One-Liner Jokes

JackKelly · 30-07-2003 12:39PM #1

Well, in my opinion, one line jokes are the funniest of most jokes,so i was thinking, maybe i should try make a list. As you can never really find funny jokes on webpages, i thought that there would be more sucess on boards.ie! So anyone got any? You know the type im talking about.From ridiculos ones, to the tommy cooper type ones. I suppose i can give a few:

Stupid?
"Why'd the boy fall off his bike?
Cuz someone threw a fridge at him"
"Why did the plane crash?
Cuz the pilot was a loaf of bread"
"Why did the girl fall off the swing?
B'cuz she was dead"

(yea, they are stupid but dont say you didn't laugh)

TC
"I rang up my local swimming pool the other day and asked, "Is this the local swimming pool?" "depends where you live", he said.

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."

Dunno if i should post the offensive ones

Raz · 30-07-2003 12:44PM

Ha! Good stuff.

Lets see em...

A guy walks into a bar.
He fell back unconcious.

Sleipnir · 30-07-2003 12:47PM

Two oranges walk into a pub and one says to the other
"you're round"

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says
"why the long face?"

This one doesn't really work unless you're actually telling it to someone but you'll get the idea!

A polar bear walks into a bar, goes to up the barman and says
"a pint of.........................................................Guinness please"
and the parman says
"why the big pause?" (paws, geddit!!??)

Sleipnir · 30-07-2003 12:54PM

forgot my best one. This one drives my girlfriend crazy, she hates it and therefore I make a point of telling her the joke once a month

Where does the General keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

JackKelly · 30-07-2003 01:02PM

lol
that reminds me of this one
"who's the leader of the hankies?

the hankerchief"

dahamsta · 30-07-2003 02:27PM

I'm a procrastinator but I'll come back to that later...

adam

Imposter · 30-07-2003 02:42PM

There's a lot of one-liners about elephants!

...now if only I knew somewhere where I could find them!

JackKelly · 30-07-2003 04:00PM

but what if you don't want them about elephants?

TUTS · 30-07-2003 04:02PM

What has two legs and bleeds ?

Half a dog.

Why do seagulls have wings ?

To beat the Knackers to the dump.

TUTS · 30-07-2003 04:05PM

Did ye hear what happened the paper shop up town?

It blew away.

Imposter · 30-07-2003 04:13PM

Originally posted by TimAy
but what if you don't want them about elephants?

Well then you call the thread something like:
Non-Elephant related One-Liner Jokes

JackKelly · 30-07-2003 04:15PM

i seeeeeee

phobos · 30-07-2003 04:16PM

What's green and sits in the corner?
--> A bold frog.

What's black & yellow, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill ya?
--> JCB

Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "Jaysus how do you drive this thing?"

Two sausages in a frying pan, one turns to the other and says "Jaysus it's auful hot in here", to which the other one replies "AHHHHH A TALKING SAUSAGE!!"

nYes

;-phobos-)

Raz · 30-07-2003 04:19PM

What's pinnk and fluffy??

Spoiler

Pink Fluff

Raz · 30-07-2003 04:21PM

What's long hard an full of seamen??

Spoiler

A submarine you dirty minded .....

(works better when told, not written)

Sleipnir · 30-07-2003 05:30PM

In response to Raz's "what's pink and fluffy" joke

What's pink and fluffy?
pink fluff

what's blue and fluffy?
blue fluff?

what's white and fluffy?
white fluff?
no, cotten wool.............dumbass.

Capt'n Midnight · 30-07-2003 05:56PM

Why did the fly fly ?
Because the spider spied 'er

Ivan · 30-07-2003 05:57PM

Whats brown & sticky?
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A stick!

triv88 · 30-07-2003 06:10PM

why did the lil gurl have no eyes?

cos they got gouged out by a seagull

bozzie · 30-07-2003 06:30PM

WHATS BROWN AND GREEN AND IF IT FELL OUT OF A TREE WOULD KILL YOU?

A POOL TABLE

Pugsley · 31-07-2003 07:18AM

What's pink and fluffy?
pink fluff

what's blue and fluffy?
blue fluff?

what's white and fluffy?
white fluff?
no, cotten wool.............dumbass.

Whats blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff choking

Whats white and fluffy?
Dead pink fluff

Whats green and fluffy?
Pink fluff with sea sickness

Raz · 31-07-2003 09:44AM

What do you call a fly with no legs?

Spoiler

A walk

Whats the last thing that comes into a flys head as he hits a car windscreen?

Spoiler

His ass

Kappar · 31-07-2003 12:00PM

What did hitler say to his men before thy got into their tanks?
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"Get into your tanks"

<edit> on second thaught i've decided to take down the rest of my jokes, they may cause offence </edit>

AdMMM · 31-07-2003 12:40PM

LOL...

Some of them are brilliant. But a few of them are so stupid, you laff anyway... 5 stars!

colm_c · 31-07-2003 05:02PM

Here's a classic:

What's yellow and smells like bananas?

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Monkey Sick!

Crash · 31-07-2003 05:43PM

Guy walks into a bar...says Ow.
Two guys walk after him...you think one of em would've seen it.

How do you shoot a blue elephant? with a blue elephant gun
how do you shoot a pink elephant? hold its breath til it turns blue THEN shoot it with a blue elephant gun

Capt'n Midnight · 31-07-2003 07:49PM

Because the seaweed.

PS. anyone know Teresa Green ?

Shiminay · 01-08-2003 08:36AM

STICKEH!

Raz · 01-08-2003 11:13AM

I got done with that one before Cptn. It took me about 5 minutes before I realise what the guys were getting at. Oh the shame

Capt'n Midnight · 01-08-2003 01:51PM

Jack the kipper.

PS. tell Loggser he owes me a tenner...

Capt'n Midnight · 01-08-2003 02:21PM

a Lion in the desert ... at christmas....

Santa Claus

Did you hear about the dyslexic cultist ?

He sold his soul to Santa

One-Liner Jokes

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