What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Could you hoy up a screen grab here Dude....a lot of posters would appreciate for sure ?

Hard pass there, N. If you want a few “hole shots” that’s your business, take it to PM though.

Brendan Bendar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Hard pass there, N. If you want a few “hole shots” that’s your business, take it to PM though.

Let’s not get into posting the perished rivet on here.

Parsnipp.... take your fetishes onto the Butt O Cheek forum, horse.


Disgusting stuff.....

Hand in Your Pants

Anybody else getting their freak on 2night?

Hand in Your Pants

Weird day so far. Couldn't get a good reception for Tubridy in the morning so turned on Today FM and the UCC radio which was pumping out club tunes I guess (I'm fifty). We have a giant mirror in the sitting room so I started fooling around to the tunes and beating off. Then I went to work. Dropped a sour load in the throne room and pushed it down into the ubend without flushing. Was able to 'spin' the the brush with my fingers to loosen some of the debris from the bristles before returning it to the receptacle. Gammon for supper, home alone, and have been kind of playing around with it, a bit bored, but going to slap on some more of those club tunes now.

IAMAMORON

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Weird day so far. Couldn't get a good reception for Tubridy in the morning so turned on Today FM and the UCC radio which was pumping out club tunes I guess (I'm fifty). We have a giant mirror in the sitting room so I started fooling around to the tunes and beating off. Then I went to work. Dropped a sour load in the throne room and pushed it down into the ubend without flushing. Was able to 'spin' the the brush with my fingers to loosen some of the debris from the bristles before returning it to the receptacle. Gammon for supper, home alone, and have been kind of playing around with it, a bit bored, but going to slap on some more of those club tunes now.

Make sue you close the curtains if you're leaving the lights on.

If you are being a dirty bolleex you don't want the neighbours confirming any of those suspicions they have about ye. Mirrors are dangerous things, be safe dear pilgrim.

I would ignore yourself and take a few drams out of the big bottle, your 50 now. Be nice to yourself.

An Ri rua

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Anybody else getting their freak on 2night?

This forum follows a neo Victorian school of thought on bodily function.
We are obsessed with bowel movement, and why not? Without movement there is stagnation.
And we don't want that.
Nor do we discuss self interference unless it is whilst whiling away a few minutes as the peristalsis machine shudders life into the lower chamber.
Certainly, interference with a foreign party is 1. disgusting and 2. a dangerous waste of prana or chi when it could have been the last push that was needed but for want of a nail the horse was lost. No, like a Hamlet or a terrier's victory lap of the garden after he's released the beast, we are at our finest as men (and the odd woman) when we have gently released the strong tench into the murky waters. Plop, down she goes, flick of the tail as good a sign as any that it's time to emotionally detach. The doctorfish, healing all who encounter it.

Hand in Your Pants

Any of ye ever edge it? Let a few milimetres of the load out, cross the legs while standing and tense up the lips, and kind of just enjoy that liminal state for a while. Sends shivers down my spin. Come on be honest.

An Ri rua

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Delivered a greasy load that curled in on itself at the bottom of the basin. Looked like a pair of twins resting peacefully in a uterus. Almost didn't want to flush the lil tykes away but there was an awful smell of roast beef, brussels sprouts, paint stripper and clotted blood from them.

"Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burnin, burnin. Oh doctor, doctor? Can't you stop this feeeeelin..."

Have you considered a dab of the Anusol?

An Ri rua

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Any of ye ever edge it? Let a few milimetres of the load out, cross the legs while standing and tense up the lips, and kind of just enjoy that liminal state for a while. Sends shivers down my spin. Come on be honest.

Sounds like a fantasy film of Nevins on that dodgy box "The Pelican Briefs". Fnar

Valresnick

I love watching people’s reactions to my craps. Nothing more satisfying watching a man get hit by a powerful stench beam after you’ve laid a log of brown sludge spam in a public cubicle ! The hand always instinctively goes up to protect the nasal area, sometimes you might get the odd ughhhh or others swearing in frustration. My favourite is “ah here for f*ck sake”. I’m a decent looking fella so they never suspect it was me who was just in there.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Let’s not get into posting the perished rivet on here.

Parsnipp.... take your fetishes onto the Butt O Cheek forum, horse.


Disgusting stuff.....

That dude needs an intervention. Something 'off' about 'The Nev'.

An Ri rua

Valresnick wrote: »

I love watching people’s reactions to my craps. Nothing more satisfying watching a man get hit by a powerful stench beam after you’ve laid a log of brown sludge spam in a public cubicle ! The hand always instinctively goes up to protect the nasal area, sometimes you might get the odd ughhhh or others swearing in frustration. My favourite is “ah here for f*ck sake”. I’m a decent looking fella so they never suspect it was me who was just in there.

Purged of your indecency. It's Dorian Gray all over. Never catch a goo of yourself in the toilet bowl whatever you do.

The original working title was the sphincter of Dorian Gray but the publisher held sway.

Trouser Snake

Don't know if this is the right place but thinking there might be a bit of scope for understanding in this esteemed thread.
Happened by accident, sat back into the car after grabbing a to go coffee, threw the mask down between the legs on the seat and on my merry way.
Anyone that drinks "impossible to sleep" coffee knows well the farts that come with it, and I was giving it sox. The leather seat was rippling like Dawn French's buttocks on a treadmill. It was like an ad for a Husqvarna such was the ferocity.
Got out to get a few Mallon sausages in the local Centra so put on the mask as I exited the car. The gasses that been unleashed from my bottom orifice had propelled directly into my mask and had lodged within.
The waft off the mask as I walked through Centra had me light headed and melancholy, almost sedated as if heading for ICU.
I've rarely been so all consumed by my own arse odours as I was there for those ten minutes before it dissipated.
And I miss it, so much so I've taken to wedging my mask up under the ball sack every time I've sat back into the car since.
Two things: the leather seats definitely help, less "seepage" and waste odour, and it only works best, insofar as I've tested it our, with the above mentioned branded coffee.

There, its out there, but it definitely works.
Fart into your face mask for a far more exhilarating level of general wellbeing.

Brendan Bendar

Put a knob of bbq charcoal in the blender..... blast it nice and fine.

Get two cloth masks and stick them together on three sides

Pop the charcoal in at the top and spread it out evenly.

You could tie it under the tail of a butchers pup for a few hours and the charcoal will absorb the wafts which will be semi constant.

....disclaimer..... I am not a medical practitioner and accept no responsibility for adverse outcomes.

Reliably informed this method widely used in chicken factories in Wuhan Province.

Arthur Fent

Just laid a length of arse rope there you could practice for your scouts knots badge with ! Great way to start the day. Woo hoo !

Fireball81

Nice to see the thread still going alive and well.

Nearly killed myself this morning with the bang off a thick cable, ring piece actually hurt a bit when it was cutting it so it could go in the water.

Must review diet...

NeinNeinNein

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Could you hoy up a screen grab here Dude....a lot of posters would appreciate for sure ?

Pretty sure this is the ad Nev, although some of the featured objects look more like testicles than arses. Wonder if balls piles is a new thing? Hard to know these days, the whole world has gone f*cking crazy.

Aglomerado

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Pretty sure this is the ad Nev, although some of the featured objects look more like testicles than arses. Wonder if balls piles is a new thing? Hard to know these days, the whole world has gone f*cking crazy.

This poor fellow could do with some of that

JohnnyFlash

Had a heap of cans of Guinness last night watching the Liverpool game. Hosed out a very loose and pungent movement this morning after the breakfast. The sort of shïte that would curdle milk in the fridge.

Find cans of stout are even worse than draught for the frequency and potency of farts as well. I was like a sputtering cement mixer for most of the morning.

JohnnyFlash

I’d say ‘The Nev’ could do with one of these.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’d say ‘The Nev’ could do with one of these.

Excellent vehicle John, But Parsnipp, it appears would ‘flood’ that unit with gouts of semi-solid midden in quite a short time.

Any unit used by him would ,as they do in the airline business,have to install a good solid centre tank to increase the range which of course decreases the payload.

So to put it simply Parsnipp would have to drop about four stone to achieve the range to get to the ‘Perky Chipper’ or ‘North Indian Cuisine’ and of course the local bottle store.

Fcuker was seen in a drawstring trakkie bottom with heavily stained crotch area recently queuing outside Mr Big & Tall out in Goatstown.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

So to put it simply Parsnipp would have to drop about four stone to achieve the range to get to the ‘Perky Chipper’ or ‘North Indian Cuisine’ and of course the local bottle store.

Probably gets up the next morning then and unloads a few pints of rogan splosh into the lime green shítter while clawing at his greasy cluster.

Hand in Your Pants

Enjoyed the club tunes on the radio again last night, a new journey for me in more ways than one, it gets almost as moist as a fanny when you toy about with it, very rich gamy smell from my thumb. Funny thing, you know the way some of the more dirty deeds you'd like to participate in recede from view after you've shot your glob when performing as a couple, but listening to the club tunes I'm there on my own, so everything is fair game although you do feel a little dirty in the morning.

Anyway, I was thinking about Paris Hilton at work today. I always have conflicted feelings about her because although she is not really my type (is that girl anybody's type?) I still want to smash and grab and destroy with a vengeance in a penthouse suite in one of the family's hotels, and then I started to think about the sex tape with Rich Salmon. I know none of this is normal but I can laugh at myself same as any other.

Anyway took off from work early and was laying a few nasty pieces of rope, very gamy smell again, also soysauce, kung poo chicken, roast lamb and black mould remover/solvent glue, and I start thinking about Ivanka. Again someone that is not really my type, but I'm thinking of smashing and grabbing that in the back room of the white house up against the back of an expensive settee (not on it, her hands were supporting her against the back of the settee, floor length curtains brushing against my back) as I pumped her passage. Would you believe it only went to half mast, I think I exerted myself too much last night, BUT, you can bet your bottom dollar the club tunes are going on again tonight.

EmmetSpiceland

Took a little risk earlier on, hadn’t paid off. Made a ham sandwich for lunch, the packet says ‘consume within 2 days’. I’d say the stuff had been in there for 4 or 5.

A couple of the edges had that hard, cured, look but a quick “sniff test” showed it had seen better days but necessity knows no mercy so it was going in the sandwich.

I threw a good “dollop” of piccalilli to mask any unpleasantness, we were out of ploughman’s. Washed it all down with a lovely cup of Barry’s tea.

Was all going well until maybe 90 minutes later. Started to feel a little queasy and crampy. Had to expel some hot, acidic, gas. And lots of it. The pickled “bouquet” did not go down well with my partner, who was still banging on about her, unceremonious, “splashdown” from last week.

I started to hold them in but just gave me pains. Another bad move. Couldn’t hold in any longer and let loose a particularly loud, and powerful, “ripper” and, let’s just say, that fart had back-up. Been there before so goose-stepped to jacks to survey the damage.

The cacks were fine, well, except for some “spotting”. Could be changed easy enough. Between the clench was another matter entirely, absolutely ruined. Before anything could be done I was blasting out a hot Type 7, entirely liquid. There may have been solids but, in my mind, that was just chewed up ham.

Decided it would best to shower after that “experience”. How wrong I was. Since the shower I’ve been in and out of the jacks like a fiddler’s, bloody, elbow!

The cramps have since abated and I’ve been very careful when, and how, I “vent” any gas. Will probably be hitting the showers, again, before bed. Rotten start to the weekend. Can’t even think about having me tea.

Careful how you go, gang. Circumstances can change like the wind so enjoy yourself, just don’t “push it”. Stay safe out there.

froog

jessiblah wrote: »

Your description of everything makes it a bit hard to follow but what I'm getting is... you're annoyed your employee used the bathroom at the same time as you? And you didn't speak to him for the rest of the morning because of it?

Surely you're trolling right now?

if there's only two people in the entire building it's very bad form to drop loaf if you know the other person is doing similar. imho.

Hand in Your Pants

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Was all going well until maybe 90 minutes later. Started to feel a little queasy and crampy. Had to expel some hot, acidic, gas. And lots of it. The pickled “bouquet” did not go down well with my partner, who was still banging on about her, unceremonious, “splashdown” from last week.

"Splashdown" Emmet? Do you like going into the bathroom after your wife has dropped a few peat briquettes? Does it disgust you or do you 'like the scent'?

EmmetSpiceland

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

"Splashdown" Emmet? Do you like going into the bathroom after your wife has dropped a few peat briquettes? Does it disgust you or do you 'like the scent'?

Left the seat up, H. She did a “full sit” blind and ended up right in the pot. Felt bad about it, of course. But my laughter betrayed me and put me in the “doghouse” for a bit.

We tend to operate a, sort of, upstairs/downstairs scenario in this house. I tend to be banished to the cold downstairs “loo” while she enjoys the pristine en suite and the large, and well appointed, bathroom. I’m fine with this as her “output” packs very little punch whereas mine requires open windows and matches.

Separate shítters is a fair “compromise” and a cornerstone of any functioning relationship.

froog

there's nothing quite like the satisfaction of pushing out a rigid but pungent brick of turf.

Hand in Your Pants

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Left the seat up, H. She did a “full sit” blind and ended up right in the pot. Felt bad about it, of course. But my laughter betrayed me and put me in the “doghouse” for a bit.

We tend to operate a, sort of, upstairs/downstairs scenario in this house. I tend to be banished to the cold downstairs “loo” while she enjoys the pristine en suite and the large bathroom. I’m fine with this as her “output” packs vert little punch whereas mine requires open windows and matches.

Separate shítters is a fair “compromise” and a cornerstone of any functioning relationship.

Fascinating insight into domesticated anthropoid living arrangements Em. A couple thousand years ago and she wouldn't have given you the time of day unless you crawled up on a mound of her dung and stuck your nose in it and gave it a whiff. Yes we've come a long way but I wonder have we lost something in transit.

You never answered the question though. That faint, more delicate smell, do you like that or not? Could it excite the senses or is it more likely to put a damper on things?

IAMAMORON

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Left the seat up, H. She did a “full sit” blind and ended up right in the pot. Felt bad about it, of course. But my laughter betrayed me and put me in the “doghouse” for a bit.

We tend to operate a, sort of, upstairs/downstairs scenario in this house. I tend to be banished to the cold downstairs “loo” while she enjoys the pristine en suite and the large, and well appointed, bathroom. I’m fine with this as her “output” packs very little punch whereas mine requires open windows and matches.

Separate shítters is a fair “compromise” and a cornerstone of any functioning relationship.

Spice, I often " Loo Lurk ".

During the colder winter months it can be a nice touch to follow her in a couple of minutes after. The warm seat is always something I look forward to.

Most babes tend to leave facilities in decent nick I find.