Things you have done, that made you wish the ground could immediately swallow you up.

fixXxer

Shlippery wrote: »

Was just arriving at train station on one of those 4 person tables. You know the ones. Except it was a really narrow table, for wheelchair access I suppose. I don't know.
Two facing Two. It was just myself and some other stranger opposite me.

Was sending a few snapchats back and forth of "nothing" to a friend, phone pointed at the ground. Those lazy ones where you just take a picture of whatevers on the screen and add text on top cos you're too lazy to open whatsapp or use the actual chat feature..


As I was just sending a last response, the fecking flash must have been knocked on, and went off clear as day, lighting up her shoes like the 4th of July.

Appearing as if I was trying to take a sneaky photo of her shoes.

Absolutely mortified as it was just aimed at the ground, but suddenly I look like some sort of lurk on the train with a shoe fetish! She shuffled her feet and hopped off.

Thank christ the journey was over when it happened!!

Something so silly, but died a little inside that day.

Jesus you've just caused a repressed memory to surface.

In a lift leaving work, just me and some stranger woman. My wife sent me a big long viber. I thought "I'll be quirky and just send a photo of a thumbs up"

Forgot about the flash.

Most awkward 45 seconds as the lift travelled to the ground floor with my flustered saying "no its ok I'm just photographing my thumb" and her pressing herself into the furthest corner away from me.

I am an awkward person :-/

Piggystardust

I was working as a Receptionist years ago in a property firm and the Boss was a real d*ck.

One of the lads who I got on really well with rang me one Friday afternoon and said - Good news,

heard himself is leaving early today so can slip out before 5!



In my head I was thinking deadly and I tapped my wooden desk for luck but what I said was ‘ Oh cool,

I’m touching his wood right now’. Cue silence…then stifled laughter…then me hanging up the phone and dying!!!

pilly

May moons ago I worked in the cinema as an usher so about 500 times a day I'd say "can I take your ticket there please?". One boring day there was a fine specimen of a man coming towards me looking like he'd just gotten out of the shower and in my dreamlike state I said "can I take your clothes off there please?

Another day I slipped on a pile of puke and grabbed my colleague to save myself but gripped his balls by mistake, almost floored the poor guy, both of us ended up in the puke.

madmaggie

In cafe kylemore in O'Connell street years ago. I had just come from meeting a neurologist in st. Vincent's, and still feeling a bit shaky. I loaded up the tray with a grand dinner, like a good country girl, turned around and dropped the lot. I legged it out the door, and ran down the street, convinced security would be after me.

I've done so many embarrassing things I wouldn't know where to start.

pilly

madmaggie wrote: »

In cafe kylemore in O'Connell street years ago. I had just come from meeting a neurologist in st. Vincent's, and still feeling a bit shaky. I loaded up the tray with a grand dinner, like a good country girl, turned around and dropped the lot. I legged it out the door, and ran down the street, convinced security would be after me.

Oh god, and it's so packed in there you would die!

Winterlong

MeatTwoVeg wrote: »

Instead of opening my email to the 12 guys on my project team with a "Hi Guys", I sent it with a" Hi Gays".

Almost as bad as IM'ing a female colleague asking her 'Are you busty?'.

Buckfast W

Candie wrote: »

I've done so many embarrassing things I wouldn't know where to start.

From the beginning

Shlippery

Winterlong wrote: »

Almost as bad as IM'ing a female colleague asking her 'Are you busty?'.

Was she?

:P

Piggystardust

Just thought of one more… had a fling for a couple of weeks with a guy and was mad about him but he lived in a different country

and when he moved home, it just fizzled out. We kept up the odd bit of contact through facebook messenger but it was obvious I

liked him a lot more than he liked me and it was never gonna go anywhere.



One evening he messaged and was telling me how he’d been and a few stories about his job, one of which was a bit weird. In my

haste to reply and blinded by my lust for him, I meant to reply WTF to the work situation but instead it came out as STD. In capitals.



He never replied

ardinn

"Now guys, heres your burger and chips for you sir, Steak, Medium for you sir, and the Roast beef for you Madam.

Give me 2 seconds and I'll run in and grab your Vag!"

Senna

pilly wrote: »

My ex used to slag me cause whenever he asked me what type of car such and such had I'd say "a red one" or "a black one". Simples!

Not me but my wife, when she got her first car, her and her sister went off to town for a spin. They went to a car wash and the sister went into get a ticket for the wash, there was Gold, Silver and Bronze, so she bought the Silver one. The fella in the shop asked is there an aerial on the roof, of course she didn't know so he came out to help. The wife drove up to the car wash, was about to enter they ticket code when she called the young fella back in a panic "This is the wrong wash, my car is Black, not Silver", the fella tried his best not to laugh at them while explaining.

Father Hernandez

Few years ago now, when I was around 17/18 when this happened (And I know it's disgusting, cringe looking back at it now)

In the local nightclub on a night out having the craic when bamm blackout.

Wasn't exactly new to me so woke up fresh(ish) in the morning said I'd give one of the lads a call suss out some food.

He answers and I get the usual "Ooooh I heard about you last night"

Laughed it off but then the penny dropped when he said "Your neighbour (neighbours name) isn't happy with you at all"

Pondered for a few seconds why oh why would he mention her name when he drops a bombshell.

Next he tells me that in my state of drunkenness the night before while rockin' it out on the dancefloor, I did indeed get my c**k out when nature called and ended up all over the side of neighbours leg.

Oh the absolute shame that I have never lived down since. Mortifying looking back.

ongarboy

Had to get some photos printed off from my phone and was using one of those self service kiosks for the first time in a pharmacy where you can download an app that will connect with the kiosk to enable you to select the required photos. The app wouldn't work so the pharmacy assistant got a USB cable to connect up my phone to the kiosk. Next thing, the 100s of photos I ever took since I got the phone started popping up on screen including a few of me and my partner taken 2 years ago that I completely forgot about where we were messing, posing in bed starkers in a way I never expected anyone but the two of us to see. The assistant either didn't see it or pretended not to notice and continued to explain without a pause what I needed to do to select my required pictures, quantity, size etc. Mortification!

My face was never so beetroot...I'm cringing just thinking about it again.....let's just say I've never visited that chemist since!!

Noo

Reading this thread for ages without being able to contribute but finally a repressed memory has surfaced.

Years ago i went to try a hairdresser in a shopping centre near where i lived. All goes well, your standard hair dressing visit, wash cut blow dry chit chatting. I go up to pay at the desk and notice a smell, i look down and have dog poo all over my shoe, i look back and see the trail of steps where i had walked through the hairdressers and of course a big lump of poo on the footrest where i was sitting. Managed to pay and leg it out before anyone else noticed, but cant imagine it wouldve taken much longer for them to notice. It was the best haircut id ever gotten but of course i have never returned.

HughWotMVIII

Oh God, there are so many.

The very first one I can remember is pooping my pants on a class trip when I was five. The sun was scorching, so I was worried everyone around me could smell the ****e in my pants. Worse still, I had to wait another hour or so before the trip ended.

Mortified does not adequately explain how I felt.

Buckfast W

HughWotMVIII wrote: »

Oh God, there are so many.

The very first one I can remember is pooping my pants on a class trip when I was five. The sun was scorching, so I was worried everyone around me could smell the ****e in my pants. Worse still, I had to wait another hour or so before the trip ended.

Mortified does not adequately explain how I felt.

Chin up, my cousin is 38 and almost sh#t himself in Vienna last week. Happens to the best of us at least once. Luckily I was at home when it happened to me.

CINCLANTFLT

Buckfast W wrote: »

Chin up, my cousin is 38 and almost sh#t himself in Vienna last week. Happens to the best of us at least once. Luckily I was at home when it happened to me.

I'm getting older and I have had to learn to never trust a fart... walking through NYC last year... maybe it was the jet lag and coffee, but I did a little shart... luckily my meetings were over and I was able to head to my hotel room...

MeatTwoVeg

A very pretty girl approaching me as I'm walking to the shop in Dublin exclaims "Oh Hi, how are you?".

In my head I'm thinking, 'Sh;t, I must know her. Christ what's her name? Remain calm, it'll come back to you. Wow, she's really good looking'.

I stop in front of her and trying to seem as suave as possible say " Hi, nice to see you again".

She stops and gives me a 'who the fcuk are you weirdo?' look, you know the one.

It's a this point I realise she's actually talking to her friend on a Bluetooth earphone thingy.

I mumble an apology and shuffle away quickly feeling like a spa.

Years ago I was going out with a lad and he brought me to his house to meet his family. There was a cousin there who was visiting from New York so they were having a big family get together for him.

It was my first time meeting them all and I was struggling to contribute something to the conversation so I started telling them about the only thing I could think about that involved New York ... which was an story I'd read about homeless men in NY being electrocuted when they urinated on the third rail in the subway.

I spoke for a good five minutes about hobos killing themselves accidentally by píssing on the third rail, I just couldn't stop myself once I'd started. I can still see everyone's face turned to me in horror around the dinner table. :pac:

BuyersRemorse

When I was sixteen a schoolfriend had a houseparty when his parents were on holiday. I really fancied one of the girls in my class at the time, and she was going to be there, so in an effort to settle the nerves, I got stuck into the cans of Carlsberg Special Brew I'd brought. An hour later and I'm legging it upstairs to the toilet to puke, except the door's locked, so I turn back to try to make it to the garden, get halfway down the stairs, then unleash a stream of projectile vomit all over the girl I fancied, who'd just walked in (wearing, as I was later told, a new dress that she'd bought for the occasion). Also her Dad worked with my Dad, so in addition to getting booted out of the party and losing any chance of a date, I got a hiding from him a couple of days later.

Buckfast W

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

I'm getting older and I have had to learn to never trust a fart... walking through NYC last year... maybe it was the jet lag and coffee, but I did a little shart... luckily my meetings were over and I was able to head to my hotel room...

I know someone who sh#t themselves in Mc Donalds in Las Vegas.

In a pair of shorts.

It wasn't solid either. :eek:

Walter H Price

pickarooney wrote: »

From a straight woman's point of view is there much of a difference between being searched by a man or a lesbian? Or another straight woman for that matter, I mean it's just a little awkward moment regardless.

Obviously not much difference between a man and a lesbian , but as a red blooded 18 year old another man puts his hands on your girlfriend you react. unfortunately for me it wasn't a man just a woman that looked like one :P

The whole reasons places have those rules though is to avoid acquisitions of sexual assault, the thinking being lads might just pick attractive girls at random for a quick frisk, i don't know was your'e one actually a lesbian but obviously that would defeat the purpose, i was working part time in security at the time so i knew that.

I personally as a bloke would be far more uncomfortable with an evidently gay man frisking me then a straight man or straight or gay woman

That wasn't the point of the story though, that was more to do with very publicly calling a very ugly woman a man

pilly

Buckfast W wrote: »

I know someone who sh#t themselves in Mc Donalds in Las Vegas.

In a pair of shorts.

It wasn't solid either. :eek:

A "friend" was it? :D

Buckfast W

pilly wrote: »

A "friend" was it? :D

Twas actually, what are you implying???

To distract attention away from me my brother sh#t himself in the local shopping centre when he was younger. Young but not too young if you get me. :pac:

Also know of a lady who got very drunk fell asleep and sh#t herself in the pub.

pilly

Buckfast W wrote: »

Twas actually, what are you implying???

To distract attention away from me my brother sh#t himself in the local shopping centre when he was younger. Young but not too young if you get me. :pac:

Also know of a lady who got very drunk fell asleep and sh#t herself in the pub.

Oh god, in a pub! I was watching a clip of Trainspotting the other day when your man **** in the bed, so funny!

Buckfast W

pilly wrote: »

Oh god, in a pub! I was watching a clip of Trainspotting the other day when your man **** in the bed, so funny!

Oh god that reminds me, one of my friends got so drunk he sh#t the bed.........with his girlfriend still in it. The story still comes up from time to time, especially if he's getting drunk :P

leahyl

Another one from my mum (I swear, not me!) - one time she was doing her grocery shopping and she used to go with our next door neighbour every week and would get a lift from the neighbours husband and lift home again. They used to look around the clothes section in Dunnes and then split up and do their own grocery shopping and then meet outside after. So anyway, my mum came outside after doing her shopping and noticed my neighbours husband walking towards the supermarket from the car (he was going in to get something himself obviously) and he called to her and gestured to where the car was, so she could head over and start putting in her messages.

So, my mum sets off and finds the car and starts loading all her messages into the back seat and then sits in herself and puts on her seat belt, all set, chuckling away to herself cos she's normally always the last one out. She's sitting there relaxing in the car and she looks around and spots a few things that she doesn't recognise.....she looks out the window and can see the neighbour and husband looking around the carpark with puzzled looks on their faces....and then it hits her.....she's in the wrong car!!! She freaks out and jumps out of the car and calls the neighbour over to help her with unloading the shopping, my neighbour is in hysterics and can barely help her......and she manages to get everything out before the real owner comes back....unbelievable

dollyk

:(My daughters friend from the same school died just after they made their communions.
I seen the mother some years later and she was saying thats its odd to see my daughter at 20 and she can still just visualise her daughter at 7.
I was so choked up and she said I havnt even drank a drop since that friday.
And I replied oh no more friday feeling for you.
I have no idea what made that come into my mind, and I even sent a card to say sorry after that, she said it was fine , that she even laughed at the embarrassment I must have felt, worse sentence ever. I still feel shocked I said that.

CINCLANTFLT

Buckfast W wrote: »

I know someone who sh#t themselves in Mc Donalds in Las Vegas.

In a pair of shorts.

It wasn't solid either. :eek:

I've never been to Las Vegas... it's probably okay to do that over there???