Things you have done, that made you wish the ground could immediately swallow you up.

Walter H Price · 08-11-2016 12:27PM

a few years ago id say i was 17 18 maybe , going on a weekend away with my girlfriend at the time and heading through Dublin airport security she set off the scanners.

anyway im collecting my stuff after going through the secutity yoke and i look up and my girlfriends getting patted down by a lad and i was like i'm not having this so i storm over doing the whole macho thing and shout at your man "what the fcuk are you playing at you pervert she's supposed to be searched by a woman"

To which to my absolute horror the evidently lesbian (i'm assuming) security gard replied i am a fcuking woman you Pr1ck ... The looks i got from all of the other people at the security thing and my girlfriend were awful one and only time in my life i went absolutely scarlet and was totally lost for words. I think i literally said oh em carry on so or some other drivel , absolute cringe

Shinbin223 · 08-11-2016 12:37PM

I was in college and had become friendly with a girl as we became housemates one semester. She was dark haired with hair in a bob. Her sister had long blonde curly hair. She was showing me a picture of a sister and I said "wow, you are nothing alike (pause) she's really pretty".
I knew the minute I said it that it sounded so nasty and mean. In fact both of the girls were really pretty but i think my friend took at as : we aren't alike, she's pretty and I'm not. Whereas I meant it as two separate opinions. "You are nothing alike. She's really pretty." I wanted the ground to swallow me as the more I tried to explain myself the more I ended up in a bigger hole.

jester77 · 08-11-2016 12:40PM

A few years ago I went on a weekend away with a few mates. I was due to fly home on the Sunday evening, but they were all flying on the Monday. After a day of drinking Sunday it didn't take much to convince me to stay another night. We ended up staying in a bar until around 8am the following morning, around the time I should be going into work back home.

So, I ring my office and got the HR girls answering machine and left some sort of a message saying I had missed a flight and couldn't make it in to work.

A few days later when I managed to get home, I went up to apologise for what was probably a very drunken message, I couldn't recall what I had really said. She looked at me all confused and said that I had been actually talking with her and not the answering machine.

whoopsadoodles · 08-11-2016 12:43PM

jester77 wrote: »

A few years ago I went on a weekend away with a few mates. I was due to fly home on the Sunday evening, but they were all flying on the Monday. After a day of drinking Sunday it didn't take much to convince me to stay another night. We ended up staying in a bar until around 8am the following morning, around the time I should be going into work back home.

So, I ring my office and got the HR girls answering machine and left some sort of a message saying I had missed a flight and couldn't make it in to work.

A few days later when I managed to get home, I went up to apologise for what was probably a very drunken message, I couldn't recall what I had really said. She looked at me all confused and said that I had been actually talking with her and not the answering machine.

I know a guy who went out on a session and rang into work sick the following day, only to be told he had already called in sick two hours ago :pac:

osarusan · 08-11-2016 12:48PM

We had a colleague who called in sick to his job in Japan, but we all knew he was actually in South Korea for the Ireland Spain game in 2002. Later on in the day, there was a slow-motion replay of the crowd celebrating Robbie Keane's last minute equaliser, and he was right there in the middle of it.

Luckily his boss had no interest in football so hadn't seen the game. We did get another American colleague to call him pretending to be that boss though, needing to meet with him about his recent absence, and we scared the crap out of him for a few seconds before he worked out what was going on.

FortySeven · 08-11-2016 01:06PM

Working in corporate hospitality at a Scottish premier league stadium. We ran out of soup in our lounge so I was sent over to the other side of the stadium to get some before half time. Rangers were in town and the stadium was capacity, about 30 odd thousand. The only way to the other side was to walk the touchline around behind the goal. So there is me walking along with a 10 litre bain marie full of uncovered soup coming past the back of the goal when the crowd swell, Rangers are in the box, I turn to look as a welly of a shot hits the bar and flies over my head. I trip forward just enough that the soup slops forward, I overcompensate and get a faceful of carrot and coriander.

I still can hear the echo of a few thousand people laughing. Thank god no camera phones back then.

Butters1979 · 08-11-2016 01:09PM

Not to me but to one of my mates (honestly it wasn’t me). A big group of us at a stag years ago and at the end of the weekend we were all hung over checking out of the hotel. Most of the group were standing around the lobby and I had just finished checking out when the last two lads came down to do the same. I stood there talking to them while they were going through the motions when the receptionist said “I’m afraid we have had to add a soiling charge to the bill” and the two lads turned red. I overheard this and being half drunk still I pointed at them and screamed across the crowded lobby “Lads! One of these pi55ed the fcuking bed!!!”” I think the most embarrassed person there was the girl behind reception.

timmy880 · 08-11-2016 01:11PM

Was in Irish class in 5th year..... Was asked to read to the whole class a passage from one of our books. Never really liked that part because I'm nervous speaking but anyway I ploughed on.... We get to a sentence that had the words "sa bhanc" which should be pronounced sa vaaawwwwwnk but obviously without thinking I say "sa w@nk" and the classroom absolutely erupts into laughter and I'm mocked for it until college. Obviously seems no big deal now but when you're 15/16 I did want to disappear in that moment.

Wichita Lineman · 08-11-2016 01:46PM

I was crossing the street at Trinity College when this old guy ploughed into me without apologising so I roared at him to watch where he was going.

Wait for it.....

He turned around and waved his white cane at me and yelled back 'I cant ye gobsh&te I'm feckin' blind!!'

I was mortified.

brevity · 08-11-2016 02:40PM

Four Phucs Ache wrote: »

The baby was laughing.

Maggie, she's such a trooper.

cometogether · 08-11-2016 02:50PM

That time I asked a woman how her husband was, before realising the last time I had seen her was at his funeral.

Olishi4 · 08-11-2016 03:02PM

I was going to a house party and when we arrived, a lad that my OH had been out in town with a few times answered the door.

As I walking through the hallway, I said "ah hiya John, the last time I saw you, you were chatting up that Cuban girl at the bar". His face dropped and I said "what?did it not go well?" Then I arrived in the sitting room and a girl was sitting on the sofa looking a bit pissed off.

It was his new gf. They weren't together at the time but I think he was, eh courting her so she wasn't too happy to hear that he had been chatting women up

valoren · 08-11-2016 03:09PM

Went on a date with a girl a few years ago.
I had just gotten my first smart phone a few days earlier.
So during the date, we are talking about something or other that requires me to look something up online.
I'll just use the 'internet' app on my snazzy new smartphone.
I wasn't aware that your browsing sessions were saved when you closed the internet app.

So I open up the app, as she is watching, and it opens at the PornHub page I used for some 'alone time' from the previous evening. I quickly snapped the phone shut and wanted to die with embarrassment.

FortySeven · 08-11-2016 03:12PM

valoren wrote: »

Went on a date with a girl a few years ago.
I had just gotten my first smart phone a few days earlier.
So during the date, we are talking about something or other that requires me to look something up online.
I'll just use the 'internet' app on my snazzy new smartphone.
I wasn't aware that your browsing sessions were saved when you closed the internet app.

So I open up the app, as she as watching, and it opens at the PornHub page I used for some 'alone time' from the previous evening. I quickly snapped the phone shut and wanted to die with embarrassment.

Happened to me standing in a busy deli queue. You're not alone.

J Mysterio · 08-11-2016 03:34PM

Hande hoche! wrote: »

Quick thinking.

I hope your not hande hoche in a predicament such as that.

scdublin · 08-11-2016 03:55PM

Was walking into a college classroom and held open the door for someone walking out. They walked through and didn't say thank you, so I shouted "you're welcome" after them and proceeded to rant about how it was the height of rudeness and I couldn't understand it. The lecturer meekly said "actually, he's deaf".

I was out for drinks with a few work friends and our manager and we noticed one of the lads kept fiddling with his wedding ring, twisting it around on his finger. My manager who was divorced made a joke that it was a sign of being anxious about the marriage. I turned around without thinking and asked my manager - "did you play with your ring when you were married?". Whole load of lads just burst out laughing.

08-11-2016 03:57PM

cometogether wrote: »

That time I asked a woman how her husband was, before realising the last time I had seen her was at his funeral.

Met an old school friend recently who I hadn't seen in years. He's not active on social media or anything so little to no contact over a few years. He had great time for my late father and asked me how he was keeping. I've never seen the colour drain from someones face so quick when I told him he'd passed 2 years previous. I wanted the ground to swallow the two of us up at that moment to be honest but we went and had pints together instead. Weird and wonderful moment.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 08-11-2016 04:28PM

Standing in a que in a really busy spar one morning, i was next, not paying any attention, texting on my phone. Someone touched my arm to tell me to move to the checkout. I was so engrossed in my phone she frightened me and instinctively inturned around and freaked out with her for touching me. I calmed down after like two seconds but I had started my rant so had to finish it but was cringing so hard by the time I got to the counter. Poor woman

StupidLikeAFox · 08-11-2016 04:44PM

Fluffy Cat 88 wrote: »

I said "congratulations, when are you due?" To a woman who wasn't pregnant.

Most embarrassing moment ever!

I saw a guy in the pub one night go up to a girl, "Ah well, how are you? I didn't know ye were expecting" then went full on feeling her belly, head down listening to her stomach, "Does it kick much?" etc.

Of course, it just turned out to be a food baby. I think everybody who saw it was cringing for the both of them

MeatTwoVeg · 08-11-2016 04:51PM

StupidLikeAFox wrote:

I saw a guy in the pub one night go up to a girl, "Ah well, how are you? I didn't know ye were expecting" then went full on feeling her belly, head down listening to her stomach, "Does it kick much?" etc.

Do these have to be true stories or can we make any old sh:te up?

Rory28 · 08-11-2016 04:51PM

Was a bit naive in secondary school for the first few years. After PE everyone would talk mad **** about getting laid and all sorts. complete bs but at the time i didnt know that. Was asked if I was getting some pussy replied no but im getting a hamster for Christmas.

I still get slagged for that nearly 12 years later.

wakka12 · 08-11-2016 04:57PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

a few years ago id say i was 17 18 maybe , going on a weekend away with my girlfriend at the time and heading through Dublin airport security she set off the scanners.

anyway im collecting my stuff after going through the secutity yoke and i look up and my girlfriends getting patted down by a lad and i was like i'm not having this so i storm over doing the whole macho thing and shout at your man "what the fcuk are you playing at you pervert she's supposed to be searched by a woman"

To which to my absolute horror the evidently lesbian (i'm assuming) security gard replied i am a fcuking woman you Pr1ck ... The looks i got from all of the other people at the security thing and my girlfriend were awful one and only time in my life i went absolutely scarlet and was totally lost for words. I think i literally said oh em carry on so or some other drivel , absolute cringe

omg this wins the thread

StupidLikeAFox · 08-11-2016 05:04PM

MeatTwoVeg wrote: »

Do these have to be true stories or can we make any old sh:te up?

I prefer to make things up. I only do it for the thanks - I find it validates my existence. Nothing gives me a bigger virtual boner than taking someone elses random story on the internet and trying to go one better. In fact, if you look at me posting history you will see I generally like to start off a post with "You think thats bad? Wait until I tell you this...."

Just kidding, I was in the pub when it happened

Walter H Price · 08-11-2016 05:13PM

wakka12 wrote: »

omg this wins the thread

not my finest moment that, or offering my seat on the bus to a woman i thought was pregnant only for her to just turn around and say your alright "i'm not up the duff , just fat but thanks"

JupiterKid · 08-11-2016 05:44PM

When I was about 13, I was with my mum and auntie up in Portstewart. There's a sort of "blowhole" in the harbour wall and when the sea is rough the water comes spouting out of it. We were all leaving a cafe and the water was gushing out of the blowhole. I exclaimed loudly to them "Oh, look at the blowjob!!"

Was morto.

pxdf9i5cmoavkz · 08-11-2016 05:50PM

I was working as a techie at a small computer shop when a customer walks in and asks me some technical questions. Now the guy didn't particularly smell nice. I'm guessing he had a rough day slurrying his field or something. I answer his questions and off he goes.

A few minutes later the sales lady arrives and I tell her about this really stinky customer and how I could barely breath around him and probably need to get my lungs pumped. You can see where this is going right?

Before I finish telling her my story. She motions to a customer behind me who happens to be same stinky guy...

Hande hoche! · 08-11-2016 05:51PM

J Mysterio wrote: »

I hope your not hande hoche in a predicament such as that.

Kudos :cool:

08-11-2016 06:01PM

I was coming back to Ireland through Beauvais one Christmas with my flatmate who was coming to Ireland for Christmas. Security noticed something weird in her bag and the female attendant asked my friend if they could take a look. It turned out to be a big fcuking black dildo! The attendant quickly put it back. My face was almost rattling trying to conceal laughter. Everybody turned bright crimson except for my flatmate.

I was almost crying with laughter by the time I got my bags back, and the security attendant was wiping her hands with cleaning gel.

I had my own embarrassing situation at the barber's once, when he dressed me in a gown with a transparent patch over the crotch. After some confusion, I clumsily asked whether it's to stop guys from taking a secret ****. A couple of misunderstandings later, he politely told me it's to allow me to play on my iphone during the haircut.

valoren · 08-11-2016 06:10PM

First year in College, after the very first introductory class, the lecturer called out "Is there a Valoren here?"
I raised my hand and he said "Your mother is looking for you."

Embarrassing enough but I see her outside the lecture hall. "You forgot your lunch this morning"

:mad::o:mad::o:mad:

playedalive · 08-11-2016 06:16PM

Loads of things, all of which I did under the consumption of alcohol, particularly spirits:

In school, I kissed (believe the term is gobsmack, when signs were misread and she didn't want to kiss) a girl at an 18th house party. As a quiet shy guy, everybody looked at me and saw what the f***. Everybody in school saw, as well as the boyfriend of this girl who was one of the only people I actually got on with. He was quite angry for a while with me.

At another house party in college, under the influence again, there was a guy who kept annoying me and was in my face. I said to myself to f*** off and stop pursuing me. Turns out I actually vocalised that thought and ended up vomiting on a guitar. Made peace eventually with the person but I don't see them anymore.

Told my uncle at a family gathering what I thought of him. This uncle likes to tell me how I should live my life, without my advice. Came close to creating a rift between my aunt and mum.

Sent a flirty text to a guy I liked but my friend got it and was mortified about the sexual act I wanted to perform and her knowing that and picturing that about me.

Alcohol, particularly spirits doesn't suit me. I just drink the odd beer or wine also because I take medication that doesn't bode well with it either.:o

Things you have done, that made you wish the ground could immediately swallow you up.

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