' or 'down wind contamination'.



My hoop is hot and pulsing since. Raw. Looks like yet another bag of frozen peas will have to be sacrificed for the greater good.

Good call John, had to cup my score card into a channel to avoid serious blowback about two months ago.

Tuck her under the ball bag and take care of any speckles and ‘spray’.

Was a reasonable score so had to go in.

Back of the card was well spatthered with flecks of greenish midden which were difficult to shift.

Checked ‘HowDidiDo’ later and DQ was after my name.

Didn’t contest the decision........:cool:

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good call John, had to cup my score card into a channel to avoid serious blowback about two months ago.

Tuck her under the ball bag and take care of any speckles and ‘spray’.

Was a reasonable score so had to go in.

Back of the card was well spatthered with flecks of greenish midden which were difficult to shift.

Checked ‘HowDidiDo’ later and DQ was after my name.

Didn’t contest the decision........:cool:

You'll never make Club President now, Brendan. Unless it's Forrest Little or one of those chicken runs up past the airport you are a member of.