Things you have done, that made you wish the ground could immediately swallow you up.

Winterlong

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Oh my fúcking Lord of all that's holy. I just saved myself some a major catastrophic embarrassment on Boards. I wanted to post a question about the morning after pill and lets say the post was fairly detailed with dates etc.... and rather than start a new thread, I did a search for "morning after" and posted in the most recent thread. Turns out my query was posted in the motor forum where "morning after" actually referred to alcohol still being in a driver's system the "morning after". I quickly deleted it and am wobbling here at the thoughts of what would have happened if I hadn't realized my mistake!

I am not sure whether to or :eek:!

Koptain Liverpool

A few years ago I was watching a Liverpool-United match in the pub.

As a Liverpool fan I was annoyed when United scored and even more so as it was an ex-Liverpool player, Michael Owen, who scored.

I expressed my annoyance by exclaiming 'you wee knacker'.

Of course, who were sitting in a booth on the other side of the pool table but a group of travelers. :o

It wasn't so much a case of wanting the ground to swallow me up.
It was more a case of wanting not to get the absolute sh*ite beaten out of me.

One of the younger guys really went for me, but thankfully the older ones believed me and pulled him back when I explained that I was cursing at the game rather than directing a comment towards them.

It taught me a lesson not to be using offensive nicknames like that in public again. :o

andy1981

valoren wrote: »

We had a similar one in an IT company.

A company wide email was sent informing people that the companies YouTube channel was launching. Hurrah!

Cue one guy from the London office replying all to circa 3,000 people.

"Hey Gav, now you and Andy can upload vids of yourselves bummin each other!!!!!"

I can only imagine the horror he felt when it dawned on him

IS that a certain Software Quality test firm? I seem to remember that email!!!

kfallon

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

As a Liverpool fan I was annoyed when United scored and even more so as it was an ex-Liverpool player, Michael Owen, who scored.

Owen never scored against Liverpool.....

Koptain Liverpool

kfallon wrote: »

Owen never scored against Liverpool.....

Really? I was nearly certain it was him. I was googling to see what year/match it was but couldn't see anything. I thought it might have been a league cup game or something?

Perhaps I've got the match mixed up but my reaction was exactly as described. :P

Olishi4

A few weeks ago I was walking home and a man who I don't know was walking towards me, in my opposite direction.
We gave each other an obligatory passing by "hiya".

He was a good bit older than me and not attractive or anything but for some reason I said to myself "turn around" so I did, only to find him turning around and looking back at me. That was awkward!

It's cringe because I didn't want him thinking that I was checking him out because I wasn't!!! and I don't want him thinking that i think that he was checking me out! Plus, why do I even care when I wouldn't even recognize him if I saw him again?!!!

Bandana boy

5rtytry56 wrote: »

I was drinking stout in 1995 - day before Clare won the Hurling.
Straight afterwards, I went into Burger King in Grafton Street - there was only 1 Burgerking in Grafton Street then. Ordered my meal - paid - then I went down stairs.

Drink fell off my tray on the last step - yet so near but yet so far.

Gobbled my meal up & shuffled upstairs & out of Burgerking.

More than 20 years ago now anyway.:P

The first burger King on Grafton Street has no downstairs it is the second one has a downstairs sitting area

Shergar6

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Was she evidently a lesbian or did you make an assumption?

Yeah that caught my eye too :eek:

Shannon757

I like how people are now fact checking the stories.

Shergar6

Hammer89 wrote: »

I'm in the smoking area of a nightclub and I get chatting to this stunner. I'd be doing her an injustice if I rated her out of 10. So, we're getting along really well and she's laughing at every joke I make, which is always a good sign. We're getting along so well that we're chain smoking, because we need an excuse to stay chatting, right. I'm not sure how it happened, but we both confide in each other that we have daddy issues. 'It's not the common ground I was searching for, but I'll take it,' I thought. But sooner or later her wanker mates come and rob her from me, taking her back inside. She didn't seem to resist, which puzzled me because I thought she was happy enough in my company. I light another smoke and think about her. 'Did I read the signs wrong?' I thought. 'No. I couldn't have. She wants me - she's waiting for me to make the move'. I genuinely liked the girl, inside and out, because obviously I know her really well.

So, I go back inside and beginning scanning the entire club, like Arnie in the first Terminator. No luck. I check the dancefloor, every inch of the bar and the entire upstairs section. Had I a few more drinks in me I might've ventured into the woman's toilets and started knocking on cubicle doors. It's also quite late in the night. 'F*ck,' I say to myself. 'Maybe she's gone, and maybe that's why her friends came and got her.' I'm a beaten man, but I'm already over her so I go back out to the smoking area and hope to find another lovely. It's what she would've wanted.

I see my mate, Wayne, in the smoking area, slurring words into the receiver of his iPhone. I scan the smoking area for lovelies and it's Target Located, lads. It's her, the Anne Frank of this nightclub, and she's on her own again. I approach her. 'I've been looking everywhere for you,' I tell her. She's a bit unimpressed. 'Why is that?' she asks. Here we go. Daddy issues or not, I'm about to express my true feelings incase I never get the chance. 'Because I fancy the hole off you, I respond. In my mind - a very drunken mind - that sounds romantic and endearing. But she's a bit awkward now, and not in a flattered, 'you're sweet' kind of way, but a disgusted, 'go away you big rapist' kind of way.

But she's sweet and instead of telling me she's not interested, she grabs my mate and introduces him to me as her boyfriend. I want to bust her and say, 'No actually that's Wayne and he doesn't have a girlfriend' but I don't. The message was loud and clear and I sheepishly went back inside, tail between my legs when just moments earlier I was certain it'd be between her legs.

Bitch.

Wise move on her part

Grayson

valoren wrote: »

We had a similar one in an IT company.

A company wide email was sent informing people that the companies YouTube channel was launching. Hurrah!

Cue one guy from the London office replying all to circa 3,000 people.

"Hey Gav, now you and Andy can upload vids of yourselves bummin each other!!!!!"

I can only imagine the horror he felt when it dawned on him

A guy I worked with once sent a mail to 3000 people in the company we worked for. He signed it off

Kind retards,

Bob.

valoren

andy1981 wrote: »

valoren wrote: »

We had a similar one in an IT company.

A company wide email was sent informing people that the companies YouTube channel was launching. Hurrah!

Cue one guy from the London office replying all to circa 3,000 people.

"Hey Gav, now you and Andy can upload vids of yourselves bummin each other!!!!!"

I can only imagine the horror he felt when it dawned on him

IS that a certain Software Quality test firm? I seem to remember that email!!!

It is indeed

Stheno

valoren wrote: »

It is indeed

We'd a similar episode in a place I was in, the infrastructure manager decided to move to the development side of the house.

The new infrastructure manager wasn't in a wet week when we had a major outage. I had the pleasure of sending an email to the entire company to inform them of the outage.

The former infrastructure manager felt like taking a pop at his successor and hit reply thinking he was just replying to me.

Nope, he hit reply all and the entire company get his sarky comment"that wouldn't have happened in my time"

Did wonders for the image the rest of the company had of it lol

Then I'd the colleague who hit reply rather than forward to an email from a customer where they called her a silly bitch!

Stheno

I've just remembered one of mine I was giving a training session and my trousers pockets were all scrunched up so I yanked them.

Two hours later I got in my car to go to the shop only to discover the arse of the trousers completely ripped in two.

I spent a good half hour trying to figure out if I'd spent my time flashing the class

Grayson

Hammer89 wrote: »

I know a man in his mid-60s and he was telling me about his brother who had all sorts of mental health issues as a youngster, but it was way back when so nobody really knew what was going on or how to treat him. He got that electroconvulsive therapy, the thing which sends electric currents to your brain or something.

There's one word you absolutely have to avoid when being told something like this, but I just blurted out. "Jesus," I said. "That's shocking." I instantly realised it and I remembered just how hard it is not to laugh at something at inappropriate moments.

Absolutely true.

I smelt something. I turned around to the person next to me and said "Do you smell something burning?"

I was in a crematorium.

I was talking to my sister.

It was my dads funeral.

Grayson

Actually, to add to the previous one, it wasn't humiliating. We just looked at each other and started laughing.


I worked for a big corporation. We had these all hands meetings. An all hands meeting (for those not in the corporate culture) is where head of the organisation gives a talk about where the department is going. This was being held in San Jose so we in Dublin had to stay back till 7pm for the start.

In Dublin the routine is that the local team books a room that has a big TV and webcam in it so we can watch the talk (it's streamed). I arrive about 5 minutes late and grab the last seat at the table. It's nearest the TV. The Senior Director has started giving his talk and we're watching him. As the meeting progressed I started getting messages from teammates in San Jose saying "Hi" and stuff.

After an hour there's a break. The camera zooms out and away from the Senior Director. That's when I see what's behind him. There's a giant screen about 40 or 60 ft high. It's split in 4 and each of the smaller screens has the webcam from one of the office locations on it. Our webcam was focused directly on my head. As in the 20-30 ft high screen was filled completely with my big head floating above the senior director and it had been for an hour. There were 150 people in San Jose watching my every facial expression for an hour.

RainyDay

Grayson wrote: »

I smelt something. I turned around to the person next to me and said "Do you smell something burning?"

I was in a crematorium.

I was talking to my sister.

It was my dads funeral.

I remember feeling up a girl's foot at her father's funeral. I had gone to the funeral of a friend, and we were back at the house afterwards, enjoying the usual hospitality. I had crashed out in an armchair, with my hand hanging down towards the floor. I felt something soft there, and started feeling it up to try to work out what is was. My friend's sister then pulled her nylon covered foot back to herself, and looked a bit shocked at the perv who tried to feel her up at her father's funeral.

Edups

RainyDay wrote: »

I remember feeling up a girl's foot at her father's funeral. I had gone to the funeral of a friend, and we were back at the house afterwards, enjoying the usual hospital. I had crashed out in an armchair, with my hand hanging down towards the floor. I felt something soft there, and started feeling it up to try to work out what is was. My friend's sister then pulled her nylon covered foot back to herself, and looked a bit shocked at the perv who tried to feel her up at her father's funeral.

Dirty divil

Hellrazer

Theres two that stick in my mind.

Ended up at the wrong funeral removal once.

My grandfather died about a few years back and I was told that the funeral removal was on at say 6.00pm and was told to sit at the front with the family as you do.

Got stuck in traffic and arrived at the church about 5.50.Parked the car a fair bit away,ran the distance into the church and sat down right at the front with the family.Looked around and realised that I didnt know anyone that was at the funeral.

Id arrived at the end of 5.30 removal and not the start of the 6.00pm one.

Worst part was I just stood there shaking peoples hands that I didnt even know and people consoling me that obviously didn't know me either.

And then had to do the same half an hour later at the right funeral.

Im still slagged over that one to this day.

---

Then there was this time I ran over a dog on the way to work on this back road from my home to work.Anyway this dog flies out from a garden and I couldn't stop so I hit the dog.
Dog stops in the middle of the road and I jump out only to see the local vets jeep driving towards me.So I flag down the Vet and ask him to bring the dog to the surgery. I hand him my business card and say Ill pay all the bills etc.
Never heard anything again until a few weeks later a bill arrives to my job for €2500 euros for the dogs treatment and disposal of the body.
So Im there fuming over a 2500 euro bill.I ring the vets number on the invoice and lift the poor girl at reception out it. I was that much of an asshole that she starts crying and goes in the back to the vet and brings him out to take the call.He eventually calms me down and says that they never sent a bill and didn't have a clue what dog I was talking about.
Turned out that 2 of the lads in work photoshopped an invoice from a random vets name and address in the general area that they got off the web and posted the bill to me in work knowing how Id react.
Talk about wanting the ground to swallow you up. I had to send the poor girl a letter of apology and a bunch of flowers to apologise.

fatherted1969

i woke up early one mprning in a panic thinking i'd slept it out and was late for work. got in car and drove the 25 miles at breakneck speed (the radio wasn't working either by the way) got to the carpark and all the lights was out so i went over to security guard and casually asked him the time ..it was 4.45 i was due in at 8am

another one i was down the country for a few days a couple of years ago and decided to bring the young feller to sunday mass. i walked around at the bottom as all the chairs were full. the young lad started acting up (as they do) so i sez if you dont stop we're going out.

he kept it up so i said thats it we're going out and opened the door beside me and stepped into........:o the confessional box .true story i still cringe remembering the people beside me sniggering :o

La.de.da

I'd had only started a new job so being nervous and what not was trying to just blend in.......

One morning after using the loo the toilet roll some how got caught in my knickers/trousers leaving me with a trail of bog roll stuck out my backside.

Cue walking into the canteen with hundreds in and me sporting a toilet roll tail. Mortified. The whole place was in stitches.


I remember as a young child going into a shop and asking how much was it for ten penny sweets!!!! There was a state and awkward silence before the lady replied 10 pence.

Ficheall

La.de.da wrote: »

I'd had only started a new job so being nervous and what not was trying to just blend in.......

One morning after using the loo the toilet roll some how got caught in my knickers/trousers leaving me with a trail of bog roll stuck out my backside.

Cue walking into the canteen with hundreds in and me sporting a toilet roll tail. Mortified. The whole place was in stitches.


I remember as a young child going into a shop and asking how much was it for ten penny sweets!!!! There was a state and awkward silence before the lady replied 10 pence.

That's almost as embarrassing as the anecdote in post #168.

Noo

Ficheall wrote: »

That's almost as embarrassing as the anecdote in post #168.

The one with the giant head is my favourite!

Ping Chow Chi

Not too bad but ....
Last night at the end of the yoga class I was chatting to a woman I always talk to, just polight stuff 'how are you?' etc. Two young women who were next to me joined in, it was their first lesson, so we were asking if they liked it, I reach over to pick up my trainners as I'm sat on my mat and let quite a large trump, it caught me by suprise! - the women just looked at me startled, I just mumbled my apology and did my shoes up

MeatTwoVeg

Instead of opening my email to the 12 guys on my project team with a "Hi Guys", I sent it with a" Hi Gays".

Ping Chow Chi

ohhh that reminded me of something - when I was teenager me and three mates signed up to a gym. We had to be shown how to use the equipment so an instructor took us around. We got to the tricep pulldown machine and all my mates struggled with it, I got there and aced it. The instructor, who was lent over me showing me the correct way to do the exorsise, then said 'your better than your mates at this, do you swim?' I looked back and said 'why can you smell it on my hair?' (I had actually been swimming earlier and thought maybe it did smell.) I must have had huge grin on my face as I was doing something my mates couldn't do. He just gave me an incredulous look and kept his distance after that.

Piggystardust

I’m naturally brunette but a few years ago decided to go blonde.

I had just left the hairdressers and went into Bewleys to grab a coffee. I was on my way up the stairs and there was a big mirror
adjacent to the dining hall full of people.

There was a girl with gorgeous long blonde hair standing at the top of the stairs looking at me. She looked kind of familiar. I stepped
to one side to let her pass but she stepped in the same direction. Idiot, I thought to myself and moved to the other side but again she
did the same.

I tried for a third time to get out of her way when I heard laughter coming from the dining hall.
I then realised that I was trying to dodge my own reflection.

Needless to say, I legged it down the stairs and never went back to Bewleys!

Potential Underachiever

Probably the time I was in church standing as a god parent to a good friends child. The priest asked me to light a candle for the little un, anyway I started panicing, started patting myself down frantically looking for a lighter, I asked both parents 'have you got a light', I could see all the family of the parents looking at me, the priest then kindly pointed out I could just use one of the other candles that were lit! I felt a bit dumb tbf!

Shlippery

Was just arriving at train station on one of those 4 person tables. You know the ones. Except it was a really narrow table, for wheelchair access I suppose. I don't know.
Two facing Two. It was just myself and some other stranger opposite me.

Was sending a few snapchats back and forth of "nothing" to a friend, phone pointed at the ground. Those lazy ones where you just take a picture of whatevers on the screen and add text on top cos you're too lazy to open whatsapp or use the actual chat feature..


As I was just sending a last response, the fecking flash must have been knocked on, and went off clear as day, lighting up her shoes like the 4th of July.

Appearing as if I was trying to take a sneaky photo of her shoes.

Absolutely mortified as it was just aimed at the ground, but suddenly I look like some sort of lurk on the train with a shoe fetish! She shuffled her feet and hopped off.

Thank christ the journey was over when it happened!!

Something so silly, but died a little inside that day.

pilly

LexieOnRale wrote: »

When I have to do anything with my car.
Two examples.

1. Ring up this place looking for insurance. Guy on the phone asks what size my engine is. Me with not a clue how to even open the bonnet, had to tell him God I don't know to be honest, I've never seen it. I could hear him coughing trying to disguise his laughing while he patiently explained engine size as being 1.3/1.4/1.5 etc

2. I needed new tyres. I go to the tyre shop. Man asks if he can help me. I say "two tyres please". What tyres? "Sorry?" What size tyres do you need? "Oh, just the regular size please." He was staring at me like I was a complete simpleton. I don't know what more to say to him without sounding even more stupid. So without saying a word he walked outside and looked at my car himself.

I think that's a perfectly reasonable answer "regular size":) Who knows what size tyre is on their car unless their into cars?

My ex used to slag me cause whenever he asked me what type of car such and such had I'd say "a red one" or "a black one". Simples!