What's the etiquette here??

Bartyman

https://www.thesun.ie/news/5890317/snake-bites-toilet-venom-attack-record/

That's all we need now, can't even have a Barry White in peace.

Hego Damask

Bartyman wrote: »

https://www.thesun.ie/news/5890317/snake-bites-toilet-venom-attack-record/

That's all we need now, can't even have a Barry White in peace.

Ara Jaraybus!!!!

Aglomerado

Bartyman wrote: »

https://www.thesun.ie/news/5890317/snake-bites-toilet-venom-attack-record/

That's all we need now, can't even have a Barry White in peace.

People will have to fight back with their own arse pythons. Or spray the fcuker with hot sour midden or yobble, that'll teach it.

Lewis_Benson

So who is lining up for the big one later/tomorrow morning?


Currently on can number 6 after a big feed of bbq.
No veg, just meat.

An Ri rua

Bartyman wrote: »

https://www.thesun.ie/news/5890317/snake-bites-toilet-venom-attack-record/

That's all we need now, can't even have a Barry White in peace.

An awful thing when a man hits the age where he gets piles. Or indeed internal bleeding from too much pressure before the 4th eye has opened fully. Very important to review the user manual periodically in order to ensure high mileage of the equipment.

A truly awful thing when he scapegoats his dingdong though. No need for that craic. Very bad form. These foreign cultures....having a small dingdong can't absolve such cowardice.

On the upside, and one for the "things I like about Covid19" thread (some knob to start that one), Irish Tourism could make a killing out of this shnaky phenomenon and St Patrick's love of the contemplative sh1te, before good cigars were invented.

"Ireland- leave your cares behind and sh1te as if no one was watching" (including any shnaky shnakes).

Hungary has oral tourism with the dental obsession. We could corner the world market for anal tourism. Let's face it, we have an expert asshole political class, some might say our tourism product is a bit sh1te anyway, anyone who lives in dem coastal regions, including Dublin, is a bit of an ar*ebandit.

So where you going on your holidays Bob? Playcation? Staycation?
Nope, Phil, the home sod. Oireland #EVACUation. Hoping to come back relaxed, refreshed, lighter. Unburdened.

It could go premium. Travel snobs baking sh1tes for weeks in a skyrise in Phuket or Tooloose so that they could boast to friends oh I stank Athlone out of it, they had to use an emergency helicopter to move old folk out of danger.

If Dee Forbes is reading (I'd say she is as she is one tight-ass anally retentive beotch), there's scope here to springboard this magnificent thread into a series before YouTube or Netflix gets it. A cross between the Hardy Bucks and Nighthawks.
I give you...
Sh1tehawks. With your host... Johnny Flash..

Brendan Bendar

Flash would have to up his wardrobe a bit, Coach.

Doubt if even RTE would let the drab mustard coloured Farahs, and a yellowing polyester shirt on screen.

That coupled with teeth like a rotten wicker fence and an uneven top deck, would be too much for even Dee.

Fohherking studio would have to be deep cleaned after the lad.

Whack of stale piss takes time to dissipate.

JohnnyFlash

An Ri rua wrote: »

An awful thing when a man hits the age where he gets piles. Or indeed internal bleeding from too much pressure before the 4th eye has opened fully. Very important to review the user manual periodically in order to ensure high mileage of the equipment.

A truly awful thing when he scapegoats his dingdong though. No need for that craic. Very bad form. These foreign cultures....having a small dingdong can't absolve such cowardice.

On the upside, and one for the "things I like about Covid19" thread (some knob to start that one), Irish Tourism could make a killing out of this shnaky phenomenon and St Patrick's love of the contemplative sh1te, before good cigars were invented.

"Ireland- leave your cares behind and sh1te as if no one was watching" (including any shnaky shnakes).

Hungary has oral tourism with the dental obsession. We could corner the world market for anal tourism. Let's face it, we have an expert asshole political class, some might say our tourism product is a bit sh1te anyway, anyone who lives in dem coastal regions, including Dublin, is a bit of an ar*ebandit.

So where you going on your holidays Bob? Playcation? Staycation?
Nope, Phil, the home sod. Oireland #EVACUation. Hoping to come back relaxed, refreshed, lighter. Unburdened.

It could go premium. Travel snobs baking sh1tes for weeks in a skyrise in Phuket or Tooloose so that they could boast to friends oh I stank Athlone out of it, they had to use an emergency helicopter to move old folk out of danger.

If Dee Forbes is reading (I'd say she is as she is one tight-ass anally retentive beotch), there's scope here to springboard this magnificent thread into a series before YouTube or Netflix gets it. A cross between the Hardy Bucks and Nighthawks.
I give you...
Sh1tehawks. With your host... Johnny Flash..

Lay off the herb, dude.....

EmmetSpiceland

Ladies and gentlemen of the thread, and all those in between, of course, I come seeking advice. An, shall we say, “issue” has arisen over the last couple of days.

I’m not sure if it’s a fallout from the “bite”, and subsequent tweezing, or if I’ve just been overdoing it with my male kegel “exercises”.

Either way, I have developed a “tremor”. On my hole. It’s like that one you get on your eyelid if you’re over-tired.

The only thing that comes up on the Googles regarding a rectal twitch is something called “proctalgia fugax” but the symptoms don’t match up.

For the eyelid one you get references to strokes, too much caffeine, palsy, or hemifacial spasm. Is it possible for a stroke to directly effect your arse? Or caffeine for that matter?

One thing I will say, it’s not the worst feeling in the world. It’s just a bit “distracting” and has caused a fair bit of stress, and worry, that it could be an early sign of total ring piece failure. Something I, personally, would dread.

Has anyone else had any experience with this ring “tingle” or, perhaps, something similar?

inthenip

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Ladies and gentlemen of the thread, and all those in between, of course, I come seeking advice. An, shall we say, “issue” has arisen over the last couple of days.

I’m not sure if it’s a fallout from the “bite”, and subsequent tweezing, or if I’ve just been overdoing it with my male kegel “exercises”.

Either way, I have developed a “tremor”. On my hole. It’s like that one you get on your eyelid if you’re over-tired.

The only thing that comes up on the Googles regarding a rectal twitch is something called “proctalgia fugax” but the symptoms don’t match up.

For the eyelid one you get references to strokes, too much caffeine, palsy, or hemifacial spasm. Is it possible for a stroke to directly effect your arse? Or caffeine for that matter?

One thing I will say, it’s not the worst feeling in the world. It’s just a bit “distracting” and has caused a fair bit of stress, and worry, that it could be an early sign of total ring piece failure. Something I, personally, would dread.

Has anyone else had any experience with this ring “tingle” or, perhaps, something similar?

Sorry to say it to you but sounds like your getting
hemmorohoids.

I wish you the best of luck with them.

IAMAMORON

Lets hope things are not "piling" up Spice.

I reckon you best solution is to hit the sauce hard for around 48 - 72 hrs. Leave the house and go on a feral wander, sow wild oats and binge it off.

Distract from media, telly, papers and all forms of reality. Nod and agree with everyone and everything, get some positivity back into your anal region. Eat really rich foods. Demolish the midday alcohol curfew and try to get drunk 3 times in one day. Eat at least one full dinner box from a chipper and also attend at least one decent restaurant ( on your own, early bird, plastered drunk ). Smile inappropriately at random strangers. Hit the midlands, you don't want the neighbours talking.

It will get your mind off your hole for starters and trust me dwelling on inflated veins close to your arse is not good for the mind. Ignore that phucker and it will walk away.

JohnnyFlash

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

One thing I will say, it’s not the worst feeling in the world. It’s just a bit “distracting” and has caused a fair bit of stress, and worry, that it could be an early sign of total ring piece failure. Something I, personally, would dread.

You attend a Christian Brother or Jesuit school, Emmet?

Hotblack Desiato

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

and has caused a fair bit of stress, and worry, that it could be an early sign of total ring piece failure. Something I, personally, would dread.

I wonder, should the worst come to the worst, is transplantation an option?

A low-mileage donor bunghole could give you a new lease of life.

Slideways

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You attend a Christian Brother or Jesuit school, Emmet?

I'd say if he was to have an arse stroke it wouldnt be the first time

JohnnyFlash

Slideways wrote: »

I'd say if he was to have an arse stroke it wouldnt be the first time

An arse like the sleeve of Cyril Smith’s overcoat.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

An arse like the sleeve of Cyril Smith’s overcoat.

With a drawstring like that auld duffle bag you used to bring to hurling practice,John.

Only abandoned when one of the subs(never fully identified) unloaded a gout of watery midden into it during a match agin Peterswell.

Strong whack of boiled turnips off it ever since.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

With a drawstring like that auld duffle bag you used to bring to hurling practice,John.

Only abandoned when one of the subs(never fully identified) unloaded a gout of watery midden into it during a match agin Peterswell.

Strong whack of boiled turnips off it ever since.

The name of the club in Peterswell is St Thomas’, Brendan. Joining together of Kilchreest and Peterswell. That happened a long time ago though.
Facts matter, Brendan.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The name of the club in Peterswell is St Thomas’, Brendan. Joining together of Kilchreest and Peterswell. That happened a long time ago though.
Facts matter, Brendan.

Much appreciated John, you should run for office.

You have the build for it.

Down in Sullivan’s Hotel gulling pints and blowing out raspers of farts that would blow a yard dog off his chain.

Fine Gael would be on a winner, John.

Nevin Parsnipp

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Much appreciated John, you should run for office.

You have the build for it.

Down in Sullivan’s Hotel gulling pints and blowing out raspers of farts that would blow a yard dog off his chain.

Fine Gael would be on a winner, John.

Nail on the head there Bendar...that fcuker wouldn't know one end of a hurley from the other .

Wouldn't have the stomach for a real South Galway Championship match.
..where you used the nib of the hurley to clear out you opponents "Front Two" from just below the gum line.

Underestimated skill in this posters opinion.......

Hand in Your Pants

Fever pumped a hot little English blonde the last night the pubs were open, came over from the Midlands looking for the ride and left earlish next morning. Smell of burnt tyres in the ensuite and lots of stray paper work, but no chite that I could see, bit of wheatgerm maybe.

Anyway, got into a weird routine now where instead of flushing the toilet at work I just cram the load down into the ubend with the brush and just leave the parcel nesting down there. Brushes have a lot of blobs and bits of 'sawdust' attached to the stems but can't clean them down if I'm not flushing.

Brendan Bendar

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Fever pumped a hot little English blonde the last night the pubs were open, came over from the Midlands looking for the ride and left earlish next morning. Smell of burnt tyres in the ensuite and lots of stray paper work, but no chite that I could see, bit of wheatgerm maybe.

Anyway, got into a weird routine now where instead of flushing the toilet at work I just cram the load down into the ubend with the brush and just leave the parcel nesting down there. Brushes have a lot of blobs and bits of 'sawdust' attached to the stems but can't clean them down if I'm not flushing.

Interesting routine Hand, how many brushes a month do you go through.

Hand in Your Pants

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Interesting routine Hand, how many brushes a month do you go through.

I'm only at it a few weeks. Pretty sure none of the brushes have been replaced yet. Not as much attention being paid to these things what with the pandemic.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Much appreciated John, you should run for office.

You have the build for it.

Down in Sullivan’s Hotel gulling pints and blowing out raspers of farts that would blow a yard dog off his chain.

Fine Gael would be on a winner, John.

Solid FG territory down around there in fairness, Brendan.



I've recently incorporated these things called Puy lentils into my diet. Actually taste far better than I would have imagined. What I've noticed is that my stools have a very green tinge to them - imagine British Racing Green mixed with a shade of damp turf. Definite peppery note off them as well.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Solid FG territory down around there in fairness, Brendan.



I've recently incorporated these things called Puy lentils into my diet. Actually taste far better than I would have imagined. What I've noticed is that my stools have a very green tinge to them - imagine British Racing Green mixed with a shade of damp turf. Definite peppery note off them as well.

Very interesting John, after being coursed round 18holes at a Corporate Event yesterday,John, had to blow out a very sludgy overcooked round of buttery midden in the well kept facilities.

Four thundering arseholes in two buggies were on the horizon every time I looked back and the kernts could be heard three holes away on all sides.

Damp turf was far from the shade John and peppery she wasn’t.

The color of the area surrounding a bulldogs hole, and the bang of curried potato skins filled with chili and chipotle sauce.

I slipped Agnatha a sawbuck on the way out and advised her to mask up.

“Bucket of water mixed with Dettol should do it ,love” was my advice.

Lewis_Benson

Have not been eating too well the last few days..
Had a chicken tikka kebab in garlic naan bread last night followed by a few cans of Croatian lager.. Fine stuff..

The farts today would knock a cormerant off his perch...

Had a steak this evening with garlic potatoes, carrots and the usual onions and mushrooms, 4 cans of Guinness in and im farting like a trooper.... The smell is like dead flesh that's been sitting out in the sun.... ****.
I think one of those detox programs might be in order.

Hotblack Desiato

Maybe the clutch linings are starting to show signs of wear. But I don't think that explains this.

I can put up with that feeling - that gnawing unhappiness that starts grinding away at your insides at about 11am but is going nowhere. Bedtime that night and you know there's something there but it's just not worth the effort and it wouldn't produce a satisfactory clear out anyway.

So you wake up next morning, after an unsatisfactory night's sleep, in a bad mood of course, but the 'brown and tan' fcuker still won't come out and fight you like a man. Could be 11 or 12 o'clock until you go from Braxton-Hicks into the proper contractions and she starts to dilate. Maybe give birth at 1300, finally a relief but hardly worth the preceding 26 hours of intestinal turmoil.

I could almost expect the above at my age. But what is more worrying is the unexpected "four minute warnings" I've been getting on occasion lately, and they don't appear to be correlated to diet. You have 240 seconds to find a sh!tter and deposit endless brown toothpaste-tube outgoings, no amount of careful sitting or buttock clenching is going to delay the inevitable. Then followed by endless wipe. It's caused me to be late for Zoom meetings on several occasions. :mad:

Fond memories of the days of good old solid shytes and practially no wiping! I should probably give up vegetables.

Slideways

I went out last night for a few beers and a chin wag with some of the blokes from work. There was a heavy metal tribute band playing which i detest but we were far enough away that conversation could still proceed without shouting.

Anyway, about half 10 and I had the undying urge to shyte. Putting it down to the music vibrations in my bowel as this would not be a normal time to drop anchor for myself.

Into this rather seedy schitter. On the right running nearly the full length of the room was this pïss trough that would make the hairs in your nostrils retreat. On the left, 5 stalls. The furthest, P5 was occupied. I slipped into P1 as is ones civic duty.

What came to pass after this will undoubtedly haunt me for quite some time. I can only only assume that the offending parties were unaware of my entrance due to the aforementioned music. There was some grunting and moaning and my mind went to worse case scenario, someone was having a ****. But nope, it was worse that that.

I quickly went about my business and it was when i went to leave i saw a two pairs of doc martin boots under the stall. One standing and the other on their knees. Sweet mother of devine jaysus. What sort of people go out to listen to some rather sub par tribute act and end up fùcking in the seedy mens toilets

California Dreamer

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Fever pumped a hot little English blonde the last night the pubs were open, came over from the Midlands looking for the ride and left earlish next morning.

How did the finger smell???

Brendan Bendar

California Dreamer wrote: »

How did the finger smell???

Old Holborn tobacco I’d guess?

Lewis_Benson

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You attend a Christian Brother or Jesuit school, Emmet?

Heard Emmet was "touched" by the hand of Fr Flanagan.
He made good use of the "Ring" finger when absolving him of his sins.

EmmetSpiceland

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Heard Emmet was "touched" by the hand of Fr Flanagan.
He made good use of the "Ring" finger when absolving him of his sins.

Ah now, L, Fr “Fingers” Flanagan C.S.Sp was a friend but, more importantly, a spiritual “advisor”. He wasn’t some greasy, shovel-handed, Carmelite Brother.

I shouldn’t have to, but I will point out that there was nothing “untoward” going on. Anyway, I believe he preferred blondes.